Decepticon Invasion of Japan part 4

Authors note: This chapter has proven to be much much more difficult to write than I had expected… and while it still isn't finished, I thought you would enjoy taking a look at what has been written so far for chapter 4: Excell Saga.

"I, Koshi Rikdo, do not give permission to turn Excell Saga into a Transformers Crossover spoof."

-Koshi Rikdo—

But then, if I had permission or any form of ownership of either Excell Saga, Transformers, or anything else I should happen to make reference to in this story, then it wouldn't really be a fanfic.

-isoner—

A massive planet crossed the vastness of space. A planet moving of its own accord, gold in color with mountain ranges resembling spikes, with a ring encircling it, attached at the poles, and at the "front" of the planet was a gaping maw capable of devouring smaller planets, but the one overwhelming feature of this planet eating planet was that it was simply too cute!

On a nearby planet populated by short, cute pikachu wannabe like creatures, the citizens looked up at the approaching planet in cute horror.

"Puchuu." (Look, its Puchucron!)

"Puchuu puchuu?" (Shit, what are we gonna do now?)

"Puchuu?" (Doesn't that line come later?)

"Puchuu puchuu puchuu!" (We may as well declare ourselves innocent, cause were all gonna die.)

A man dramatically leaped onto the balcony where the Puchuu were having that conversation, he was dressed in a tacky suit and tie, almost identical to that of Lupin III- the television series, not the Castle of Cagliostro green jacket. Aside from the painfully colorful outfit, the most striking feature of the man was his afro haircut.

"Have no fear, Nabeshin is here to save the day!"

Another man, obviously an immigrant worker, was having a bit of trouble climbing up onto the balcony. "Don't forget, Pedro here too," the immigrant worker whined. "Are we gonna beat up all the cute yellow Puchuus again? Pyon."

"No Pedro!" Nabeshin dramatically exclaimed. "In our continuing fight against That Man, we have come here to defeat…" He pointed up at the Puchuu rip off of Unicron even more dramatically, "THAT!"

Pedro looked up helplessly at the approaching cute planet of death and destruction, taking the laser gun that Nabeshin pulled out of his afro for him to use. The longer he looked at it, the larger the planet became, the more hopeless the situation seemed. Pedro took a deep breath before screaming his signature line.

"!

Lord Ilpalazzo sat on his throne, impassively studying the servants of ACROSS, who waited for him to give them today's assignment. While studying them, he delicately painted the bridge windows onto a model of the Space Battleship Yamato that was sitting on a table in front of him.

Excel, Hyatt and a mop and bucket stood at attention obediently waiting for instructions, completely oblivious to Ilpalazzo's preoccupation with the model in front of him. The dog Menchi was not at attention, instead he fidgeted about, not use to being in the ACROSS command center, especially not in the context of a fanfic where contract obligations do not apply and could result in his being eaten at any time by his starving room mates.

"HAIL ILPALAZZO!" Excel and Hyatt said, accompanied by a "mew mew" from the dog Menchi that few people really think is a dog, as he looks more like a cat or maybe half dog half gerbil or some other strange combination, but it is hardly important to this story.

Ilpalazzo set down his brush and stood, his cape and excessive shoulder pads adding an unnecessary appearance of drama and villainy to his movements. "It has come to my attention—Oh, Yes Ilpalazzo, great Ilpalazzo, Nothing can escape—that a race of giant robots have—your ever watchful gaze, why don't you ever gaze at me like that—set up camp just outside F city, F prefecture.—I mean you can look at me anyway you want to, Ill even pose for you, is this going to be one of those—and it does not fit in with our plans for another army to take over the city—type of fanfics, I mean can we get all naked and dirty doing all those kind of things that are illegal to do, photograph, or write about because its so wrong but everyone likes to write stories about it anyway—before ACROSS."

Lord Ilpalazzo's eye twitched slightly as a small silk rope gently lowered next to him. He gave it a slight tug and Excel found herself (once again) falling into a near bottomless pit.

Ilpalazzo spoke again in his calm monotone manner, a direct opposite of Excel's high pitched word a minute method of speaking. "Please Excel, when you talk over me like that it makes this fanfic very difficult to read, much less write. Therefore, Hyatt, you shall once again have to brief Excel on the operation after she calms down.

Water splashed out from the pit, showing that Excel had finally reached the bottom. As usual this was accompanied by her barely heard commentary. "What the hell are these shark things? They have maces on their tails and more teeth than a piranha! There totally made of metal too, where does the great and powerful Ilpalazzo get the things he keeps putting in this pit. If I keep running in a circle I bet I can make a whirlpool to wipe them out as I make it to the top…" her voice would have continued droning on forever, but Ilpalazzo signaled for the trap door to close back.

"As I was saying," Ilpalazzo resumed, "Giant robots have set up camp just outside F city, F prefecture, I need you and Excel to drive these giant robots away so they know the power of ACROSS is too great for them to overcome, leaving the planet to us. I don't care how you do it, but I expect great things from you as you are more efficient than Excel."

Hyatt looked to be on the verge of death, but that was nothing new as she crossed that verge on many different occasions each week. "Yes Lord Ilpalazzo."

