And Now A Message From My Muses

By RaistlinofMetallica’s Muses

Plotbunny Trouble

“Totet... Totet den DJ,” RaistlinofMetallica sang as she doodled in her sketchbook, unaware of the menace lurking nearby. “Totet... Totet den DJ! Wir wollen sein Blut!” (1)

A particularly dark and sinister-looking small shadow sporting dozens of glowing red eyes oozed across the ceiling and lingered over the unsuspecting authoress. Harry watched its progress with some interest, but the character wasn’t about to alert the authoress. The last time he’d tried to warn her about a lurking muse when she was engrossed in her artwork, she’d thrown her Biology book at him.

“...Verdammt! It’s the other way around,” the authoress grumbled, more to herself than anyone else. She pulled out a pen with a finer point and, sighing heavily, addressed her mistake.

A rather imperious, heavily-armed blonde female muse approached the authoress and glared at her. “Authoress, I must speak with you.”

“What do you want, Chibi Integra-sama?” the authoress asked, not looking up from her artwork.

Harry continued listening to their conversation while pretending to read his script for the next scene in DDLLF. He’d been doing this for some time, since the authoress’s old computer had died and the muses had all collectively gone hyperactive from stress until a new one was found. In fact, there was enough chaos going on that he barely noticed the arrival of another bunch of characters in the green room.

Of course, the characters of Hellsing didn’t escape the attention of the other characters for long. Sanguini the vampire made the mistake of trying to introduce himself to the Hellsing leader’s pet Nosferatu, Alucard, and ended up meeting the business ends of the crazed 600 year-old vampire’s guns. Shortly after this incident, Inuyasha ran into the psychotic Paladin Alexander Anderson and they levelled about half the green room in their resulting brawl, including the Fortress of Doom. After some hasty translations courtesy of the berserker nun Yumiko and several ‘osuwari’ commands from Kagome, Inuyasha and Paladin Anderson reached a reluctant truce and relative peace was restored.

“Authoress, my second and I have been working on the next instalment of Inversion and we’d like to get started on writing it up. Also, we’d like to discuss the particulars of the story background in further detail,” Chibi Integra-sama said, holding out a clipboard imperiously. (2)

Chibi Integra-sama was one of the authoress’s two Hellsing muses and, by far, the only one of the two that Harry would work with. She was bossy and had a habit of comparing Sirius and Alucard, but she was infinitely preferable to the secondary Hellsing muse, Chibi-Alucard, who was a menace to life, limb and sanity. The only problem was that the crazy vampire muse was never far from Chibi Integra-sama and would often pop out of the shadows, scaring the wits out of every character on set.

“Let me see that,” RaistlinofMetallica muttered, plucking the clipboard from the primary Hellsing muse’s hands and scanning the material quickly. “Looks good. I’ll get started as soon as the art muse decides he wants to release my brain.”

The primary Hellsing muse huffed, looking thoroughly put out, and stomped off to torment some Original Characters, a small oddly annoyed-looking ominous shadow slinking along after her that Harry figured had to be Chibi-Alucard.

Harry continued flipping through his script haphazardly and did a quick visual check for the personification of inspiration that influenced his series. Finding that Chibi-Draco was preoccupied arguing with some Original Characters, Harry breathed a sigh of relief and silently thanked heaven for whatever miracle caused the authoress’s art muse to make off with her brain shortly after his initial manifestation. He wasn’t the only character thankful for the appearance of the possessive art muse – almost all of the characters were greatly relieved, because as long as RaistlinofMetallica was drawing, she would remain focused on the artwork and not on them or the other muses.

The art muse had appeared quite unexpectedly, having finally decided on a form while Demon Chief Musa and RaistlinofMetallica were conducting a major costume redesign for an original character from the second DDLLF arc, based around ancient Egyptian clothing styles. It was as simple as one moment the art muse was a formless intangible entity capable of mimicking hundreds of styles and the next moment, the art muse had appeared and stolen the authoress’s brain. Demon Chief Musa had immediately rallied the other muses – all the muses, save for Chibi Full-Youkai Inuyasha, who didn’t seem bothered by the new muse at all – in a chase that spanned the entire length of RaistlinofMetallica’s imagination and somehow resulted in the giant evil StayPuft Marshmallow Man being unleashed on Tokyo. None of the characters could figure out what Tokyo was doing in RaistlinofMetallica’s imagination, but as physics and exact locations were always uncertain in there, they determined it was best not to think too hard about it lest they injure themselves.

