AN: I know. I know. It isn't Christmas, but I have a nasty habit of being late. Plus, it took me a long time to find the actual lyrics to this song, because my tape broke. "Alfie the Elf" lyrics belong to Wee Sing audio. (Has anyone else heard that? It is SCARY and DEPRESSING.)

DOBBY THE ELF

Dobby the elf, Dobby the elf,
Dobby the elf was Malfoy's helper
Dobby the elf just loved to try!
But when he worked for Master Malfoy
Dobby the elf could only cry

OW! (Lucius jumped on his toe)
UM! (Draco broke his thumb)
GEE! (Blamed for everything!)
Oh boy! (And he "ruined" their "joy"!)

Dobby the elf was thrown a socky

Dobby the elf was suddenly free

But soon he realized it was tough

After centuries of the same old thing!

OW! (Narcissa slapped him hard)
UM! (He broke that damned thumb again!)
GEE! ("It's not my fault, don't you see?!)
Oh boy! ("Quiet, Elf! You're ruining our joy!")

Dobby the elf was so discouraged,
Help me nice ones, won't you try?
So Hermione gave Dobby a brand new purpose
and Dobby the elf no more did cry

OW for he felt secure

UM he was no longer dumb!

GEE Thanks, Her-my-oh-nee!

Oh boy! No more Malfoys!

Dobby the elf was oh so happy
Thank you, dear Potter, for this joy
"Now I can cook up lovely foods
For every little girl and boy!"

HERMIONE: But that's inhumane! I had nothing to do with that! I demand this be changed immediately!

RON: But she will take credit for the bladder hats.

HERMIONE: They aren't bladders, RON!

RON: Right, they're stomachs.

HERMIONE: NO!