In the Decepticon camp, Galvatron flinched as another explosion disrupted his peace, this time it was a communication tower that fell, innocent victim of bored Decepticon soldiers who were unable to control themselves. It was one thing when it was directed at the enemy or was out of sight, but not when it disturbed his thinking. Time to kill some birds then.

"Apeface, Hun-Grr get over here now!" Galvatron ordered, and two of the Decepticons that were running amok disengaged themselves and approached.

"One of the locator segments is located in F city. You two take the Terrorcons and recover the component. Go have fun in the city, and stop destroying the BASE!"

The two transformers looked at each other and shared a sinister grin, although it was hard to see the one behind Apeface's face plate. Apeface transformed into a jet and flew off to the city, while Hun-Grr summoned his Terrorcons and set off at a more leisurely pace.

Dr. Kabapu reattached his mustache before turning to brief his assembled troops on their next assignment. Dr. Kabapu himself was dressed to resemble Dr. Nambu of Gatchaman fame… or maybe not.

"Giant robots are invading my city, and it is up to us to put a stop to it."

Iwata, Watanabe, Sumiyoshi, and Yatsuya all began to fidget… they knew that it was just a matter of time before Dr. Kabapu brought back out the ugly uniforms he liked them to wear for field work. The horrible suits were plainly surplus from some unproduced Power Rangers show. The blue haired android Ropponmatsu and the younger overactive android Ropponmatsu did not display any additional emotion at the news, just calm from one and eagerness from the second.

Outside the window Dr Kabapu was looking out a futuristic jet ejected its pilot, then transformed into a robot… the pilot then transformed and became the head of the robot. The robot then landed and began walking down the street.

"Yes, there is no time to loose, we must defend the city now." Kabapu whipped out the dreaded suitcase with the multi colored uniforms. "These new suits have been specially designed to work with a new weapon designed by Gojo Shioji."

The humans all groaned, both at the thought of having to wear the suits again, but also of wondering what sort of weapon the lolita loving Shioji would come up with.

"Well, do you have any questions before we begin?"

They all started to raise a hand and open their mouths to begin speaking when Kabapu pushed a button causing the floor to drop away and the team members fell… each landed in a different padded seat, suddenly wearing their own uniform.

"What the Hell! Why do we have to do this again, and why is my seat too small?" Iwata asked.

"Weren't we suppose to have a lot more dialogue before we got to this point?" asked Watanabe.

I think the author is trying to rush to the end, Sumiyoshi added.

"Forget all that," Matsuya interrupted while trying to work her controls, "Why wont these robots work?"

"You have to speak the activation code into your watches," Dr Kabapu shouted down at them from the top of their cockpit chutes.

"Oh no," Iwata said.

Not that, Sumiyoshi said.

Ropponmatsu broke the debate, enthusiastically shouting out the activation code for her robot. "Little A, its Show Time!"

Apeface, Hun-Grr, Blot, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper, and Sinnertwin all met at a street intersection near the center of F city. Apeface and Hun-Grr looked at each other while trying not to look the other in the eye.

"So, uh…" Apeface began, "Do you have any idea where this thing is we are looking for?"

"Nope, he didn't tell me either," Hun-Grr answered, "Just somewhere in the city."

"Lets destroy it all then," Blot put in.

"Yeah, we can find it easy once nothing is standing," Sinnertwin added.

"All right, sure, sounds like a plan," Hun-Grr said, immediately turning to punch a hole in the nearest building. He transformed into his two headed dragon mode, each head taking a bite until the building collapsed. The dragon stomped on the rubble until it was nothing but powder. "Not in this one," he decided, a small part of him wondering if maybe there was a flaw in the plan, but what did it matter, it would be fun.

Apeface transformed into his ape mode and climbed the next nearest skyscraper and began destroying it from the top floor down. Blot, Cutthroat, Rippersnapper, and Sinnertwin each took a different street wreaking random destruction as they went.

Excel and Hyatt walked together down the sidewalk, finally Hyatt asked the question they were both thinking, "How are we going to defeat them, Senior?"

"Hmm…" Excell said, doing her best to think… "I know, lets go shopping!"

"You want to buy explosives at the mall?"

"Yes! No, wait, I don't think they sell that there… Hmm… lets try a garage sale, never know what you will find at a garage sale, especially when we need something coincidental to happen to advance the story," Excel concluded.

"Brilliant idea, Senior Excel," Hyatt said with enough of a hint of excitement to threaten to kill her.

In the distance, another skyscraper collapsed into dust, which Excel and Hyatt were apparently oblivious to, as well as the fleeing people.

"Hey! There is a garage sale over there!" Excel declared, pointing to a sign across the street.

"What luck, Senior!" Hyatt said, on the verge of death.

Just then, a blue colored Puchuu stepped out in front of Excell holding out a small glowing energon goodie. "Puchuu," it said, which translated to "Ba weep Grana weep mini bong."

"I don't know what the hell you are saying!" Excell shouted at it, killing it instantly with a red laser ax that inexplicably appeared on her hand.

The Puchuu's face went from cute to that of an old robot as it's corpse faded into the background.