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Imbrium Iridum
Author of 13 Stories |
Chapter Something-Something:
The Chapter in Which Aoshi Does Multiple Somethings (For Real!)
OR!
The Chapter in Which Imbri Cops Out Once Again!Koonotori: Oi!
Imbri: (hides)
AUTHOR NOTE:
EAH whined again, and this time other reviewers took up their weapons and joined her cry. Fearing for my life, I decided to write another crappy, sarcasm-laden excuse of a chapter of absolute nothingness to throw at the reviewing masses, in hopes that they'd spare me. And I laughed doing it, too-having been working on serious writing lately, I'd forgotten how much fun it is just to screw around sometimes.
By the way, the word I made up last update was 'grisily', although upon re-reading I realized that I did make a verb out of Amakakaryuu no Hiramaki, too, as EAH pointed out. Yeah. Nothing too exciting, just warping the English language, one mutilated part of speech at a time. Note: somethings is not a word. That's at least one in the second line…gee, I'm off to a good start.
As usual, here is the next chapter, with my apologies at the pain it can and will incur in all who read it. These chapters seem to just get progressively less coherent as I go…
WARNINGS: Implied yaoi/yuri, ceaseless fanservice, and babies! OMG!
But he never got his way, did he? No, Sano had been graced by friends and lovers whose loyalty knew no mortal bounds-and who had connections that rivaled a secret agent. Or were a secret agent, as Kamatari's case went.
Sano gently brushed a violet curl from Kamatari's bare shoulder, sighing to himself. This-all of this-was all wrong. Kenshin would have a fit, no doubt. The Rurouni was always berating him for being thoughtless, and for having the personality of a mongrel dog. It was quite the joke-like a dog, Sano only showed up at mealtime, and, doubly like some stray, Sano couldn't quite wrap his mind around functional relationships. As soon as someone, anyone, tried to strap him down and claim him fully, Sano disappeared in a vast expanse of mystery.
Commitment terrified him. That's why Megumi had left: she'd fallen for his gentleness, his brashness (and the terrific, mind-numbing sex, of course), but she couldn't accept such casual love forever. Megumi had wanted just what Kamatari had wanted before her: stability, surety, and a family. Sano hadn't been able to give either of them that-he wasn't sure he'd be able to give that to anyone; it was just so contrary to his roving nature. So she'd stormed off to Aizu, and, low and behold, his other lover had appeared the very next day after crossing an ocean to find him.
Sano hadn't meant for there to be breakup sex. It just kinda happened. And, he rationalized, it wasn't exactly breakup sex, because they hadn't exactly broken up. Yes, if memory served, he and Kamatari had never really broken up because Sano had never really said goodbye. He'd just disappeared one day near the end of the term, hopefully never to be heard from again. Ah, but Kamatari had been in love-real love, for the first time-and had followed him home like a lonely puppy.
And there he was, the lonely puppy himself: pressed up against Sano on a futon ideally fashioned for one person, sound asleep and probably dreaming of things just as pretty as he was. Sano had to admit that Kamatari was easily the most beautiful person he'd ever attracted, male or female, and he did enjoy his company. A lot. Enough that it'd hurt to leave America. Enough that he'd missed him soon thereafter. Enough that he'd felt a guilty sort of excitement to see the transvestite standing in his flat's doorway, hands on his hips, an admonition of "Sagara Sanosuke, you selfish bastard!" on his pretty lips.
From there came the argument ("What are you doing here?" "I followed you, what do you think?" "Why did you follow me?" "Because I love you!" "Why do you love me?" "Because-argh!"), which Kamatari had won, and then the talk about Japanese cross-dressing secret agents and former enemies of the state, which had been cut off by a kiss that led to so much more. And then…this. Waking up on a sunny summer morning with likely the most beautiful person he'd ever personally known lying in his arms, murmuring sleepily about how he didn't ever want to get up.
Sano sighed again, trailing his fingers over Kamatari's pale shoulder and laying a kiss on the soft curve of his neck. The former Great Scythe stirred belatedly, yawning and nuzzling against his chest.
"You've gotta get up, Kama-chan," Sano said softly. With his luck, Kenshin would appear with the leftovers from the dojo's breakfast and stumble in on the both of them spooning in what could easily be deemed a Very Suspicious Position. Sano was not exactly ashamed of his relationship with Kamatari, but he feared the nine-months-pregnant Rurouni would either go into labor or have a heart attack at the sight of his closest friend in bed with another man. But then again, Kenshin was a pregnant man-he couldn't exactly point fingers at what was normal and what was not.
"You do it…" Kamatari mumbled drowsily. "I 'n wanna…"
"You've got school in fifteen minutes and your hair's a mess," Sano teased, thinking back on similar mornings a year hence. "What will the girls think?"
