Hello, loyal fans of Author Brian! This is Brian's 5th fanfic for OMF 2097.
Mandatory Disclaimer: As I'm sure you all know from his previous stories, Brian doesn't make
OMF or ever plan to. So that's why he's writing a fanfic... And now, on to the fic! (Takes off
headphones) Damn, I have to work on this... 59 takes are too much... AHH! The MIC's on!
What? Another go? AHHHHH!
Chapter 5: A Battle to Remember
Brian woke up the next day thinking about his fight with that new girl. Logic told him that
wasn't any good at this, because she had no record in HAR piloting. But then she remembered the
one named "Angel," who had no HAR background, yet was very talented when it came to this (It
was rumored that she was an alien and wanted to enslave the HAR pilots. Many of them said that
if that were true, they would go willingly). Pretty soon the phone rang. He glanced over, and got
an eerie and uneasy feeling about the person on the other end of the phone. He picked it up,
"YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE," said a very loud, scratchy, and snake like voice over the
phone, one that sounded male. The person immediately hung up.
"Bloody heck!" Brian hung up the phone. Coincidentally, he just realized that he had not
checked his mail in several days. He pushed the "receive" button on the wall and his mail was sent
up in a vacuum tube. He opened up the capsule and scanned through his mail. "Bill... Bill... Booty
call... Death threat... Death threat... Death threat... Booty call... Bill... and a death threat." Brian
shrugged once and put down the letters. But he took all the death threats and put them into his
paper shredder. Suddenly a hand grenade smashed through his window. He walked calmly over to
it, picked it up and threw it back outside. Someone outside screamed at the top of his or her lungs
(you couldn't tell what gender the person was), and there was a loud explosion. Then, silence.
Brian sat down to eat breakfast. As he was eating, a knife whizzed past his face and stuck
into a crossbeam.
Brian stared in the direction that the knife came from and saw a man in a black outfit.
"So, ninja," Brian began, "how was the temperature of the cooling system you just
"Wha-- How did you know how I got in," the ninja asked. "TELL ME!"
"Well, it's very simple, so listen up. You have dust from the cooling system on your outfit,
and the vent cover is on the floor behind you. You twit..."
"Dammit... ENOUGH TALK! YOU WILL FIGHT ME NOW!"
"If you want." Brian took one last bite of food, swallowed it, and stood ready. The ninja
drew a sword out of a sheath at his side and swung it fiercely at him. However, this action was
easily stopped by Brian's fork.
"You see," Brian said as the "mystery ninja" jumped back away from him, "I realized that
you were no ninja when you pulled out that sword of yours. Look at that craftsmanship. Ninja
swords are razor-sharp! Let me guess, you're... Milano?"
"DAMMIT!" Milano threw off his ninja mask and stood with an enraged look on his face.
"How the heck did you know it was me?"
"You're the adult. Figure it out!"
"Hmm... My... Accent? My age? My fighting style? My sword?"
"Pretty good, four out of five. The other one was the dust."
"You say damn' a lot."
"DAMMIT! SHUT UP!"
"There it is again!"
"I SAID SHUT UP, DAMMIT!!"
"AHHH!!" Milano lunged at Brian, but missed, and Brian got the upper hand. Or knee, as
the case may be. He landed a blow to Milano's abdomen.
Milano's eyes bulged out and he gasped for breath.
Brian took this time to say a very witty thing: "Ha, ha! Look at you on the floor!"
Milano glared at him with angry eyes.
"Do you need help getting back into the vent?"
Coughing hoarsely a few times, Milano nodded. Brian went outside just as the janitor of
his apartment building was opening his closet. Brian pulled a ladder out of the closet and went
back into his room.
As soon as Brian was finished helping Milano back into the vent, and adding a very little
about asthma, he went and returned the ladder (big surprise). Despite not being able to fix a
broken light fixture right away as he had planned, he was happy to have his ladder back. Brian
decided it was time to prepare for the fight tonight. He went back in to his apartment to weight
Monica was thinking about the match that night with Brian. She was sure she could win.
But just to be sure, she had done some research on him (actually, she had broken into the White
House and made copies of his files). It turned out that his name was shared with a fictional
detective... But there was no time to think about that. She had to prepare for the fight! She went
on the Internet and found play-by-play scripts of his fights. She studied them very closely (And for
those of you who don't know what she's doing, she's seeing what his fighting style is), and
concluded that there was no real fighting style to them (Huh?). It looked to her that he was just a
frantic little twit with no skill (What the?). She put the papers in a nearby shredder and went back
to her secretary job (bloody--?).
And now for something completely different... A porcupine, and a wallaby boxing.
