Kristen Chameleon

Dead and Gone

Kristen paid her taxi fare in a daze and stumbled out onto the sidewalk, taking a moment to regain her balance before proceeding on towards the sunken gardens and the church. Her breath misted in the night air before her, and she wondered if when she cried her tears would freeze right there on her cheeks. Could she cry, or would she hide behind her usual defences? It wasn't as if a family member had died…not really.

She hugged herself tighter, cursing herself for having neglected to bring a coat. Only now did she realise she was still in the shimmering dress she'd donned for that special occasion. How ironic – a special occasion for her required a pending abduction of another person into a harem and the taking of a baby. Even if he is my baby, she thought with a brief flare of her usual determination. I'll…I'll be back in time to meet Susan…I just have to…have to see…see if it's true. Say goodbye to Jenn, if it is. Say goodbye…pay my respects.

You don't know the meaning of the word 'respect', a small voice told her from within. She ignored it and trudged on. Her high heels clicked on the paving stones beneath her as she entered the centre of the sunken gardens, nearing the steps to the church. Ice cracked beneath her stiletto heels, startling her. She was shivering violently by now, her body's way of defending her against the elements.

Again against her will, she thought back to an earlier time, a time when she had been almost…happy. Jennifer and she had met for a coffee at the Brady Pub one winter's night, and then had proceeded outside for a "midnight stroll", as they jokingly called it. That night they had confided some of their deepest thoughts in one another. Thinking back now, Kristen saw the two of them as essentially alike in character. They had been, too – both devoted to loved ones, determined to be good citizens, resolved to being great friends for one another. Not almost happy, she decided in retrospect as she strolled through the cold night alone. You were happy. You were happy, and good, and all that conventional stuff… You weren't Stefano's incarnate back then.

Things had, of course, changed. It seemed like everybody had gathered around a steaming cup of tea one night to plot Kristen's demise. They had definitely succeeded. What rotten luck she'd had over the last few years…

"Good evening," someone said in the here and now, but by the time she'd looked up the speaker had passed by her. She was too late to acknowledge them and return the gesture. She felt confused as to why she might want to.

She began ascending the steps to the church entrance, already hearing the tragic tones of the organ music wafting out into the night. Did she only imagine the sound of anguished sobbing accompanying it? Probably. She was too far to hear that yet. It wouldn't be too long, she assumed.

I'll be sobbing a lot in hell, she thought then with dark amusement. That was what Sister Mary Moira had said – she'd end up burning in hell unless she repented. The nun had said there was still time for her soul's redemption. Not likely, Kristen thought, and pushed the door open. It'd take a miracle to redeem me, and God's not exactly on my side.

Quietly she entered the antechamber, trying to compose herself as she walked over to the chapel doors – she still felt tipsy, and the icy outdoors had made her even more light-headed. Inhaling deeply and closing her eyes briefly, she pushed gently on the doors and slipped inside, joining the crowd of mourners who had gathered to bid farewell to Jennifer.

Seeing them, Kristen knew it was true – Jennifer was dead. The realisation brought her to an abrupt standstill, and she stood on the spot, staring down the aisle at the coffin.

I was married here, she thought sadly, and now my old friend is dying. Is dead. No chances to beg for her forgiveness anymore. I used all my chances up.

Kristen's heart ached with a surprising vengeance as she moved quietly to one side, taking a seat in the back row of seats. She hoped nobody would notice her here – all she wanted was to stay a short while.

"…You would think she'd at least turn up here, to say goodbye," Billie said with a shake of her head, remembering times in the past when she, Jennifer and Kristen had gathered together for a girl's night.

Hope nodded. "Yes…you would think that…but then again, she's a Dimera. All she thinks about is herself."

Someone cleared their throat, and both Billie and Hope turned to face Lexie Carver, who had just joined them.

"What is it, Lex?" Hope asked.

"Looks like she decided to show up after all," Lexie responded, gesturing towards the back of the church.

Billie and Hope both looked to see a figure hunched in the last row of seats to the left of the aisle – the shadows back there were so thick that it was hard to make out who sat there. "That's Kristen?" Hope asked doubtfully.

Lexie nodded. "I'm as surprised as you are."

Billie found herself gazing back at the woman who had once been her close friend. Should I go and sit with her…? Is she really worth any effort anymore?

She had started walking without even realising it, and in spite of her surprise now she kept going. After a few moments she thought Kristen had seen her – the figure at the back of the chapel stiffened and made as if to rise.

Kristen had lost herself in another memory, and it was only the sight of someone approaching, clearly heading straight for her, that dragged her back into the present. For some reason she panicked, and made as if to rise, but then she realised there was no point running. Besides, it was Billie. Perhaps the woman still had an ounce of warmth in her heart for Kristen.

Billie moved out of the aisle and slid quietly into a seat beside Kristen. She didn't even look at her as she spoke. "I'm surprised to see you here. Everybody is."

"Jenn was my friend once upon a time," Kristen responded stiffly, not looking at Billie as studiously as Billie was not looking at her. "I have a right to be here."

"I never said you didn't," Billie said softly. "Although…I'd stay away from Laura Horton. She'd probably skin you alive if she saw you here."

Kristen felt irritated, but also somewhat offended. "That woman is a basket case at the best of times."

Billie chided, "You should have a little more respect, especially at a time like this. Sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in you. To think I once called you a friend…" Billie shook her head in mock disbelief.

Kristen said nothing. She couldn't be bothered defending herself anymore. She hadn't come here to argue, after all. She had set out from the Blake house with the express purpose of finding out the truth about Jennifer. Worry for her former friend had motivated her, not a desire to disturb the peace.

"I'm glad you came, though," Billie said after a moment, her voice more serious now. "It shows that there's…at least some degree of good in you yet."

"Thank you," Kristen said coldly, sarcastically, as she gazed ahead at the coffin and Jack standing beside it. The man was weeping openly. John would've wept for me once upon a time, had I died, she lamented. Once upon a time I was deemed worthy of that kind of love. Once upon a time I had it all…

Billie said nothing more, and Kristen waited for her to leave, but she didn't. That surprised Kristen. It also brought her a strange degree of comfort. The two former friends sat there, together and yet essentially apart, lost in a whirlpool of confusion and sadness. It was always devastating to realise that the past was forever lost to you.

What will I do now? Kristen thought as she listened to the obituary being spoken. What will I do when I get back home? Because she realised that no matter what she did, Jennifer would still be dead. Somehow, that changed everything.

Sitting there in the pew with a leaden heart and stinging eyes, Kristen was more worried about her future than she had ever been.