"Let 'em think what they wanna," he slurred, opening one bright brown eye and smirking blearily. "I just had the best sex, an' I can skip a class if I damn well please."
"Best sex, eh? I'm flattered. I'm just kidding, though…we're not at the academy anymore. We're back in Japan…"
"Not for long," Kamatari said softly, yawning again. "I have to leave as soon as I wake up."
"You-you what?"
"I have to leave," he repeated, taking a deep and weary sigh. "I have another mission in England before Japan will let me retire-I'm just paying off the debt I owe from my Shishio days, really. Call it a kind slavery…I have to work it off before they'll let me alone. But I…I wanted to know if you…might….maybe…come with me?"
Ah, there it was again. Responsibility knocking like an old and very much unappreciated houseguest.
I could leave, Sano thought, wondering at himself for even debating giving into a Stable Relationship. Maybe. Kenshin would be irritated, but…but I'd be with Kama. For good. Day in and day out, for as long as I live, and…
…and shit, what am I thinking? Am I mad?
"I can't," Sano said, hating the way that Kamatari wilted when he said it. How the hope in his bright eyes died out like a spluttering candle; how his pretty smile crumbled and fell. How he sighed, resting his cheek on Sano's chest so that his nest of violet hair hid whether or not he was crying.
"Can't, or won't?" Kamatari asked slowly, seizing upon the very inkling of truth that had driven Megumi away. "Do you hate families so much as that?"
"No!" Sano said sharply. "Look, you've totally got the wrong end of the stick. It's not that I don't want to settle down and shit, it's just that-that I'm not that kind of guy. I don't…stick around, right? I'm like a stray dog-"
"Poetic," Kamatari murmured.
"Whatever. Kenshin's the type of guy who'll settle down with a nice girl-or person, as the case may be-and have oodles of kids, make a messy, obnoxious little family, and be happy with that. I didn't have a dad, Kama; not really. I don't even know the first thing about raising kids or treating lovers right. I just…can't see that far ahead."
"I see," Kamatari said, although he really didn't. "If that…if that were to change, though…"
"Which it probably won't. Once a dog, always a dog."
"But if it did…" the pretty warrior argued, his eyes wide and earnest. "Would you want me included in that messy, obnoxious family somewhere?"
"Yeah," said Sano, and found that he did mean it. "You'd have to be in there somewhere."
"Then I can wait for you to grow up," Kamatari said, kissing Sano's rough cheek and wriggling out of his embrace. "I'll be back in about a year. Would that be long enough?"
"Maybe."
"Okay then. It's a date, sweetheart."
Kamatari redressed, gathering up his socks, hairpins, and various other pieces of wardrobe. After Sano had helped him back into his kimono (obi were a bitch to tie on one's own), he'd kissed him one last time and left, leaving an address where he could be reached, and letters could be sent if Sano had it in his mind to write them. It was a bittersweet sort of goodbye: both knew that a year would change nothing because Sano was Sano and not even Kamatari's blissful adoration could change that.
It was just their luck that a certain fairy overheard those goodbyes-just as she had heard the argument between the Fox and the Fighter the night before that-and had it in her cute white head that something should be done to rectify the situation. She'd never tried such a trick before, but she felt that the situation warranted it: the only way she could feasibly see Sanosuke growing up was if he was forcibly made to do so, and the best way she knew of to force maturity on a man was to give him a gift. This tattered relationship being truly a task, the fairy found that the situation required a double gift, which she granted Sanosuke as he slumped back down on his futon and fell back to sleep.
Congratulations, Mr. Sagara!
It was a last-ditch effort as far as relationship-fixing went, but it did the trick this time around.
In fact, this Final Battle just included a lot of fleshy romping, hair pulling, and name-calling. Aoshi was somewhat unsurprised-though Koonotori posed a certain amount of fear in the male populace, she did not have the same firepower as a hellish emissary. Urumi bit and scratched, and the two rolled across the dojo floor, a mess of red hair, white hair, fur, feathers, and naked limbs. Aoshi was reminded a bit of a rag of a book Misao had picked up named Shinobi Gone Wild. Even still, Aoshi did not like the idea of this Final Battle…something about it just settled wrong in him, alerting the finest-tuned of his ninja senses.
