:: Repentance ::

Sorcerous Stabber Orphen

Disclaimer: I don't own Sorcerous Stabber Orphen or any of the characters. Rights go to Akita Sadanobu and ADVision.

Rating: G

Pairings: Orphen/Majic

Warnings: shounen ai, fairly mild

Notes: I don't know where the inspiration for this came. It started a while back, after I'd finished Burdens. I guess I just wanted to do an Orphen-centric piece for once. It's strange, and the ending is also... odd... but I sort of like it. I had only finished half of this before my interest was diverted, and going through my fic files I found it and decided to finish it up.

I can't seem to work on SSO fiction anymore. I think Illusions is bogging me down; it's hard to put fantasy-medieval characters into a supernatural-modern world. I don't think I'm pulling off well, and I've lost all track of my original intent. I love supernatural... but it seems I can't write it. I don't think I know enough.

Aside from that, I really would rather work on other ideas I have. I have a sequel to my early SSO fic, Give a Reason planned, also centered on Rai, in which he grows to know Hartia and Krylancelo. I also want to take another deeper stab at the relationship between Cleao and Licorice.

In short, this is just another distraction from a fic I may never finish. I think it's because of Illusions that I'm losing interest in SSO, because it's too different. I don't want that. I still love the show and fandom, and I have so much I want to do.

I guess this is my way of preparing myself for the non-Orphen/Majic fics I intend to work on. I will be writing them on the side, in the form of a crossover I'm only writing to prove that there is such thing as originality and creativity left to explore in the SMCrossover section, no matter how much I may hate the fandom now.

And speaking of Orphen/Majic, I've been hearing complaints of too many of those fics lately. I want to ask—why? We, the Orphen/Majic fans, have at the most 4 authors on FFN. While you, the Orphen/Cleao fans have… what? Ten? At least? 22 SSO fics here are mine, and the majority are Orphen/Majic. Two are Orphen/Cleao. One is Majic/Fiena. One is a Rai-fic. A few have no pairings at all. If you want more Orphen/Cleao, write more. Don't complain about the lack of it. If you can't write, learn. Simple as that.

Whoa. This got way too long. I apologize for rambling and ranting. C&C is appreciated.

It wasn't the first time Orphen had stayed awake - ignoring his tired body, his mind's pleas for sleep, his desperate need for rest - just to watch his companions slumber.

The fire had died to smoldering embers, hardly enough to keep him warm. The young man shivered, pulling his blanket firmly around his body. The logical thing to do would be to close his eyes, to lie down and allow himself the sleep his body so wanted, but it was practically a ritual practice to stay awake late into the night.

It had started out several months ago, when he would be too restless to sleep. Orphen would gaze out into the darkness, trying to force his mind off the troubled subject of Azari that made his heart hurt so. So, instead, he had thought about his companions- his partner and his apprentice.

Cleao slept like a child, gracefully sprawled on the ground, carefully concealed by her sleeping bag. She was a soft breather; her chest barely rose and fell, and it seemed her dreams were usually pleasant. Rarely had Orphen seen her have a nightmare, and it was obvious when she did. He could easily see her body tense, her eyebrows furrow, and small, kittenish whimpers would escape.

Perhaps to save the sorcerer the embarrassment of being seen trying to comfort her - it would have been awkward anyway - Cleao's pet, a Deep Dragon cub she had christened Leki, was always there to nudge her, to lick her face or hands. The cub was always a comfort to her, always effective in soothing troubled dreams.

And then there was Majic, the youngest of the three. Though with similar looks and pretty enough to be Cleao's sibling, there was rarely anything graceful about him; if nothing else, he was a boy that came off as very silly, acting before he thought. His sleep was usually peaceful, though Orphen noted that he occasionally heard Majic mumbling beneath his breath, usually an incantation for a spell.

It brought a faint smile to his lips, and the brunette fixed his amber gaze on the boy. Actually, Majic very much reminded him of himself. Sure, as Krylancelo he had been very different- rude, loud, brash, irresponsible... In those ways, actually, he had been more like Cleao. But Majic's determination, his desperation to prove himself, his wanting to be important in somebody's eyes was a bittersweet reminder of Orphen as a teenager.

