“I don’t like it here.”

That was the fifth time. “I’m aware.”

“Good. I don’t see why we had to come here in the first place….”

“Serizawa, we had a lead.”

“Well, why did we have to come at night?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Who comes here during the daytime?” I muttered, turning to give Ulala a sharp look. Truthfully, I didn’t like being in Sumaru’s “red light district” either, but I wasn’t complaining.

“And remember, once we get there, I’m not going in,” she insisted, tightening her grip on my arm. She giggled nervously. “Besides, you look like an old pervert.”

I sighed. Rather than mention that if I was an old pervert, she was my whore, I chose the high route. I was too tired to argue. “This is work, Ulala.” I was, though, quite sick of this particular type of case. Recently, there had been several cases with frantic parents wondering where their daughters disappeared to at night…we had already had to deal with two karaoke box panty shot schoolgirls and three young prostitutes.

I hated this area of Sumaru. On every corner, without fail, there was some man asking how much my whore cost or how much I cost. Since I already had a woman with me, most of the girls left us alone, but occasionally, they propositioned, too. At least we had a good cover.

We continued walking, past a man with no teeth, and I stopped in front of a sleazy building with no signs or markings of any kind.

“This is it.”

“I’ll wait outside,” Ulala insisted, letting go of my arm.

“It’s worse out here, I’d imagine.” I replied, hesitating. “What are you afraid of, Serizawa?”

“Nothing!” she replied, suddenly very interested in the ground. I groaned.

“Come on.” I wanted her with me. “I don’t trust anyone down here.” I wanted to protect her.

I really have become soft. Of course, she hadn’t noticed. It didn’t matter what I said…Ulala would never pick up on any small details I may have given. Maybe I was glad for that, though. If she listened, she would know too much. But no, she wants some loud frilly declaration, something I won’t give.

“I’d rather wait outside. If anyone comes near me, I’ll kick their ass!” she insisted, throwing a few punches for emphasis. Right. She chose now to feign bravery. Just a few steps ago, she was clinging to me as if something was about to bite her. Ulala was entirely too easy to read. I didn’t want anyone else taking advantage of that.

“You’re coming in.” I need you.

            Did I really want her to interpret the things I said? What would I do if she understood me? I had never considered that…Ulala probably considered our relationship one-sided…was it? I’ll admit that I care for her, of course…but it wasn’t any sort of unbreakable bond.

            Then again, there was the small nagging feeling reminding me that for the first time in a long time…I was glad that I hadn’t died yet.

“I’ll be fine out here. I’ll stand guard, in case Furumura runs out,” Ulala insisted, rolling up her sleeves.

Hiroko Furumura was the girl we were trying to find. Her parents had been calling all week, since one of our previous charges tipped us off that Hiroko was known to sell her panties at this particular shop. The thought of buying used underwear was disgusting to me…then again, there were few parts of the district that I understood. Objectification and fixation just seemed so empty. Meaningless sex was just that…worthless.

            So Ulala did mean something to me. My instincts right now were proof of that: protect. Preserve.

I couldn’t wait until this was over...maybe Ulala and I could talk. We hadn’t done much of that lately, at least not about things other than work. Even then, we did a lot more fighting. As if we shared a secret but kept it from each other anyhow.

“Let’s just get this over with,” I suggested. “It’ll be quicker with both of us. We can get a drink afterwards.” I could tell that we were going to need it.

She wouldn’t meet my eyes. Although she kept very close, she still seemed quite interested in whatever insects were crawling around her feet. Perhaps it was her designer boots that she was admiring. Tentatively, I reached out for her chin, lifting it so that I could look at her. In those pale brown eyes of hers, I was surprised to see fear. I rarely dared to make deep eye contact with Ulala. While I could easily just look at her when we spoke… the last time I had really searched her through her eyes, things had become coitally intimate.

Now that I had tried again to read her, I understood why…her eyes were beautiful…they looked so desperate…so innocent…I found it harder to keep my thoughts on mansearching…searching Ulala was much more alluring…

“I won’t let anything happen to you.” The statement of solicitude escaped my throat before my mind had a chance to think better of them. I prepared for the initial shock of regret, but it never came. Instead, my longing grew…just her face, just her eyes, that was all it took…this place didn’t seem so rough when I was looking at her.

