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Thumbsucker Snitch
Author of 117 Stories |
Disclaimer: Don't own the newsies. Don't own the song 'Hanging By A Moment' either.
Snippets
The stage lights brighten above me, and the curtain opens. I quickly thank God that the bright lights make it so that I can't see the audience, staring expectantly at my band and me; that I can't see him out there, even though I can see him in my mind… leaning forward, his shoulders slumped, his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. Probably chewing on his lower lip, with his thick eyebrows raised.
No!
I shake my head. Can't let myself get distracted. This is a performance. I have to keep my head straight, even if my heart isn't.
Haha, I'm so amusing.
Shoot me.
I'm pulling forward, forcing a smile onto my face. The audience thinks I'm sprightly and hyped, happy to be on the stage, and that's what I want them to think. I don't want them to know the chaos inside my head: What will he say? What will he do? Will he hate me? No. Never could he hate anyone. Will I scare him? My God! He scares so easily, I'm gonna fuckin' scare him off! What the hell am I trying to do up here, ruin my own life?
Yeah, I'm kinda paranoid. I think that's why they call me Skittery.
It's Bumlets's turn to introduce us, and he does so splendidly, even though I can't help but make faces behind his back as his speaks.
"Hey, people! We're Culture Shock!"
Insert cheering from the audience here.
"I'm Bumlets and Skitts said I could introduce tonight. But that's not the- yes, thank you thank you, oh, I have fans!- that's not the point. I'm here to introduce the first song, which is Hanging By A Moment. Some of you may be disappointed, 'cause Culture Shock does tend to write their own songs, yes, but Skittery wanted to perform this one." Bumlets throws a glance at me. "Even though we didn't write it.
"He wants us to perform it for Snitch." Bumlets shrugs to show the audience that he doesn't understand. "So we'll do it."
The audience cheers, and I can hear Snitch's piercing whistle crack through the air like a whip. Hearing that makes me blush as I start the opening chords on the song. Swifty's playing on his bass, and Pie's boredly tapping the cymbal on his drum set as I start to sing.
"Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
Chasing after you"
As I'm singing, I shut my eyes, and I can see things, memories, little snippets from the wonderful experiences I've ever had with Snitch.
Little snippets…
Little boys, both clumsy with their lack of walking experience, stumbling around and around the park, taking their tumbles in the grass as they come, giggling with each other and shouting 'Tag!' at the top of their lungs, one of them occasionally taking breaths off an inhaler. There comes a point where the smallest one falls on the blacktop usually reserved for basketball. He skids forward a little, taking the skin off his right knee. Hurt and surprised, he starts to cry. Before his mother can even start to stand up, the other boy is at his side. "Izzy," he says, "It's okay, the hurt'll go away in a bit and the skin'll grow back, so don't cry Izzy, c'mon, I'll push you on the swings if you stop cryin'."
Izzy, who will start to be called Skittery upon entering third grade four years from now, looks up at his friend and smiles through his tears. "Okay, Danny." He says, taking to the little boy that will later be called Snitch. "Come push me."
Their mothers exchange surprised but amused glances before continuing their previous conversation.
I'm absolutely pounding on my guitar, so that I'm afraid one of the strings might snap, but I can't help it. I'm just so into this song, and it has to be perfect. I want it to be perfect. For Snitch.
I bring my lips to the microphone and sing as best I can, what my bandmates and Snitch call beautiful and I call crap:
"I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you."
Fifth graders, biking to school for the first time, together. Snitch challenges Skittery to a race, and his friend eagerly accepts. They pedal, faster and faster, even up the hill that leads straight to Gregg Elementary. Snitch's breathing is heavy, choking. Skittery, puffing himself, asks Snitch if he's all right. Snitch nods, but says nothing. He's trying too hard to breathe. Skittery makes an attempt to remember what disease it is that his friend has… starts with an 'A'… is it the disease where he can't brea-
Skittery's thoughts are interrupted as Snitch keels over, tangling his legs with his bike. He's clutching his throat, gasping for breath. Skittery's eyes widen and he stops, runs to Snitch's side. "Where is it?" he asks, meaning Snitch's inhaler. "Where is it?"
Snitch can't respond; he's too busy having an asthma attack. Skittery, confused and taken completely by surprise, searches through Snitch's pockets and comes across a white inhaler in the boy's jacket pocket. He jams it into his friend's mouth, and in doing so saves his life.
The boys are late to school that day, and while they explain their absence to their teacher, Snitch keeps glancing admiringly at Skittery, who, in turn, feels better about himself than he ever has before and ever will again.
At least until his senior year of high school.
My heart is pounding in time with the music. I can feel sweat from the excitement and the stage lights dripping down my forehead, and I open my eyes, squinting softly into the audience.
Snitch is there. He's always there, always in the same spot. He's watching me evenly, showing nothing in his face or eyes. Just watching.
My God, does he have to do this every time?
"Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me
Now… I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you."
