A/N: Imbri's sick and hyper off of three glasses of chocolate milk. I completely blame the evil chocolate pixies for this fanfic-God knows I should be working on the next chapter of Dancing Plums, but noooooooo...We have a story of Kenji's origin with a fun little twist ^_^

Yes, I know this is physically impossible.

No, I don't give a bloody damn.

Disclaimer: Blah blah, don't own RK, blah blah, like chocolate, blah blah, give me more chocolate and nobody gets hurt.

A STORK FOR SESSHA

*Kaoru's Wish and The Bird of Doom*

Kaoru was not a terribly patient woman, by nature. She had decided long ago that waiting around for life was something only the old and crippled did; if she wanted anything from life, she had to grab it by the ears and tell it so.

This stratagem also worked well on husbands, Kaoru found.

She also found it was helpful to be blunt, just in case her seemingly- dense, too-sweet Rurouni husband was having trouble understanding. And, she found that it helped when he was too tired to resist, and/or too done-in to put up a respectable fight.

So, on this particular occasion, Kaoru chose her timing carefully, waiting until they were along together, sleeping peacefully. Or, would have been sleeping peacefully if Kenshin had had his way-Kaoru was lightly playing with his hair, humming girlishly, and he could hardly keep his eyes open, he was so content with the motion.

"I want to have a baby," Kaoru said suddenly. She hadn't said it loudly, but Kenshin was immeadiately awake, violet eyes wide. He blinked, then rubbed his forehead, as if warding off an imminent headache.

"Gomen nasai, Kaoru; sessha must not have heard you correctly. Did you just say you wanted a baby?" Kaoru nodded, as if this was the most sensible thing.

"Yes. A baby. Our baby."

"Oh." Said Kenshin, his voice slightly squeaky. "But, Koishii, we've only been married four months.."

"Exactly," Kaoru said, tapping his nose lightly. He blinked. "Four months, and you haven't made one mention of starting our family. What, do you not want children, Kenshin?"

The Rurouni looked away, and the bottom of Kaoru's stomach fell through.

"Oh, Kami, you don't want a baby, do you?" She asked, turning away to hide the prickle of tears that threatened to well up in her eyes. Knowing he had reacted wrongly, Kenshin quickly took her hand, pulling her close to him. She tucked her chin in the gentle curve of his neck, sniffling into his hair.

"No, oh no. That is not what sessha means, Koishii." His long, slender hand slid to press against her small, flat stomach, nested between her narrow little hips. Little indeed; too small and fragile in his mind to hold the weight of the baby that would grow there. Kenshin could span around her slight waist with two hands; Kaoru was simply too breakable, despite being such a strong kendo practitioner.

"Sessha just doesn't want to see you hurt, Kaoru-dono. You're so tiny. A child-could you imagine bearing that weight in your body, bearing that flame of life? If someone were to hurt you, and the child, sessha-sessha wouldn't be able..."

Kenshin shivered lightly, despite the summer night being very warm.

He left the thought unfinished, though the endings hung distinctly in the air: if you were hurt, I'd die, I wouldn't be able to survive, I'd loose myself completely. I'd kill myself.

Kaoru kissed his temple, sighing.

"I understand," she said, and he embraced her more tightly. "And I love you for that, Kenshin. Really, I do."

"If sessha could shoulder this burden for you," Kenshin murmured, his violet eyes unusually bright. "He would."

Kenshin would lean to eat his words by the time fate was done with him.

*

"What *is* it, de gozaru yo?" Kenshin asked delicately, blinking curiously round eyes at the corpse that laid on the counter. Kaoru coughed, shrugging.

"Tae said it was a bird."

"*Really*?" Now Kenshin looked simply dumbfounded; he poked at the wilted white mass with the Sakabatou's hilt, afraid to touch it. Yes, it was a bird-rather, it had been a bird in its former existence-but what kind? Its beak was all but crushed, as was its body, and one black-fringed white wing stuck out at an interesting angle.

Had there been such a thing in his time, Kenshin would have proclaimed the beast to be grade-A highway roadkill.