Finally, the muses had managed to catch up with the renegade art muse in an area of the imagination that looked suspiciously like a set from The Mummy and, naturally, quite a few characters had tagged along, as it looked like it would be an entertaining, if one-sided, battle of the muses. Chibi Full-Youkai Inuyasha and Chibi Rin had been the only two muses who decided not to participate in the battle, as the muse of violent magical beasts was taking a nap and the cute secondary Inuyasha muse was busy braiding flowers into his hair. Drinks were ordered, bets were placed, the Ministry of Magic wagged their fingers at everyone and the muses attacked.

As it turned out, it was a one-sided battle. The art muse, who introduced himself as Chibi Thief King Bakura, was extremely powerful and had the advantage of being quite well defended magically. He had no qualms about fighting dirty or exploiting weaknesses and had hidden traps all over their chosen battleground, easily putting the other, older muses on the defensive. He’d even managed to bribe Chibi-Draco onto his side with a pound of sugar and a sack of shiny precious objects. That was about the time that Chibi Hild summoned the giant evil StayPuft Marshmallow Man and sent it after the belligerent art muse. Sounds of extreme violence followed and when the dust settled, the triumphant super-deformed thief king was licking marshmallow fluff from his fingers – the last remains of the giant StayPuft Marshmallow Man. (3)

The crazy, attention-hogging white-haired art muse had been holding the authoress’s brain hostage ever since, inspiring an absurdly huge amount of art and the occasional story idea. The authoress was hard-pressed to keep up with the amount of drawing ideas he churned out and had nearly run out of ink in her drawing pens trying to appease him. Still, the authoress did not mind too much, as his manifestation only strengthened her artistic abilities.

Harry had mixed opinions about the art muse overall. Sure, he was enjoying the reprieve from being on set, but considering the art muse had bitten him once on the arm, he was uncertain about the safety of working with a muse more deranged than Chibi Full-Youkai Inuyasha. He’d heard from some of the other characters about some of the things the red-clad chibi thief had inspired, such as the Vexshipping image, and was relieved that he’d never gotten suckered into any images like that – that is, except for that one image that he was convinced was the result of Chibi Full-Youkai Inuyasha’s stuffed plotbunny, Mr. Snuffles, and that the authoress had summarily lost in her filing cabinet, much to his relief. (4)

Speaking of the muse of Violent Magical Beasts, it seems that Chibi Full-Youkai Inuyasha and Chibi Thief King Bakura had formed an alliance, based around their mutual habit of causing chaos and shared enjoyment of a certain ancient Egypt-themed Inuyasha fanfic by one of their favourite writers in the Inuyasha fandom. (5) Said alliance had resulted in RaistlinofMetallica having a strong desire to draw fanart for that story and discovering that she could draw beautiful little statues and extremely complicated jewellery. It had also resulted in poor Inuyasha refusing to leave wardrobe at one point, as he wasn’t particularly fond of the clothing style. It had taken the authoress promising him an Ukiyo-E styled drawing of him in samurai armour to get him back on set.(6)

Harry thought the whole business was rather ridiculous. He kind of wanted to get on with the DDLLF series and possibly finish it in this lifetime. Of course, so did the other characters involved, which now extended across more fandoms that ever. There was a general feeling of impatience in the green room and among the other muses, as well as the usual confusion and crossover plotbunnies caused by multiple fandoms cohabitating in a confined space. They knew the authoress’s fans were getting restless and beginning to wonder if RaistlinofMetallica was still alive.(7)

“...So, this is kinda like the underworld, right?” the white haired boy sitting across from him commented, looking a little confused.

