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Disclaimer: I do not own everything to do with Harry Potter (belonging to JK Rowling)
Warnings: OOC, angst, sap and slash (boy/boy relationship) (Forgive me...)
Remember/Song lyrics/
Author's note: I don't know why I'm angsting like this...perhaps it's the fifth book (even though it's good)
Summary: Harry is feeling depressed, suffering in silence. A certain Slytherin comes and comforts him, becoming an unexpected hero for The-Boy-Who-Lived...
Harry's POV
I jolt awake as I snap my eyes open, my scar burning with pain and my skin drenched with sweat. My hands instinctively fly up to my face to rub the pain away.
The pain still lingers as I struggle to wipe the sweat away. I gaze down at my hands. They are still shaking from the vivid horror of the nightmare I had a moment ago. The nightmare that haunted me since the fifth year...
I pull the covers slowly back, feel for my glasses and step out of the bed. Making my way to the window ledge, I gaze enviously at the others...sleeping so soundly without a care in the world.
The scenery didn't make me feel any better. Beautiful as it may seem, bathing in the cold moonlight, just looking at it makes a reminder of a large void that hungers something more. Something that I can't explain. All I do know is that I still feel the pain of losing Sirius...the guilt building inside me when I incessantly vent my anger on people close to me.
The stress finally catches up to my head as I sit back onto the bed. I feel strange as a moistness builds up in my right eye, followed by the left. Slowly the liquid slides down both my cheeks and the hollow feeling deep inside develops more along with the pain. I can't find the strength to cry aloud but to sigh silently and squeeze my eyes close, leaking the tears down my clammy skin.
I know that deep down inside, I am wanting something that I can't attain...a hero of my own who can protect me from the nightmares...
Knowing that it's something I can't achieve...I can't help myself but sink deeper into depression. This is one of the many nights I can't blink to sleep...and it sickens me so...
"Come on, Harry, sit with us. You'll starve yourself..."
I look up from my bacon and eggs to find the source of the voice. No doubt it belongs to nervous Longbottom by that soft timbre. True enough, at the Gryffindor table, I can see Potter sitting farther away from the other students, using his fork to play with his uneaten scrambled eggs on his plate. Longbottom is near him, tugging his arm gently with genuine concern in his mouse eyes. I can see Potter pushing the other away, not too roughly, but clear enough to say that he wants to be alone.
I gaze at the boy before me. His fringe are obscuring his eyes and I thought I can see something moist trickling down his chin.
As I gazed at him, I can't help but feel sympathy and compassion towards him instead of the...dislike I felt. Hatred is too strong a word. I feel like I should do something about his pain, to take away his suffering because he's seen and done enough to feel more anguish. I haven't seen it but I can feel it.
I watch further, chewing slowly on my breakfast. After what it seems to be an eternity, his eyes and mine meet for the very first time. Although I am composed, inwardly I shrivel at the sadness, suffering, pain and...longing inside the bottle green orbs. The scar stood out like a red whip already lashing him with internal torture. Sure enough, Potter is weeping, silently...not letting a sob escape from his throat, not wanting to reveal how deeply he is in need of someone to comfort him. His heated gaze of a sad puppy dog makes my heart soften, the tenderness that can only be revealed by my eyes.
Taking a small bite of his now-cold breakfast, he abruptly grabs his books and leaves the Hall. Everyone seems oblivious to his departure but I can't help feeling the pain stirring in my heart...the urge to follow Potter...
I can't believe what I have seen back in the Great Hall when I stared into Malfoy's eyes. At that time, I've seen sympathy, compassion and...something that I can't explain. Now I'm left with a strange yet comforting feeling inside.
But thinking about what I have to face through the whole day...I can't bring myself the energy to smile or laugh. My mind is heavy with dread as we have potions first thing...
Throughout the afternoon, my eyes are glued on the slouching back belonging to Potter and now I'm standing about several feet away from the Great Lake. Harry is under a tree, obviously taking a nap alone away from the others.
