Warnings: sad fic. i suppose this could also be called a crossover, too. sorry about the abrupt shear in the dialogue. i wanted this to have more angst but they weren't cooperating with me!

Disclaimer: this wonderful game and these characters do not belong to be in any way shape or form no matter how much i wish they did. they belong to square, the lucky heartless bastards.

Rating: PG

/blah/=thoughts
Heart Pangs
by fairady

Clouds flew past as the sleek airship sped through the dark storm. Tidus watched them slip by as he leaned against the window. In a few short hours he would be fighting the last battle against Sin. There was only so much 'preparing' the party could afford to do before finally confronting Sin. It would be unfair to the people of Spira for him to ask for one more day. Time had run out for the blonde blitzer.

Tidus shivered. The fore deck was deserted at this time of the night. Everyone but the crew needed to run the ship were tucked safely away into warm bunks to sleep before the epic battle that would occur the next day. Even Auron slept, though Tidus wondered if the unsent Guardian really needed it. Tidus had found out recently that he didn't need to. After all what could a dream dream about when it slept?

The deserted deck suited his mood. Leaning against the window it was easy for him to pretend that he was caught in time. A never ending twilight moment where day would never come and he wouldn't have to fight Sin. He'd just stand and watch the clouds forever.

It was easy to believe, so easy. The moment would go on forever, as long as he didn't move, as long as he kept his balance. He could feel it. Like he was standing on a razor thin line perfectly balanced. The slightest movement or change, be it physical or mental, would shatter it sending him plummeting towards the ground. He just had to stay still...

The world spun sharply causing Tidus to gasp as he swayed trying to stay upright. The moment was broken and time moved forward. Tidus laughed and leaned against the window. He'd been so caught up in his thoughts he'd forgotten to breathe.

"Idiot," he gently chided himself. "You're gonna die soon enough. Do you have to go insane too?"

"You seem very sure 'bout that," a shadow moved away from the stairs startling Tidus.

"Wakka?" faint light made it possible to see the other Guardian's concerned face. Pasting on a bright smile the blonde tried to pretend nothing was wrong. He only prayed Wakka hadn't noticed. "What're you doing up here?"

Fate wasn't answering prayers. The red head leaned his shoulder against the wall a few inches from Tidus and simply stared at him. Tidus looked away and studied the clouds again. He'd have to think of something to distract him. The last thing Tidus wanted was to have to talk to a worried Wakka.

"Nice night out. Well, not if you're outside. It'd kinda suck to be out in that storm now. But I'm not, so its real nice outside. To look at I mean. Its good theres no thunder too. Rikku'd freak if there was," Tidus winced as he heard himself.

/Way to go, man. Divert his attention by babbling inanely about the weather./ Tidus didn't know where he came up with these brilliant thoughts, but he'd really like to know so he could kick it someday.

"Whats wrong?" Wakka shifted slightly settling more comfortably against the wall. He looked like he was ready to stay there for the rest of the night.

"Nothing! Its nothing, really," Uh-huh. As if babbling about the weather hadn't been a big enough sign. Now he was insisting nothing was wrong. "I'm just thinking."

"Ya?" Wakka raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "You've been doing a lot of this 'thinking' lately?"

"Hey! I have been!" Tidus scowled. "I'm just too nervous to sleep tonight. So, I came up here to think about tomorrow."

Wakka shook his head. "Its not just tonight, Tidus. You haven't been sleeping at all lately."

"Huh? Course I have!" No one should have known he didn't sleep. He always waited until everyone was in their bunks before coming up to the deck. "I just go to sleep after you-"

"No," the older man cut him off mid-sentence. "You haven't."

Tidus felt a flash of anger at the utter confidence in the other man's voice. "What makes you so sure? You been staying up to see if I sleep?"

"Yes," Tidus looked at the other man. Disbelief clearly written on his face. Wakka stared back. His usually cheerful face serious. "I was able to last three days without sleep, Tidus. I asked Sir Auron about the days after. You haven't slept at all for the past week."

Great. Tidus wondered if it was possible to kill Auron. Shrugging stiffly he looked down. "I'm fine. I do get some sleep. I'm just...I mean I got a lot on my mind."

"Its 'bout your old man, ya?"

"Huh?" that was an entirely different type of 'Bad Thought.' One he'd actually been pretty successful in ignoring.

"I know ya don't like him much, but hes still your father." He gestured out the window. "Fightin him tomorrow ain't going to be easy for you, ya?"

"It won't be a problem," Tidus shrugged. "It has to be done. We've got to stop Sin."

"Yeah," Wakka sighed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

Wakka chuckled and pushed away from the wall. "Ya looked kinda lost when I came in, and I wanted to talk. See if I could help you feel better, but I'm just not really good at this kinda stuff, ya."