Kenshin was feebly attempting to break up the fight, but he seemed to fear actually grabbing one fey or the other-there was too great a possibility that he might fondle a very personal spot that he had no interest in grabbing, and that would sully his virginal Rurouni persona altogether. Sano was no help at all; he was far too busy yelling expletives at Kamatari intermittent with shrieking various forms of the word fuck. Aoshi could only hope that he'd be slightly more composed when the inevitable labor pains started in him. Sanosuke was only giving him fodder for a good ten years' worth of blackmail. Poor Kamatari hadn't the faintest idea what to do-he didn't know how Sano had managed to get himself pregnant in the first place, so the matter of exactly how to deliver the babies was beyond him-so he stammered and squeaked and clung to Sano for all the comfort that could provide. Misao and Kaoru were trying to help Sano as well, although it was becoming increasingly obvious that not much besides a well-placed sword to the gut was going to help Sanosuke give birth.
Per his character, Yahiko was trying to help, too, though it was more in an effort not to seem too intent on watching the naked women rolling around on the floor. He feared Kaoru might smack him if she caught him ogling too readily.
Aoshi himself concentrated on The Battle. Something about it…something was just not right. Koonotori and Urumi had moved from the rolling-and-shrieking into something that better resembled a real fight; Urumi managed to pin the fairy by straddling her waist, and pounded clawed fists at her with very little mercy. Koonotori managed to squirm and dodge most of the hits from her cruel claws, but Urumi landed far too many hits for Aoshi's comfort. This wasn't the kind of battle he was used to watching, and that made him uncomfortable. He was accustomed to battles with swords and twenty minutes of pre-fight backstabbing insults; the fairies' very American form of free-for-all combat just didn't suit Aoshi. It was too unpredictable-he wasn't able to call the victor beforehand by the shininess of their sword, or by their general placing on the Badass Meter.
The baby in Aoshi gave a sympathetic squirm as Koonotori was clipped across the cheek, drawing first blood. He placed a calming hand against the gentle curve of his stomach, mentally funneling his own Zen-like tranquility into his unborn child. He'd found that such tactics worked well on the baby-obviously, she'd (because he was very sure it was a she, and Shinomori Aoshi is not wrong about many things) inherited his own temperament versus his wife's. He was not displeased with the idea of having a calm, sedate little girl as opposed to a squirrel on crack masquerading as a human. Unfortunately, his calming technique didn't work as it usually did; the baby kicked against his hand, hard, and Aoshi's brow furrowed. That was odd.
Even odder still was the sharp pain that ripped through his abdomen as Urumi plunged a fist into Koonotori's stomach, making both Aoshi and Sanosuke cry out in synonymous sympathetic pain (for the record, Sano bellowed like a dying whale, and Aoshi just sort of winced a bit). Urumi followed the first hit with a second, harder one; Aoshi snarled angrily as his daughter rolled and kicked desperately within his womb, the connection to her maker still un-severed, despite the fairy's mortality.
Koonotori seemed to notice this without Aoshi having to point it out. Her dark eyes darted over to Aoshi and Sano, making sure both were still fit and standing, and she barked a very unladylike curse at Urumi, the likes of which the cat had never heard uttered from the fairy's childish mouth.
"Wherever did you pick that up?" the demon demanded.
"From him," Koonotori grinned, tossing a look at Sanosuke's heaving form. "And I picked this up, too. FUTAE NO KIWAMI!"
Urumi was rocketed off of the smaller fairy with a snarled curse of her own; she landed on all fours (of course) and bore her fangs at her sprightly counterpart.
"You want to play serious, then?" she hissed, a growl throbbing deep in her throat. "I can arrange that, 'Tori. I was only meant to capture you, but I shall roughen you up if that is what you desire!"
"I desire you to go the hell away," Koonotori said, dabbing at her bleeding cheek. "I've got three babies to protect, 'Umi-you know I can't leave 'em like this."
"You are too good," Urumi said, shaking her head. "Too noble, to take cases as you do despite the consequences."
"Consequences, shomsequences, Maybe I'm kinda a masochist at heart," Koonotori grinned, though the smile left as quickly as if it had been slapped away as Urumi launched herself again, scoring a slash above her left breast before she was able to react.
Pinned again with all of the Cat's weight, Koonotori shrieked as Urumi held her down and slowly ran her tongue over her bleeding breast, half-purring and half-growling as her rough tongue found purchase on the pale nipple. Aoshi found himself wondering how serious this Final Battle really was-it rode the fine line between Battle and Foreplay.
"So not PG," Kaoru muttered, completely ignoring all that nonsense about the fourth dimensional wall. Kenshin sighed, shaking his head.
"We haven't been PG for a long time, koishii," he said, leaning over Sano and dabbing his moist face with the hem of his gi. "Not since Sano went gay, de gozaru yo. Sano, has the contraction ebbed?"
"F-for now," Sano gasped, taking great, ragged breaths as if he was having trouble assimilating oxygen. "But they'll come back, an' I have nowhere for the twins to come ouuuuuuut! Shit!"