“Bao…” she breathed. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from her lips as she said my “name.” She rarely used my real name anymore, but I didn’t really care. It was an odd sort of pet name, ‘Bao,’ and hearing her say it was comforting.

Damn. It really was too late. I was kidding myself if I thought I could stop it.

She was trembling. My concern didn’t seem to ease her worry. Her eyes gave the impression of shame.

“Is it really that frightening?” My hand, which had still been holding her chin, slid up to rest on her cheek. I couldn’t hide or hold back the affection in that touch. The woman had me; she was mine as well. “What? What is it?” Tell me…

            She broke our connection, looking away.

“I…I…I’ve been here before,” she muttered, once again staring at her shoes. “I really needed some money, didn’t want to run to my family again, and it seemed like a good idea at the time…well, I was drunk…and I do stupid things when I’m drunk.”

Was that all she was upset about? “I don’t care what you did with your panties.” I replied. What I cared about was the fact that she said she did stupid things when she was drunk. Did she think we…did something stupid? Was she making a hint for me to catch? It was rash, but for her to come out and say it….

I had to calm down. I had to calm her down, too. The situation was dire enough. I jerked her head up towards mine, leaned down and pressed my lips hard against hers. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, or even a kiss at all; it housed my aggravation and impatience with her. I let go of her face somewhat roughly, trying to ignore the gratification that even the brief, rough connection brought. Even though there was more disgust than desire, I was starved.

“Come on,” I murmured. I didn’t look into her eyes, but I saw the regret on her face. It seemed I had finally convinced her…perhaps she was starved as well? Or maybe she was just sick of me and regretting another drunken mistake.

She followed me to the door, keeping more distance than usual, I noted. Upon reaching the door, I knocked…didn’t know what else to do.

“They’re not going to answer,” Ulala muttered, pushing me aside. I widened my eyes and looked down at her over the rims of my glasses. She had removed a hairpin from the twist on top of her head and was using it to pick the lock.

“You should have mentioned you were the expert on this place, porn star,” I chided.

“Jerk!” Ulala shot back, turning around and stomped on my foot with her heel. We certainly had a sick, twisted way of flirting. My foot didn’t really hurt, because she didn’t want it to. “It wasn’t like that.”

“I know,” I replied, almost too quiet for her to hear. She turned her attention back to the lock. She deftly wiggled the pin around until we both head the triumphant click of the mechanism.

“There. The front part is just a fake magazine stand, you have to go around to the back,” she informed me. I was still curious how she knew so much if she only sold her undergarments here one time, but that could wait. She held back on opening the door, so I stepped ahead, turned the knob, and pushed the door open.

Sure enough, there were a few racks sparsely adorned with magazines. Saita, CanCam, Egg…they all seemed to be geared towards women and girls. They also looked like extremely old issues.

“Some front, hmm,” I noted. Ulala was looking worse by the second. She pointed to the back.

“Bao…I hate this place. Just…expect anything,” she advised, gesturing for me to go in front of her. I didn’t mind.

We had reached a black door that would have looked like part of the wall, were it not for the cheap, peeling hinges.

I pulled the door open and…well, it was pretty shocking.

Rows and rows of school uniforms, panties, and bras…disgusting…I felt Ulala creep closer behind me.

“State your business!” a middle-age man demanded, looking up from his chair. He was balding and just short of obese. My eyes scanned the room, noticing several doors in back, opposite the racks of used clothes. Ulala was hiding behind me.

“We,” I stepped to the side to bring Ulala into view. I noticed the man start. “Are mansearchers, and we’ve been hired to find Hiroko Furumura.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know any Furumura,” the man replied, looking back at the newspaper he was holding, nervously. I was tempted to call Katsuya…even though he wasn’t on the force anymore, places like this needed to be shut down, and I could tell that the shopkeeper was getting more anxious by the moment.