"Yes," Kaoru continued on as Kenshin prodded and poked at the dead thing with morbid inquisitiveness. "A gajin customer at the Akabeko gave it as payment, but Yahiko accidentally squished the poor thing with a barrel of rice when he was helping Tsubame move things. Tae said she couldn't possibly use it, and so she gave it to me; she knew how tight things have been around the dojo lately, and she wanted to help out. So, can we eat it?"

"Um," said Kenshin, and then "Um..." again. "Sessha supposes that if it died of natural causes, it would not be harmful to us, ne?"

"Right! It's just a little...mangled," Kaoru agreed cheerfully. She patted the Rurouni on the shoulder, smiling broadly. "Well, have at it, then. We're lucky that Sano's out visiting Katsu-this silly little bird wouldn't feed the three of us, surely." He nodded at this, not thinking that he needed to justify her statement with a comment of his own. Rolling up his sleeves, he got down to the real nitty-gritty work-plucking what remained of the poor bird's plumage, getting it ready for the spit and such.

Roasted, dinner that night was actually quite good. Neither Kenshin nor Kaoru gave a thought to the gangly gajin bird that had provided their meal, nor spared a moment to consider the ramifications of eating it.

What ramifications?

Unfortunately, Kenshin was the lucky one to find out.

At first there was nothing. Nothing wrong with dear Ken-san, nothing wrong with Kaoru, nothing wrong with the dojo in general. Albeit, Kenshin had the misfortune to catch that bout of deep flu that was traveling around, but was able to throw that off after a few weeks' sickness.

Just a normal sort of illness, Kenshin had gently assured Kaoru. Just a little nausea-and, it being the flu and all-a bit of the whole retching and heaving. Nothing very serious. He hadn't really even run a fever, but Kaoru was worried nonetheless.

She had never seen Kenshin sick, and the shakiness and pallid complexion of her Rurouni was enough to cast a fearful shadow over her heart.

But it passed after a time, and life in the dojo returned to normal, more or less.

Regardless, it had been several months since the 'fateful last meal'- three, in fact-when Kenshin awoke late at night to a very unpleasant surprise.

His yukata's sash did not fit right. It was too tight, especially across his middle.

Which was odd.

Too tired to contemplate what this might mean, Kenshin peeled off the offending article of clothing and fell promptly back to sleep. As he tossed and turned, he was again woken quite disagreeably-as he had rolled onto his stomach, he had felt a brief, bright flash of pain, as if from sore muscles.

Kenshin rationalized that this was due to his last ken-jutsu exercise in the bamboo grove: while firing off a less-than-clean Ryu Dou Sen, a whip of broken bamboo had flown at him, catching him smartly just below the ribs. Ah, yes. Just some bruising. That was the end of that mystery, clearly.

He rolled again onto his back, falling-again-asleep.

This time, miraculously, he did not wake until morning, stretching. The poor ex-wanderer felt as if he had been stepped on repetitively by a very big man wearing boots, and as if he had not gotten any sleep at all.

Sighing, Kenshin sat up, hunching his shoulders against the cold-his chest was bare, owing to the fact that his yukata had half slipped off due to its lack of sash-and dropping his hands in his lap. He froze, bristling. Again, he brushed his fingers against his stomach. He winced, looking down. Beneath the bruises, his belly was considerably swollen.

'Well,' he thought with acid in his tone. 'Aren't we getting a little pudgy, Himura?' Kenshin was simply amazed he hadn't realized the slight weight-gain before-as a swordsman, he tried valiantly to keep himself in impeccable shape, and was usually quite trim because of these efforts. Half of it, though, was natural: thanks to his slight build, Kenshin had been endowed with a very narrow waist and hips. While being good for his speedy techniques, this also helped emphasize his androgynous sort of beauty.

He rued it daily. Now was an especial time-if not for the slenderness of his physique, the slight added weight would not be at all noticeable.

Oh well. Another good thing about being a still-practicing swordsman: with a good, harsh workout, weight was easily dropped. Kenshin vowed to do such as soon as he was finished with the laundry.

