The Excruciatingly Terrifying Visit to the Maniacal Veterinary Check-Up of
Dread, Death, and DOOM!!!
One day in a time of dread, death, and doom Kagome skipped around the
house with a big, stupid grin on her face, which usually meant that she was
going to torture Inu Yasha in some way.
She skipped idiotically and clumsily up to Inu Yasha, who was taking
a nice, cute, fuzzy, peaceful nap in the sun beams. "Come on, Inu Yasha!"
she squealed, prodding his side with her hideously deformed foot.
"ARGH! MY EARS!" Inu Yasha screamed as the high-pitched monotone
thingy of her voice shattered his sweet little eardrums. He curls up into a
tight ball, attempting to escape her awful voice and hideous foot, but to
"Inu Yasha!" she screeched, tugging at his sleeve. "You have to go to
the vet!" Hearing this, he uncurled and shot through the house like a
bullet. After running around the house for three hours nonstop, he finally
halted, lowers himself to his knees, and throws his hands up to the sky.
Dramatic music starts playing in the background as he does this.
OOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" he screamed. Kagome sweat dropped, then took out a collar
and leash from an invisible pocket or something, and, with a maniacal grin,
snuck up on the wailing hanyou and leashed him up.
O!!!!" he screamed again. "I have been thwarted by the evil deformed foot
"Shaddap!" she screeched, and started to tug on his leash and pulling
him towards the door. "We are going...NOW!" Inu Yasha threw his arms up and
was about to scream 'no' continuously again, but he decided the best of it
was to shut-up because he noticed that Kagome had a frying pan hidden in
her stupid school uniform sailor skirt thingy.
Instead, he wailed and cried like a baby and dug his nails into the
wooden floorboards, applying resistance. But this attempt failed, and she
pulled him along, with him leaving long fingernail marks in the floor.
Once at her car, Kagome practically lifts him up and hurls him inside
the car onto the passenger seat, then she quickly got to her side and
locked the doors once she got in so he couldn't get out. Mwaha!
Inu Yasha screamed and wailed as she started to drive. He wrote 'help' on
the windows with soap so people who are driving by could see it.
Unfortunately, he wrote it backwards, so they couldn't read it nor
Since that didn't work, he set off several signal flares. He rolled down
the window and screamed, "S.O.S!" at a blind guy in a wheelchair rolling
down the sidewalk.
"Inu Yasha, sit your ass down and shut-up!" Kagome screamed, whacking
him on the head with the frying pan she brought along, just in case of
emergencies. Soon they arrived at the hell-on-earth place for pets
everywhere: the veterinary office! Dun, dun, dun!
Kagome parked the car and got out, went over to Inu Yasha's side, and
seized him by the leash.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" he howled. He
dugs his claws into the car seat, but Kagome gave one powerful jerk and she
dragged him out of the car, causing him to rip the seat wide open.
He continued to apply resistance as she strained to pull him through
the front door. He grabbed at the door and held on, and Kagome couldn't get
him through. "Does anyone have a tranquilizer dart?" she yelled at the
stupid people in the waiting room. "ERR!" the stupid people replied in
unison. She sweat dropped and cursed the stupid people.
Suddenly, she got an idea. She squealed 'Inu Yasha' in her terribly
high-pitched voice, taking about half a minute to say every letter in his
name. He yelped in pain and let go of the door to cover his ears, and as
soon as he released his grip, she yanked him into the room.
A very stupid-looking doctor came up to her and gave her a cheeky,
phony smile. "Well, well, how are we today, Kagome?" he asked in an
annoying voice. "Fine thanks," Kagome lied. "My friend...erm, dog, here
needs a check-up." He nodded sagely. "Ahhh, yes, of course, that is good;
check-ups are good," he said like he was brainwashed or something. He bent
over to pet Inu Yasha's head, whom was cowering behind her.
"And how is the little gerbil?" he asked the hanyou, and everyone gasped
because 'gerbil' was a very naughty word nowadays. Inu Yasha bit the
doctor's arm off in his outrage of actually being called a foul creature
such as a slimy gerbil itself.
