Authoress' Notes: Wow, been a while since I've seen this one, but hey! At least I'm still going through with it. Perseverance is awesome.

Livin' It Up in the Sapphire Version!

Chapter 17: The Most Secret Hideout Base EVER!

POOF! The ever-popular, ever-hated Stupid Narrator appeared on the scene! "Hey, kids! I'd just like to say-!"

Marina flung him into the nearby nameless ocean of Hoenn. "'ey, yo! Step off!"

"Where does that guy keep coming from?" asked Tropius, looking around. "Really. That guy's starting to freak me out."

Lairon scoffed. "Only just now? Wow, I envy your tolerance..."

HUZZAH! Now, that our heroes have finally entered Lilycove City, maybe they can finally take a break from all this ruthless fighting! Seriously, it's been brutal, horrible, mind-numbing! I don't see how thehy can stand it...

"Hey, Marina!" laughed the human idiot known as Brendan. "Let's have a battle! We've haven't done that in a while, and it'll be fun!"

She scowled. "No."

"Aw, c'mon! Please! Just for practice!"

"Against what? You can't do crap!"

"Yes, I can! Please?"

"Fine!" she growled, sending out Lairon. "Jeez, go and kick his ass already!"

"Go get 'em, Treecko!" demanded Brendan, sending out said Pokémon.

"Hack!" Treecko coughed and died!

Marina frowned. "Hooray, I win..."

"Ah! You just got lucky, but I'll beat you next time!" proclaimed Brendan, as if it were no deal. And it was, too! The bastard!

"Well, managed to kill about 4.495 seconds," said Marshtomp. "Now what?"

"Whaadya mean, 'now what?'?" Marina got into a stance. "Now, we go shopping until we drop! ...Ing."

Brendan sweatdropped. "Um, uh oh. I'm sorry. I forgot to mention that this shopping mall here's only for Pokémon... Can't buy anything for yourself, really..."

Marina body slammed him almost as well as a Pokémon could! "YOU ASS! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT EARLIER?"

He twitched. "...Guess it just, er, slipped my mind?"

She kicked his mangled body. "Sucks for you then."

Zigzagoon rejoiced. "Ooh, lookit what I found! A dead body! This must be my best job yet!"

"Man, this place BLOWS!" screeched Marina. "And you know another place that blows? Slateport! That place can kiss my ass!"

"And even that would be too good for it!" added Lairon, despite not even remembering a speck of the place!

"Damn straight, so let's go there now and invoke our wrath upon it!"

"Why?" asked the monotonous Kecleon.

"Why not?"

He shrugged. "Whatev."

WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH! And so, they used Tropius to get to Slateport, possibly to blow it up, or some shit... While there, Marina realized she had a Vulpix just waiting to be exploited, so she exchanged Kecleon for her! And nobody cared! HOORAY!

"Okay!" Marina stood dominant near the dock... thing. "All right, time to blow this shit up, 'cuz it bites big wind!"

"I thought you said it could kiss your ass..." meekly reminded Brendan.

"SILENCE, YOU!" Marina knocked him into next week... but someone there threw him back! "Behold! My ultimate plan of DOOM!"

Captain Stern, who just happened to be nearby for no particular reason, covered his ears. "For cryin' out loud, care to turn it down a bit? I'm trying to leave my awesome, easily-stealable submarine alone for a few minutes so I can parade around like an idiot for all to see!"

The girl sweatdropped. "You really need to find another hobby."

No sooner had she said that, Archie's voice barked over a megaphone. "MWAHAHAHA! FOOLS! You can't even begin to stop us now! We've just stolen this really awesome sub, and we're gonna go sit in out secret hideout for an undetermined amount of time until we're ready to go to Kyogre's house! Magma ain't got nothin' on this!"

Stern was obviously shocked. "Goodness gracious! Who on earth was that?"

"It's that idiot Archie again, stealing your shit!" shouted Marina, a little more concerned about that tidbit than about what was happening.

"WHAT? He is? Aw, crap! Quick, to the docks!"

"We're already at the docks!" spat Lairon.

Stern didn't understand her, but it was almost as if he did. "WHAT'RE YOU SAYING?"

Someone was about to get an asswhopping when said stolen submarine charged by, Archie honking the horn! ...Why a sub has a horn to even honk at people is anyone's guess...

Marshtomp shrugged. "Well, so much for that..."

Stern shrugged. "Oh, well. Even though all these random spectators obviously witnessed such a crime in action and we could probably call the police or something, we may as just pretend this never even happened."

Marina nodded. "Good idea."

Brendan blinked. "Wait a sec. Didn't he say they were going back to their secret hideout somewhere?"

Zigzagoon frowned. "Oh, even though I'm master at finding things, I don't think I'd ever be able to find something that hidden!"

Vulpix agreed. "She be rite, ya know? Wee might as well jus go and reck up teh hole place, and when eye say 'teh hole place', I meen Lillycove!"

Tropius turned her head. "Why?"

"Because it sucks!" bellowed Marina.

"I've got it!" exclaimed Absol. "If Lilycove's such a terrible town, that's most likely where their hideout is. You know, to escape your wrath, and stuff."

"Sounds like a plan!" Marina tightened a fist. "Let's go back to Lilycove and blow it to smithereens! We might even find their stinkin' hideout and do the same to it!"

And so, everyone flew back to the detestable Lilycove! Wow, what a complete and utter waste of time that commute was...

Marina was pumped. "All right! Let's teach this city a thing or two about what it means to be a kickass place, with both an actual mall and Gym!"

"Don't you think we should be looking for Team Aqua's hideout?" reminded Brendan.

