I LOVE LUCY: The Broadway Play
Act Three, Scene One: The Ricardo's Apartment
(Lucy and Ricky are sitting on the couch reading.)
LUCY: (Looks at her watch). Oh, Ricky. Look at the time. If you don't leave soon you're going to be late for the show.
RICKY: Didn't I tell you? I'm not goin' dear.
LUCY: (shocked) You're not? Well, why not?
RICKY: Well, I just thought that the new show could use a bit more rehearsal so I cancelled tonight's performance.
LUCY: (Upset) Oh no, Ricky! You shouldn't have done that! You just go right back down there and do that show.
RICKY: Now, honey, I can't. It's all taken care of. The show will start tomorrow night and we have the whole evening to ourselves. Isn't that nice honey?
LUCY: (Trying to fake that she is happy about that) Yes. Yes, that's wonderful.
(The doorbell rings)
RICKY: (Getting up) I'll get it dear.
LUCY: (Getting up and running towards the door) No, no. I'll get it.
(Lucy opens the door a crack to see who it is and then closes it.)
RICKY: Who is that at the door, dear?
LUCY: Who? It's.. uhh.. Ethel. She wants to borrow my stole for the evening.
RICKY: Oh, well then you'd better get it for her.
LUCY: Could you get if for me Ricky. It's in the closet in the bedroom way in the back.
RICKY: Alright, dear.
(Ricky leaves. Lucy frantically runs to the desk, throws open a drawer, pulls out the wig, throws it on her head, runs to the door and opens it, letting Derek Nolan in, who is carrying a briefcase with him.)
LUCY: (Faking Spanish accent) Oh, hello Mr. Nolan. How very nice to see you.
NOLAN: Yes, and I would just like to say what a pleasure it is to meet you.
LUCY: Oh, thank you. Thank you. Won't you come in?
NOLAN: Yes, thank you.
(The come in and sit down on the couch.)
LUCY: (Reaching for a pack of cigarettes) Would you care for a cigarette?
NOLAN: No, no thank you. I think we'd better just get right down to business.
LUCY: (Putting the pack down on the table) Alright.
RICKY: (Off-screen) Lucy?
NOLAN: What was that?
LUCY: Uhhh.. that must have been the butler. (To Ricky) Just a minute please. (To Mr. Nolan)Please excuse me. (Lucy runs out of the room. As soon as she reaches the bedroom, she rips off her wig and throws it under the bed.)
RICKY: (walking out of Lucy's closet, holding Lucy's stole) Is this the stole that Ethel wanted?
LUCY: (In her normal voice) No. No that's not it at all. It's the one way in the back back there. (Points into the closet)
RICKY: All the way back there?
LUCY: Yes, would you please get it for me, dear.
RICKY: Alright. (Goes back in)
(As soon as Ricky's out of site, Lucy reaches under the bed, pulls out the wig, puts it on her head, runs back out and sits down next to Mr. Nolan.)
NOLAN: Is everything alright?
LUCY (Sitting back down on the couch and, again, faking a Spanish Accent) Oh, yes. Everythin' is just fine.
NOLAN: Good. (Pulls out a script from his briefcase) Now, I have here your script. (Hands it to her)
LUCY: (Overjoyed) My script! Oh, that's wonderful!
NOLAN: Yes, now...
RICKY: (Off-screen) Lucy?
NOLAN: That sounds like your butler again.
LUCY: Yes. Yes, I think is it. Please excuse me.
(Lucy again leaves ripping of her wig and stuffing it under the bed before Ricky sees her. Ricky is holding a different stole now when he steps into the bedroom.)
RICKY: Is this the one?
LUCY: (In her normal voice) Well, Ethel just came by and said she didn't need it anyway. Could you please pit it back?
RICKY: Why dunt you put it back and I'll wait out into the Living Room?
RICKY: Why not?
LUCY: I'm your wife. Don't you want to do nice little things like you did for me when we were first married anymore?
RICKY: Well, I..
LUCY: Then it's settled. You put it back and I'll wait in the Living Room.
RICKY: Alright, dear. (Ricky walks back in)
LUCY: (Gets the wig out from under the bed, puts it on and goes back out to the Living Room and sits back down on the couch, faking a Spanish accent) Now, where were we?
NOLAN: We were just about to begin going over the script.
LUCY: Oh! Good. (Picks up her script)
NOLAN: You see, in this play, your part is that of a lovely Spanish senorita.
LUCY: Oh, that's very good.
NOLAN: Yes, and in the play you meet a young foreign boy from America and fall in love.
LUCY: Ohhh.... that's very sweet.
NOLAN: And at the end of the play, you die.
LUCY: Yes... (Just realizing what he just said) die?
NOLAN: Yes, it's a very tragic ending.