*

And again, time wore by-three weeks, in fact-and Kenshin was witnessing the slow expansion of his waistline with great trepidation. He fasted, he exercised himself into a weary sweat, and still, it seemed that he could not throw off this extra weight. The slight bulge only grew, as if mocking his efforts.

Finally, he just gave up, further loosening his gi with a sigh. Kenshin was quite blessed in that way. Usually, he grumbled to himself that a normal man's gi was so loose-fitting on him, but presently, the baggy material did well to hide this mysterious gain. Even so, he wasn't sure why this was happening, how to stop it, or how much longer he'd be able to keep it secret.

So, after a lot of pride-bashing, Kenshin forced himself to give Megumi a visit-a discreet, very secretive visit, of course.

*

Megumi was quite frazzled, thank you very much. For two weeks, now, the infirmary had been teeming with people-sick, coughing, hacking, irritable people who made Megumi very irritable in return. And then, Genzai-san had ordered new medicines to re-stock their depleted supplies-and left Megumi to order them all and lug the big jars about herself. It was sweaty, taxing work, and her irritancy smoldered into petulance, which burned into a righteously fiery rage.

Megumi growled, shifting the heavy jar in her arms, ready and willing to bite off the head of anyone who dared to put another task on her shoulders.

"Would you like some help with that, de gozaru yo?" Megumi looked up at the familiar voice, smiling.

And lo, the knight in shining armor cometh! Inwardly, the female physician gave a cheer.

"Ken-san!" she said jovially, her earlier irritancy fading at the sight of the cheerful Rurouni. He nodded slightly, wispy red hair falling into his eyes, and took the jar from Megumi, hefting quite easily. "What are you doing here? Visiting? You aren't hurt or anything, are you?"

"Oh, no," said Kenshin, his smile faltering the barest bit. He cleared his throat, saying: "Aa, sessha is just here for an inquisitive visit. Where does this go, Megumi-dono?"

She seemed to be pondering his words...inquisitive visit? She gestured with one pale hand to the desk, and Kenshin promptly deposited the jar on command.

"Go on," Megumi urged, raising a dark eyebrow at the wanderer. He stiffened slightly under her stern, perusing gaze-it was as if she could see his worry festering under the smile he had so carefully plastered on. "What sort of inquisitiveness, Ken-san?"

"Sessha requires your knowledge of the human body, Megumi-dono," Kenshin said slowly, as if carefully selecting his words. "Hypothetically speaking, say that sessha knows this, um, person-"

"What kind of person?" Megumi cut in. Kenshin floundered.

"Ano, a hypothetical-type person? It matters little, Megumi-dono. This, uh, 'person' has been noticing a gain in weight, and doesn't know why. They have tried to work the weight off, but to no avail. What is wrong with them?" The doctor shrugged, sitting down. She pulled out her hair-pin, letting her sweaty, dark hair lie on her shoulders. She had a feeling that this was going to be a long sort of conversation, the way that Kenshin was going.

"Any number of things could be wrong with your hypothetical person," she said in an askance way, shrugging. "What are the symptoms?"

"Ah? Nani?"

"Symptoms. Things that the person has noticed that are wrong, other than the weight gain." Kenshin chewed on his lower lip, thinking.

"Symptoms...increased appetite. Sensitivity to smells-vomiting, sometimes. Soreness-"

"Where?" Megumi again interrupted, her delicate brow furrowing as she concentrated.

"Across the stomach, and lower back."

"What about nausea? Does your hypothetical person have problems with that?" she asked, watching the Rurouni carefully. He had started leaning against a wall, arms crossed over his chest. Megumi noted that he was starting to look anxious-stressed, even.

"Not always," Kenshin replied, a thoughtful tone to his voice. "This hypothetical person is-or was-relatively active. A ken-jutsu practitioner of sorts. They had to stop their usual schedule, though, because of bouts of queasiness after working hard. Are those enough symptoms?" Megumi nodded, standing up and brushing the wrinkles from her kimono. Kenshin brightened visibly. "Really, de gozaru yo? What is wrong?"

