Reality Waits (V)

By spheeris1

Pairing: Utena/Anthy

Warnings/notes: See first part

Each path is familiar. Too familiar. And each step I take seems like deja-vu. Up the steps and past the lobby. In the elevator and to the top of the tower.

I thought I had left here…why am I back again? Why must I come back here, to this place…this place that haunts me in every nightmare since I was a child…

But, maybe that's not it…not really. Maybe I never left. Maybe I never grew up and left here and entered the world.

Can it be true?

Can this be real?

I walk so quietly, as if my steps might awaken the ghosts of my past. As if I am a ghost myself, floating from room to room…I am convinced I cannot be seen.

Shadows pass through me. Figures of ancient times, friends I have forgotten, rivals I used to despise, angels and devils that bewitched me…all of them go through me.

Two pictures hang on the wall, blown up unnaturally from their original size.

Two pictures of two families…but they are the same…my God, they are the same…

His hair has not faded. Still the weathered violet finally burned by the sun…burning to lavender. So pure and heavenly…so cruel and so polluted.

Her hair has not faded. Still the darkest of purples, tiny petals covered in midnight…a violet almost to indigo, if you are in the right light. So lush and mysterious…so cold and weak.

Nothing but lies.

This life, that life…all lies. The ring on my hand is no band of gold.

Sterling silver surrounding a rose crest. I am the bride of Deception.

My wedding dress darkens from white, it bleeds to pink…No guests came that day.

No one came to my mockery of love and devotion.

No one remembered me once I ascended to the heart of the castle.

No one knows that I tried and failed. That I became all that I truly hated.

And yet, I feel that I am the very last to know.

They wait for me below. His charming words weaving around me, like a curse and like a prayer.

"How long have I been here?" I question him. And he smiles the smile of a prince. Of a liar. Of a saint who has lost his virtue.

"Years and years. We made a world. We made a world that is perfect."

But how perfect can it be when it is not real? Just like his castle, just like his stars. All an illusion…

"What is reality? It is only what you want to believe, Utena…that is all reality is."

And my son, my sweet child…is he real? Or just a pawn, like I am? Just a toy in his game…

"Is he real? My son?"

"Our son is as real as you are…a part of you and me, a part of a Prince and his Princess."

But I don't want that for him…I don't want that for me! I told him to be what he wanted to, not to be trapped….and yet…I trapped him. I believed this lie.

"She is free then. She got out and away from you." I state, looking at the photographs once more. Himemiya's false smile damning me as I gaze upon it.

"I do not need her. I have you."

"…No…you don't have me…this isn't real. You aren't real. You are a lie. I am real, I am leaving…"

The words tumble out, spilling to the floor. His face contorts into some variation of rage or pain…I can't tell anymore because I am running.

Running to get away. Far away. I have to leave…I have to get my son away from him…I have to get my life back…I have to let her know, to let her see that I finally know the truth.

I am afraid of houses. Not terrified, mind you…just on edge. Maybe I don't like walls. Of course, people need houses. Shelter from the storm and comfort for the body.

If I could, though, I would live outside. In a tree or on the beach. Breathing the air and watching the sun rise every morning…watching it set every night.

But we have a house. High ceilings and big windows…enough light to keep the world outside close at hand.

And a porch, large and wooden and grand.

And a garden filled with flowers…not just roses, not just roses at all.

I think she is afraid of roses. Not terrified, mind you…just wary of them. Like they might swallow her up and take her back to an owned life.

My son wanted a swing, so I got him one. He likes to feel the air on his face…I know how he feels.

His hair has darkened now, no longer hues of lavender and pink…but black, jet black. All his own color. And I like that. I like that very much.

His skin is dark and his eyes are green. He is going to be safe now.

For now…

Sometimes, I lie awake at night. Not even her breathing next to me can lull me to sleep.

And I hear him walking the streets, trying to claim me again…trying to gain his eternity once more…

I hold Anthy close and kiss her cheek.

We are safe, for now…for now…for now…for now…for now…

(Inspiration for this fic came from many sources, but this is one of the main ones…enjoy)

END