“I think you do,” I continued, stepping forward. The shop owner’s hand kept reaching to his side, as if a nervous tick.

“There’s a lot of women here, they all look the same, I don’t know if maybe I had a Hiroko, maybe it was a Hisako,” he stammered. I walked closer, staring at the man.

“I don’t have all night,” I stated…there were so many things I would rather be doing.

“I…I can’t disclose information about any of the girls who come here,” he went on, his eyes darting to the left and right.

“Stuff it, Akama.” It was the first time Ulala had spoken since we entered the room, and it startled me. There was something she wasn’t telling me.

“Ulala…how nice to see you again! I…I see you still can’t do any better than me…” Akama stuttered, shifting his weight from right foot to left.

“Shut up! I’m gonna kick your ass if you don’t tell me where Furumura is…I know you never forget a girl. And don’t even try to use your pathetic Perso-” I heard a rustle. There was a large cabinet next to the school uniforms.

“Serizawa, over there,” I muttered discreetly, pointing to the cupboard.

“I heard it,” she replied. “Come on out, Hiroko, its okay.” She was keeping her guard up, so I followed suit.

A girl who couldn’t have been much over 5 feet tall emerged from her hiding and ran towards Ulala like a lost child to her mother. I had forgotten that Hiroko Furumura was only fourteen…and suddenly, I felt even sicker. Just as I turned my head, I saw Akama heading for one of his back rooms.

“Akama, Ulala, look!” I yelled, reaching for my coins. Just as he reached the door, I perfected my aim and landed a shot straight on his hand.

“Shit…Persona!” Akama grunted, throwing his non-injured hand into the air. He was attempting to summon what looked like a Kerepres…he could use Persona? Then I felt it. Resonance. Even a low level Persona like his could be a threat, depending on upon the user. However, Ulala already had her Persona at the ready…she always had been ridiculously fast. She also seemed to know things that I did not.

“Shaka, come.” She had cast Hypnotic Wave, buying me time to bring out my own Persona. I didn’t even know what this man had done, but Ulala seemed intent on punishing him. I decided to just knock him out. There would be time for questioning later.

“Hastur,” I summoned. I had a weird assortment of Persona on me today…I hadn’t really been expecting the need to use any. I cast Aquary Tide, leaving the man unconscious on the floor.

“What the hell was that all about?” I demanded to Ulala. “Do you know him?”

“I knew you would react like this! Go ahead, tell me I’m a stupid slut for dating him! Tell me!” Ulala screamed back, radiating adrenaline.

“I don’t care! You should have told me that you had information on this case, instead of playing dumb! But that would be out of character for you, wouldn’t it?” I shot back.

“Let’s just take him to the police, now!” suggested Hiroko with urgency. She looked almost as scared of Ulala and me than of Akama. I had completely forgotten about the child.

“Hiroko’s right.” I sighed. “Let’s get the hell out of here, and I’ll take him to the police. You can take Hiroko home and then meet me there,” I said. My urges to protect Ulala were just as strong as ever, but for some reason…my pride wouldn’t let me voice them.

“No. She’s coming with us,” Ulala insisted. “I need to make sure she’s okay first.” Hiroko smiled thankfully and hovered closer to Ulala.

Since when was Ulala so maternal? I knew she expressed interest in becoming more feminine, but motherly?

It was kind of a turn on.

Get out of the gutter, Saga.

“Fine. Let’s all go to the police,” I gave in.

“Are you the only girl here, Hiroko?” Ulala asked. Okay, so maybe I was a little put off that Ulala was so concerned for this girl she had never met when she held out on vital information to the case. But right now, Hiroko’s safety was more important.

“Yes,” she replied, still looking up at Ulala…as if Serizawa was some kind of saint.

I needed a drink.

We escorted Hiroko to the police station, Akama in tow…I didn’t say a word for the whole walk, but Ulala and Hiroko were chatting animatedly over the latest episode of some drama. I didn’t think Ulala liked that garbage, but I can’t say it really surprised me.