"Ken-san, I'd have to say that your hypothetical person is hypothetically pregnant." She watched, morbidly amused, as every last drop of color drained from Kenshin's face. He even shook slightly.

"P-p-pregnant?" Kenshin squeaked, his violet eyes amusingly large in his white face. Unconsciously, his arm hugged around his stomach, suddenly very aware of the odd, fluttering feeling inside it. Like something moving? S- surely not...He paled further. Megumi didn't seem to notice the motion- she was laughing too hard at his expression.

Now, Kenshin considered himself a very sane, very open-minded man-but sanity can only wear so thin, and one can only open one's mind so far before one's brains fall out. But even he knew that men-and Kenshin was quite certainly a man-don't get pregnant. It just doesn't happen.

Does it?

"So," Megumi laughed, her Fox-ears rising. "I assume that our hypothetical person is really our little tanuki, eh? You *are* a quick one, Ken-san! Gods, is she ever going to be cranky-"

"No," Kenshin said quietly, closing his eyes. "No. Kaoru's not pregnant, Megumi-dono." Megumi quieted, getting near enough to Kenshin so as to put a hand on his shoulder. He still seemed shaken, as if something was terribly wrong. He flinched at the contact, stepping away, his back turned to her.

"Then what's wrong, Kenshin?" she asked gently, staring quietly at his back. His hand worked nervously at his gi's sleeve, and he sighed deeply.

"Sessha is due for a check-up himself, Megumi-dono. You have time, do you not?"

"Of course," Megumi said warmly. "Go ahead and sit down. Now tell me, what's on your mind that has you so worked up, silly?" Kenshin sat at the examining table, as he was instructed, and hunched his shoulders in an unusually despondent way. His violet eyes, uncharacteristically dark, watched her miserably from a cast of thick ginger bangs. Again, he sighed.

"Sessha believes himself to be pregnant," Kenshin said softly, his voice just above a whisper.

Megumi dropped her stethoscope at that.

"*WHAT*?" she demanded, narrowing her eyes at him. Surely, Kaoru must have hit the poor Rurouni in the head one too many times-something was definitely jiggered loose. Kenshin blinked at her sharp tone, opening his mouth to repeat himself. He had been clear enough with his statement, right? Obviously, she had not heard him.

Megumi clapped her hand over his mouth.

"No," she hissed. "Don't repeat that. What is *wrong* with you, baka?"

"Sessha is pregnant."

"No, you aren't!"

"Really?" he murmured between her fingers. "That is good, de gozaru yo. Then what is wrong with sessha?" Megumi blinked, Kenshin's little theoretical question suddenly making more sense.

"Oh. So that little hypothetical game was about you?"

Kenshin nodded.

"Well, then we'll just give you a good through check-up and see what's amiss, shall we? Off with the gi, Ken-san."

"Before you start," said Kenshin, loosening his sash-like belt and shrugging his magenta gi from his shoulders. "Sessha would like to show you something. May sessha have your hand, Megumi-dono?"

Blushing a little-she had yet to completely recover from her little crush on the wanderer-Megumi allowed Kenshin to take her hand by the wrist, sliding it beneath his gi, pressing it against his belly. He had not been fibbing-he had put on some weight, and his usually-flat stomach curved outwards in an almost comical way.

But what was he-and then Megumi felt it. A movement. Ever so slight, but it was there. Megumi retracted her hand, frowning.

"What was that?" she asked sharply, and Kenshin merely shrugged.

"Sessha was about to ask you," he replied. Megumi, trying to beat back her nagging feelings of bewilderment, pondered what to do next. Again, she pressed her hand against his stomach, feeling for anything that was swollen, or damaged, or-something that could explain rationally what was amiss. His skin was tight, his belly hard-not flabby, like fat, but firm, as if something solid really was growing in there.

"Have you been experiencing any vomiting or queasiness, especially in the morning?" She questioned, and Kenshin shook his head.

"Queasiness, yes, but the last time sessha was sick was when he had the flu, several months ago."

