A Fictional Diary By: Els-chan

A/N: This is a companion piece to ‘From The Diary Of One Harry James Potter’. Do you need to read the other to understand this? Ah…I’m not really sure. I don’t THINK so, but it couldn’t hurt, right? …okay..maybe it could…no need to be so mean about it… *sniffle*

*ahem* Sorry. I’m just a bit over-emotional. Anyway, regarding updates (this kinda applies to all my fics here…). I’m not sure when the next update will be (yes, this is a multi-parter). You see, I’m currently working through hostile takeovers of other people’s computers. Hopefully, I’ll be able to take over someone else’s soon.

Disclaimer: I’m broke. I seriously doubt that anyone who had any form of ownership of Harry Potter or its characters would be broke and living with their parents (at least by choice). You do the math, friend.

1 September 1996

Blast Albus. As if keeping a journal during the school year is going to do anything.

The little brats returned today, including Potter and his little fanclub. Another year of dealing with those delinquents...oh, I'm looking forward to this. Kill me now. Draco has finally entered his rebellious phase, and not a moment too soon. Granted, now I'll have to put up with his lip rather than his arse-kissing, but I think I can deal with that if it means that I have a better chance of keeping him out of the Dark Idiot's clutches. Vincent and Gregory, however...I'm not sure if they have the wits to be rebellious. Let's just hope that Draco stays out of the "family business", as Lucius liked to call it, and that those two follow his lead. Of course, I'm assuming that Draco will even listen to me at all now that I've been discovered as a spy.

Black is a colossal idiot. Just thought I should mention that.

*~*

3 September 1996

I had the sixth year Slytherins and Gryffindors this morning, and my, hasn’t Potter’s attitude improved? He actually had the gall to mock me in his essay! Worst of all, I had to give the brat an ‘A’. The bloody essay was bloody perfect…BLOODY PERFECT. And on the bloody Wolfsbane Potion, to boot. (That’s right, not just any Wolfsbane Potion, but the BLOODY Wolfsbane Potion. I need a vacation.) I suppose I should have seen that coming, though, considering the company he keeps.

Draco, meanwhile, disappointed me. An essay on Deflating Draughts (written in horrible handwriting), absolutely riddled with grammatical errors…I need to have a talk with that boy; his work is usually impeccable. I hope that this isn’t an indication that things will be taking a turn for the worse.

If Albus offers me one more lemon drop, I swear I’ll shove the lot down his throat.

*~*

6 September 1996

I talked with Draco today. Actually, perhaps it would be more accurate to say I talked at him. He didn’t speak the entire time, opting to imitate those bodyguards of his and just grunt from time to time. Clearly, this is not a good sign. I hate to say it, but I may have to remove him from the Quidditch team if things don’t improve. Then again, with the way he’s been behaving, I’m not entirely certain that he’d care.

The first year Hufflepuffs are conspiring with Longbottom to destroy my dungeons, I just know it. Not a competent one in the lot. They somehow managed to melt three cauldrons in one class period. Three! If it weren’t for Longbottom, that might have been a new record.

*~*

10 September 1996

Damn Neville Longbottom to hell. I don’t know how he managed it, but he somehow burned a hole right through the table that he and Granger were working at. They weren’t even using anything volatile, nor did it require work with fire. I don’t understand it. Not only that, but those tables aren’t cheap, and I hate having to repair them. Merlin knows that idiot Filch certainly can’t fix it properly. Why do we have a squib for a caretaker anyway? All he’s good for is catching students and overseeing detentions. Anyone could do that (except Black). Personally, I’m shocked that none of the students have just hexed him - it’s not as if there’s anything he could do about it.

Oh, that’s right. The students aren’t supposed to know that he’s a squib. Although with all of that ‘Heir of Slytherin’ business from a few years back, I honestly can’t see how none of them have figured it out for themselves. I would have at least expected my Slytherins to work it out. Pity, that.

*~*

12 September 1996

I hate Sirius Black.

Now that that’s out of the way, I can move on to slightly less infuriating topics.

Sinistra asked me if I wanted to possibly join her on the next Hogsmeade weekend. Obviously, I refused. Then she suggested joining her in her quarters for a cup of tea. again, I said no. Apparently this gave her the idea to take the blunt approach, as she then requested a ‘quickie’. I kindly informed her that I was not interested in her attempts to get into my pants due to the facts that 1.) she has breasts and no penis, and 2.) she is a crazy bint. She didn’t seem to appreciate that, because she stormed out of the staff room like a spoiled child. In fact, she now seems to be giving me the silent treatment, which is perfectly fine with me since she rarely has anything relevant to say, anyway. Females…and they wonder why I’m gay.

