I've come to realize that when you leave a story sitting idle for so long, trying to jump back into it is like waking up from a nap while on a long car trip. (Where are we? What state are we in?) Despite the confusion, however, I will move forward! After all, it's the least I can do for everyone who's been so loyal to me, and to this story.

Thank you, and I hope you will enjoy it.

Kai closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing. He wanted to sleep and let the memories and time help the pain and humiliation fade. If he could only slip into unconsciousness, everything would be okay. He just needed a break from the obsessive thoughts of what he should have done. Playing the night over and over in his mind wasn't going to help, he thought, taking a deep breath and holding it for as long as he could. What was done was done, and there wasn't anyway to change it. Moreover, Kai was certain that Tala didn't want a boyfriend who would let himself be so damaged.

He felt a strange stinging feeling surface behind his closed eyelids at the thought of Tala. The older boy hadn't uttered a single word since his mournful, regretful chant nearly an hour ago. He just sat silently, his long fingers woven in Kai's hair, completely motionless. Kai didn't like it. Tala was hard enough to read when he was acting normal, now that he was silent and still it was nearly impossible. Kai had no way of telling if his boyfriend was angry, upset, or worse, indifferent.

Uncomfortable with the thought, Kai stirred, shifting his head on Tala's knee until his head rested in a more comfortable position. He couldn't afford to think about that. The more he worried, the less likely he was to ever sleep. He needed to be calm. His mind needed to be empty of thoughts and memories, just a void in his skull, nothing else.

Kai felt himself drifting slowly. Chunks of time were disappearing, only to be replaced by violent, unbidden thoughts and memories. More than once he snapped awake in a panic, certain that he felt the harsh grips of foreign hands on his wrists and ankles. It would take a long time before his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he felt assured that no one was actually there. His head was still in Tala's lap, familiar fingers still resting in his hair.

Kai was never going to be able to sleep, Tala was sure of it. He listened intently to the boy's breathing, trying to hear the tell-tale deep inhale and stilling of his shaking shoulders that indicated Kai had fallen asleep. It felt strange. After so many nights of wanting nothing more than for Kai to stay awake, just so that they could be together, it didn't feel right to be hoping, to be praying that he fell asleep and stayed that way. It disturbed him to realize that he didn't want Kai to wake up. The thought felt like a betrayal, as though somehow he were wishing something horrible on him, but in truth, he just wanted Kai to have peace. Kai needed time to heal and recover.

Below his hand, Tala heard a tell-tale whimper, followed by a sudden violent jerk that almost caused Kai's head to roll off of his leg. The shivering that had been raking Kai's body ever since Boris left suddenly returned, and Tala had to close his eyes.

What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to tell Kai that what had happened to him was okay? That when morning came everything would be back to normal, and they would leave the room as always to get breakfast and go train and if nothing had happened? How was he supposed to behave? Did Kai want to be held and reassured, or would he rather that Tala stayed as far away as possible? He didn't know, and worse, he didn't know how to ask. It seemed insensitive to not instinctively know how he was to behave. So he simply sat there, waiting for Kai to make the first move and give him some sign of how he wanted to move forward.

Tala awoke with a start, not even remembering how or when he had fallen asleep. He felt dazed; not quite sure of where he was, how Kai was or what time it was. The room was still dark, the sun not yet risen high enough to peek through the heavy curtains. He looked around cautiously. Something had shocked him out of his trance, but he couldn't put his finger on what. A noise? Some movement from Kai? He peered down through the darkness. Kai's face was troubled but still. The boy was still, thankfully, fast asleep. Now a little more than wary, Tala tried to look through the shadows and settle the unsettling feeling that something had woken him up. Had something fallen? Or was it just the normal groans of the Abbey that roused him? He listened carefully, trying to think, and jumped in sudden realization.

Someone was at their door.

He tensed, doing his best to prepare for whatever it was that was about to come through the door. There was no doubt in his mind that this time, he would rather die than let anything else happened to Kai. If Boris walked through that door...

Slowly, as though with trepidation or a respect for privacy, the door opened. Tala blinked against the light from the hallway, trying to pick out the figures of the shadow that stood, stooped and peering around the half open door.

It wasn't Boris, Tala realized with some degree of relief, and yet he subconsciously tightened his grip on Kai. The movement awoke Kai, who blinked sleepily and tried to raise his head from Tala's lap. He too looked towards the door, and all of the stress and pain suddenly rushed back over him.

It was one of the guards. Tala didn't know his name, or even care to, but he recognized the face. It was one of the men who had been with them only hours before, torturing and molesting Kai. He felt the boy tense further and start to shake violently.

"Get out." Tala growled. He was afraid, afraid that something was going to happen and there would be nothing he could do to stop it, but he didn't let the fear show in voice. He needed to be strong and do whatever it took to protect Kai from harm. "Get out, or I'll kill you."

The guard stepped further into the room, closing the door quietly behind him. "Stop it." he growled, just as menacingly as Tala had. "I'm not here to hurt either of you."

"Oh yeah?" Tala snapped, as Kai sat up fully and moved across the bed to get away from the door. "You had me fooled by what you did to Kai. I'm warning you. Don't come any closer."

The man scoffed. "I agree with Boris' methods. I agree that you kids need discipline and rules to become great. However," he stated, "I do not agree with what he did tonight."

Kai sat up a little straighter. One of the guards had refused to touch him, facing ridicule and possible punishment from Boris. He racked his brain, trying to remember that man's voice. Was it same person?

"That doesn't mean," the man continued, before Tala had a chance to respond, "That I agree with what the two of you are doing. Nevertheless, I'm choosing the lesser of two evils."

Tala was shocked. A part of him screamed that it had to be a trick, that no one would ever go against Boris' wishes in such a blatant way. He narrowed his eyes, trying to read what he could from the man's darkened face. He opened his mouth to respond, only to flinch and close it again as something small and heavy was tossed into his lap. He picked it up, turning the metal over in his hands and running his fingers over the cross shape.

"Your boyfriend lost that in the struggle tonight." the man explained, and Tala noted the tone of disgust at the word 'boyfriend'.

Tala could feel Kai creep closer on the bed. He reached out blindly, placing the cross carefully into Kai's groping hand.

"Thanks. You can leave now." Tala muttered, hoping that the man would just leave them alone and let them sleep. He held Kai's hand in his own, noting that the shivering had started to lessen the slightest bit. The gift must have acted as a kind of reassurance to the boy.

"I'm not finished." the man stated. "I came to tell you,"

He was cut short as the door behind him opened quickly and boldly. Standing silhouetted against the light was a figure Tala and Kai knew well. The shivering returned full force.

"Ah." Tala could almost hear the smirk in Boris' words. "I see you're already early for our next little game. "Be a good man, and hold Tala still, would you? I think it's time to get started."

By the way, if you want to have a better idea of what I'm writing and when things are going to be posted, I usually give status updates on my LJ. (Not always, but when you hear me mention wanting to write, something is coming soon.) I also put unpublished fic there. So if you have time to kill, you can look me up. My username is Chupathinge.

Please review, and thanks for reading!