Doubts

Note: This fic starts at the end of the series, and it goes on till the middle of EW.

Warning: Shounen Ai/yaoi

Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never have, never will. Though I can always dream…

By: Aphrodite

A.C.195

Trowa~

It's over. Finally over.

I watched the End-of-the-War celebration before me. Though I only really noticed a certain laughing blonde. He looks so happy. I wonder if I can ever be that happy.

What a ridiculous thought. I am Nanashi, an orphan that has no place in this world.

Maybe I should have self-destructed after all. I would have, if Catherine hadn't stopped me-and almost dislocated my jaw.

I involuntarily wince at the memory, still feeling that punch. Ow. Who would've known how much strength she had? Oh well, I guess that's my punishment for under-estimating her.

My thoughts were interrupted by a rather high, but still male voice.

I looked up to see Quatre grinning at me from only a few feet away.

My heart pounded furiously. Or maybe it stopped beating. I wouldn't have known.

He snatched my hand and began running towards the other Ex-Gundam pilots.

All the while, he was complaining to me.

"Trowa, how come you never join in the festivities? You don't know how much you miss! You're even worse than Heero when it comes to that sense. Look! Even he's over there by Duo!"

I tore my eyes away from him long enough to see Heero watching a bouncing ball of energy that called himself Duo Maxwell, a faint, almost undetectable smile on his full lips. The American suddenly glomped onto the Wing pilot, eyes glittery.

My mind began replacing Duo with Quatre, and Heero with me…

ARGH!

Why am I torturing myself?

"…happy?"

I blinked out of the trance I've fallen into…

Only to fall right back in when I found myself staring into large, confused aquamarine eyes.

The very picture of innocence.

My heart began melting…

Quatre shook my arm. "Trowa! Are you O.K.?"

His eyes widened with worry.

…my heart turned into a little pile of putty.

"Omae o karosu!"

Heero's growled death threat made both of us jump.

"OW! HEERO! MERCY! MERCY!"

I sighed.

Quatre sweatdropped.

Wufei rolled his eyes agitatedly and glared.

The crowd took no notice to us.

Duo's done it again.

Heero was mad.

And as we all know, an infuriated Heero was not a pleasant (nor safe) sight.

His hand held Duo's yard-long braid in a white-knuckled grip.

I don't even know why Heero bothers to threaten him. He should know by now that he'd never bring himself to carry out his threat.

"Eh hehehe…!" Quatre laughed nervously.

He let go of my hand, and I was shocked by how cold the late-afternoon air was all of a sudden.

He jogged over to Heero and tried to get him to loosen his grip.

"Com'on Heero, you're gonna tear his hair off!"

That didn't work too well. So he tried to get Duo to apologize for whatever he did.

"Duo, do you want to be bald?"

"Well it ain't my fault! He was the one who tripped over my foot!"

"And you were the one who stuck it out," Heero grunted through clenched teeth.

I shook my head. Even though they were so close, they will never stop feuding.

That night, I sat wake in my bed, watching the lights of heaven glimmer and sparkle.

Quatre had invited us to stay with him at the Winner estate for a while, and we all excepted the offer.

I imagined the two brightest stars as the eyes of the one boy whose smile and laughter I keep close to my heart.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Come in!"

I turned my head towards the door and suddenly forgot how to breathe, enraptured by the beautiful figure before me.

Three words, one person.

Quatre Reberba Winner.

The pale light from the hallway seemed to make him glow.

It took all of my control to not gather the small boy into my arms and just kiss the sweet breath out of him.

But no. Boys weren't supposed kiss other boys.

Though my hands were sweating.

When I finally remembered where I put my voicebox, I muttered, "Um, Quatre, you wanted something?"

He began fidgeting with his fingers and looked down, a faint crimson tainting his pale cheeks.

"Quatre?" I tilted my head a little.

He blushed more.

He finally stuttered. "I-It's stupid r-really…but I thought I-I sensed your sadness…like, um…longing for something…?"

Shit, how did he know?

Oh yeah…

"Ummmm…" What was I supposed to say? I can't tell him that love hi-WAIT A BLOODY SECOND HERE! Love? No way! Admiration maybe, even attraction, but not love. Definitely not love.

As I struggled to convince myself, Quatre shrugged. "Oh well," he gave a smile that looked 85% forced and 15% pained. "I guess I was wrong." There was a look in his eyes that he desperately tried to hide. The look of…rejection and hurt?

I started. God if I caused his pain…! It was quite obvious that I had.

