Thanks so much for the anonymous reviews! I love ya'll! About the
paragraphs, well it has them in the original, but ff.net didn't put them
in?? Help anyone? Anyway, sorry about the long wait, but I'm a college
student taking 4 hours of summer school a day. Every day. Yeah, stupid of
me but whatever. And I made up the thing about her being raped, seemed to
fit to me, I don't know why (hey John seems to say that a lot hehe). And
finally . . .
Drum roll please
That thing that really gets me about John . . . . . . . . . .
His absolutely Adorable facial expressions (especially the eyebrows, as you
might notice hehe)!
He stared at me silently for a few minutes as I drank the tea. "You gonna
be ok?" he asked looking concerned. "Yeah, it's not the first time and it
won't be the last". He looked slightly uncomfortable, and I saw his
question coming from a mile away. "you want to talk about it? Sometimes
talking helps." I looked away quickly, and he said immediately "i . . if
you don't want to that's fine too" he stood suddenly, reaching for my cup
"I . . . I'll take that if you like." I let him take it out of my hand,
our eyes met for a half second and then he moved away. "John" I said
quickly wrapping my fingers around his elbow. He turned around looking at
me quizically "stay. . . just . . .for a little while, please" he nodded
and set the cup down on the nightstand. I think that's when I realized I
had hardly any clothes on. I quickly drew my legs to my chest and covered
myself with the blanket. I was understandably uncomfortable with men
seeing too much of my body.
Noticing my sudded discomfort (how could he not?) he looked away.
"It's, it's not you John. I'm just . . . not used to um, this." I said
gesturing. He smiled at me "it's ok, perfectly understandable in fact."
Well I suppose it wouldn't have to difficult to guess what I'd been
dreaming about, but still his perceptiveness surprised me. "About six
years ago on my birthday I was out having a party with some friends at a
bar. There was this guy there who'd been my best friend since my freshman
year at college, we'd tried the whole friends in love thing, but it hadn't
worked, we'd split after about 3 weeks. It was about one in the morning
when he brought me a drink. After a few sips I everything became blurry.
I . . . I couldn't figure out what was happening, I'd never been drunk
before, and that was only my second beer. After that I just blacked out.
When I came to it was cold, wet dark, and it hurt. It took me a while to
figure out what was happening to me. My mind felt oddly disconnected from
my body, I felt like I had no control, like I was watching, not
participating. He . . ." I paused here not quite knowing how to put it.
John looked at me "it's ok, you don't have to . . " I need to" I said
cutting him off quickly. "Please, I've never actually told anyone, most of
the officers know, many of them knew me back then too." He nodded, pursing
his lips, silently urging me to continue. "He was raping me" I said, "that
felt good . . . to finally say it, I mean."
He stared at me for a moment "do you want me to leave now?" I
thought about it for a moment "ne, I don't want, no, can't be alone
tonight" he looked at me quizically. "not like that, just sleep here for
the rest of the night, please?" He smiled and nodded "um, you gonna sleep
all dressed like that?" I asked "if you're uncomfortable with men maybe I
should" he said raising he eyerows (A/N I LOVE it when he does that, soooo
cute :D ) "no, it's ok" "really it is" I added at his somewhat sceptical
look. "Ok" he said standing up, looking slightly uncomfortable he reached
for his zipper. That's when I realized that he might be uncomfortable with
my watching, blushing I looked away quickly, suddenly thankful for the dark
to hide my blushing face. I heard him quickly undress and saw him come
around the side of the bed. My breathing suddenly stopped. He was
gorgeous. No, more than that, he was perfect. He slid into the bed,
obviously slightly uncomfortable. He lay there stiffly for a moment,
before I snuggled into his arms. Not simply because I thought he was
beautiful, more beacuse I really did need the human comfort. I always had
a hard time getting to sleep after the nightmares.