"The flu?" Megumi asked, eyebrows raised. "Or flu-like symptoms? Did you have a fever, or sweatiness, and did the illness last throughout the day?"

"No," said Kenshin. Megumi stepped back from him, shaking her head in sheer bafflement.

"Ken-san, I think you experienced morning-sickness."

"Oh." Said Kenshin quietly, his eyes adverted. "Oh. Is that bad?"

"No, but it means that...well, I want you to come back again in three months." Megumi sighed, turning away from Kenshin and pinning her hair back up in its business-like bun. Her hands were shaking slightly as she did this. "Next time, I'm going to check you for fetal heartbeat. We'll be seeing just how healthy this miracle baby of yours is."

There was an audible *thump* behind her, and Megumi turned.

Kenshin had passed out cold on the examining table.

*

Kaoru nervously wrung her hands. She was, by nature, not a worry-wart type of person, but then again, Kenshin usually gave her little reason to worry about him. Usually, he took perfectly good care of himself, and Kaoru knew it. That came from spending most of his young life by himself, taking care of himself and others. He had a good head on his shoulders, and all that.

But lately...lately, Kenshin had been abnormally distant, and that meant only one thing: something was simply not right.

Kenshin Brooding = Something Wrong

That was the way it always went. And so, Kaoru had spent the whole of the day trying to piece together whatever it was that was bothering her dear Rurouni now.

Evil henchmen out to destroy Japan? Nope.

Eviler warlord out to destroy Japan? Nope.

Kaoru kidnapped? Thankfully-Nope.

Kenshin wounded? Nope.

Kenshin-gumi in mortal danger? Nope.

Then all was right in the world-so what had Kenshin so emotionally worked up?

Yesterday, for example, Kaoru had noticed him kneeling in the yard, scrubbing the laundry-as was his wont-and then, just suddenly, he had gave a small cry of pain, hunching over and hugging himself. Kaoru had almost hared off to cradle him, ask him what had possibly hurt him, but she *had* been spying on him, and she didn't want him to feel as if she was worried about him. Because then he'd feel guilty, and get even more depressed, and that was just how Kenshin was. Thankfully, after a moment he had sat back up, shook himself, and got back to doing the laundry, his breathing only somewhat ragged.

Kaoru had thought that Kenshin was just a little off his game. Nothing could be seriously wrong, right?

But then Sano had walked into the dojo yard, giving a very limp and unconscious Kenshin a piggyback ride while Megumi trailed. Kaoru was on her feet and all over Sano in a racoony flash-Sano unloaded the lifeless Rurouni on his wife, grunting.

"Little guy is heavier than he looks," he grumbled, straightening. Megumi gave him a hard poke in the ribs.

"You did a good deed in carrying him home, Rooster-head. Now stop griping about it." She growled in all the snappy demeanor of a trod-on fox.

"What," Kaoru said, tightening her hold around Kenshin's chest to keep him from crumbling to the ground. His arms dangled loosely around her neck, his cheek resting on her shoulder. He was sleepily murmuring something about laundry soap. "What *happened*?"

"Oh, don't worry, you silly raccoon," Megumi grinned slyly at the younger woman. "Ken-san came to me for a check-up, and he had a little surprise- he, um, swooned. I think he was just very tired, so I recruited the Rooster to carry him home to you."

"My good karma deed for the day," Sano muttered. He took Kenshin from Kaoru- -she looked about ready to collapse, herself-and picked him up again, slinging him over his shoulder. "Ya want him inside, right?" Without waiting for an answer, Sano trudged into the house, leaving the women to exchange glances.

Kaoru gave Megumi a long, accusing look.

"My Kenshin does *not* faint after 'little surprises'. What did you do to him, Megumi?"

"Oh no," the doctor said, giving the kendo instructor a cheerful pat on the back. "This time, I think it's what *you* did to him."

*

A/N: God, how random is this? Review if you think I should continue to torture Ken-chan, (gee, but I could have fun with this ^_^) flame if you think I should let up on the chocolate.

Teeeeheeeeheeeeheeee...no more sugar for the happy Imbri!