She shook her head. "Brendan, when're you ever gonna get tired of being wrong? That place is probably underground, full of guards, booby traps, and all sorts of other crap like that, and frankly, I don't feel like messing with them right now... or ever again, as a matter of fact."

"Heh," snorted Lairon. "She said 'booby'..."

"Actually, I don't think you have to!" said Zigzagoon, pointing. "Because I just found it!"

Everyone looked to see the large rock formation that no one seemed to notice or care about now had "WELCOME, TEAM AQUA MEMBERS! THIS IS OUR OFFICIAL, EVIL HIDEOUT OF DOOM, BUT DON'T TELL ANYBODY!" plastered on front the insanely-decorated doorway.

"...Well, that was easy," awkwardly coughed Absol.

"It's times like this you have to wonder how they got this organization started in the first place..." muttered Tropius.

Inside the hideout!

"Okay," whispered Brendan, everyone sitting behind some boxes near the entrance, "now, I'm pretty sure this place is crawling with guards, executives, and unimportant people who were just paid to stand around and look scary, but if we proceed carefully and cautiously, we may be able to..."

"BUST A CAP UP THEIR ASS!" exclaimed Marina, she and Lairon knocking out two guards.

"Aah! Wait, no! What're you doing?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh my god, what is it now? Why's everything gotta be so negative for you?"

"Y-you just knocked out some guards!"

"So?"

"Well, I think someone's gonna come up and notice sooner or later!"

"You do realize 'sooner or later' pretty much means 'never' to these guys, right?"

He sweatdropped. "...Uh, didn't really think of that, but..."

Just then, another Team Aqua dude came up. "HEY, YOU! Stop right there! Don't move!"

Tropius decided that was her cue to fall out of the sky and crush—er, knock him out, too!

Marina beamed. "Aw, right on! I think you might've killed him!"

Brendan threw his arms up. "Like that's a good thing?"

Everyone looked at him blankly, causing him to sweatdrop once more.

"All right, well, maybe it is..."

GASP! Could it be Brendan's actually beginning to form a brain? ...All right, well, that's a bit of a stretch, but now's not the time to be pessimistic! Why? Oh, probably because Marina and the others completely tore up the place, KOing and/or possibly killing anyone who got it their way. Yep, all that and a bag of chips... and dip! Why, I'm inclined to say that's a very good reason! A VERY GOOD ONE INDEED! Regardless of all the good vibes flying about, it all came to an abrupt end as they finally found Archie!

"Ah-ha!" Marina thrust a finger at him. "Now, we've got you corned, you... you... wannabe pirate, you!"

At this, Archie looked hurt. "Aw, now that was cold! And why're you kids here, anyway? How did you get here, anyway? I thought no one would ever find this place in a million trillion years!"

"Has anyone ever told you exactly how to make a hideout?"

He hung his head. "...No..."

She scoffed. "Oh, well, see, there ya go."

"No matter! Since you've discovered us, once again, we'll simply run away... once again!"

Lairon huffed. "Well, that's a pussy move."

Brendan looked disappointed. "Aw, you're not even gonna fight us or anything? No threats? No evil laugh? Nothing?"

Vulpix pouted. "U guys R the worse bad guys ever!"

"Ah, who cares, anyway? We're late for a very important meeting with Kyogre, and we'll never hear the end of it if we don't get there in a reasonable amount of time with the tissue!"

"...And the Red Orb we're supposed to get back from you?" added Marina.

"Huh?" He waved it off. "Oh, yeah, uh, that thing, too."

With that, he randomly jumped into the water and sailed away in the sub, which was underwater throughout the whole ordeal! Now, how the hell did he get in there while the thing was still submerged?

"Oh no! They got away!" Brendan waved his arms about. "Quick! Somebody do something!"

Marina scoffed. "Like what? I'm done with their asses. You really think these idiots'll really do some damage? Even you're more threatening than they are!"

"In my defense, I'm not sure whether to take that as an insult or a compliment..."

"If you're seriously that desperate for my approval of your existence, you're sorely mistaken. Or in denial. Hell, it's probably a little bit of both."

"Uh, can we get out of here now?" questioned Marshtomp, covering his nose. "All the pwned guards around here are starting to stink up the place."

His trained nodded. "Yeah. Nothing else we can do here. Let's fucking blow this pop stand."

"And do what?" asked Absol. "I think you already established how much you hate this place, so staying here's out of the question."

"Next town, no duh! And it better have a Gym, or I'll be forced to burn it to the ground."

Zigzagoon's tail lowered. "Aw, and no destruction for this place?"

She pet her. "Hey, we killed about 84,904 guards in here! That's almost as good!"

She suddenly perked up. "Hey, that's right! Hooray for homicide!"

"That's right! Always remember that, and we'll take over the world way before those Aqua/Magma losers will! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Brendan was about to say something else logical, but he decided against it, still down in the dumps from their lame, forgettable encounter with Archie.

The Stupid Narrator reemerged from the water, riding on one of Team Aqua's trained Wailmer. "ALL RIGHT! So, the evil team that is Aqua has been vanished once again, and I just found a new buddy!"

"No, they haven't, and I'm not your buddy, guy!" growled the ball whale thingy, turning over to squish him in the water.

"Ooh, good job, Generic Evil Team Aqua Wailmer Never Used in Battle #78!" congratulated Generic Evil Team Aqua Wailmer Never Used in Battle #894! "That's showing him who's boss!"

Generic Evil Team Aqua Wailmer Never Used in Battle #35 also celebrated. "Yeah, good show! I couldn't have done if I tried, and that's exactly why I didn't!"

Authoress' Notes: All right, not much happened, but hey, I'm almost certain it wasn't supposed to! Just call it a hunch...