Even the embers were dying. Orphen returned his gaze to them, frowning a little. They were fading, only tiny sparks left in their wake as they gave up their energy, their life. Fire was contradictory, thought Orphen. It could save a life, bring warmth and comfort to a person's body and soul, but at the same time it killed just as easily. It burned, ate away at living things, leaving nothing but ashes in its wake...

Orphen felt very much like the ashes. Ever since Azari had left to take care of her child, a dark pit had started in his chest, leaving him with an empty feeling- desolation.

A noise distracted him, and for a moment he didn't dare breathe. But it was just Majic, stirring and murmuring again. Orphen relaxed, allowing a smile in the darkness. That was something at least. Though Azari had left him, he wasn't alone- Cleao and Majic were there. Cleao was there the way a true sister should be, holding his hand through the darkness and leading him slowly but surely to the light. She was the one that steadied him after a fall, reassuring him that everything would be all right.

Majic was different. He wasn't like a sibling at all to Orphen, but he wasn't simply his apprentice or someone to make money off, either. Rather, he was the other leaning post, even if the older sorcerer hated to admit it. He was the first to extend a hand, the first to pull him back to his feet no matter what the struggle.

At least, that was how it had been at first. The roles had switched greatly, especially in the past moon.

Majic was the one that was losing sleep now. Some of the murmurs Orphen had heard lately were disturbed ones, soft whispers and pleas to unseen enemies. However, if he hadn't been awake to see such things Orphen knew he wouldn't have nearly as good a guess to the boy's troubles. Once the sun rose Majic would be all smiles again, moving to console either him or Cleao, depending on who needed it at the moment. Put simply, he was keeping himself distracted, ignoring his own nightmares.

That worried Orphen. He was fond of Majic, to put it delicately. Truthfully, he wasn't sure what had drawn him to the boy in the first place. It wasn't his latent powers, his innocent front, his subtle charm- it wasn't any of those. Perhaps he had just grown on him over the span of a year and a half, but even still Orphen wasn't so sure.

He cared for Cleao, too, but it was very different. She was his partner, like the annoying younger sister that had come to disrupt his life just when he needed it the most- and back then he had thought he'd needed it the least.

Another restless shifting distracted him. Orphen sat up this time, frowning as his eyes made out the silhouette of Majic as the boy tossed and turned, muffled whimpers escaping. Rarely did he interfere with the patterns of sleep, but this was looking like one of those situations where he would have to.

Pushing the blanket back, Orphen shifted and silently edged over to his apprentice. His hand traced from the boy's elbow to his face, gently trailing over the curve of his cheek to his brow, finally coming to rest at his hairline. He brushed the strands away, murmuring softly so as not to wake the slumbering Cleao. "Wake up. Majic."

It took a while for his quiet whispers to register, but they finally did. He could tell the boy was awake when he gasped softly, moving to sit up. Orphen's hand didn't leave, but he could feel the heat of Majic's cheek beneath him; he was blushing. "Oshou-sama..."

"Shh." Orphen sighed, frowning even though he knew Majic couldn't see it. Strangely enough, he could feel the boy flinch beneath his touch. That was another strange thing about his apprentice; he seemed to be able to read Orphen without looking at him. It was interesting. "I thought I told you to come to me or Cleao. Did you talk to her?"

"No, Oshou-sama."

"Why not?"

The silence that followed was only interrupted by the chorus of crickets and night creatures, chanting their ritual songs. The whisper that broke it was barely audible, and Orphen actually had to lean in to hear it. "I'm scared..."

He didn't remove his hand still. "Of what?"

Majic leaned into the touch, a light trembling overtaking his slender body. "I don't understand myself. I don't understand my emotions anymore. It's hard to help you and Cleao if I can hardly help myself, Oshou-sama..." His voice broke off, stifling a sob. Orphen heard him inhale deeply through his nose before continuing, "It's not like magic, where I'm excited to learn more about it. I know nothing about it, and it scares me, and I don't want to know more about it. I have no reason to feel this way."