Harry looked up from his script. This kid – who’s name Harry was currently spacing on - was one of the relative newcomers to the green room, having appeared shortly after the art muse made off with RaistlinofMetallica’s brain. Most of the characters were more preoccupied with the resulting chaos of the art muse and subsequently forgot the newcomers were there. The fact that they hadn’t made quite as much of a fuss as the Hellsing characters on their arrival contributed to their being overlooked. (8) “More like a form of limbo, I suppose,” he said finally. “From the authoress’s imagination, we can explore infinite possibilities, unconfined from our original universal constraints, but we can’t leave the confines of her imagination.”

“Fascinating!” the boy said, seemingly genuinely interested in the possibilities this presented. Of course, he was new here and had probably never seen just how dangerous the realm of the authoress’s imagination could be, let alone met the evil plotbunnies. “So, I could really be a white mage in another possible world?”(9)

Harry sighed and flipped to the next page of his script. “You’re thinking of it as another universe, which it isn’t for us. Not completely anyway. We get to experience these alternate worlds through the authoress’s writing, just like the readers. She writes us a world to play in, but we’re not really there, you know? It’s us and it’s not us.”

The boy was quiet a moment, digesting that morsel. Then, he said, “I understand, I think... We’re role-playing. It’s like a game.”

“Right,” the wizard said, “And the green room is the only place where we’re wholly ourselves again. Well, for the most part, anyway.”

“So, what happens if all the little universes RaistlinofMetallica writes get strung together?” the new kid asked.

Harry blanched. He’d seen at least two plotbunnies where that had happened and both were frightening. (10) “You’re better off hoping that never happens. The green room is crossover chaos as it is even without the authoress’s stories in the mix.”

A stack of bound paper appeared in the air above the new kid’s head with a loud pop and immediately dropped into his lap. It was a script, obviously a tentative one by the fact there was only a brief series of letters on the cover indicating its genre and category. Harry had seen more than his share of these in his experiences with the authoress and didn’t pity the new kid in the least.

“What does all this stuff on the cover mean?” the boy asked, holding out the script for Harry to see. “It’s so confusing!”

The wizard quickly skimmed the text on the cover and quickly translated, “Alternate Universe, Yu-Gi-Oh crossover, Dragonlance setting. Well, you may get to be a white mage after all.” (11)

“Ha-ha, very funny,” the new kid said sarcastically, pulling the script back and opening it.

Harry rolled his eyes and continued flipping through his script. “It’s rare to get something you want when the authoress is conspiring with her muses. The muses have a tendency to mix fandoms together for crossover ideas. It gets quite ridiculous, really.”

“...So, the authoress must really like crossovers, then,” the boy stated, frowning slightly as he scanned the cast list.

Harry shrugged and crossed out a word on the page he was currently skimming before replying, “I guess so. I think it annoys her into writing good ones when she finds bad ones online. Nemesis Memory? She was pissed about how utterly awful some of the Harry Potter/Sailor Moon crossovers were.”

“Most people just rip apart the bad story in a review, right?” the new kid asked.

The wizard sighed, “Not this authoress. She hates flames. And if the story is so horrible that it would take a miracle to make it anywhere near decent, she won’t review because the review might be received poorly. People can take constructive criticism pretty damn badly on you know.” (12)

“Oh,” the boy said, sounding a little confused. He ran a hand through his white hair and added, “I suppose that makes sense, though. You can’t help people who don’t want help.”

Harry nodded absently and went back to skimming his script for DDLLF. “You know, as many crossovers as DDLLF has, I’m glad it only has a minimal dose of Hellsing in it.”

“Why...?” the new kid started to ask, but was cut off when another script appeared and dropped in his lap. He flipped it open, read the quick summary and then said, “Never mind. I think I know.”

The wizard instantly was curious. “Why? What did you get?”

“Ultraviolent Alternate Universe with Hellsing as the primary crossover and hinted at crossover with the Mummy,” the white-haired boy replied, holding up the script.

Harry snorted. “That’s nothing. You should see what the authoress is going to do with my universe when she crosses it with Hellsing!” (13)

Just then, a blood-curdling scream of rage came from somewhere inside the green room and a very insanely pleased-looking Nosferatu Alucard bolted in through the door, laughing like a maniac. He was shortly followed by an unusually-attired and extremely angry Sir Integra Hellsing, who was brandishing a silver sword and a fully-loaded semi-automatic pistol. Seeing as things were about to get more than a little chaotic, both Harry and the new kid dived for cover and pulled on their Kevlar armour. Just in time too, as Sir Hellsing started to unload a clip of blessed silver bullets into her psychotic undead servant.