*~*

20 September 1996

Draco’s work is improving, and he seems to be returning to normal. Well, at the very least, he actually speaks with real words again rather than grunting incoherently. I’m quite relieved if only because that now I don’t even have to bring up the subject of suspension from the Quidditch team.

Potter, on the other hand, has become rather skittish of late - probably the work of some girl. Pity. He’s become quite the striking young man. Far better looking than his father was, regardless of the fact that no one else seems to realize that they don’t look all that much alike anymore.

…I don’t believe I’m actually thinking this about a student. About Potter, no less. I’m working too hard. Maybe I should have taken a sabbatical this year.

Oh, that’s right, I can’t. Thank you, He Who Can Kiss My Overworked Arse.

*~*

29 September 1996

Well, I had a rather unsettling meeting today. Potter came to me to ask me to help him write his will. How lovely. Especially since he only came to me because he didn’t want to upset someone who might actually care if he died. I don’t know why, but it hurt when he said that. Then again, the fact that I was helping a sixteen year old boy make out a will was rather painful by itself. He shouldn’t be worrying about writing a will at his age. He shouldn’t be saddled with the responsibility of fighting a dark lord either, for that matter. Unusual for me to be sympathetic and - dare I say it? - almost caring toward him, I know, but tonight I really looked at him carefully. He’s clearly exhausted and his eyes…Merlin, his eyes look like they should be long to someone who spent time in Azkaban; they have that same haunted look. It’s unsettling. His parents would be heartbroken if they saw him like this. I’m surprised no one else has noticed.

Yes, I did help him. In fact, he asked me to sign as the witness. I would have, too, if I’d thought it appropriate. Oddly enough, he looked as though he wanted to argue with me over my reasons why I wouldn’t. Then again, he didn’t want anyone else to know about the will, so I suppose it makes sense that he would push. Anyway, I suggested that he go to Albus with it. That would be best, after all.

*~*

2 October 1996

Draco seems to be completely back to normal, which tells me that something is going on. I really hope Lucius hasn’t managed to convince the boy to follow in his footsteps. Draco has so much potential; he can do anything he wants when he graduates from Hogwarts, and I really don’t want to see him throw that all away by having the Dark Mark branded onto his skin. I don’t think I could ever forgive myself for failing him if he does choose that path.

*~*

18 October 1996

There is no doubt in my mind now that Draco is back to his old self - he stole Potter’s diary and gave it to me during class. I suppose he expected me to read it aloud in front of everyone. Had I known that it was Potter’s diary, I very well may have.

It’s a bloody good thing that I didn’t know what it was.

I knew that he had been having a difficult time, what with Voldemort’s rebirth, and I’d heard the rumors about his muggle relatives and their neglect. Even so, I was not prepared for what I read in that diary.

This goes beyond abuse. Potter’s uncle went so far as to rape him. And Merlin, neglect doesn’t even begin to cover their treatment of him - according to the dates, he spent the majority of the summer with a broken ankle. I don’t know what to do with this information now. Yes, I know that I should go to Albus, that it is my responsibility as a professor to do so, but it seems wrong, somehow, to go behind Potter’s back. Merlin, between this and the will…I’ll talk to Potter before I do anything, and give him the chance to tell the headmaster himself.

*~*

24 October 1996

I was wrong - there is still something wrong with Draco. He is too easily distracted these days; he didn’t even notice the snitch hovering just about his head during the Quidditch match today. Of course, Potter saw it and caught it. Draco was livid, although I couldn’t tell if he was angrier at Potter or himself.

Meanwhile, Sinistra hit on me again. I wonder what part of ‘homosexual’ she doesn’t grasp? Honestly, I think I liked it better when she was giving me the silent treatment.

*~*

27 October 1996

Have to refill Lupin’s Wolfsbane potion supply. Apparently Black is just as bad with potions as he is, and so neither of them can brew it properly. I wonder why this doesn’t surprise me.

*~*

8 November 1996

The headmaster came to me today regarding Harry. I explained to him the situation with the diary, and the three of us - Albus, Potter, and I - wound up having a little meeting in Albus’s office. I got another chance to look at the diary. At least none of the newer entries indicate that he’s getting depressed or suicidal; if anything, it would seem that he is beginning to heal. According to the diary, he recently had his first…erotic dream since he was raped. (The fact that I was the star is of little consequence.) He didn’t seem too pleased about the fact that I read his later entries, nor did he believe me when I told him that I was merely checking to make sure that he wasn’t deteriorating. It’s the truth, too. I wasn’t trying to pry into his personal business. I’m just concerned.

At the very least, Potter will not be returning to his relatives’ home next summer. Albus is working on finding somewhere else that’s safe enough for him to stay.

