And God fuck it.

It's not like it can do anything to me anymore. I can't feel anything 'cept nausea and the prickles when I move my sleeping feet from underneath me to in front of me. The wind picks up again, filling my nose with the scent of the coming storm, that bittersweet and pungent scent that I used to love and now can't stand.

It brings back bitter memories that I have no intention of remembering.

I'd tell my story, but it's not like people haven't heard it before. Boy meets other boy, boy falls in love with other boy, other boy meets another boy, and the two of them run off together in the night, leaving boy all by his shocked, miserable, self-hating lonesome.

In case it hasn't been guessed yet, I'm the boy. And the other boy (my fingers are clenching dewy grass and digging into the dirt as I think of him) is Specs Jackson, who I dated 'cause instinct told me to, and the little pussy he took off with was blonde male-bombshell Dutchy Schyuler. Fuck 'em both, I say. Who needs 'em? Not me. I'm content to sit here beneath this old tree in Central Park, letting the fresh rain wash over me and soak straight through my hat and onto my hair. Good. Kill the Goddamn curls, it will. Fuck the curls. I'm too old for 'em.

I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them. One word keeps running through my mind: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

How could I have been so blind? Normally I have the best senses of any newsie; I know what's going on before anyone else does. It's part of the reason they all call me Snitch.

So how did I not see this coming? I honestly had no idea that Specs was going to leave me. All I know is what he left me in that note I tore up after getting Davey to read it to me, and that didn't help much. Dear Snitch, I don't know how to tell you this but I love Dutchy now and I can't look you in the face anymore, so he and I are running off together, I did love you…

Fucking bullshit!

I'm breathing heavily, and never even knew it until just now. My heart is pounding against my ribcage and my lips are pulled back from my teeth in an intense sneer that I can see in my mind, and my face is like that of a hungry wolf.

I sigh that image away and rest my head sullenly in the crevice between my knees and my chest. I can only wish I was a wolf. Maybe if I was, I could chase them down and tear their hearts from their insides the way they did to me.

Fuck!

Why am I crying? Or is that rain sliding down my face? I don't know and don't particularly fucking care. I shouldn't be crying because I don't care that Specs left me for a man-whore like Dutchy… who used to be one of my best friends, by the way!… and I don't care that I'm sitting out here, cold, wet and alone when I should be at the Lodging House, getting warm by the fire and staying comfy and dry while I joke around with my friends.

But I'm too fucking pissed off to bother. Bah. Screw 'em all.

And wouldn't you fucking know it? The rain's coming down harder now. Well, fine. Be that way, rain. Kill me, why don't you? Come on, yeah, I dare you! That's right! Come on! Kill me! God damn you fucking pussyface, KILL ME!

"Y'know… the rain's not exactly gonna be able to hear you, Snitch."

I open my eyes to discover that I've stood up and held my arms out. Have I really been yelling those things I'd been thinking? I can feel the heat on my cheeks as I lower my arms and look at the speaker. Skittery Tatum, smirking slightly, his hands on his hips.

"Rain don't exactly have ears." He says, pointing to his own ears.

I turn away from him, rubbing my upper arm in humiliation. "Shaddup and let me alone, Skittery."

"Oo, someone's upset. You usually call me Skitts."

"Fuck off!" I spit and for a moment, the smirk fades off his face as he stares at me, shocked and confused. I can understand that. I'm usually thought of as the innocent newsie, the one that never swears and always takes his hat off for a girl, even if said girl is a prostitute. "Just fuck off and leave me alone! I want to be alone!"

I sit back down, sulking, and lean back against the tree. Everything is silent, save the steady patter of the rain on the grass and the leaves above me. Skittery's gone, I'm sure, but then I hear his rapid breathing and feel his body heat beside me.

"This about Specs and Dutchy?" he asks. God, what a pisser. I'm that easy to read?
"Yeah." I answer sullenly, refusing to look at him. "It pissed me off, Skitts. I would have been fine if he'd just had the balls to tell me he didn't love me anymore. I didn't exactly love him anymore either."

"You didn't?" Skittery sounds surprised, well, who wouldn't? Specs and I had been an item. His disappearance with Dutchy had been a huge shock to everyone. To me? Humiliation. Utter humiliation. Even Jake, possibly the clumsiest of all of us, the one who's always falling on his ass and embarrassing himself, was giving me looks of pity.

Now, I may be a newsie, and I may suck my thumb, and I may be innocent, but I still got my pride.

Pride's probably all I got.

I suppose I voiced these facts to Skittery, because he's nodding slowly. There's more silence between us, and my eyes trail a raindrop as it slides down his face, caressing his left cheekbone like a lover. I shake my head and wait for his response.

He looks at me, studying my face, his eyes intense. My anger fades for a moment, and I find it's turned to worry. What for? Why am I worried?

Skittery continues to look at me, then he smiles and stands up. "You don't love Specs no more?" He asks.

I blink, then nod.

He holds out a hand to me. "Come home then. You have no reason to be ashamed of what happened."

"But," I begin as I take his hand and he helps me up, "Specs left me for Dutchy!"

"So?"

I open my mouth to respond and whaddaya know, I can't find one! Skittery smiles at me, and a blush is creeping up my cheeks in the rain.

"That's what I thought." He says, putting an arm around my shoulder. "So come on. Let's get out of the rain."

As we walk out of the park, he kisses my cheek briefly. Instinct says to punch him, but I decide against that.

Sometimes, instinct is just, well… wrong.

***AUTHOR'S NOTE***

Reason for Writing: In a pissy mood 'cause nobody reviews me anymore. STUPID MARY-SUE WRITING HOS STEALING ALL THE GLORY FROM GOOD AUTHORS. **kills them all, then goes cheerily back to chatting with people online**