His forced, composed demeanor seems to scare everyone in the vicinity. His dull eyes never shining like before in the past years and his lips always positioned in a straight line like one of those strict muggle teachers I've read in those classic muggle story books. He always sits alone, looking almost 'non-human', people might say. Weasley and Granger aren't with him too. It's been this way since the fifth year.
Suddenly, I can see a flicker of movement from Potter and he starts fidgeting and mumbling in his sleep. I cautiously walk up to where he is, kneel before him and observe. Potter is shivering and sweating. His breath caught in his throat and sweat shining on his flushed cheeks. The unconditional compassion I hid for the sake for my reputation crumbled past the icy barriers of my demeanor. Like a magical force, I lift my hand and place my fingers gently across his cheek, rubbing the wet and damp skin like I might do to watery silk. I lean forwards until my lips are near his ear. With it, I give a soft whisper.
"Potter...wake up."
Sure enough, his eyes open softly. There is no point turning back. I've reached the boundary between hate and friendship...or perhaps it is love.
Screams...red blood...visions of people dying...Sirius falling into the arch...that's all I am hearing and seeing before I felt something cool and soothing against my cheek. It comes from the welcoming darkness that is starting to surround me. A gentle breeze brushes across my ear and I can almost hear a whisper welcoming me back to reality.
I stare in utmost surprise to find Malfoy before me, his hand on my cheek and his eyes staring into mine. I shudder and flinch away from the touch that seems to take my pain away. He's the last person I expected to see me vulnerable in my state. I never felt so low in my life. I turn my head away to avoid his heated gaze.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" I know that I sound pathetic, "I want to be alone."
"You don't look and sound like you want to be alone, Potter..."
"I'm not in a mood for any fights now," I push him away and shakily stand up, feeling slightly dizzy, "The last thing I want is landing in the hospital wing."
My legs fail me and I stumble onto the ground. Malfoy unexpectedly picks me up in his arms, standing me straight but keeping a firm grip onto my arms.
"You shouldn't be out here, Potter," he says softly, "You'll freeze..."
"When did you start caring..." I am surprised to find a bitter edge to my tone. Malfoy clearly senses it and looks at me incredulously, "I don't need pity...I've already got my punishment for letting my friends down and leading Sirius to his death...is this how you want to see me...I'm in your mercy now. I've already done and seen enough. I'd rather die than to live on."
"Harry...please stop it..."
I barely notice that he's calling me by my name...
My eyes widen at the harsh but pleading tone. I look up hesitantly and see him frowning at me. But I can see something else in his eyes. Loathing...anger...but also compassion and tenderness. I sigh, almost whimpering as Draco's hand that's still on my cheek strokes ever so softly like glass.
"Stop this nonsense...do you really think that just because you're my enemy means that I enjoy to see you suffer?"
My mind is whirled with countless thoughts. I remain silent, unmoving. A tense silence hangs in the air until he breaks it.
"I don't, Harry. I overheard from some about your loss back in the fifth year. I'm sorry that it happened," his voice is so soft and sincere...not sneering like I remembered, "I don't like and want to see you suffer."
This isn't right...this is not the Malfoy I know. The boy before me is so gentle and his soothing voice is starting to crumble my forced mask. I thought that he hates me and we are rivals.
Everything is changing from almost seven years to only fifteen minutes. I whimper, feeling the urge to cry becoming stronger. My throat is starting to hurt from holding back...
"You need someone who would take care you and to take away the pain. You've lost so much and still suffering. You want somebody to love...you need a hero," my lifeless hands are hanging by my sides but he keeps me upright by hugging me tight. I could've sworn I felt his lips on my forehead. He's like a mind reader...he knows too much...my heart seems to be swelling with relief. I am pulled back so I'm staring into the cold yet soft steel coloured orbs that belongs to my rival.
I wait in trepidation as I continue to gaze into the emerald green eyes that belongs to Harry. I've said all I can to him and his response will answer all. His bottom lip is trembling and he starts sniffing, obviously unable to keep the calm mask on.
