Thanks so much for the anonymous reviews! I love ya'll! About the paragraphs, well it has them in the original, but ff.net didn't put them in?? Help anyone? Anyway, sorry about the long wait, but I'm a college student taking 4 hours of summer school a day. Every day. Yeah, stupid of me but whatever. And I made up the thing about her being raped, seemed to fit to me, I don't know why (hey John seems to say that a lot hehe). And finally . . .

Drum roll please

That thing that really gets me about John . . . . . . . . . .

His absolutely Adorable facial expressions (especially the eyebrows, as you might notice hehe)!

He stared at me silently for a few minutes as I drank the tea. "You gonna be ok?" he asked looking concerned. "Yeah, it's not the first time and it won't be the last". He looked slightly uncomfortable, and I saw his question coming from a mile away. "you want to talk about it? Sometimes talking helps." I looked away quickly, and he said immediately "i . . if you don't want to that's fine too" he stood suddenly, reaching for my cup "I . . . I'll take that if you like." I let him take it out of my hand, our eyes met for a half second and then he moved away. "John" I said quickly wrapping my fingers around his elbow. He turned around looking at me quizically "stay. . . just . . .for a little while, please" he nodded and set the cup down on the nightstand. I think that's when I realized I had hardly any clothes on. I quickly drew my legs to my chest and covered myself with the blanket. I was understandably uncomfortable with men seeing too much of my body. Noticing my sudded discomfort (how could he not?) he looked away. "It's, it's not you John. I'm just . . . not used to um, this." I said gesturing. He smiled at me "it's ok, perfectly understandable in fact." Well I suppose it wouldn't have to difficult to guess what I'd been dreaming about, but still his perceptiveness surprised me. "About six years ago on my birthday I was out having a party with some friends at a bar. There was this guy there who'd been my best friend since my freshman year at college, we'd tried the whole friends in love thing, but it hadn't worked, we'd split after about 3 weeks. It was about one in the morning when he brought me a drink. After a few sips I everything became blurry. I . . . I couldn't figure out what was happening, I'd never been drunk before, and that was only my second beer. After that I just blacked out. When I came to it was cold, wet dark, and it hurt. It took me a while to figure out what was happening to me. My mind felt oddly disconnected from my body, I felt like I had no control, like I was watching, not participating. He . . ." I paused here not quite knowing how to put it. John looked at me "it's ok, you don't have to . . " I need to" I said cutting him off quickly. "Please, I've never actually told anyone, most of the officers know, many of them knew me back then too." He nodded, pursing his lips, silently urging me to continue. "He was raping me" I said, "that felt good . . . to finally say it, I mean." He stared at me for a moment "do you want me to leave now?" I thought about it for a moment "ne, I don't want, no, can't be alone tonight" he looked at me quizically. "not like that, just sleep here for the rest of the night, please?" He smiled and nodded "um, you gonna sleep all dressed like that?" I asked "if you're uncomfortable with men maybe I should" he said raising he eyerows (A/N I LOVE it when he does that, soooo cute :D ) "no, it's ok" "really it is" I added at his somewhat sceptical look. "Ok" he said standing up, looking slightly uncomfortable he reached for his zipper. That's when I realized that he might be uncomfortable with my watching, blushing I looked away quickly, suddenly thankful for the dark to hide my blushing face. I heard him quickly undress and saw him come around the side of the bed. My breathing suddenly stopped. He was gorgeous. No, more than that, he was perfect. He slid into the bed, obviously slightly uncomfortable. He lay there stiffly for a moment, before I snuggled into his arms. Not simply because I thought he was beautiful, more beacuse I really did need the human comfort. I always had a hard time getting to sleep after the nightmares.