I hate paperwork.

            “Yukio Machida…found in Peace Diner…returned safely to aunt and uncle…possible motives unknown…forty thousand yen…” Accounting was my least favorite part. I hated paperwork almost as much as I hated math. Kaoru didn’t handle any of the formalities, and he always ignored me when I asked him for help…either that or he’d complain that I complain too much. So, I always ended up staying late in the office…alone.

            I tried to call him Kaoru, but he was still Baofu to me, even though he had his revenge. Kaoru was a name that was entirely more fitting, but it was so hard to get used to. Like, what if Maya up and asked me to call her Yumi or something like that? It was going to take some time.

            I went through another stack of files, making sure that everything was in order one last time.

            Finished…finally…time to head home.

            I turned out the lights, locked the door, and headed to my car. As I unlocked the door and sat down, I smiled. It’s a good thing that Maya didn’t need to drive to work – she took the bus. The thought of that woman loose behind the wheel in Sumaru was too frightening to bear. However, I was a good driver.

            I still lived with Maya, but I really only slept there. Most of my days were spent at the office with Bao. Just a few years ago, I would sleep until after noon, wake up and lie around, maybe talk to my friends, and then leave at night to go out, dance, and get drunk. When I first started working, I would get up at seven, work, and then go out. Now I just worked…all the time. It was like I was a salarywoman or something.

            The night was young when I finally got home, but I didn’t much feel like going out. My eyes were tired from staring at numbers all day and sitting had worn out my neck. I hadn’t gone out since Maya and I had gone to Seven Sisters High School.

            I parked and headed to the building.

            Upon reaching and entering the apartment, I found Maya sprawled on the floor in her pigsty, listening to a CD. She had spent all of her money on that CD player. In my opinion, she should have just hired a good cleaning lady. How could one room get so messy? Books and magazines were tossed all over the room, along with mountains of clothes. The floor was so coated that I could barely distinguish Maya from her laundry.

            “Ulala! Hey! How are you? Late night at work?” She looked up and greeted me with the same huge, aspartame-ridden smile that she had been using since high school. It was the same way she smiled at other people’s pets. But Maya rarely dealt with me on a personal level these days.

            She always looked happy enough to see me though, but she seemed really tired lately…I think she just didn’t know what to say to me anymore, let alone deal with everything going on in her mind. She and I just didn’t have the ease of conversation that we used to. Losing Tatsuya was harder for her than she put on, but everything was harder for her than she pretended, because Maya could smile through anything.

            “Yeah, lots of paperwork…you know me, always putting in extra hours!” I replied. What a good worker I was. Ha.

            “Good for you, Ulala,” Maya replied, turning off her CD player with the chrome-colored remote. “How is that going, the man-searcher business?” She and I hadn’t really talked about it much, actually, since I was always gone.

            “Better than selling bras,” I answered. Was Maya really striking up a conversation with me? She had seemed even more out of it than usual, lately, so I tended to leave her alone.

            “Is…everything going well?” she continued, stressing the word ‘everything.’ Was she prying? Maya Amano? Insane. But then again, we had all changed.

            “Well, no, actually, things aren’t all going well,” I admitted. If she wanted to know…I could tell her. She was still my best friend, after all. She was used to hearing me pour my heart out to her, but she didn’t usually ask me to.

            “Tell me!” Maya winked at me good-naturedly, and patted the floor next to her. I kicked aside a few shirts and a bra with my foot to clear a space and sat on the floor…it was sticky. I should have known. I’d be going to bed soon anyhow, so I could change my clothes after sitting on her toxic floor.

            “Bao and I aren’t getting along very well.” You see, I slept with him a few months ago and he hasn’t spoken of it ever since and I’m really fed up with him leading me on and not telling me what’s going on in his fucked up head! For some reason, it didn’t seem right to tell Maya all that much, even though it was usually my style to share every intimate detail of my relationships, few and far between as they were. Had it been any other man, I think I would have.

            “Did you fight again?” she asked sympathetically.

            “Ma-ya, we fight all the time!” I rolled my eyes. “But…Baofu—I mean Kaoru, always seems so distant…so far from me, and it’s really pissing me off! We’re partners, and he doesn’t tell me anything,” I insisted. She must be confused, not getting the whole story. Bao talked about work, all right. But I never specified exactly what he wasn’t telling me, so it wasn’t totally a lie; it just wasn’t the complete truth. I knew she would be supportive anyhow, because she was Maya Amano, everyone’s big sister. Lost little Ulala with the big heart and even bigger purse needed a big sister. Even though I was the older one.

            “Well, he’s not the most congenial person, Ulala…” Maya pointed out. I knew that, of course. Baofu didn’t even talk about anything but work with me, let alone our little ‘scandal.’ Every time I brought out something not related to work, it was like picking a fight. He wouldn’t even try to be civil. I never expected him, as a friend, to be warm and open like Maya, but I did expect to be treated with courtesy.

            “All things considered,” Maya went on. “He trusts you more than anyone else, as far as I can tell.”

            “What are you talking about?” I demanded. Trust? I always got the feeling that Baofu didn’t trust anyone father than he could throw those damn coins of his, let alone trust me.

            “You’re so observant, Ulala, I’m surprised you didn’t notice!” Maya jokingly slapped my leg for emphasis. I hated it when she did that. “Kaoru’s always doting on you, in his own way.” It was easy for Maya to use his name, she barely knew him.