"No, but thanks anyway," Tidus grinned as he looped on arm around the taller man. ""

Wakka smiled warmly leaning into the hold. His normally stiff hair had been let down for the night and framed his strong face. Dark brown eyes watched him, and Tidus lost himself in them for the moment. That was another thing Tidus had been trying to ignore. He stepped back quickly. He couldn't look into his friend's eyes when he was that close, that open. Not without doing something that would only hurt them both.

Wakka frowned and stepped towards him. He was not the type of person to hold anything in, his face always showed his emotions. Tidus took another step back.

/No no no no. Just walk away. Come on, Tidus, just...walk away./

It was hard to listen to what his mind was telling him. The longer he stayed the harder it got. He knew he'd eventually mess up. He'd say something that would only hurt Wakka. He turned towards the stairs, almost made it before Wakka said something.

"Tidus," his breath hitched at the soft pleading tone and his body stopped, refusing to move further. Strong arms gently enfolded him from behind. "I love you."

/Oh hell.../

He bit his lip and blinked back the sudden sting of tears. Tidus wasn't surprised, had known this might happen, had wanted it to happen. Why did it hurt so much to get what he wanted? He knew the answer to that. Why did he get what he wanted the day he was going to die? It wasn't fair. Nothing here was fair.

Gently Tidus wrapped his hands around Wakka's relishing the warmth and sweetness of his embrace for a few seconds longer before pulling away from it. He didn't look back at the other man and continued down the stairs. "I should get a few hours sleep. Goodnight, Wakka."

Tidus waited for the doors to close behind him before the trembling overtook him. He ran back to the small closet that was his assigned room and curled up into a tight ball on the bunk. He sobbed quietly into his arms, rocking back and forth. Lost in his pain he didn't notice the other occupant of the room sit next to him.

He was startled when he was pulled into a tight hug. Looking up the blonde made out the familiar rocky features of his guardian in the dark. Auron said nothing but Tidus could see the question in the man's face.

"It's not fair," another sob choked the blonde off and he buried his head against his foster father's chest. He couldn't say more but he knew the other would be able to guess what had happened. To know the sacrifice he had made.

~

They say for every living thing there's a guide up in the sky that helps them pass from world to world. So you never really die. The thought passed through his mind as he slept floating in a clear blue ocean.

/Come along with me, come along with me.../

A whisper broke through and he began to wake. Blue eyes opened and he stretched out, reaching upward. Smiling the blonde man kicked up and swam towards the glimering light above. The voice echoed through the water, beckoning him onward. It was time to leave the past and start a new life.

~

"Ow!" the blonde boy crouched low to the ground pressing his hands to the sore spot on his forehead. The wooden stick he used as a sword lay forgotten in the sand. "That hurts!"

The older boy laughed and walked up next to his friend. "Don't be a baby, Tidus. I told you I don't play games when I spar," the red headed boy smiled and hauled the smaller boy to his feet. "Let me see you're forehead, ya?"

Scowling Tidus lowered his hands and stood patiently as Wakka bent down to look at the growing lump. "You just got lucky this time. I coulda beat your butt anytime I wanted."

"Sure ya could've," Wakka laughed lightly touching the bump. Tidus hissed and pulled back at the pain. Wakka leaned in close and lightly kissed the blonde's forehead. "There. It feels better, ya?"

"Yeah," Tidus smiled up at the other boy. "Thanks Wakka."

"Hey!" the two boys turned as another boy raced down the beach towards them. Sora skidded to a stop grinning. "Have you guys seen Riku and Kairi around?"

"Nope," Tidus scooped up his wooden sword and took a playful swing at Sora who easily dodged it. "Why don't you look for 'em on the island. You know, the island that you always find them at?"

"Yeah, but I ran into you two lovebirds first so I thought you could tell me for sure. Did Riku tell you hes got some papou fruit you two could have?" Sora grinned at the murderous glare he got from Wakka and began to edge away. "Oops, I uh gotta go now. See ya!"

Tidus laughed as Sora neatly dodged Wakka's ball and took off down the beach. He sat down in the sand as Wakka trudged down the beach to get his ball back. The sun faded as clouds rolled across the sky pushed along by a stiff wind. Looking up the blonde boy suddenly felt sad. Something stirred in his mind that he couldn't quite grasp. A memory waiting to be seen, like a word you knew but just couldn't say no matter how hard you tried. Thick clouds and an ice cold loneliness.

"Yo! You ok?" Tidus blinked as the tall form of his friend blocked his view of the sky, and the memory was lost. "You looked kind lost there, ya?"

"Um, I dunno. Just some weird dejavu," Tidus shook his head to clear it before jumping back to his feet and grabbing Wakka's hand. He'd had enough strange thoughts for the day. "Come on! We've gotta go talk to Riku about that papuo fruit."

~
end