I really wanted to go and self-destruct right then.

He walked to the door and paused. "Well good-night Trowa," he whispered hoarsely.

"Uh…?"

He sighed and walked into the hallway, the door clicking closed behind him. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought he was crying-

Then I realized.

DAMMIT I HATE MYSELF!

Quatre~

HOW COULD I'VE BEEN SO STUPID?

It was a miracle that I'd kept my tears in check until I reached my bedroom. But as soon as I had, I'd flopped down on my bed and cried myself senseless.

Those cold, but beautiful emerald-green eyes had told me everything I needed to know.

I was nothing to Trowa.

I should've known, but a part of me believed otherwise.

And in result, I had made a fool of myself.

With a sigh, I rolled over and sleep overcame me. A much-needed sleep.

Trowa~

I tiptoed through the dark hallway, down the stairs, and silently cursed as I encountered another long corridor.

It seemed to me that every single room on the Winner Estate was separated by fifty feet of concrete.

Why did Quatre have all of our rooms so far apart?

I shrugged. He's always believed in privacy. And for once, I was glad.

I finally reached the door marked 'Sandrock' and knew it was his. I gave it one of my rare grins and slipped into the room.

I didn't bother to be extra extra quiet, because Quatre was never labeled as the lightest sleeper. That award went to Heero.

I walked to the bed at the far end of room and looked at its sleeping occupant. The still-visible tear streaks confirmed his hurt.

As gently as I could, I brushed a stray lock of platinum-gold hair away from his heart-shaped face.

He didn't move.

I stroked his cheek.

He stirred.

"Quatre…" I breathed softly.

Blue eyes popped open.

They widened when he realized who was at his bedside.

"Tro-mphm!"

I slapped a hand over his mouth, shutting him up. "Quiet!" I hissed.

I sat on the bed and took back my hand.

He gulped. "Tr-Tro-wa…?"

Quatre~

I walked across the meadow, lonely and sorrowful.

Then, he appeared.

I looked up and saw him smile at me. It was by far the most gorgeous sight I'd ever seen.

His hand reached out, and he gently brushed the hair out of my face.

I stared at him, eyes larger by Rashid's secret stash of collectors' saucers.

He stroked my cheek, and he breathed softly, "Quatre."

If this was a dream, it was damned the best dream I've ever had.

There was something strange about his voice, like I'd him through my ears, not my mind.

OH MY GOD I'M NOT DREAMING!

I opened my eyes, and tried to say something, but he covered my mouth with his hand.

"Quiet!" he hissed.

Oh my god…

Trowa~

O.K. think fast!

Quatre was looking at me with expectant blue eyes.

"Uhhh…"

AH IDIOT!

I took a deep breath and blurted out, "Quatre-it-wasn't-rejection-you-heard-from-me-it-was uncertainty-and-dammit-I'm-sorry-I-need-you…"

He leaned forward till our noses were almost touching…

I tensed, but for some strange reason, the feel of Quatre's soft lips on mine made me melt and sigh.

As quickly as they'd descended, his lips left, and I was vaguely aware of the choking sound in the back of my throat.

His grin was suddenly unnerving.

A year and four months later~

"WAAAIIII! HEEE~EERRRROOOOO!"

Duo's cry of glee was heard just moments before the braided boy himself bolted into the room, grinning like a manic. Heero was allowed only a blink of astonishment before he was tackled to the ground. They rolled for a while, Duo somehow ending up on top.

The American beamed down at his lover. "Saa, Hee-koi, d'ja miiiiss me?"

Heero sweatdropped. "Duo, it's only been four days…"

"But that's FAAAARRR too long!"

Wufei snorted in the background, and turned slightly pink as Duo began nuzzling the Wing-pilot's ear, purring. "Ano…Maxwell, Yuy, stop groping and get a room."

Meanwhile on an out-side swing~

"Trowa, I had a strange dream last night…"

Aquamarine eyes stared into emerald-green ones and quivered slightly.

"And?"

"That you weren't going to return from your mission today-Trowa! Don't laugh! It's not funny!"

The uni-banged boy raised a palm to his mouth, covering whatever chuckles he had left. He looked down at the pouting boy and pulled him closer. "Quatre, I thought you'd known by now that I'd always come back to you." He gently kissed the baby-fine platnum-blond hair, and felt the small body of his lover relax in his embrace.

Trowa nibbled on the inside of his cheek. I'll surivive through the war, Quatre, just for you.

ARGH! Must…have…better ending…

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