Beyond the Steel Cross

By Atreyu452

“Just because something isn’t against your conscience doesn’t make it right.”

What a way to go, huh? One minute I’m yelling at God, the next I croak. Funny how many of my conversations with God end like that—well, not as drastically as death, but I normally don’t get any answers. And they say priests are supposed to be closer to God than most men. I guess that says something about the kind of priest I was. A lousy one. But I never let it get to me.

I can’t believe he shot me. Sure, he was a bastard through and through, but I never thought he would actually shoot me like that, not after I had won. He trained me how to kill, but he also trained me how to survive. I had finally won. I honestly thought he was going to let me go.

Funny that apple I had worked so hard to get was the last thing I ever tasted. That and those sandwiches Milly gave me.

Damn. Milly was such a sweet girl. I hate myself for dying like this. Someone’s got to be there to protect those insurance ladies. I can’t trust that Needle Noggin to do it. Sure, he’s the best gunman I’ve ever seen, but his sense of responsibility leaves something to be desired.

Although I have to admit, he’s been doing a good job so far. Just another thing to feel guilty about. I was right about that kid, that Zazie the Beast. He was going to shoot Needle Noggin. I had every right to shoot him.

Needle Noggin didn’t think so. That idiot, didn’t he realize I did it to save his life? I was right to shoot that kid! He was a Gung-Ho Gun, and I had no choice. I was right to do it!

Wasn’t I?

That’s the thing about Needle Noggin. No matter how justified the killing is, Needle Noggin claims it’s wrong. He says there’s always another way. How he managed to last so long living by that code is beyond me.

All I was trying to do what protect him. I was under Knives’ orders to do so, but after awhile that didn’t matter. I wanted to protect Needle Noggin, I really did. He was so dense, he never realized I was running into him on purpose. He never questioned my knowledge on the Gung-Ho Guns, or Knives. He never suspected a thing.

What an idiot. A donut-loving, irresponsible, girl-chasing idiot.

It took him awhile to find my body. I don’t understand why; I left a perfectly good trail of blood for him to follow. Maybe he realized that he couldn’t help me no matter how soon he got there. I wish I had realized that it was pointless myself. He even took the time to bury it in a local graveyard. If I had the chance, I would tell him I’d like to be buried in my hometown, by the orphanage I started. Not that I can afford to be picky now that I’m dead.

He said something about coming back to get a gravestone for me. That was probably the most thoughtful promise I’ve ever received in my life. Only Needle Noggin could say something so unbelievable, and I would believe it. How was he going to find that time to come back? He would probably be dead, killed by Knives.

He carried my cross back to the insurance girls, and told them what happened. Milly was really broken up about it. She’s the youngest of ten, and her childlike way of seeing things just can’t handle death. I admire her a lot for her ability to do what’s right without hesitation, but with a situation like this, there’s nothing she can do.

Admired. I forgot what I was for a moment.

She brought me sandwiches the night before it all happened. I thought she would avoid me, after I shot that kid. The look on her face… I couldn’t bear it. But she brought me sandwiches, and made sure I ate them. She comforted me when I cried. It was that moment when I realized Needle Noggin had been right. There was another way, I just couldn’t see it. Milly helped me see things differently. After all, with my background, maybe I wasn’t capable of seeing it. Maybe only Needle Noggin can see it.

She fell asleep in my room. She had spent all of her time comforting me, talking to me, and telling me stories about her family. She even took a break to get dressed in her pajamas, because she was afraid of falling asleep in her clothes. She did fall asleep, and I let her use my bed. I wasn’t going to get any sleep that night, not after what I was told to do.

I’m grateful to her for following my instructions, and for comforting me when no one else could. There’s no one like her in the world, Milly Thompson. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay and learn more about her. I’m sorry about a lot of things, come to think of it.

Needle Noggin moved on, leaving the girls behind. I couldn’t blame him for that move, not with the battle he had coming. What surprised me was that the insurance girls packed up and followed him, taking my cross with them. I felt like cursing them out for putting themselves in such danger, and I would have, if they could hear me. They had no way of knowing it, but they were to cause one of the greatest tragedies in Needle Noggin’s life.

He shot and killed a man to save them. Needle Noggin went against everything he believed in to save those girls. It was exactly what Knives had wanted. I never hated myself any time more than that moment. If I had been there, things might have been different. I could have pulled the trigger myself, or I could have stopped the girls. Instead, I had to go get myself killed.

Needle Noggin wasn’t that same after that. For a long time, he had to recover from his wounds, both physical and mental. The insurance girls took care of him—Milly even got a job as a well digger, can you believe that girl? She’s simply amazing. The other insurance girl, the grumpy one, took care of Needle Noggin, and boy, did he ever need it.

For a long time, even I didn’t think he would make it. The townspeople found out who he was, and they tried to kill him. But something happened, something I never quite understood. Somehow, someway, the grumpy insurance girl snapped Needle Noggin out of the useless mood he had sunken into.

All I have to say is about freakin’ time.

Needle Noggin finally got off his ass and decided to track down Knives. Milly, thoughtful as ever, gave him my cross. He complained about how heavy it was.

That big baby.

Then, some time later, the showdown with Knives began. I’ve never seen anything like it, and I doubt anyone else ever will again. I knew Knives and Needle Noggin couldn’t be human, but I had never imagined what I saw. I’ll never be able to describe it, not even from beyond the grave.

Then it a blood-freezing moment, it seemed like it was over. That idiot had somehow let Knives get a hold of both guns, and Knives had warped them into those massive weapons of annihilation. The same weapon that decimated the cities of July and August, and put the hole in the fifth moon. And Knives had two of them, pointed at Needle Noggin. The Human Typhoon was truly doomed this time.

It’s lucky he had me along to help.

“What are you doing, Needle Noggin? It’s right next to you! Use it!”

In the battle, both combatants had forgotten about my cross and the arsenal it carried. If Needle Noggin hadn’t landed where he did, the cross wouldn’t of done him any good.

Sometimes God reminds me why He exists in His ever mysterious ways.

With that cross, it was all over. Needle Noggin took his brother completely by surprise, and immediately took him out. I was hoping he would kill the bastard, but that’s not the way he works. He bound that monster’s wounds, and left carrying him, off to parts unknown.

So now I’m stuck here, my cross left behind by Needle Noggin. That pisses me off slightly, because he could need it again, but I realize it’s just because I want to follow him some more. To protect him, even after death. Maybe this is God’s way of telling me my time of protecting The Human Typhoon is over. Maybe he can take care of himself from now one.

Maybe so, but I won’t hold my breath.

I get the feeling my soul won’t be hanging around much longer. Maybe God will come pick me up, to take me to my just deserves. Somehow I doubt they include the Pearly Gates, but you never know.

Needle Noggin was a fool, letting Knives survive. If it were me, I wouldn’t have killed him without hesitation. If that monster can even be killed. Needle Noggin wouldn’t agree, I know. I wish I could argue with him about it; I miss those days. He probably does too. That fool. If he didn’t kill Knives, it would just start all over again. He should have killed him… but he didn’t.

Huh.

Maybe… maybe this time, Vash the Stampede’s way was the right choice.

Author’s note: Just a one-shot based on Wolfwood’s point of view… I’m convinced doesn’t like me, otherwise this story would have been working sooner.