I see Jesse sitting at the computer as I walk into the room.
"Hey. How are you felling?" I ask, worried about him.
"I'm feeling a little better today."
I'm not real sure how to tell him what I have to say next, so I just say it
and hope it comes out right, hope he'll believe me."I was trying one of the
meditations Emma showed me a while ago. I. . . remembered a few things in
better detail. I'm sorry. I'd threatened to kill you, and tried to, before
we even got in the rings. And the stuff I said. I didn't mean it. It
wasn't true. It wasn't. . . me."
"I know. But it's kinda nice to hear. Thanks. The warden did get one thing
right. He said we were friends, brothers. Brothers are supposed to give
each other a hard time. That's what I meant earlier when I said that it was
your job to give me a hard time. Brothers also watch out for each other,
and forgive each other."
I'm again stunned at his generous heart, and reminded why I'm lucky to have
him as a friend, a brother. "Thanks. . . brother."
"There is one thing. Did you remember what I first said when I came into
I do vaguely remember it, but don't know why he'd bring it up."Uh, I think
you were apologizing for not backing off from that guy. Why?"
"'Cause I am sorry. If I hadn't let that guy get to me then you wouldn't
have gotten in that fight and had them choose you."
He has nothing to feel guilty about and I try to reassure him. "It's not
your fault. And if it hadn't been me they would have chosen someone else
and then someone would have died that night, and they'd still be doing it."
"True. I guess you being drugged and me getting beaten up is a small price
to pay to shut that whole fighting ring down. Its just to bad it wasn't in
time to save your friend."
"Yeah, it is. But at least you got me the antidote in time to keep me from
killing you. I still can't believe how close it was. How out of control I
was." The thought still scares me. Both that I came so close to killing my
best friend and that I had no control over my actions. My power can be so
destructive, and hurt the people around me so easily that I *have* to be in
control of it. The thought of losing that control, of having it taken away,
is one of the few things that can scare me.
"I'm not so sure you were. At least not until the end. If you'd really
wanted to kill me you could have sent enough of a charge into me to kill me
instead of just hurt me. For the first while, you weren't going for the
He does have a point about the level of charge I used, and from what I do
remember I suppose he's right, but that's not a part that's clear in my
head. "I'll take your word for it. That part I still don't remember as
"What was it like?"
I'm surprised at his question and I guess it shows, because he pushes the
"Come on, I'm curious."
I realize he won't let this go, so I try to explain. "It was like I
couldn't think, only feel, and all I could feel was anger. I was acting on
all my worst instincts and impulses. Everyone has a "good" side and a "bad"
side. The drug suppressed the good side and amplified the bad."
"So you really were your "evil twin", huh?"
I'm glad he's comfortable enough around me still to tease me so I grin and
answer. "I guess so."
"It's nice to have the real you back."
"It's good to be back. To be in control again." Since he asked a question I
figure it's my turn to ask one that's been bothering me. "But know I have
question. Why didn't you mass? You could have knocked me out with one hit
to the head. Saved yourself a *lot* of pain."
"Yes, I would have knocked you out, and given you a concussion. With all
those drugs in you I didn't want to take the chance of adding a head
injury. No way to know how it would have affected you long term. Besides,
you felt so confident that you spent time showing off for the crowd and
taunting me. You were drawing out the fight and putting on a show. That
meant more time to get you the antidote."
I hadn't even considered what the combination of drugs and a head injury
could do. I'm lucky he did. Before I have a chance to answer we're
interrupted by Adam's voice on calling for Jesse to come to the medical
area for a check up. He tells him tells me to also bring me for another
blood test. We do as we're told but only after groaning about it,
literally. I almost laugh at our matching reactions.
A/N Thank you to everyone who read this story, and especially those who
also reviewed. If anyone is interested I am working on a new one and also
hope to get the sequel to "Home" up as soon as the new season starts, maybe