Author: Jessenia PM
Implied yaoi. 2+1. Duo's internal thoughts and struggle with his growing feelings towards Heero. Fin.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Duo M. & Heero Y. - Words: 1,033 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 04-10-03 - id: 1300853
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Strike me down, and crush me slowly. You can do that. You can tear down all my walls. Destroy my barriers. Set aflame my battlements. Access me. Pure, raw, no bullshit. You get there, right in there and don't even flinch. You don't even notice. Never let anything show. Do you know what you do to me? Cringe, crawl cry, that's what I can do when you are through. Can you see it? Can you feel the knife as you slash through me? Can you feel it?
Rip out my heart and hold, open palm, watch it beating. You can do that. Pins and needles through my body, you
access my emotions. Tap them and drive them to meet your needs. Are they your needs? Sometimes I wonder if
you are just setting them free. If these are my wishes, my desires, not yours. But then, what possible interest
could you have in them, if not for manipulation? And yet, what could you gain by manipulating them? Is it all
perception? Is this me assuming? How can I know it's true?
Crush my heart in your fist, let the blood fall. You can do that. Get passed everything, straight to the core, and
destroy it. I know you will. If I can't protect myself, that's what will happen. Isn't it? How do I know? My body tells
me. Every cell within me cringes, my whole body winces whenever you draw near. This can't be good. How can
it? When all my senses are filled with fear? Why are they filled with fear? What are they reacting to? An unknown?
Am I afraid of you? Of course. Look what you can do! How can I want that? But I do.
Strike me down, then lift me up again to the stars. You can do that. With everything that you can access within
me, you can destroy me. Remake me. Reshape me. Why do you do that? Is this what you want? You want me?
What do you hope to gain from this, from tapping my deepest secrets? Why won't I ask you? I don't want an
answer. You scare me. The impossibility. I was so sure I was safe. So fucking sure, but here I am. Why is it sweet
excitement when you are near? Why is it cool sensation? Why can't I think? Why can't I look away? Do I want this?
How can I? Want to be crushed, destroyed? Tortured, slow and painful? But I do.
Hold me close and kiss me slowly. You can do that. Sweet intoxication that you are, I would let you. You've gotten passed everything else, I would let you in. I will open my doors. Open them willingly, gladly. If only you'd walk in. If only you could. Why should I let you? What right do you have to me? To my secrets? To my pain? Why should I want you to see me? Plain, unflinching, me as I stand, bruised and battered in all my tormented glory? Why should I want that?
But I do.
Lay me down and ravish me slowly. You can do that. If only you would. If only you would complete the purge.
Help me wash the world away. Help me be reborn. I need you. Even as I fight against you, even as I cringe, I want
you closer. But you will not come. Distant and aloof, you remain unaware of your effects on me. Unaware.
Walk away and leave me crying. You can do that. I wish you wouldn't but you always do. And I wish I wouldn't but I have to. I can't stand the sight of you leaving. Can't stand the fact that I never know when I'll see you again. Can't stand your leaving. But I can't stop you. Can't make you see, make you stay. But I want to. I want to.
Cry alone, and curse the sunlight. Because I have to. After having you so near, tender torture on my senses, I can't be separated. And it hurts because I over-react. I barely touch you, but still I feel the tender point of contact. Still I feel your breath, see your eyes, super-imposed on the back of my eyelids. God I want you. I know it now, and I can say it, to the darkness. To the empty space in my bed that I would do anything to have be filled with you. God I need you. And the next day it will be the same. Bitter laughter, too well disguised, but you can hear it. I hope you hear it. I hope you realize how much I ache to have you near. How much I crave you. My wonder-drug. The cure is the curse and the curse is the cure. I can't fight the addiction.
Chase you down and pull you close. Because I want you. Don't you see it? Sweet sensation fill me up and I have to say it. Whisper it, yell it, I tell you truly. Won't you listen? Won't you hear what you have done to me, over and over, because you don't know it.
Smile at me, cool understanding. And I can feel it. Rearing its head in my heart, I've tried to ignore it. Lust I can explain, friendship compassion, I know. But this...this is different. Can I want this? But I do. And, sweet comprehension fill my heart. Finally the little things fall into place. Become clear like jagged crystal. How could I have missed it? How could I have mistaken what I wanted? Why should I have fought this so much? Because finally I have found what I want, and it's you. You and everything that you bring. And I can see that I want this. And, finally. I can see that, so do you. So do you.
Jessenia: This was meant to be Duo thinking about Heero. Just to clarify.
C&C please. @_@
Standard disclaimers apply.