Orphen was silent at first, searching for something to say. Comfort was never one of his strong suits, but he could try. He had gotten a little better at it, but it was still awkward. "What did you think when you first saw the Bloody August?"

"Huh?"

A small smile touched his lips. "Before you knew anything, I mean. Remember, a couple years ago, when it all started? We were outside, Cleao was threatening me with the Sword of Baltanders, the sky darkened with rolling black clouds... Do you remember?" As Orphen spoke he had begun to move his hand, pushing the blonde's hair back from his face, reveling in the texture of the sleep-mussed locks.

He felt Majic shiver beneath his touch. "Yes, Oshou-sama."

He had told Majic to take Cleao to the mansion, to stay there and not come out. Orphen knew his apprentice hadn't obeyed completely; they had simply stayed out of sight until the Bloody August disappeared again. If he hadn't been so preoccupied and upset afterwards, he would have whacked Majic something good.

"I thought that It was the most frightening thing I could ever encounter," the blonde finally answered his earlier question. A year or two ago Orphen would have decked anyone that would have said that, no matter who it was, but he understood things a lot better now. He opened his mouth to reply, perhaps awkwardly soothe the boy, but Majic was already speaking. "But I suppose Azalea-san was just as afraid of Childman-san... Right?"

Orphen blinked. "What do you mean?"

Majic inhaled deeply before he dared venture forth. "I mean, I was scared of her. She was a huge, powerful dragon that could have bitten me in two without so much as blinking. But your master... He was more powerful than her. That scared her." He shifted uncomfortably. "I guess what I mean is... We all have something to be afraid off, whether there's a good reason to fear it or not."

"True," Orphen agreed ruefully. "This is your situation exactly."

He could tell Majic was blinking, startled by the thought. "I... I guess..."

Normal people can't handle what we have. We're different; we're the exception. We have to deal if we want to live. It's just the way it is... your fear isn't unreasonable. That was what Orphen was thinking, what he wanted to say, but putting it into verbal sentences would be awkward. He had expended his advice, it seemed, and it was more than mildly frustrating.

A bright spark jumped from the embers, startling both sorcerers. Majic turned away from him, eyes diverted to the ground. "Thank you, Oshou-sama."

"Majic." The boy had no choice but to look at him, especially when Orphen used that firm tone. "I'm not going to be enough. You need Cleao, too- none of us can function properly without the support of both others."

Majic nodded. "It's the way things have come to be, isn't it?"

"Mm. Perhaps."

"Are you going back to bed now, Oshou-sama?"

Orphen made a small noise in the back of his throat, shrugging. "You should sleep. We may be walking a while tomorrow."

He could barely make out the boy's smile, sweet and with no sign of hesitation. "May I say goodnight to you a different way, then?"

It took a moment for the implication to sink in, and when it did Orphen found himself neither surprised nor repulsed. He shrugged, his way of affirmation, and allowed the boy to embrace him and press a small kiss to his lips. The warm gust of breath in the chill of night was soothing, however brief it was, and Orphen deemed it only fitting to assuage his student's unspoken fears by responding in kind.

It was mildly distressing to pull away from the warm circle of the boy's arms, but not horrible. He wasn't going anywhere; Orphen was sure of this. It was both his own certainty and trust in Majic that led him to believe it.

Azalea's repentance had been to bear the one she loved as her child, to help him grow and learn all over again. She could never have Childman in the way she wanted, but she could still be with him- a blessing and a curse. In a similar fashion, Orphen's repentance seemed to be to help this boy grow and learn, to deal with whatever came, be it in sorcery or simple life issues. Unlike Azalea, however, Orphen was almost dead sure that this would end with bittersweet longing. Majic was young, but already mature for his age. He was the sensibility and symbolic innocence Orphen felt was lost to him.

It was something worth hanging on for; it was worth more than that. Not just between him and Majic, but amongst the three there was much to be held and cherished. Someday they would have to part, because parting was only a small piece of life, and inevitable.

Orphen caught Majic's eye again before the boy rolled over, closing his eyes against the darkness. The situation was awkward, unusual for a simple teacher-student relationship. But, thought Orphen, it works.

And that was all that was important, really.