“Can you believe what Toshiro told Fumi last week?” Hiroko giggled. It was nice to hear her happy, but I didn’t catch much else of the conversation…I was watching Ulala. Every few minutes, I saw her steal a glance at me, but look away when I caught her. I was beginning to doubt if I wanted company for my drink. Company meant I would have to face Ulala…I knew I would fuck it up….

But I had already lost Miki…could I stand to lose Ulala as well? At this rate, it would probably kill me. Damn…she was already so close to me…I didn’t want to let her go. I wished I could be calculating…but I really didn’t know what I was doing, and my impulses took over. I stopped walking.

“I’m sorry.”

Ulala froze. As if slowed down, she made an exaggerated turn to look at me.

“…” For just one brief moment, our eyes met. At that second, words were unnecessary. I came alive…but…

…pulled back to Earth…

“If we don’t hurry, he’ll wake up,” Hiroko whispered, as if she was nervous to break the bond between Ulala and me. She looked quite confused.

“Right,” Ulala murmured, looking away. Ulala, of course, knew what I was apologizing for….

Shit. There was no backing out now.

We all began walking again, almost to the police station. I just wanted to drop off the girl and be alone with Serizawa…ugh…what a foreign concept. I had no idea what I’d do if we were alone, but the idea sounded better than work.

Once we arrived, I could tell that even Ulala was getting impatient. Filing police reports didn’t sound too appealing, in comparison to other things.

“Can you testify?” she asked Hiroko softly. The younger girl nodded and turned to a rookie officer sitting behind the desk. If only Suou was here, he could take care of this…. I listened to the girl’s story, but I wasn’t really into it.

So, Serizawa’s ex was into young girls and their underwear, and he ran a shop and videotaped girls doing odd things for his own purposes…disgusting. Furumura was his latest conquest- a friend had told her to go to Akama’s shop to sell her used unmentionables. Like most girls, she wanted designer clothes. Again, disgusting. Akama had told her she could make some extra money if she stayed with him, but when he asked her to do things she didn’t want to and she tried to go home, he threatened her with force. How pathetic…threatening a child simply because he could, because he got off on power. Akama hadn’t let Furumura return to her parents for the past week. Although he never struck her and he kept her well fed, Hiroko seemed pretty shaken up, so I was certain that things went on that she wasn’t comfortable with.

I felt another lurch in my stomach, listening to her talk. Ulala kept rocking back and forth, staring straight at the knocked out Akama. A part of me wanted to hold her…but I couldn’t. Still, it was unnerving to see her broken up about a case, even one of such personal nature.

The police placed a warrant and arrest on Akama, and at my suggestion, they sent Hiroko home with a few police escorts. Ulala made no statement of protest.

There was a lot of money riding on this case, and it was over, but it really didn’t matter anymore. Another pervert would be locked up, and Hiroko would be home safe. She’d probably be in trouble, once the joy of having her back wore off.

Stepping out of the station, I turned around. Ulala was following very slowly.

“You okay?” I asked, hesitating. She nodded, but said nothing. “You’re so difficult,” I sighed, not knowing what else to say. I set off to my apartment, but I didn’t hear Ulala following me. Her slow steps sounded as if she was heading in the opposite direction. Once again, I looked behind me. She was headed for the Lunar Palace, I knew it. Maybe she needed Maya right now, but maybe she needed me, or she was just waiting for me to let her know that I didn’t mind being needed.

“You…want to come with me?” I stammered. Ulala stopped, but said nothing. “Home. Do you want to come home with me?” I didn’t make it sound very romantic, but she got the picture. Ulala turned around and lifted her head. If she was happy about my question, she didn’t show it.

“Okay.”

We began walking, and Ulala caught up and fell into step with me. Once the realization of what I had just done set in, I couldn’t look at her…the last time I brought her back to my house, I had been half-drunk and determined to forget. This time, I was completely sober, and yet I felt like I had even less of an idea of what I was doing.

            “You should have told me you had information about the case,” I muttered.

            “I know. But I didn’t want you to find out,” she whispered.

            Suddenly, I felt like a jerk. Of course she didn’t want to tell me. I sighed.

