Title: I SHOULD TELL YOU
Author: Triskell (ferngully_at )
Fandom/Pairing: RENT (Mark/Roger - slash)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: RENT and all associated characters are the creation of the late Jonathan Larson. I intend no copyright infringement by their use.

AN: a short story as a series of drabbles (100 word snippets) inspired by Kait and her gorgeous LJ icons; I have put Kait's phrases in italics within each drabble and you'll find a list of all sayings at the end.

I SHOULD TELL YOU
© Triskell, 11 April 2003

1 ~ Mark ~
I watch you as you stand alone.
A silent guardian - untouchable -
the one who lost, her lover, at her grave.
But did you know that every time I'm close to you
I want to reach out, slowly, just one touch
to tell you that you'll never need to be alone?
And there's too much I can't say,
too many reasons for my silence, self-imposed.
I protect you from my love,
and you protect me from the world.
You call me weak, you say I hide.
And I have a smile stretched from ear to ear
To bear your unwitting rejection.

2 ~ Roger
I grieve - in my condition there's
little else to do. Her death is mine and
I can imagine what it's like to see you
walking down the road after the funeral.
I won't know how it feels to tear your
heart out; but I'll remember always that
I took more than one moment's laughter
from your eyes, never to bubble up again.
You saw me through each doubt, a pebble
on the beach on this island of hope
you built for me, to let my sea rest gently,
anchored to your shore.
My grief is that I dare not love.

3 ~ Mark ~
I wait till you get home, as always,
though I cannot ask you where you've been.
I wait, 'cause night's too long and cold
here without you and there is no one who
could take your place. You are the one I
dream of and I wish we'd never met.
I call to you each time I speak and you
just walk away because the love you
wanted has been taken. And now she rests
beneath the trees and grass in beautiful,
poetic solitude. I shiver while her cold arms
close around you, draw you down -
embracing your own death.

4 ~ Roger ~
I knew you'd wait. You should not for I cannot
find the words to say I need you so.
I cannot ask you why you love me, because
I should not know. I should not read your eyes
so easily, I should not feel your every breath
as if I were the one to draw it.
"Let me surround you."
"Let me be the calm you seek."
Let me write songs to tell you how I feel,
let me paint smiles onto your face -
put the spark back into your tired eyes.
I leave again - you follow me - I smile.

5 ~ Mark ~
We meet at the lights, I stare for awhile
and suddenly the world around us disappears
and in the twilight, under streetlights in a park
it's just you and me. A breath between
us could be smiles and yet you pull me close
into the warmth and comfort of your arms, and
when I look at you, your face is serious and calm.
Your kiss is heat and passion - I submit, I let go -
no more fears - I drift, and fly. And only much later do
I realise that I forgot to tell you just how much I love you.

1 ~ Mark ~
/every time I'm close to *you*/
/there's too much I can't say/
/I have a *smile* stretched from ear to ear/

2 ~ Roger ~
/I grieve in my condition/
/to see you walking down the road/
/on this island of hope/
/my sea to your shore/

3 ~ Mark ~
/night's too long and cold here without you/
/and you just walk away/

4 ~ Roger ~
/for I cannot find the words to say I need you so/
/let me surround you/
/let me be the calm you seek/

5 ~ Mark ~
/we meet at the lights I stare for awhile/
/the world around us disappears/
/it's just you and me/
/a breath between us could be smiles/
/and I forgot to tell you I love you/