            “Doting?” I didn’t think Baofu was the doting type, either. I rubbed the spot where Maya had slapped me…I wondered if she did that to anyone else? Maybe she just liked hitting me.

            “Don’t you remember? Whenever we fought, he always tried to protect you, even though he knew perfectly well that you could take care of yourself. Even now, he’s obviously more comfortable around you than around anyone else. He wouldn’t have gone into business with you if he didn’t trust you. Plus, he’s always starting fights with you, and I think he only does that for people he really likes. That’s his way of doting,” she told me with a mischievous grin. “Plus, haven’t you noticed him…checking you out from time to time? I’ve caught it.”

            Damn. She had a lot of reasons. Since when did Maya make it her business to study Baofu? And since when was he some kind of gallant superhero? And weirdest of all – checking me out? The world inside Maya Amano’s head was a strange one.

            She sighed, sitting up and drawing her thighs to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs so she was in a tiny little Maya-ball.

            Maya was thinner than me and taller than me…but then again, Maya didn’t eat like a horse, smoke, or consume empty calories from alcohol on a regular basis. When I used to complain to Maya about my weight, she’d just smile and say something encouraging like, ‘You’re all muscle, Ulala! I’m just a weakling.’ She used to always know what to say to me. I guess I had needed someone to stroke my ego back then.

            “I just…I think that you two could work so well together! I really just want to see you happy, Ulala,” Maya said.

            Happy?

            “…really Maya?” She was such a busy girl, with so many friends…but maybe she still knew how to talk me down, the flaming red hothead. Or maybe she was really being honest about this. Maybe it was a little bit of both.

            “Ever since we met, I’ve wanted you to be happy. And I guess I see that even when you and Kaoru fight…. Well, you’ve never seemed so happy with anyone else,” Maya avowed. She smiled encouragingly, and I knew she was telling the truth. Damn it, she was perfect. Was I really that easy to read?

            “I may be happy with him…but I don’t think he’s happy with me,” I replied. Suddenly, looking at the floor seemed much more interesting than looking at Maya while she talked to me. Was that a spider stuck in the melon soda spill to my left?

            “Ulala…you care so much about everyone, you should give yourself some credit, too!” Maya exclaimed. She stood up and stretched her arms above her head, letting out a yawn. “You know him better than I do, I suppose, but maybe you should try watching him more closely,” she continued. “Anyhow, you need sleep! You always get up so early now!” Maya let loose another grin, this one more sugary than artificial, and I stood up. It took some effort, as my butt stuck to the disgusting floor. I smiled back at Maya regardless.

            “You know, Maya, I’ll always be there for you, if you need me.” And I meant it. “You don’t have to keep everything inside.”

            Maya’s smile turned a bit sad. “Thanks,” she replied. “I know.”

            After this, I bid Maya a thankful goodnight and stepped through the door to my room. Maybe she would open up to me instead of just listening, so that I could fulfill my duty as best friend.

            At least Maya trusted me, which automatically placed her higher on my short list of confidants than Bao. But then again, if Maya was right….

            I changed my clothes, and put the outfit I had been wearing into a laundry bag and closed it (Maya’s floor was just gross). Once I was finished, I rolled out my futon.

            For just a moment, I looked around the room…immaculate, as always, with very little personality. Just some memoirs from all of my lessons, and a few pictures of Maya, me…a couple of the Suou brothers, even one of Nanjo and Eriko. There were no pictures of Baofu – the opportunity never seemed to come for that – but the bottle of bourbon was still here, on my dresser.

            Laying down upon my futon, the meaning of Maya’s advice sunk in…why had Baofu brought me back to my bed? And why did he leave me with a bottle of his bourbon? I was certain that he only saw me as a friend. Maybe even a close friend, but surely nothing more.

            Maybe he wanted to let me know that he did care more than that.

            Not that I could hold him responsible for something that we did while drunk…or could I?

            He once told me that he could never give me what I wanted...I remembered that clearly. I thought he was just making it absolutely clear that he didn’t like me, but I had wondered why he had let me down in such a weird way. Had he sounded regretful? Was he sorry that he could never be a perfect husband in a white suit with a bouquet of red roses and a fresh-cooked meal on the table?

            Was that what I wanted? That just wasn’t him. Sure…one or two years ago, all I wanted was to get married before my biological clock stopped. I probably would have taken anyone.

            Then, I met Baofu.

            God, that sounds corny.

            And now…all of that sounded ridiculous. I would rather have him, not some mail-order groom. Just Baofu. It was weird, because I couldn’t even pick out one thing that I liked about him. I had liked Makimura’s hair, and my previous boyfriend had a nice butt. I always chose my club mates by their eyes, their clothes, or something superficial like that. And they went through all of the gestures, dating, flowers, picnics, and movies…and I always ended up fucked in the end.     I didn’t want roses. Roses wilted. Roses looked pretty, but squeeze them, and the thorns made you bleed. I could see Baofu’s thorns; he didn’t hide them behind a pretty façade.

            I hated Baofu’s clothes, he was bony and kind of stick-like, and his smiles irritated me to no end, and he never did anything romantic. But I picked him anyway, and it sure as hell wasn’t for his looks.

            So I picked him for his personality? I was a total nutcase.

            I didn’t like anything about him, and yet I loved him. It was no wonder Maya hadn’t been talking to me as much. I was completely insane.