            “We all do stupid things when we’re young,” I finally responded. This didn’t seem to give Ulala any comfort. We walked in awkward silence for another block. “You going to tell me what’s up with you and Akama?” I chanced, hoping to get her to speak up so that she would get back to being herself. Her silence was so uncharacteristic, and it was unnerving.

“Not much, really. Old boyfriend.”

            I gave her a strange look.

            “He had hair then. He wasn’t fat, either,” Ulala explained. “When I sold him my stuff, he offered me more money, so I took him on some dates. I thought he just wanted to be seen with me. And who wouldn’t?” She grinned weakly, somewhat resigned. “Then, that bastard tried to rope me into being his bitch. Unluckily for him, I was more of a fighter than Hiroko…I just…well, it just hit a little close to home back there. I thought…it could have been me.” She fell silent again, and I could tell that her last sentence was what had been worrying her the most.

“You sure know how to pick ‘em…” I muttered, potentially insulting myself. “How old were you?”

“Twenty. I didn’t know that I could use Persona yet, but I did a lot of working out, so he didn’t stand a chance,” she replied, her spark returning little by little. The talking seemed to have worked. Talking was one of Ulala’s many hobbies.

            “You were lucky.” It was a lie. She wasn’t lucky, she was strong. Ulala shrugged. There was still something nagging at me. “How did you know that he could use Persona?” I asked.

            “I remembered the resonance,” she replied simply. “I didn’t know what it was at the time, but I figured it out.”

            I never gave Ulala enough credit.

We had reached my apartment, and I was fishing in my pocket for my keys. The silence was a little more comfortable now.

I opened the door. We were just standing in the doorway, me looking straight ahead like a nervous kid. I didn’t know what to do next…everything seemed awkward…keep talking? Go for the bed? Pour some bourbon?

            “Can we go in?” Ulala asked, just a little bit whiny. “I’d really like to sit.” She was back.

            I moved to let her inside and stared at the door, deliberating. Shutting the door was safe. Or was it? That would mean I had no way out if I screwed up. Screw it.

I shut the door as Ulala wandered in. The apartment wasn’t anything to be proud of, just a bathroom, a kitchen, and a kitchen with some salmon-colored carpet. She began looking at the walls, and I felt a bit embarrassed at the emptiness of everything. It just didn’t look lived in. The only proof of habitation was the unmade bed and a few articles of clothing on the floor. Even the ashtray on the table was empty, a dead giveaway of the amount of time I spent in my apartment. In one corner, there was a disorganized mess of computer equipment, but I just hadn’t been able to get comfortable since I lost my flat in Narumi.

“Do you want something to eat? Drink?” I asked, watching her examine my space. The last time she was here, neither of us had been very concerned with the décor.

“What do you have?” she asked, neatly setting down the belt she had picked up onto my bureau.

I laughed. I knew she meant drinks. And I knew she meant alcohol, the damn drunk. “Whatever you want. Bourbon, sake, wine…” I almost said champagne, which I did have, but….

“Smirnoff?” she requested.

I laughed…nothing hardcore tonight. That was probably a good thing. But a little alcohol would be relaxing…I needed it.

I opened my refrigerator in the kitchen to get the bottle, then to the cupboard for two glasses. Walking back out to the main room, I saw that Ulala was now sitting at my table. I handed her a glass and poured the vodka, and then sat down on the cushion opposite hers, pouring myself a glass.

“Thanks…” she replied, taking a long sip. As she drank, I could see that she needed it as much as I did.

We drank in silence for a while longer, just looking at each other. What was there to say?

Everything…. I watched my companion’s eyes meander back to soaking in the room.

“I remember that,” Ulala voiced suddenly, perking. “That’s mine.” She pointed at the floor to the left of my bed. There laid a long strip of gauze…from Ulala’s hands… “You unwrapped it…you took the gauze off my hands…” she continued. I didn’t need to be reminded. I remembered perfectly well. I’d wanted to feel her touch...it was intoxicating, at the time. Probably still was now.

“Do you want it back?” I asked. I regretted saying that as soon as the words left my mouth. I should have told her about wanting to experience her touch, she would have liked that better.