Albus and I discussed something else after Harry left, the possibility of punishment for the boy’s ‘caretakers’. He asked for my opinion, and I gave it to him: the lot of them should be cursed from here to Beauxbatons. He found that amusing for some reason. I really don’t understand that man at all. Anyway, he said that he would discuss it with Minerva. He also mentioned something about ‘counseling’. Why do I have the feeling that I’m about to be roped into doing something that I’d really rather not do?

*~*

20 November 1996

Black is still an idiot. Just my periodical reminder (as if I need one).

*~*

22 November 1996

Albus has asked me to be Potter’s “counselor”. I reminded him that as his Head of House, it’s really McGonagall’s job to counsel him. As usual he rattled off some reasons as to why I was the better candidate for the job, and as usual, I couldn’t actually argue with a single one. And so, I have my first counseling session with Harry on the 25th. I’d be lying if I said that I was looking forward to it.

Note to self: Avoid any and all topics that come even remotely close to having anything to do with wet dreams.

Note to self #2: Avoid any and all topics regarding Harry’s sexual preferences.

………………

Note to self #3: Take a very, VERY cold shower beforehand.

*~*

25 November 1996

Well, that certainly was an enlightening hour. I had my first meeting…excuse me, “session”…with Harry today. (When did I start thinking of him as ‘Harry’? Ah, well.)

All of my attempts to avoid discussing Harry’s “preferences” failed miserably. To cut a long story short, he’s gay and he has only recently realized this fact. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming, but I really wish he hadn’t brought up the subject at all.

On a lighter note, the man (it’s too difficult to think of him as a child anymore) lookes absolutely gorgeous when embarrassed. Not that I’m attracted to him or anything. It’s just an observation. Really. I mean, he’s a student and that bastard Black’s godson, not to mention…

Why am I vindicating myself to my journal?

We discussed his home life, and more specifically, the rape. He said it only happened once and that his uncle was drunk at the time, so he felt that while he still was angry about it, it really could have been worse. In other words, he was trying to hide how he really felt about the whole thing. I should have realized that he’d hold to the age old “stiff upper lip” tradition.

Eventually we moved on to talking about the Dark Lord and how the majority of the wizarding world expects him Harry to be their little savior. That made way for a discussion on the image he feels obligated to project (which, incidentally, is how he brought up his sexuality). He seems to think that he has to fit into the social “norm” because that is what is expected of him. Merlin’s balls, but he sounded like such a Hufflepuff. I told him as much, and he laughed, which shocked the hell out of the both of us. He admitted that he was still apprehensive, though, especially about being gay. Apparently, he has only told Black and Lupin about it so far, but he still hasn’t received replies from either of them. He’s convinced that it means they don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. I told him he was a moron, and that those to would be the last to ever abandon him for that.

It seems that Harry wasn’t aware that Lupin and Black were “together” before Black went to Azkaban. I wouldn’t doubt that the reason they haven’t gotten back to Harry yet is because they’re too busy making up for lost time. I wonder if they’ll be upset that I “outed” them to Harry? Oh, I hope so. Well, Black anyway. Lupin is bearable, I suppose, for a vicious, man-eating beast.

*~*

1 December 1996

Sirius Black is one of the biggest idiots known to man.

I wasn’t scheduled to meet with Harry again until the fifth (and with good reason - I am a busy man, after all). However, it seems that Black is thicker than I’d thought. I was accosted by Granger this morning after breakfast and she informed me that Harry was a wreck. Not one to let appearances drop, I asked her why the hell I should care. Apparently, Harry told his friends about our meetings, and Granger somehow translated that to mean that I was suddenly his emotional caretaker.

Harry showed up at my office a short while later looking as though his owl had died. He brought Black’s letter with him so that I could read it.

I can never say this enough: Sirius Black is a complete moron (and a psychotic one at that).

Harry had told Lupin about his more…”erotic” dreams in his letter, and Lupin either showed the letter to Black or accidentally let slip certain parts of it, because a rather large portion of Black’s letter to Harry consisted of ranting about how upset he was that Harry had only told Lupin and not him, and a tirade regarding how unnatural it was to fantasize about me (I hardly call wet dreams “fantasizing”…), since I am a slimy, greasy, mutated, perverted, evil monster (that’s the condensed version simply to save space and time).

Harry obviously wasn’t taking it well, because he just sat there muttering about how Black hated him now because of something he had no control over. He had the most pathetic look of utter despair on his face. It took me the better part of an hour to convince him that Black didn’t hate him and that he was just an idiot.

I think I’m going to have a talk with the headmaster about this to see if I can arrange a “meeting” (read: duel to the death) with Black.

Meanwhile, Draco has been giving me guilty looks all week, and that worries me. I have a very bad feeling that he’ll be returning from the hols this year with that damned mark branded onto his forearm. What’s worse is that there really isn’t much more that I can do about it. If only my cover hadn’t been blown…

Everything is becoming such a mess.