"Why..." he buries his head against my chest, "This wasn't supposed to happen..."
I pull his head back once again. He shifts, trying not to look at me.
"Please don't..."
"Harry...look at me..." I stroke his cheek once again, "I'm not going to hurt you..."
"Don't look at me..." Harry sobs and squeezes his eyes shut.
"Harry!" he sighs and I tilt his chin up to run a finger against his cheek, "Shush..."
I gently cup his face and place soft kisses on the lightning scar on his forehead. He is shivering in my touch and my fingers feel the tears now trickling softly down his cheeks.
"Shhhh..."
"Draco..." Harry is clinging onto me like a vine on a wall. My name sounded so good from his lips.
"Shush. Don't speak so much..." I whisper and pull him close, "You are not to blame. You're only human, you can't possibly save all at one time. Sacrifices have to be made."
He is trembling even more. I feel that he is hiding more pent-up sorrow and pain than he looks. We move under the nearest tree, resting under its shade.
"Cry..." I hug him closer.
I say no more as I feel his iron grip around my shoulders and his face against my neck. He is shaking as he starts crying loudly, a sight I haven't seen before. His vulnerability is too much to bear but I'm his solid stone to lean against. Anybody who pass by would faint with horror to see us together in this state. But I can't care less. All I want to do is to wipe away the sadness on Harry's face and the motivation to protect him comes even stronger. I kiss his temple and whisper into his ear.
"I want to be your hero..."
I never felt this relieved before...
I can hear him whispering into my ear, soothing like a child's lullaby. I tiredly sigh and sag onto him, feeling the last remains of the energy wasting away. But he holds me securely and I cling onto him, my head on his chest and my arms around his shoulders.
I'm beginning feel light on my feet and everything has fallen into place. The heart pain has lessened although a large trace remains.
"I want to protect you, Harry..." I feel a kiss pressed on my forehead, "I want us to start over...I want to compensate for every bad thing I did to you..."
He sounds sincere, I can hardly trace any malice in his voice. I pull back to look at him with sore eyes. His solid steel eyes are holding a soft shine and I can see the truth within. I nod slowly, before leaning on his shoulder, realising how tired I really am. We sit back onto the grass under the tree, with Draco pulling me to lean against his shoulder.
Then I feel my glasses taken off gently and his fingers softly and slowly trace the scar on my forehead. It is soon given way to a sigh of pleasure. His touch alone seems to absorb the pain into oblivion. I hum in appreciation and move closer. Then a strange rumbling echoes from Draco's chest and I smile inwardly that he's singing softly. I cuddle close to his chest, basking in the warmth that emitted from it.
I was blinking my eyes repeatedly as soon as I finished. I can't believe that I did that...singing in front Harry...
"A little bit out of tune but it's beautiful."
"Blame it on the muggles. They are such romantic gits..." I lean against him, "But it reminds me of you..."
I allow a smile as he moves closer.
"Why..." his voice was barely audible.
"Why what..."
"Why did you choose to be with me..." his fingers are beginning to shake and I grip them for warmth, "We are supposed to be..."
I know at that point what he wanted to say. I sit up straight and cup his chin.
"Who cares..." I whisper and kiss his scar again, "Besides...everyone needs a hero...even the famous Harry Potter..."
The strange feeling is coming back but it is filled with warmth I have never felt before.
"Draco..." I whisper, my hand finding his.
"Yes, Harry..." my name sounds like a song when he says it. I didn't realise it until now. When my hand touches his, he intertwines our fingers together.
"Thank you..." I sigh, feeling his other hand around my neck and combing my hair, "I don't know when's the last time someone's there for me...ever since Sirius...disappeared.
A nuzzle against my forehead, "No...thank you...for being who you are..."
I have felt for the first time...that I am at peace as I hear Draco's voice singing in my ear softly.
"That a hero lies in you..."
Yes...I have found my hero...Draco Malfoy.
The End