Last Resort

By: White Blaze Wannabe

Okay...I realized that I've been a bit too silly even in my semi-serious fics lately, so I'm going to make up for it.A big thank you to Starlight Soul for the inspiration. This fic has a major warning for suicidal themes and profanity. Don't read it if you can't stomach it. Please tell me what you think.

I don't own Ronin Warriors or Papa Roach and have no money, so don't sue me...

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort

The lights had long been turned off and the house had forgotten its life and warmth. Everyone was asleep, except for a figure that stood alone in his moonlit room with a haunted look in his deep blue eyes. Rowen admired the scenery through his big window on this night, his last night. Everyone was packing up and going home tomorrow, but Rowen knew he couldn't and wouldn't. No, he could not face that. He couldn't walk into that house again and let all that came with it flood into his mind.

Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

He would never go back. All the plans he had told the guys about were an elaborate cover-up. The hours that he had spent alphabetically sorting and categorizing his books and putting them into boxes were a waste. He wasn't going back to his dad's place. He could get beat up by the Dynasty, but his days of being abused by someone who was supposed to love him and care for him were going to end with the night sky and its inhabitants as the only witnesses. No longer would he wake from nightmare memories in a cold sweat. His salvation gleamed in the bright moonlight on the night stand.

Do you even care if I die bleeding

It had taken him a long time to get it, the silver barreled gun with it's one bullet, but tonight it would take him away from his hell on earth. His scars and horrible memories would be buried in the ground and forgotten. Sure, it wouldn't solve anything, it wasn't logical, but it was the only way he could free himself of this.

Would it be wrong would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might

His friends and family would miss him, yeah, they would cry and blame themselves, but there was truly only one of them to blame. His father. Sage would know why, he would understand. Rowen had spent half of his life at Sage's house, trying to keep himself safe even if it was just for a few hours. Unlike everybody else, Sage knew those bruises and cuts weren't from sports or fights at school, but only Sage. The other guys had seen and lived through many horrors, but Rowen had never shared his personal nightmare. He wanted as much of his terror as possible to die with him.

Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

But there was another that had known. When Talpa absorbed Rowen during the first battle they fought directly against him, he had probed his mind. The demon found Rowen's darkest secrets and laughed.

Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

"So this is what you are afraid of Strata! Your own father! He beats you, doesn't he. He is angry that your whore of a mother left him with you!" he had laughed as he made Rowen's memories surface and old wounds burn with old pain. "I am your father now, Rowen of Strata and I too have no mercy!" he had declared as he made the pain twice as bad.

Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

But Talpa was dead, thankfully. The pain however, was still there. The long white line on his left forearm where his father had cut him the day after his birthday when he had said that he wished mom could be there.

I never realized I was spread to thin
Till it was too late and I was empty within
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin
It all started when I lost my mother

"Your mother hates us! She left you and she left me! Don't you run away! Come back here!" he had shouted as he grabbed the knife.
The permanently sore spot on his right side.
"That'll teach you to keep crying when I tell you not to!" the pain was unbearable as another rib was broken by an angry fist. They told the doctor he had fallen down the stairs and the doctor told him to be more careful. It was the third time they used the excuse.
And the way he would flinch away when people tried to comfort him.
"Rowen? Why are you backing away? It's not like I'm going to hurt you or anything! I just want to know what's wrong!" Sage had sounded so concerned. It was just before Rowen told him what had been going on for most of his life.

No love for myself and no love for another
Searching to find a love upon a higher level
Finding nothing but questions and devils

The bullet made a satisfying little click as Rowen slid it into the top most slot of the revolver. He snapped the gun into firing mode and stared down at it. His battle would be over. He had done everything he needed to and now he could be free. Talpa was dead. He had worn the armor of Strata and saved the world. The world wouldn't save him though, so he was going to save himself. Any where was better than here for him. Heaven and Hell weren't an issue, it was just an escape.

Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

He gripped the handle and raised his arm. It took more effort than it ever had to do that simple action. His whole body shook, his mind was blurred, his thoughts were only on escape, but did it have to be so hard?

I can't go on living this way

"Goodbye, Sage, Ryo, Cye, Kento, Mia, Yuli, Mom, and everyone who ever cared. Goodbye you child beating bastard of a father. Goodbye Rowen..." he whispered as the cold metal against his head sent chills up his spine. His voice was light and shaking. His legs barely supported him. He squeezed his eyes shut and prepared to end his life in one quick shot. If he did it right, he wouldn't even feel it. But his hand protested. It shook and wouldn't let him fire.

Cut my life into pieces
I've reached my last resort,
Suffocation, no breathing
Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding
Do you even care if I die bleeding

"It's okay Rowen...he won't do this forever."
"Just think...you'll be big enough to beat him up one day."
"It's okay if you want to cry. You can stay here as long as you like."
Sage's once comforting words held him back.
"No Sage...I can't stay. I have to go. I can't go home to him again. I could fight the Dynasty, but I can't fight my father. I have to go..."

Would it be wrong would it be right
If I took my life tonight
Chances are that I might
Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide

He tried to convince himself as he stood the trembling with emotion. Fear, Hatred, Hope, Betrayal, all flowed through Rowen's veins thicker than his own blood. His mind reeled and he opened his eyes. He dropped the gun...He couldn't do it...

Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine
Nothing's alright, nothing is fine
I'm running and I'm crying

The gun knocked over the alarm clock, which then started its extra loud beep. Lights flicked on at the sound. His plan for a quiet retreat were ruined. Rowen collapsed to his knees in tears. The door opened, letting the soft light in as well as Sage. He started to run to his friend and saw the gun. Rowen knew he had that famous 'Oh my God!' expression on his face, but Sage still said nothing. He quickly turned off the alarm and went to his friend's side.
Rowen was to distressed to turn away from the comforting hand. He cried for a long time, what seemed like hours. Sage said nothing, waiting for Rowen to calm down before he asked about the gun, but he had already guessed.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I-I just can't go home..." Rowen finally sobbed.
Sage sat in front of him, his hand steadying the shaky Rowen's shoulder. "It's all right...You don't have to go home. No one has to go home. We're all going to stay right here. I know...I know...It's okay..."

-White Blaze Wannabe-