LUCY: Yeah. Especially for me.
NOLAN: Well, the death scene is one of the signature scenes in the play. Very dramatic. I was wondering if we could go over that scene first.
LUCY: Oh, yes... let's see. (Reading the script loudly and somewhat poorly) "Oh, how my poor heart breaks!"
NOLAN: Quieter, Mrs. Ricardo, quieter! You're dying.
LUCY: Oh, yes, of course. (quieter, but with the same intensity) "Oh, how my poor heart breaks." Was that any better?
NOLAN: Yes. That was fine.
LUCY: Oh good. "Oh how my poor heart breaks when I think that this is the end of it all."
RICKY: (walks in) Lucy.
LUCY: (In normal voice) This is the end, alright.
RICKY: (In a tone as if pretending to be surprised) Lucy, you didn't tell me that Mr. Nolan was coming over this evening. (To Mr. Nolan) It's a pleasure to meet you.
NOLAN: It's a pleasure to meet you too. I've seen your shows at the Tropicana many times.
RICKY: Well, thank you. So I hear my little Lucita is going to be the star of her own Broadway musical.
NOLAN: Yes, if fact, we were just going over her big scene right now, weren't we Mrs. Ricardo?
LUCY: Uhh... (Faking a Spanish accent) si si.
NOLAN: Alright, Mrs. Ricardo, let's take it from the top.
LUCY: (Reading the script somewhat poorly but dramatically) "Oh how my poor heart breaks when I think that this is the end of it all. To think of what could have been. I love you. But now, I must go." How was I?
NOLAN: Well, you'll get better. Now, after that last line, you break out into a touching song in which you say good bye to your lover and proclaim your love to him.
LUCY: Oh, that's so romantic.
NOLAN: Yes, I thought we would try to go through that now. (Pulling some sheet music from his briefcase and handing some to Ricky) Mr. Ricardo, would you mind playing the piano for us.
RICKY: Not atall. Anything for my little Lucita. (Gives Lucy a teasing look. Walks over to the piano and sits down)
NOLAN: (Handing the rest of the sheet music to Lucy) And here is your part.
LUCY: Oh thank you.
NOLAN: And now, Mr. Ricardo whenever you're ready.
RICKY: Alright. (Begins to play a strong ballad on the piano)
LUCY: (singing, begins on a screeching high note) "Ohhhhh...." (The note is dreadfully out of pitch and Lucy tries to find it. She does and smiles and nods at Mr. Nolan,very pleased with herself. She still sings poorly and out of key, her pitch falling flat at the end of every line.)
"Ohhhhhh, Farewelllllll, Farewell my loooove
The Time has coooome
This is goodbye
Farewelllllll, farewell my loooooove
The day is heeeeeere
Now I Must dieeeeee
I wiiish it could be different
But I knooooooow that this is truuuuue
So, goodbye, farewell to yoooooou
(Ricky and Mr. Nolan wince at the sound of Lucy's singing. As the song continues, Lucy becomes more dramatic with her gestures until her performance borders on being absolutly rediculous)
LUCY: "I looooook into your eyeeeeees
And I just duuuuunt
Know what to saaaaay
Exeeeept, it's you I looooove
I loved more moooore with every daaay
And noooow for the last time
I tell you that it's true
Yooooooou!" (Hits a high and very out of key note on "You" and then drops down to a lower note. She finishes the note and falls to the ground. Mr. Nolan and Ricky look on with shock. Lucy gets up, brushes herself off and looks eagerly at Mr. Nolan. Speaking, with a Spanish accent) Well how was I?
NOLAN: (Surprise) Is that how you sing?
NOLAN: Well if you sing like that in the show you really are going to die- on the stage.
LUCY: You mean you don't like it?
NOLAN: I'm sorry, but I just don't think this part's for you. (Picks up his briefcase and heads for the door)
LUCY: (Following him, In her normal voice) Well I can do it differently. (Singing still out of tune and screechy at a faster tempo following him the door) "Farewelllllll, farewell my loooove The time has coooome..."
NOLAN: (At door, interupting her) I'm very sorry Mrs. Ricardo. Good night. (He leaves and shuts the door behind him.
LUCY: (Upset) Ohhhh.... (Walks to the couch, sits down, and begins to cry)
RICKY: (Coming over to Lucy) Oh, Lucy, honey. Dunt cry. You know I hate it when you cry.
LUCY: (Crying) Well I can't help it. He said I wasn't right for the part. I'll never get a role on Broadway,
RICKY: (Sitting down next to her) I don't know about Broadway, but I know that I love you in your role as my lovely, beautiful, and adorable wife.
LUCY: (Happy, but still with tears in her eyes) Oh Ricky! (She puts her arms around him and they kiss.)