Day 739,646,186,419:

Stopped Patron-Minette from robbing a rich dude. Dude ran off, reminds me of ex. Lord let me find him, that I may see him... I swear, my Sexy Sideburns have grown at least 2 inches since we last met. He can't resist me now! If does, will attempt to make jealous by flirting with young revolutionaries.

Day 739,646,186,420:

Monsieur le Prefect gave me new assignment: Pretend to be on side of revolutionaries. Sounds like fun! Ooh, I'm a spy! Maybe I'll get cool gadgets like James Bond! With Cool Gadgets and Sexy Sideburns, I will be irresistible! Valjean is MINE!!! MWOHAHAHAHA!!! Ahem. I am pleased.

Day 739,646,186,421:

Spying sucks. No cool gadgets, just carbine. Honestly, who are these students trying to fool anyway? This *revolution* is simply a thinly veiled excuse for male students to party and sleep with one another. Golden-Boy over yonder is flirting blatantly with ugly drunkard. I can't believe Monsieur le Prefect has given me, a seasoned Inspector, such an insulting job as playing baby-sitter to a bunch of hormonal frat boys. Is he trying to subtly hint that I should retire? Never! Not until I find Jean! The revolutionaries are all hitting on one another. No one hitting on me yet.

Later:

Revolution *cough* orgy *cough-cough* is dull. No one hitting on me yet.

Later:

Why isn't anyone hitting on me? Honestly, I'd even take that annoying Gamin that keeps running around.

Later:

Take back that last comment. Gamin sang me a song, most unnerving. Tied me to a chair. Not cool.

Later:

Why always me? I swear, it's because I never got enough love in my childhood! Sure, that's because I turned my mother in to the authorities at the age of 6, but that's beside the point! No love!!! Waaaah!!! Ahem.
Oh merde.
Valjean just walked in. One would think I'd be pleased, but I remember how last time he tried to cut off my sideburns! Still, when Golden-Boy turned me over to him, I must admit, felt quite pleased. He's taking me outside of the barricade now. He loves me! Yayness!!!

Still Later:

Damn Valjean! Told me that I was free, without conditions, bargains, or petitions. I think he's cheating on me. I'll bet it's with that Random-Idiot-Lawyer. They seem kind of cozy. Grrr... He better keep his filthy paws off my JEAN-IE-POOH-BEAR!!!

Even Later-er:

I was right! Found Random-Idiot-Lawyer and Jean in sewers! That used to be OUR special place! When I asked about Random-Idiot-Lawyer, Jean said it was his daughter's boyfriend.

"Daughter? What daughter?"

"Fatine's daughter."

"So you DID sleep with her!"

"Can we maybe talk about this another time?"

At this, Random-Idiot-Lawyer sat up.

"Yeah, I'm kinda bleeding to death from a random vague wound here!"

Jean begged to take him to a hospital.

"Yeah, right! Last time I let you do that, you ended up with a DAUGHTER!!!"

Jean put on the Puppy Dog Pout that he knows I can't resist. I_let_him_go. I feel so used.

Super Later-er:

Must I now allow this man to hold dominion over me? Seriously, I can't take Jean's cheating ways anymore! He's driving me MAD!!!

Even More Super-Later-er:

Throwing self off bridge. At least my Sideburns look Super Sexy.

.4668 Seconds Later:

I learned something new today: When you hit water from such a dizzying height as I did, it hurts a lot.

End.