"He's such a good doggie!" the doctor said happily. He didn't quite seem to
notice nor care that his arm was gone, even though blood was squirting
everywhere. Kagome sweat dropped.
"Anyway, we were expecting you. Follow me, please," the doc said in the
same annoying voice as he pirouetted down the hall. Kagome, being a bit
confused, followed him while dragging Inu Yasha with her. The pets in the
waiting room all gave him pitiful, sympathetic looks as he was dragged
He whimpered and held his toe close to him for comfort. O.o He was dragged
into the doctor's check-up room, and the doctor patted the stainless steel
table that was in the middle of the room. "Come on boy! Get up here!" the
doctor commanded the hanyou in that annoying voice.
"Never, you stupid--" Inu Yasha started. Frustrated now, Kagome picked him
up and threw him onto the table with enough force to break it in half. Boy
is she abusive. __
After he got on, hundreds of missiles, lasers, rocket launchers, and man-
eating potatoes came out of nowhere and positioned themselves around him,
poised and ready. "What the heck is that?" Kagome asked nervously. "It's
just the security system," the doctor explained. "You know, to keep him on
the table. If he moves, he's as good as dead." Inu Yasha thought he would
He kept perfectly still as the doctor checked his eyes with a blinding
flashlight, stuck something sharp and pointy into his ears and up his nose,
and flattened his tongue with the branch of a pine tree while the doc took
a glimpse down his throat with another blinding flashlight. Finally, he
checked Inu Yasha's heartbeat with a freezing cold stethoscope.
"And now," the doctor said, whipping out a thermometer that was obviously
hidden semi-cleverly in his pocket, "for the grand finale." Inu Yasha
raised an eyebrow, said "Whatever" and then opened his mouth, expecting him
to put the thermometer there.
Instead, the doctor said, "Please turn around and bend over." Inu Yasha
slowly did as he was told, very cautious and wondering what the doctor was
going to do with that thing.
"Okay, son, this won't hurt a bit," the doctor said, and in one swift
motion he yanked down Inu Yasha's pants. Kagome slapped her face with her
hand. Before Inu Yasha could get away, the doctor shoved the thermometer
into the hanyou's butt.
Kagome didn't really recall later what had actually happened after that; it
all happened so fast. But then again, it was like it was in slow motion.
First, Inu Yasha's eyes slowly bugged out. Then, his hair slowly started to
stand on end. And then, finally, his mouth slowly opened and he unleashed a
terrible scream in that slow-motion, low-pitched kind of voice.
Then it was turned back to fast-mode, and Inu Yasha was screaming exactly
like an eight year-old girl. After about an hour of screaming, the doctor
yanked it back out and examined it. "Well, what do you know? His
temperature is just normal."
He turned to Inu Yasha, whom was just sitting there on the table, his pants
now up but his mouth was dripping with thick foam, and his eyes were ten
times bigger than his own head. The doctor laughed heartily and patted Inu
Yasha's shoulder. "He's as healthy as a horse! I'm sure he's feeling just
fine now after that check-up."
Kagome stood there, shocked, thinking about how stupid this doctor was.
"Come back in two months for another check-up," the doctor said to her.
"NEVER!!!!" Inu Yasha suddenly screamed. He leaped from the table (he
wasn't killed from the security crap cause he's too cool to die such a
pathetic death) and swallowed the doctor whole.
Kagome's eyes bugged out. "Ummm, let's go now," she said, still shocked.
She grabbed his leash and this time she didn't have to drag him out,
because he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.
He waddled after her, his hands clutching his buttocks, moaning through the
excruciating pain. The other dogs looked at him, a new fear in their eyes.
They realized that they must suffer the same embarrassing fate.
After they got home, Kagome didn't say anything to him because she was too
embarrassed. She didn't tell anyone else, either, because she didn't want
to risk getting killed by Inu Yasha.
As for the hanyou that we all know and love, he wasn't able to sit on his
butt for three months. He also never got to go to the vet again, much to
his relief. But the best part through all that was, after they had gotten
back home, Inu Yasha actually got to finish the cute, fuzzy, peaceful nap
that he was so very rudely interrupted from earlier that day.