The Misadventures of the Supreme Bitch Jessi AKA I Was Bored so I Decided to Take Over the World. .

By: The Supreme Bitch Herself AKA Me you lowly peasants!

A/N: Okay people, here’s a another stupid fic by me. It contains too many anime to name right now so, let me just say that it has Gundam Wing, Rurouni Kenshin and many others…so just read this and review. Please review….even if it is a flame….I’ll just laugh at you….anyway…please enjoy. Or else.

Disclaimer: I no own you no sue. If you even think for a second that I own any of the anime mentioned here then I have a bridge I’d like to sell you.

Episode 1: So you want to take over the World

 "Okay this is gone from bad to worse. First God's after me and now Satan! What the fuck am I supposed to do?!" I cried my head falling into my hands.

            My friend Meru looks at me, "You are SO screwed." She says.

            I looked at her ruefully, " Tell me something I don't know."

            "You are screwed." Meru said with a large grin.

            "Thanks for your wise advice," I mutter sarcastically. I looked over to De; "Oh you who are far wiser than I for I lack in the brains department, please tell me…What am I going to do?"

            De gave me a lopsided grin," You are pretty much well screwed, Jess."

            "Damn! NO!" I pounded my clenched fists on the top of the dinner table.

            De looked at me with a look of mischief, "Well there is one thing you could do…" her musical voice trailed off.

            "What's that?" I asked with a cautious look.

            "You could just give it all up and plead insanity." De waved a hand nonchalantly.

            "No." I flatly stated.

            Meru smiled at me a glint of wickedness in his eyes, "Well…you could take over heaven,"

            I looked at her incredulously, " Take over heaven? When I'm having trouble trying to take over the world? Oh, yeah that would be much easier. That's exactly what I need." I flippantly said then banged my head on the table.

            Meru grinned even wider, "Hey, it's the only other option."

            I sighed heavily, admitting that either I give up or I take over heaven. I mulled over the options in my head. I would never give up my dream of conquering the world even though it does seem to piss off everyone, including God and Satan. That left me with one option. I looked at both of my best friends; " I have made my choice." I announced it like it was some big thing.

            De cleaned her glasses, " So what did you choose?"

            " I will conquer heaven, defeat both God and Satan, and claim the universe my own."

            De just stared at me, "That all?"

            My jaw dropped. Damn this woman expected a lot. "Yeah, I think that should suffice."

            She shrugged, "If you say so."

            "Yeah well that's a lot. It's gonna keep me busy for a while." I stood from my seat.

            "Well it seems like you'll need some help." Meru bounced out of her seat. "I'll help!"

            I smiled, "Alright minion number 1. So what about you De? Care to defy heaven and become the one of the highest powers in the universe?"

            De snorted at my comment, or me I couldn't tell. "Alright then. I don't have anything else better to do. That and it keeps me away from the…"

            "Boys." I finished for her.

            She smiled at me a little wider than normal, " Yeah so, let's get going already."

            I laughed wickedly, as I ran upstairs to my wicked lair…my…um…bedroom. Yeah… SO Anywayz we got up in my lair and we commenced our evil planning. I sat in my chair and De and Meru took up my bed. I looked up and stared at them," So what is the plan?" I rubbed my hands together. Meru just giggled. "That helps, " I said. She giggled again. "Okay, De what do you think? I know you have ideas, so spill it."

            "Well we could create dimension hoppers and…"

            "No. I've already tried that. That's why God's angry, I accidentally transported into his bathroom and well…you know."

            "Well that explains why he's after you, you know he's going to send his five archangel's after you." De had to bring that up.

            I rubbed my aching head and nodded, "I know, I know, I'll have to battle them when they come…and defeat them."

            "Oh yeah defeat archangels. Sure."

            "Thanks for the overwhelming vote of confidence De."

            "Your welcome." De smiled at me, "So what's your plan?"

            "I dunno. I think I will use my magically enhanced armor and weapons to lay siege to heaven and stuff." I scratched my head and looked into my closet to look for my magically enhanced stuff.

            "Jess, you don't have any magically enhanced stuff." De pointed out to me. That would explain why it wasn't there.

            "Oh…yeah. Well then I guess we could use my death ray…oh wait that was destroyed. Umm we could use my magical breath-mints." I suggested.

            Meru laughed, "Remember the last time we used those. Poor people haven't had time to rebuild yet."

            "Well than I'm out of ideas. Anybody…" but before I could even finished my pathetic attempt at a plea a loud bang came from down stairs. "Okay what the hell was that?"

            "Cats?" Meru suggested.

            "No the cats know better than to disturb me when I'm plotting. I smell the smelly smell of something that smells…HOLY! It's an archangel!" I grabbed my sword, which hung on my wall. Meru grabbed her huge mallet and De grabbed the spare sword that hung by mine own. I angrily strode down stairs expecting to see this awesomely powerful and intimidating angel, but instead all I saw was…Heero Yuy? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!  WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS GOING ON HERE?! The first archangel was a Gundam pilot? Oh yeah this was good.