“This happens a lot, I take it?” the new kid asked over the cursing of the Hellsing Organization leader, gunshots, and the mad vampire’s cackling.

“Yeah,” Harry replied. “Stuff like this is pretty normal in here!”

RaistlinofMetallica, who was still drawing and happened to be drinking a coke, turned to look at the disturbance and was so amused that she nearly got coke up her nose. “Fuck!” she gasped and, attempting to regain her composure quickly, ended up slamming her fist into the desk. Cursing some more, the authoress made a face, rubbed her sore hand, and sent the two fighting Hellsing characters flying back to the green room.

“MUSES! To my side!” the authoress cried out, the crazed art muse hanging off one shoulder like some sort of odd decoration.

Instantly, the muses were on their feet, flocking to their mistress with their plotbunnies, clipboards and scripts in hand. Ideas just swarming in their super-deformed heads, the excited muses were more than ready to get back into the swing of things.

Harry had only ever seen this happen once before. It preceded a mass update and several one-shots. Grabbing the new kid by the collar of his vest, Harry began to haul ass for the green room with a valiant cry of “RUN AWAY!”

The Updates were coming, at long last...

AN: Yes, yes, the updates are following soon. And Harry is channeling the Knights of the Spamalot at the end there, much to my amusement. In other news, request adoptable chibi's for my homepage at my livejournal and check out my deviantart gallery. The links to my livejournal and deviantart are on my website.

(1) I am singing along to Megaherz's "Toten Den DJ". And yes, it does mean "kill the DJ".
(2) Hellsing: Inversion is a story on my TwinEnigma account. It's violent and not for the little ones. I love it to death.
(3) Those familiar with the UnseenArtists chatroom on deviantArt might have seen my art muse from time to time and his habit of munching on city-sized monsters. I love my art muse, I do.
(4) The HP image is locked up somewhere very safe. It will never see daylight again. The Vexshipping work in progress image is in the scraps section of my gallery on deviantart - though you'll have to turn off your mature content filter.
(5) Urd-chan's Temple of the Dog is something I shamelessly fangirl over.
(6) Ukiyo-E Japanese wood cuts. Samurai-style, woot!
(7) Anyone who checks my deviantart account would know I'm alive. Any dA member who goes to the UnseenArtists club page would know that I'm definately alive, as I'm a Helper - well, Admin, now - in the club chatroom.
(8) The overlooked Yu-Gi-Oh characters made such an ill-timed entrance everyone missed them. Why do I like that show now? A, uncensored version rocks the socks, B, Bakura is the smex and his past life version is more so (mrowr!), C, shiny cards. I can't resist shiny objects.
(9) In canon Yu-Gi-Oh, this character was turned into a tabletop RPG white mage model.
(10) It was bad... very bad as a potential fanfic, but would have made a cool as hell video-game.
(11) I have given this serious thought and I might go ahead with it. Kaiba will be an elf and our white haired friend isn't going to be a white mage - nor will any of them be filling the rolls of known Dragonlance characters. That's all the hint you get.
(12) I love crossovers, especially good ones. Anyone who's seen my deviantART journal knows I showcase crossover images there to hopefully inspire others to write crossovers off them. I'm actually making a club/fanlisting on dA for crossovers, too, so keep an eyball over there. Anyway, I love crossovers to death, but I can't STAND some of the tripe I've read looking for good ones. So, my way of coping is to write a better crossover - DDLLF, anyone? Because I can't leave the reviews I want to without having some 13 year old mistake "please spell-check and go over your grammar before you post" for "OMG I hate it, die."
(13) I am completely blaming my art muse for the Yu-Gi-Oh/Hellsing one. The Harry Potter/Hellsing one was requested of me by a reviewer who gets kudos for sharing my love of good crossovers. That reviewer also fed my ego immensely and megakudos are in order. They're getting a quality peice of work for their awesomeness.