Disclaimer: Who said I owned them?

Author's notes: Well, I'm big E/T enthusiast (looks around to find angry glares). But it was a sudden idea. I had to put it down. I was inspired by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's 'Tere Bin Naahin Lagda Dil Mera' (I can't feel with out you). You can hear it in 'Bend it like Beckham'.

Caution: You will be notified that the author wasn't exactly in the right state of mind. A fairy had sprinkled fairy crack on her.

My head moves away from the cherry blossom bark and back brushes up it.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry. Why do I bluff?

I can feel it in my heart. There is this was sort of sinking feeling inside. It's like someone grabbed my heart and pulled it down. My heart's just not beating where it used to beat. I don't accuse you of cruelty Eriol . . . because you didn't know.

I hold my hand close to my chest. I can understand why they say sentences about heart concerning love- 'It's like he ripped my heart out'. 'I was heart-broken'.

It's that feeling in your chest. Normally when you feel alive, we,, there's no other way to put it, you can feel. And now I feel like I'm losing that sense. It's like deep down I'm becoming numb.

I went to your house this morning. I thought we could go for a walk. I went inside the elegant mansion hoping to find an eager you drinking water, straightening your hair and running off in your jogging suit saying : 'Don't be such a slow poke.'

You're right I am slow. Slow in forgetting wounds, slow in facing the truth. Most of all I'm slow in letting my heart's feeling out.

Instead, I found a rather worried you. I could smell dust when I stepped into your dark room. You were out the suitcase. I was delighted anyhow. I thought I could help. After that one time you lifted my spirits to the sky, I couldn't thank you enough. You were rather glad when you saw me come in. You were about to tell me something.

I thought it was just one of those other eloquent speeches. It wasn't . . .

You said that friends would always be friends no matter how far they were. Because that was friendship never to forget those who have offered you this great gift.

You're so eloquent with your words. I wish I had half your tact. Maybe, I wouldn't be in this position.

You broke it to me gently. You said you were leaving for England. You got some scholarship to this great school. I pretended to be surprised. I pretended to be happy. I held back my tears. Oh, shouldn't I be happy for you? I'm your friend.

But I'm not- I'm upset.

I held back my tears. I started crying then, you wouldn't have any tears left for later.

When you said those words Eriol, it felt as if you were aiming straight my heart with a knife and hit it.

I came to the Tsukimine shrine. I was swaying from one side to another, like an injured man. Tears keep strolling down my eyes. But I can resist sobs. I resisted them when Sakura left.

It's like I'm losing another best friend. It's like everything I ever love has to stray away from me.

You befriended me when Sakura was busy with Syaoran. Ever since that day . . . only god knows how many moments we've shared together. How many tears we've cried together, how many laughs we laughed . . . yes, only the Almighty kept count.

My eyes are blinded with water and flashbacks. The world gets darker everytime when I close my eyes. That's when I remember the moments we shared.

It hurts that a friend is leaving but it hurts even more you never get to tell the ones you love the way you feel.

Oh, I've told him I loved so many times before but not that way.

Why does unrequited love have to hurt like this?

I can't feel without you.

When you were with me I felt my heart pound madly against my chest. It was a wonderful feeling. God, what wouldn't I give to feel it with you. You were my ceratone. It'll take more than chocolate to get me high.

Now, my heart just sinking. It sinks any more it'll go down my ribcage. I can't feel my heart with out you. It's like I'm missing something.

I lean my head against the cherry-blossom tree. I let out a sigh. It's like I'm breathing everything out.

Currently, my chest is filled with sadness. It occupies the space where my heart used to be. And it's much heavier.

Should I go tell him? What difference would it make? And if he rejected me it would hurt me more.

Let out that heavy sigh again.

"Go tell him," a voice whispers. It's a soft, soothing voice.

"Huh?" It was Kaho. She looked serious and put my arm against my shoulder.

"Tell him."

"But . . ."

"Turn sadness to strength." She smiled and stroked my face with her smooth hands.

She was right. If I don't tell him, I'll be grieved beyond words.

I just can't stand it. I'll have to tell him. I wouldn't surprise him all of a sudden but he has to know. I'll be numb if doesn't know the truth.