I wiped the surprised look from my face and strode to meet him. He didn't have wings or guns (thank goodness) only a sword. He looked at me coolly and stood in the same spot. I looked to see what the hell he had done to my house to make that noise. He had busted through my window. Numb with rage I pointed at him. "You! Look!" I walked over to the door and pointed at it, "LOOK!" I ripped open and slammed the door several times. Yelling at him, "SEE THIS IT'S A DOOR! YOU USE THIS TO ENTER! USE THIS AND NOT MY WINDOW!"

 He didn't say anything just gave me a look and raised his sword. I walked over and pulled the sword from his grasp, "Little boys shouldn't play with these things." He looked at me the same cool look but I thought I saw a little flare of anger in his blue eyes. "Listen Heero I have no idea why you are here as an archangel but listen you don' t want to piss me off so why don't you just leave? "

"I will kill you." He stated flatly.

"And pigs will fly. You couldn't kill me even if you tried with a Gundam." He looked at me curiously. " Don't ask, so do me a favor and go back and tell God to just give it up, if every sniper and soldier in the world couldn't kill me what makes you think you can? Because you're the perfect soldier? Don't make me laugh."

"You shouldn't taunt him." Meru warned me.

"You're going to get your ass kicked." De said

            "Quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. So I have to fight you archangels already. It doesn't matter you all will fall to me anyway." When I get serious I get serious. Looks like it's time for my beautiful persuasive skills. I tap the dull side of my sword on my shoulder. " Don't you have anything to say to me?"

            "I have nothing to say to someone who would start a war." Heero said coldly.

            "Oh so suddenly you're a pacifist? Relena has influenced you greatly Heero. However I am not going to start a war. It'll all be over before it can escalate that far."

            "You might not think that but the people of this world won't just stand and let you take over. They will fight you and war will break out. People will die and misery will be caused. I will fight you and stop that sorrow from happening." He said charging at me.

            "Since when did you become that sappy? Shit Heero you're just as bad as Sailor Moon. Anyway, there is a flaw with your logic. Sorrow will be caused anyway, by anyone. I'm going to take away that sorrow, by bearing all myself. I will eliminate all that reasons for war and destroy all weapons from this world and from the memory of mankind. I will unify this world and it's people whether they like it or not." I parried his blows. It was the only thing to do while I blew some hot air. I couldn't win against him physically but in a mental fight he was dead meat.

            "People will rebel." He said his swings becoming more powerful.

            " I know they will and I will be there to teach them and help them on the path of peace. This world has been in the darkness of war and suffering for thousands of years. The pendulum must now sway to the other side. I will make it sway because the leaders and people of this world will and choose not to. If this state of continuous war and grief persists than everything will be destroyed. This universe is maintained by balance and if one side holds sway for to long a great cataclysm will happen and destroy everything. I don't want that to happen. I love this world and all that call it home. I will take all the corrupting power and destructive sorrow away and keep this world from crumbling. " I returned his blows with my own quick ones I was running out of steam. I needed this to end quickly.

            Heero stopped his assault and looked at me. "Do you know what that would entail?"

            What the hell?! Does he think I'm stupid? "Yes, of course I do!  I'm not ignorant!"

            "I can tell that." He said to me sheathing his sword. " I will allow you to continue."

            "Oh thank you almighty Heero Yuy for giving me permission." I faked a bow to him. "Please note sarcasm."

            "I will join you."

            " I thought you despised war?"

            "I did, but your reason is sound."

            "What about God?"

            "What about him?"

            "He'll be pissed."

            "So?"

            "Fine, it's your funeral." I said flopping on the couch flipping my head to the side to face Heero. "You do know that God owes me big time for you breaking my window."

            "We'll send the bill to God." De smiled messing with one of her many belts that hung on her slender frame.

            Meru just stared at Heero. Heero asked, "What's with her?"

            "She's torn between either to scream and entrap you in a hug or to smash you and tie you in her closet." De laughed sitting next to me.

            "Her closet?" his curiosity getting the better of him.

            "Tsk tsk didn't you know that curiosity killed the cat? She likes closets so I gave her mine." I said stretching my arms above my head. "So my dear little angel please indulge me and answer this question that burns in my mind."

            Heero looked over to De his eyebrow arched in question. De smiled, "Yes she has a flare for over dramatics."

            He nodded at me to go ahead and ask, "Okay you must know who the other archangels are, right? So please tell me, cause everyone knows that allies share information."

            "Not all information." He added. Damn him for finding fault in my logic.

            "Yes well, I'd still like to know." I batted my lashes at him. He didn't even blink. Somehow I knew it would have no effect on Suicide Boy. Ah, well.

            He took a deep breath in, as I leaned forward as I anticipated his response. Then he said, "I don't know."

            I was about ready to kill him, "You don't know." He nodded, "You are an archangel right, then you should know!"

            "But I don't." he stated again deadpan.

            " I already know this." I snarled. "God dammit! So I won't know who's after my life next." I sat back my serious look settling over my face.

De looked over at me a little concerned, "You okay?"

Startled out of my reverie I smiled back at her, "Yeah fine. Why don't we go up to my room and figure out our next plan? " I gestured nonchalantly at the stairs. With Heero and De in tow I walked up stairs.

Meru however stood rooted to the spot and stared out into space. Then she screamed "HEERO!" looked around and ran upstairs.

Today's Experiment…Failed…utterly.