Author's Note: OK, yes, yet another Shadow fic. ; This one's a bit different that what I usually write though. I think his persona is a bit or maybe a lot different than usual. Either way, I hope you enjoy it. The second chapter is an epilogue of it. Be sure to read that too!

No More Running

In the town of Thamasa, a man watched as his wife was carried away in a stretcher covered in a sheet. Her death. It was a warning. If he didn't leave here, he would be next. Luckily, the girl had been at his old friend's. He had been out of town and the girl was sent to a friend's so his wife could get the housework done without the little one getting into trouble. He had been gone. Wasn't there to protect her. As usual. Wasn't it always that way? First, with his best friend? Now his wife? No. No more. He wouldn't lose another. He would leave first. Run and lead them away from the girl.

It was easier to run and lead them away, then to put the lives of the town in danger. This was a warning and he had to take its heed. He would not come back. Never. Only to check on the girl with his friend. That's it. Once a year. He had just went and talked to his old friend and told him all about it. He was leaving now and he heard barking behind him. It was the dog. It was like they had some kind of connection and understood each other.

What are you doing? She needs you.

He turned to the dog. "You came to fetch me...But I won't be coming back...I want you, and the girl, to live in a peaceful world..." that was all he said. He turned and left.

Not long after, the dog followed. That was his choice. He tried to persuade him to go back, but it was useless. They traveled side by side and he became...

I opened my eyes almost immediately from sleep. It always happened like that...I could never get a good night's sleep. I probably never would again. I often contemplated suicide but it seemed too easy to go for me. Although I was sick of running and Barram's words would always echo in my head everytime I ran from something. As it did that day...

"Are you...shaking? I can't believe it! You're acting like a coward! Come on, you weakling!..."

"Clyde! How dare you!?"

These voices...memories...they haunt me endlessly. The secret I've kept...if it were to ever be found out...Relm would be done for. They cannot kill her. I would not let them. I had already told her. It had been earlier that day. She deserved to know. She would not even speak to me now. No matter. It would not matter anyway. I would soon stop running. The reaper would finally catch up to me after all of these years.

"Clyde...I'm...done for...Please Clyde...Find me...Please..."

So many voices taunt me, it isn't funny. If I were to list them all...it would take forever. I have done many deeds in my life. I can still hear the cries and pleads of many victims I have killed. I have killed my emotions to escape the guilt and turmoil most would feel from this. My world consists of nothing but violence and war. This is what my life is. My life is nothing and so I only live to serve. That is my only purpose. If I have nothing left, I may as well die.

I do not have anything left anymore. Relm is better off without a coward for a father...

"Why did you leave me!? My mother!? How could you!?" Relm screamed and he dodged anything she threw at him, from plates, to glasses, to utensils.

"To protect you," he answered.

"Protect me! Protect me!? From what? My own shadow!? I already have more than I need! My own and you!" the girl screamed.

"Look, I did not want this. I was planning to be a father to you. I was not planning to run off after you turned a certain age. If I could change it all, I would in a heartbeat. I regret ever going to Thamasa in the first place..." Wrong thing to say, he thought to himself right after he finished.

"Oh, so now you regret ever making me!? Well then fine! I regret ever being born and being a thorn in your ass! I'm so sorry you got my mother pregnant!" the girl screamed as tears streamed down her small face.

"Look, if I could change everything, take all of the pain, redo everything I done wrong, save your mother and everyone else, take back my shame, and everything else, I would without any thought of it! However, that is impossible. I have had to move on, and so do you," he said to the enraged daughter.

"Well fine! If I could go back in time and stop you from knocking up my mother, I would! However, I can't so we all have to move on and deal with me being a bother! In fact, why don't you just kill me and then you won't have to worry about me being a little annoying brat anymore! That's all I am to you anyway! And you're nothing but a failure and a coward to me! Leave me alone! Get out! I don't ever want to see you again!" she bellowed at him.

He left.

"That girl knows more about life than anyone gives her credit for..." I said to myself, referring to the term knocking up and probably others.

At that time, it was easier to avoid Relm than face her. If she did see me, she would throw something at me or somehow make it clear that she wanted nothing to do with me, let alone be in the same room. It was hard even when she did not see me. It jerked at me like a chained tied around my neck, almost strangling me, but then it would loosen and I could breathe again. Relm was the chain.

Running always seemed logical in the earlier years. All I did was run. As I sat on the Inn bed, long, lost memories kept flooding my mind. My mother had died when I was eight. Too many beatings from my father, I guess. My father beat me constantly, blaming me for mother's death. He drank himself to death when I was ten. I could never remember where, but I wandered to some town and a man took me in. Somewhere is his thirties. Strago had always reminded me of that man. I do not think I will ever remember his name...

