Title: In Girum Imus Nocte Et Consumimur Igni
Chapter 18-Left to Fight

Summary: Get in line with the things you know/ Feel the Pain/ Feel the
sorrow/ Touch the hurt and don't let go

Author's Notes: The Hurting is by Tears for Fears.

Is it an horrific dream
Am I sinking fast
Could a person be so mean
As to laugh and laugh

I look at the piece of paper in my hands, the paper that Gil just handed
me. I'm shaking with the effort it takes not to cry. How could it have
come to this? How could he do this to me?

On my own
Could you ease my load

I read the two short lines one more time.

Ariana Jacobs
Grief Therapist

Could you see my Pain

I look up at him as the tears finally spill over. My voice involuntarily
cracks as I begin to speak, "A therapist? You think I need to see a
therapist? What, don't you think I'm strong enough on my own? Don't you
believe in me?"

Could you please explain
The Hurting

He looks intently at me and tries to hold my hand, but I snatch it away
before he can. "Cath, it's not that I don't think you're strong enough. I
just think it might help if you talk to someone." He reaches again for my
hand but stops just short of touching it. "I just want you to be okay. I
don't want you to be alone in this."

Could you understand a child
When he cries in Pain
Could you give him all he needs
Or do you feel the same
All along

"But I'm not alone, I have you." Then a terrible thought hits me, "You
want out."
He shakes his head, "No, Cath."
I interrupt him, "You're tired of taking care of me, of being here all the
time." I pause as my voice breaks, "You're leaving."

You've been told you're wrong
When you felt it right

He opens his mouth but no sound comes out. I knew it. He wants out. I
steel myself and will my voice not to quaver. "Then leave."

And you're left to fight
The Hurting

He looks at me, "Cath."
I don't let him finish, "Get out!"

Get in line with the things you know
Feel the Pain
Feel the sorrow
Touch the hurt and don't let go

I don't look at him as he leaves. In fact, I don't move until I hear the
door softly close.

Get in line with the things you know
Learn to cry
Like a baby

And then I cry.

Then the hurting won't come back

TBC