Rating: R for later chapters.

Disclaimer: The Harry Potter characters are obviously not mine...wait are you saying if I didn't put that people would think they were mine?? Hmm, on second thought, yes I own everything....

It was late, around one or two in the morning, when Snape sat down to dinner. Every since leaving Hogwarts over a year ago he had found meals to be something of a bother, and often didn't even go to the trouble to stop working to eat. His house elves would frequently leave food outside his dungeon if he got hungry, permitting him to eat without stepping far from his caldrons.

After they (and by they he meant Potter, everyone else just got in the way for the most part) defeated Voldemort several months after Harry's seventh year, Snape had been offered a new ministry job in the new-sprung dangerous potions/remedies department. He had accepted it eagerly, as it allowed him to work independently at home... and there was nothing left for him at Hogwarts anyway.

"Master Snape, Master Snape!"

Severus glanced up from his food, looking down the long, empty dinning table to the heavy double doors, which swung open at that exact moment. Flick, his house elf, raced in, fumbling a thick, brown paper bound package.

"You has a present Master Snape! Is marked special order." The elf looked immensely proud of himself. "Flick read it hisself."

Snape arched one dark eyebrow and waited. And waited.

Flick simply stared back.

Snape sighed, loudly, "May I have my 'present'?"

Flick blinked a few times then remembered he was clutching the mail to his chest in his excitement, he thrust the package into Snape's lap, knocking a half-full glass of wine along for the ride.

Snape hissed and cursed silently under his breath, the cool liquid soaking into his pants. Flick hurried over, looking down at the mess, surprised, "Master Snape you is wet!"

"Yes, I is." Snape replied dryly.

"Let Flick help you with that..."

"NO!!" The house elf stopped mid-grab for a stained napkin. "Why don't open the package and I can take care of the wine." Snape handed the package back to Flick and cast a cleansing charm over his pants, placing the over-turned glass back on the table.

"Oh! Ohohoh...Ohhhhhhhh." Flick was hopping back and forth from foot to foot, ecstatic, half the brown paper torn off the package. Snape knew the house elf liked opening mail, even though he couldn't understand most of it, but Snape had had no idea Flick liked it quite so... much.

"Look!" Flick handed him the package as if bestowing the crown jewels. Snape took one look at the front and shoved it away.

"Isn't you going to read it Master Snape?"

"No."

"But it is the newest of the..."

"I said NO Flick! Now that will be all."

"But Master Har..."

"Out now!"

The house elf sulked out, but Snape never even noticed. He had only saw the gift for a moment, but the image was imprinted in his mind. It was the fifth book in a highly acclaimed series, both in the muggle and wizard world. And it wasn't supposed to come out for several more months (two months, one week, and 3 days - not that he was counting), so it was an advanced copy. The title was embossed in silver, a gray castle in the background... Nathan Baker and the Living Shadows, by Harry Potter. After defeating Voldie Harry had spent several months recovering in the hospital at Hogwarts, with nothing else to do he had begun writing stories. The Nathan Baker series was almost autobiographical but a lot of the danger and disasters were glossed over into the comic adventures of a young boy going the Glenn Montmare School for Magic and Mystery... There was a green-eyed orphan antagonist - Nathan, and his two best friends, and much to Snape's irritation, an older darker Professor by the name of Cole...

Snape gingerly lifted the book off the table again and pulled it free from the remaining packaging, there was no note, no message with the book. What the hell was that boy up to now?

Smutty goodness begins in next chapter...consider yourself warned.