That man took care of me until I was fifteen. I ran off then. I did not want to be a bother to him. I started pick-pocketing and stealing of all sorts to survive. I met Barram in Zozo when I was seventeen. We hung around, fucked around, all of the sorts. We even messed up the law together. We stole, we drank under age, we did all of the shit and more than you can imagine. We were at it for three years before we took on the trains. The last train we did, the one million GP train.

That was the last time I seen Barram. After that train. The first time I was truly a coward; a runner. Then, I met her. Why did I fall in love with her? Because I was too stupid to see that it could never work. She would end up being killed like Barram. I was also too much of a coward to find out what happened to him. Why did I let myself fall into the trap? Get her knocked up as the girl would call it? The same answer. I was too stupid and too blind to see what was coming. There was no excuse for it, although I used to constantly try to find one.

Yes...running is one of my best qualities...

The occurrence of my wife's death brought my blindness and idiocy to an end, fortunately. Still...more memories haunt me. I cannot seem to drive them away now. My identity has come back to me. I have killed the world over and over again. I could kill the world if there was enough will in me to. Why did I call myself Shadow...?

"Guess it's time to change our name."

"Our name?"

"We need something more...appropriate."

"Such as...?"

"...Shadow! Not bad, huh?"

"Great train robbers of the century...Shadow...?"

A question I ever so regret asking...My name...it came from Barram and will forever torture my soul. My identity is lost...

"Shadow?" someone calls.

I look up to see that annoying so called Treasure Hunter. He was nothing better than a thief not even half as talented as I. Which is only speaking the truth...not boasting.

I nodded in response.

"We're going now. You coming?"

"I suppose I am..." I said and stood. I followed him out and into the airship. I stood in my regular spot, watching Relm glance back and forth at me. She seemed different now somehow...

I cannot say the trip went adventurously. It was quite boring and it seemed like the whole time, Relm was trying to get up the courage to say something to me. I did not know for sure, and I did not feel like finding out.

I went to fight along with the others and sooner or later we did succeed. The tower began to fall and I felt nothingness, motionless. I felt suddenly...depressed. I did not want to move and I felt the reaper just about to touch my shoulder.

I looked at Interceptor who was looking at me. "Go with Relm. She needs you more now than I do..."

The dog only took a minute to decide. He ran off, leaving me behind for the first time in both our lives.

Suddenly, I felt peace. I felt that I did not have to run anymore. I could just sit. I could not explain it, but I just wanted to stay. I watched as Relm ran out with Strago and everyone running past me. They did not even seem to notice me.

That proved how much of friends they were. They called themselves friends, but really, all they wanted were my skills. All they wanted was my help and then they wouldn't care if I died. That is the only reason they even waited for me on the blasted Floating Island.

You are not Shadow. You are not darkness on the ground. You do not follow people around endlessly without feelings or sorrow. You are a human. You have an identity...

I sat on the ground and awaited. I watched the tower crumble around me. I had no identity. No one would miss me. I would not even care if they did miss me...

You have an identity...

I did not exist and I am the Reaper's assistant. I am a heartless assassin. No one has escaped me...

You have an identity dammit!

I had no one and I meant nothing...

What about your daughter...?

My daughter did not care. She was better off without me. My wife was dead. My only friend, dead. He hates me anyway...

She was trying to talk to you...Strago is your friend...

No one exists anymore...not even Shadow...

My name is Clyde...Clyde has these friends and a daughter who loves him...not Shadow...

I am...Clyde Arrowny...

"I am Clyde Arrowny!" I shouted out.

I ripped off my mask and the ninja suit I had worn for so long. I laughed in my nakedness. I had gone completely crazy. I did not know why but...something was released...I was me again. I was Clyde Arrowny. Shadow was dead. I was and forever would be...Clyde Arrowny...

Shadow had run again. This time, it was without me. That was the way I wanted it. I wanted to find myself and my emotions again...I guess.

I laughed to the skies as I watched the tower fall. I dodged a lot of the debris. I danced and shouted out. I shouted out to Relm as loud as I could. I knew she didn't hear me. I knew Interceptor did. I could have sworn I heard him answer back.

After I was done with my madness, I sat again. I sat in my nude body, no longer wanting the clothes of sin I had vitiated my body with for eight years. I was Clyde again. Shadow was lying dead in shambles of sinful clothing and bloody weapons.

I sat and smiled. I looked up to the sky and seen Barram's figure in my mind.

I had always thought that running was the best and easiest thing to do. I now know that it is hard and cowardly. For me, running haunted my life and everything in it. If I had let myself get caught, I would've been a lot better off, I think. I wasn't going to do anymore running from now on...

"I'm not going to run away this time, Barram."