The sunlight is reflecting off the lake, making the clean blue water shine white. Snitch and Skittery, excitedly celebrating Skittery's thirteenth birthday, are standing on the backseat of the car, letting the wind blow through their hair while squished in the sunroof opening. Snitch's eyes are shut with pleasure, his mouth open. Skittery nudges Snitch and spits off the side of road. Snitch beams, and a spitting contest ensues. Neither knows who won, just that they enjoyed themselves while doing it.
Entering the brick building is one of the most difficult things the boys have ever done. Snitch seems to have his inhaler stuck permanently to his mouth and Skittery keeps thinking he may need to steal the damn thing at one point to help himself breathe. High School. The big leagues. Mere freshmen, the boys are frightened out of their minds. Girls walk through the halls with their stomachs showing and full-grown breasts bouncing. Boys are fighting amiably, shoving each other into lockers and yelling obscenities. These are things neither boy has ever seen before, not within the child-safe walls of middle school and elementary school.
Snitch looks at Skittery and gasps at his inhaler. "Skitts, how're we gonna make it through this?"
Skittery pauses before answering. "We're gonna make it, Snitch. By doing it."
Snitch nods, and breathes in his inhaler once more. Then, to Skittery's surprise, he pockets it.
Skittery claps his friend on the shoulder and they head down the hall to homeroom.
Snitch finally moves as I watch him, but only to use that damned inhaler again. Or maybe I shouldn't cuss it like that; his constant use of it is adorable to me.
Memories continue to flood my mind. I'd never realized how much we'd done together over all those years.
But it helps me realize why I feel the way I do about him.
"I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you
There's nothing else to lose
Nothing else to find
there's nothing in the world
That could change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else..."
Snitch's eyes are bright, his hair thick with rain as he leans out of his window and yells at Skittery, calling him stupid for being out in the rain. Skittery blushes, and accuses Snitch of the same. The boys banter back and forth for a moment before Snitch invites Skittery inside. Skittery accepts eagerly. He has just begun to get that floating feeling in his stomach every time Snitch is around, and while sometimes that makes him sick and other times it makes him want to cry, this time it feels good, and he wants to feel more of it.
The boys sit in Snitch's room for a while, talking, tossing a tennis ball back and forth. Then they lie back on Snitch's bed, Skittery's head jammed comfortably against Snitch's shoulder. They talk lazily a bit more before getting onto the subject of romance and crushes. Snitch says quickly that he doesn't like anyone at the moment, no matter what the cheerleaders say about him and Swinger McDonaghey, the girl determined to bring swing music back to popularity by the time she graduates.
Skittery thinks it over for a moment, then says he has a crush on Snitch.
Both boys sit up and stare at each other for a moment.
"I've never been kissed before," Snitch confided quietly.
They slowly leaned in to each other, wanting something they didn't think they could have. Snitch was shaking, Skittery obsessively licking his lips.
I remember that afternoon. Frustrating, stimulating, amazing, annoying. All in one. Yes, a fairly educational time.
I close my eyes again, singing softly as I remember what else happened.
"Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I Started
Chasing after you…"
Their lips brush together quickly, and Skittery leans in a little more, ecstatic beyond all reason.
"I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you!"
Snitch pushes Skittery away at the last moment and clutches his throat, wheezing. He gets down on his hands and knees and feels under his bed, bringing out his gray jacket, then his inhaler. He rams it into his mouth and his breathing calms.
"You okay?" Skittery asks, disappointed.
"Yeah. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Not your fault."
They stare at each other for a moment more. Sweat is starting to bead on Snitch's forehead.
Skittery sighs and stands up. "I'll go, then." He says, grabbing his jacket.
Snitch stands too and follows him to the door. As Skittery grabs the doorknob, Snitch seizes Skittery's face and kisses him sweetly. When they pull apart, Snitch is blushing. Looking at the floor, he thrusts an umbrella at Skittery.
"Give it back at school." He instructs, then walks back to his room, his inhaler in his mouth.
Skittery opens the umbrella and jogs home with a smile on his face.
"I'm living for the only thing i know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you."
I can hear my bandmates all around me, pounding on their instruments, screaming with their guitars and keyboards, living in the moment. I'm jealous of them; I haven't been in the moment since the song began; I've been in the snippets of my memory, lost in my history with Snitch.
"Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment…
Hanging by a moment...
Hanging by a moment here with you…"
The song ends, and we take our bow. As Bumlets steps up to the mike to introduce the next song, I glance into the audience. Snitch's hands are curled into fists, supporting his forehead as he stares at the ground. I wonder if I've scared him. It's possible, but I really don't want that to happen. I've known him for so long, loved him as a friend, a brother, and, recently, a lover. He's my dream boy, the one that I want, giving me happy days, been with me through the high times and hard times… irresistible.
When he looks up and catches me staring, he smiles and brings his inhaler to his mouth. A quick breath, and then… oh good God keep me from fainting with delight… he blows me a kiss.
How sweet these teenage times they be.
END
***AUTHOR'S NOTE***
Well, that was different. Kinda strange. But I like it nonetheless. Asthmatic!Snitch is too cute to resist. ^_^ Besides, I just love this song. Just wish I could get my internet to work, dammit. Ah well. I'll post when it works.
One day till band camp! YAY!