“No,” she replied, holding up her hands to show me fresh tape. “I’m good.” She looked disappointed that I hadn’t taken the opportunity to be romantic. She was always so impatient.

Impulses…damn impulses.

I set down my drink and reached across the small table to Ulala’s hands. I took them in mine and once again began to unravel the tape. Glimpsing up at her face, I almost laughed when I noticed how wide her eyes were. Once I had removed all of the wraps, I set them aside on the table but kept hold on her hands. They were cold from the refrigerated drink…I wanted them warm. It felt so familiar…and satisfying.

“Thanks…” she told me. I wasn’t sure what she was thanking me for, but I didn’t really want to ask.

“You’re welcome.”

Since she had removed a hairpin, her coif was falling out of place. She didn’t seem to care. She really had changed since I first met her. Back then, she would have spent hours refastening the pin until she looked perfect, because perfect moments only happen to perfect people, or some bullshit like that.

She had liked me from since we first met. She was always joking with Maya about how no one could like me, and that she was just taking pity on me by paying me attention. I don’t think anyone was fooled.

            Looking back, I don’t understand how it happened. I didn’t really see myself as an amicable person, but she had still managed to fall in love with me, due to her innate ability to pick the worst man possible. I was not so quick on her…but I had felt it coming. Ever since that thing about her being a Cash Dispenser, or whatever it was. Maybe it was just because I knew she had feelings for me. Maybe it was because she made me feel sort of young, bickering with her like an idiot. Or maybe it was because she made me want to move on. But was too late to turn back now. We certainly had…something between us.

            Instead of thinking, I looked at her. She was a still a little disheveled from the stressful day (life).

“Your hair,” I murmured, reaching up to it. How on earth did she get it styled like that? I attempted to remove the pins, but it was no use. Noticing my struggle, Ulala smiled this peaceful smile, reached up, gently pushed my hands out of the way, and swiftly took out five or six pins. Her hair fell gracefully, just touching her shoulders.

It looked pretty strange when she let it down…the white ends clashed with the red even more. I wondered, for a moment, what she looked like with natural, black hair, but figured that I would never find out. Once again, I stretched out my arm for it, twirling a captured lock between my fingers.

For having been dyed and bleached so much, her hair was surprisingly soft.

            “I’d never expect you to be so fascinated with hair,” she teased, reaching for my own overgrown hair. She worked her fingers into it, her touch tingling my scalp. “With all this, mine seems kind of boring.” She laughed a little and stroked my head like she might pet a cat.

            Craving had long since taken over my mind, and I silenced her laugher by running my hand across her lips and over her cheek. She took in a breath and her eyes locked with mine. Her eyes were wide with surprise but they were showing sings of desire as well. I was pretty sure that my own wishes were plastered on my face. Even Ulala picked up on that, and the corners of her lips turned up in a smile.

            If eye contact was a dangerous thing, looking at her lips was suicide.

As she continued to stare at me, her smile faded into an expectant look.

            Shit. I couldn’t do this.

            What was she expectant of? For me to profess undying love, get down on one knee, propose? And where the hell was my impetuousness now that I needed it?

            I didn’t know what we had, but I was okay with finding out…but no, Serizawa was too impatient, too desperate. It would never work, not for long…it might be fun for a while, the sex might be nice, but getting into this when she’s expecting more was just stupid, for both of us.

“What do you want from me, Ulala?” I asked, defeated. The eager look faded, and I looked away. “You know I’m not good for you….” Ulala wanted a husband, a perfect gentleman. Didn’t she? I was a distraction for her…and it hurt that I couldn’t be what she wanted. It was too late for this, we both knew it, but damned if I couldn’t fight it.

            “Kaoru.” She sounded exasperated. “I want…” She closed her eyes and inhaled pointedly. “All I want is to know how you feel about me. A straight answer.” Ulala turned my head to her, forcing me to make eye contact. “No bullshit. Is that too much to ask of you?”

I didn’t expect that. Clearly, I needed to stop underestimating Ulala.