&groans& Zomg, I haven’t touched this thing in….a long time. A really, really long time. I just haven’t had the inspiration and I’ve been busy with other fandoms. But I found this poem I’d written…gah…ages ago in an old notebook of mine, and I remembered I had a story on footbinding as well…so I got inspired again.

I am sorry this chapter is so short, but I’m trying to get back into the swing of things. I would really like to finish this story- I feel it’s one of my better works (not that that’s saying much…). Plus, I just realized I never mentioned Driger last chapter…T.T

Well, since I haven’t been actively researching foot binding currently, I don’t have any spiffy notes on it or anything else really to say, except that several peops online have recommended the novel, “Snow Flower and the Secret Fan” by Lisa See to me. I haven’t read it yet, but it’s on my reading list and I thought I’d share that recommendation with you incase anyone was interested.

……..

Are people still even bothering to read this story, or am I just wasting my time? O.o &sighs& I haven’t updated in so long, it wouldn’t surprise me if everyone’s quit…

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Twisting, twisting

Crippled flesh

Death masked in elaborate silk,

Decay swathed under fragrant bindings,

Deformity hidden under an elegant mask

Pain the price of ethereal beauty.

The secrets of womanhood,

Bound in ten feet of cloth,

All for a place in society.

Lee stared at the worn pages of Rei’s journal. He was cleaning out the closet, getting rid of old things of his and Rei’s to make room for Mao’s belongings for when she moved in after the wedding. He had found Rei’s old journal tucked in a closet corner, under a worn pair of red lotus shoes. They were six inches big and sloppily stitched together; the first pair Rei had made, when his feet were newly bound and the cruel, crippling process began.

The broad-shouldered boy sighed heavily as he stared down at the yellowed paper and smeary ink. Rei had been in so much pain, and Lee had been powerless to help him. He had comforted him the best he could and protected him with all his might. But, in the end, he had not been able to save Rei from the horrible fate of having his feet bound, nor from the cold-hearted, severe Russian devil who stole Rei away from his family.

It was tradition in Old China for the bride to join the groom’s family. Lee knew that, accepted it as part of their proud heritage, and, once Rei had left their little village, their family, for another country, another house, another family, Lee hated it. His little brother never should have been allowed to leave, because Lee missed him terribly. Rei’s absence punctured a hole in his heart that even Mao’s love could not fill.

Lee missed his little brother’s warm smile, gentle laugh, and dancing amber eyes. He missed the rustle of his skirts, the gentle swaying of his hips when he tottered slowly on his crippled stumps for feet, and the way he curled into Lee at night after a nightmare. Now Rei would turn to his husband for comfort, curl into his strange Russian body at night, and the blue-haired demon would do more than just hold him…

Lee growled, holding the old diary in a vice-like grip and gnashing his teeth together as a sudden, over-protective big-brother urge crashed over him, and he wanted nothing more than to gleefully strangle that Hiwatari bastard by the throat. He ground his back teeth together, grinning ferally like Galeon on the hunt. “Bastard.” He hissed.

The immense black lion lay curled in the shadowy corner, heavy head laying on his paws and the tip of his tail twitching lazily. He dozed contentedly, sleeping the afternoon away so he would have energy for his nightly prowl. The gigantic white tiger lay near the bed, on the side Rei always used to sleep on. Driger had lost weight since Rei left; his ribs poked out and he moved around very little. The tiger was too depressed to eat; he missed Rei too much. Lee was attentive and caring, just as Rei had always been with him, but it was not the same. Lee and Galeon were a team, just as Driger and Rei were, and any other combination just didn’t feel right. The under-weight tiger let out a long, depressed snort, pink nose crinkling.

Lee sighed heavily and absentmindedly rubbed the thick white fur. “You miss him too, huh?” He said sadly, head hung low as he stared down at the poem Rei had written in his journal. Lee had never read it before; diaries were private. He had learned that lesson the hard way, when he was little and read Mao’s pink diary. He had accidentally broken the lock, and when she found out he was the culprit, she had beat him into a bloody pulp, cried, and refused to talk to him for days. Lee was afraid of what Rei would do if he did that to him, so he never touched Rei’s diary.

Until today. It did not feel like prying, though, and Lee was far from guilty. It was as if Rei had left a small piece of himself behind. A memory, a ghost, to haunt Lee. Memories of their shared childhood already did that- Lee felt like his family was broken, like they would never be whole again with Rei gone. But by reading the diary, the private thoughts and feelings Rei had spilt upon the pages, Lee felt like he was connecting with his younger sibling.

A lot of the pages were spattered with tear stains, silent testament to all of the pain Rei had endured for the sake of two small, dainty and broken feet. Lee had always been horrified at what his father had done to Rei and tried to be there as much as he could for the nekojin, but he never knew how deep Rei’s pain went. The long-haired boy’s entire perception of himself- his body and his mind- were completely transformed, and Lee had no idea despite how close they were.

He knew Rei had cried a lot from the pain and misery he was in. Lee had held Rei countless nights as the boy sobbed, in too much pain to sleep and his feet wracked with mind-numbing agony. Lee could not even begin to imagine the endless hours of sheer torture Rei had endured, the countless fevers and infections as his feet were forced by tight bandages to curl in on themselves.

Through it all, Rei never complained. Cried, yes- Lee was sure all of Rei’s tears could fill up two earthenware jugs. Rei had been in too much pain not to cry, but he never uttered one word of complaint. He bore it internally, bowing to the pain, to his fate, his lot in life, as the bandages bowed his feet. The binding taught him silent endurance and a type of strength Lee could not even comprehend, and he had no desire to do so.

Lee lovingly ran his calloused fingertips over the tear-stained, crackled pages. All that pain and torture- Rei had born it all, tears his only outlet. No protests, no fighting- rebellion was disrespectful to the older generation and would dishonor their mother and father. So Rei bit his pain back, letting it flow like a river down his cheeks. Lee could never let a child of his go through what Rei and Mao went through.

Abruptly, he closed the diary with a loud snap. Driger’s ears twitched, the only sign showing he was alive. His own amber eyes were glassy with memories of himself and his gentle master and all the days they had spent together basking on the sun-warmed, grassy hillside just outside the mountain village. Galeon’s tail twitched, the black lion too lazy to be interested in anything beyond tonight’s dinner.

Fire burned in Lee’s heart, churning angrily. He could not undo the past. He could not unbind Mao or Rei’s feet. But he could change the future. When he was made village magistrate, he would do away with the binding law. He vowed this in silent fervor, deep in his heart. It was a promise to Rei. No one in the village would ever have their feet bound again, would never know the agony he found in Rei’s diary. The heartache would end here and now. Rei would want it that way.

tbc….

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Gah, that was short. And sucky. But…I tried. And failed miserably. And I’m the one, I’m ashamed to admit, who wrote the even suckier poem. . Just…bury me alive now…..