"Twins?" Kamatari squeaked, perking at the magic word. "Sanosuke, you're having twins? I thought you were just really, um, big…"
"Two kids in there, sweetheart," Sano said raggedly as the transvestite touched a wondering hand to his ripe, sweaty belly. "Two kids that really wanna come out-" and from there Sano launched into another round of increasingly creative expletives, the likes of which made Kamatari blush and Kaoru cover Yahiko's ears.
"Enough," Aoshi said with a scowl, holding his stomach as his daughter pummeled his insides with a frightened flutter of kicks.
"Aoshi-sama…?" Misao squeaked apprehensively, seeming on all accounts alarmed by his sudden anger. "Please, Aoshi, sit down-what about the baby?"
"What about the baby indeed," he growled, ripping one of the katana from its ornamental setting on the wall. He'd apologize to Kaoru-san for the decimation of her dojo later. "That damn cat just might make us both miscarry if she kills Koonotori-san."
"M-m-m-miscarry?" Misao stammered, her blue eyes huge and horrified. "But you can't have the baby yet-it's too early!"
"Precisely," Aoshi nodded, and walked (waddled, shuffled, toddled-enter appropriate action here. He was seven months pregnant, and 'purposeful sauntering' was no longer a verb that he could properly pull off, despite his high rating on the Badass Meter) to where the fey were locked in combat (or a similar noun that included heavy breathing and rolling about on the floor).
Aoshi locked both women in a Very Angry Glare, drawing the katana and pointing it between them.
"Stop fighting now," he said very, very calmly. "Or I shall be forced to violence."
"Mr. Shinomori-" Koonotori gasped, sweat beading on her pale face as her cheek and breast bled morosely. "-we-we-have to fight-she's a jailer; she's going to take me back-back there if I don't beat her-"
"Your injuries are affecting both Sanosuke's twins and my own daughter," Aoshi said with that same unflappable calm, the hand that was not holding the katana pressed against his pregnant belly. "I cannot allow either of you to put the first child of Shinomori Aoshi in harm's way. Therefore, I will allocate suitable jobs for both of you to do until Sanosuke's given birth, and I am well on my way there as well. Only then will you be allowed to resume your battle."
"But-" Koonotori spluttered. "But that'll be months, and I have to protect you!"
"I can more than protect myself, Koonotori-san," Aoshi said, the glimmer of what may have been a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Urumi-san, please untangle your body parts from Koonotori's, and we shall see what we can do to help Sanosuke through his labor."
"I didn't really want to fight you anyways," Urumi said snootily, every bit the feline anima she represented. "You don't put out enough when you battle."
"Put out?" Koonotori growled, shoving the Cat off of her. "I so put out, and you know it!"
"Sure you do," the Cat purred. Koonotori turned the rough equivalent of a tomato; she spluttered and leapt on her opponent again-nearly. Aoshi managed to catch her in midair and held her in his arms, her face pressed against the curve of his belly.
"Tell me, Stork, do you want to see this baby come to harm?"
"Noooooo…" she admitted, sighing and patting his stomach to calm down the anxious baby nestled in the cradle of his hips.
"Then go and help Sanosuke. He looks fit to pop at any moment."
"Oh hell-I forgot about him!"
"Damn you, you fairy bitch! Damn yoooooooouuu!"
"My," Urumi said dryly, licking fairy blood from one paw. "You've made friends, I see."
"You know me," Koonotori grinned, as if the fact that she had been locked in combat with the hellcat just moments before had slipped her mind. "The total life of the party."
"KOONOTORI!"
"Ah…coming, Mr. Sagara…"
Kenshin more or less took control of the situation from here: he, Kamatari, and Kaoru helped Sano to his feet and into the spare room, where they managed to make the poor laboring man a little more comfortable. Yahiko was ushered out the door with a terse cry of "FIND MEGUMI", though it was belatedly remembered about twenty minutes later that Megumi was in Aizu and therefore not entirely accessible in the time period that the Kenshin-Gumi was hoping for.
Unfortunately, Yahiko did find Megumi.
And there was a second not-so-final battle, although this one was a three-way: Takani Megumi vs. Kamatari Houjo vs. Sagara Sanosuke and his twins.
It was not very pretty at all.
All I have to say on it is "meh". Still working on becoming a better writer…I'll get famous someday, honest. And then you can say you knew me back when I was a teenager impregnating random anime guys. I make myself laugh sometimes.
And so, next we have another chapter and the epilogue (yes, this is a copout because I haven't got the time between watching a bajillion episodes of Naruto and doing major reconstructive surgery on a former manuscript). It'll be written someday. Honest. I doubt EAH will leave me alone about it.