Two wallabies were at one corner, one had boxing gloves on, and the other was his
manager, massaging his shoulders. In the other corner, two porcupines, one with gloves, were
trying to pull each-other's needles out of their skin. The bell rang just as they got them all out. The
two boxers went to the center of the ring and started circling the other. Suddenly, the wallaby
threw a punch, and the porcupine turned around so that his pin and needle covered skin would go
into the wallaby's glove, and give him quite a pinch. However, the wallaby came in too fast, and
knocked the porcupine out. But it was still a lose-lose situation, because... the wallaby now had a
hand full of spines, and he was bleeding pretty heavily from his hand. He screamed in pain and
fainted. Everyone cheered.
This has been a wallaby and a porcupine boxing. Now back to our regularly scheduled
fanfic, already in progress.
(The Stadium, later that night...)
Brian was watching a video of his previous fights. Each one was about 3-4 minutes long.
He predicted that if his robot had its maximum upgrades, and so did the other person, these
matches would take about 1-2 minutes to complete. Suddenly, he got word that Monica was in
her ready room. A few minutes later, he was, too.
Brian stood up in the bunker that he was now standing in and looked around. He went out
into the arena and saw the arena he hated most to be in: The Desert. He hated it for the following
reasons: One, you can't move too much. Two, his feet get stuck in the sand upon landing a jump.
And three: His opponent was someone he knew nothing of in the same robot that he had, which
he did the worst against in the sims out of any other model.
And now, an interactive intermission.
Suddenly, you are transported without your immediate realization to an unknown location.
You fall down because you are no longer sitting in your chair, and you hear a voice from out of
your sight range. It says, "And now... a bomb. Catch..." A large explosive drops into your hands,
you bulge your eyes at it, and it emits an incredible explosion, which throws you a very long
distance away from a big black crater it has created. As soon as you regain consciousness, you
open your eyes to see a man standing in front of you, presumably the person who spoke to you
before, and he says, "You will now be transported back to your computer." And you are. You
seem to have suffered no more than a minor concussion. Aw, you'll be fine...
Brian and Monica lunged forward at the same time. The end result of that action was that
they both crashed headlong into each other. They got up with the same exact leg-thrust technique
into the air, and charged again. They both faked a jump and slashed at each other. However, they
both blocked the other's strikes, and countered. Both their blows hit the other at the same exact
moment, and sent them back a few hundred meters. They got up, and circled each other. Soon, a
plane begins to shoot some bullets at them from far away. It all hit Brian, who did not see it right
away, but Monica dodged it, and took advantage of the Moment to come in for a slash to Brian's
side. He blocked it at the last second, and landed a hard blow to her "jaw."
Monica stood up, and she and Brian both took a moment to cool down a bit. As soon as
they were ready to fight again, they began to circle each other one more time. Brian jumped up
into the air, and Monica leaped up after him. She angled herself into a kick, but Brian began to
spin like a corkscrew. Her kick missed, and he slammed his arm into her, and she plummeted to
the ground. As soon as Brian landed, Monica grabbed him and hurled him across the area. She
suddenly received a jolt of pain as the planes came again and attacked her with the bullets. The
unexpected force of it knocked her to the ground.
Brian and Monica both got up and shook off their dizziness. Brian happened to glance at
his wrist and saw his power gauge read just about half way. Monica's meter read the same. Soon,
they had both rested long enough, and resumed their battle. They charged each other and
ferociously attacked. Monica hit with several punches and kicks to Brian, and he blocked another
few hits, and retaliated with several shots of his own. He landed a hard blow to her left side with a
right hook, and followed with a left uppercut, sending her flying. Monica landed on her feet and
charged forward. Brian charged as well. They both threw a hard punch...
And they both were knocked out on contact.
Monica and Brian both fell forward onto the desert sand, and their consciousness returned
to their bodies. Even though the spectators were booing, Brian and Monica were pleased with
themselves, because they gave it their all. As they both left their ready rooms, they shook the
other's hands, and were bombarded by the press. They fought past the media people, and entered
their respective cars and drove off.
And now... Nonsensical jabbering.
Yibble gibble clamney joojoo fwabba dee brabble. Mounge lipk annywoo mubba frew
lumbark harvarf manchoosey liverwhack. EEEEE! Gabble tooshey manganese phosphate footey!
Ahem. Thank you. And now the ending.
Monica was watching the news while clipping her nails. The news castor was droning on
and on about some stupid giant diamond that was missing from the local museum. Then she came
to sports... and began talking about these 70-some-odd football injuries. Then she got to an
interesting report: the one on Her's and Brian's fight today.
"There seemed to be a storm of wild elephants at the stadium today. And scrap sure was
flying. As you see here (a picture was shown on the screen of a funny shot of Monica slamming
her Katana's fist into Brian's head, as the picture is very blurred), Monica seemed to have a slight
advantage for a while until they both knocked each other out with this final hit. And now, the
montage of today's fight." What followed that sentence was a display of animated picture and
sound that was so bizzare, that quite frankly, you would go brain-dead if I even attempted to
describe it to you. In fact, it caused Monica to faint backwards onto her bed.
End of Chapter 5