Death looked sheepish. I KNOW YOUR...TRAVELS HAVE BROUGHT YOU IN CONTACT WITH A FEW MEN. I MERELY CHOSE THREE OF THEM.

Susan sighed. That proves it. But who's the last one? I know one is Lobsang, and two is obviously Imp or Buddy or whoever he is now...but who is three?

"Must I marry whomever I pick?"

OF COURSE NOT. THERE WILL BE A PERIOD OF COURTSHIP, AND THEN THE MARRIAGE. A MONTH SHOULD SUFFICE, I THINK.

"What if we decide we dislike each other?"

THERE'S ALWAYS THE OTHER TWO.

Susan would have put her head in her hands had her wrists not been bound. "No pressure, then." Bloody, bloody damn.

A raven hopped between Albert's legs and perched on her knee. "You picked yet?" he asked.

"Quoth...you were the announcer, weren't you?"

"Cor, what tipped you off?"

"I should have known..."

"Are you done? Only...the lads are gettin' to be a bit restless, if you catch my meaning." The raven tried to wiggle nonexistent eyebrows. He succeeded only in ruffling some of his glossy, black feathers.

"Fine, fine, I pick number...one."

"One?"

"Yes, number one."

Quoth cleared his throat. "Right! Let's see who you didn't choose!"

"Yes, yes, I know number two is..."

"Number two, come out here! Miss Susan, you missed out on Fran ky Celyn!"

Susan's mouth snapped shut as a man with Imp's features stepped cautiously around Death and bowed to Susan. He looked exactly like Imp, only his black hair was straight, not curly, and slightly too short for a ponytail.

"Nice to have...met you...Fran?"

"And you," he said slowly, shooting nervous glances at Death.

Quoth turned one beady, black eye up to Susan. "Don't you know who Fran ky is?"

"No, I don't know Fran ky!" Susan stopped. His name. It had a ring, just like 'Buddy' did. "Um, you don't have a brother, do you?"

"Actually, yes. He lleft Llamedos before the rest of us. His name is Imp, and he is my ollder brother. Uh..."

Albert put his hand on Ilf's shoulder. The boy was starting to tremble. "Come on, Mr. Celyn. Let's get you back to the fish shop and we can just forget all of this happened, right?"

Susan glared at her grandfather. "You got the wrong man? After all of this, you didn't even bring Imp?"

Death gave her a thoughtful look. I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T CARE.

"Well, yes, but...but I would have liked it if you had brought the right person!"

TO ME, ONE MAN IS THE SAME AS ANY OTHER.

"That's not a comforting thought. What if you made that mistake with a Lifetimer?" Susan snarled.

BUT I DID NOT. NEVERTHELESS, MY APOLOGIES.

Quoth rearranged his feathers and cleared his throat again. "Number three, your turn! Miss Susan, you also lost your chance with Jonathan Teatime!"

"Teh-ah-tih-meh," said the bright voice, with a hint of reproach.

"He's dead!" Susan cried. "You can't bring back a dead man!"

Death grinned. I DIDN'T HAVE TO. I WILL EXPLAIN LATER.

Teatime came around the corner and nodded to Susan.

"Why him? You don't even like him!" said Susan.

Death shrugged, putting a skeletal hand on Teatime's shoulder and keeping his scythe far out of the man's reach. I COULD NOT DENY THE...ALCHEMY BETWEEN YOU.

"You expected the shit to turn into gold?"

"Now, Miss Susan, I did not allow myself to be brought here for insults," Teatime said.

"How did you bring him here, I ask again?"

"The gentleman you chose over me...brought me here. I do not know you, but he expected I would. Odd, really. Although," he added thoughtfully, "I've seen passages about you in 'Twurp's Peerage.'" Teatime put his hands on his hips, apparently unscathed by Death's hand on his shoulder. "Goodness, this place is dull. It could use some color. However, I appreciate the black..."

AH, YOU TRULY ARE AN ASSASSIN, MISTER TEH-AH-TIH-MEH.

"You got it right!"

Lobsang went back...well, looped over on himself and brought Teatime here before he was even hired by the Auditors... Susan realized. What she said, before she could stop herself, was, "Why don't you kill him now?"

Death shook his head. BESIDES THE FACT THAT I CANNOT KILL, IT WOULD HAVE SERIOUS IMPLICATIONS UPON HISTORY. EVEN TIME HERSELF WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE. He gave Teatime over to Albert, pointedly keeping the scythe behind his back. ANYWAY, YOU'VE ALREADY...

"I've already mucked out the stalls so it doesn't matter now if you could have taken the muck away before I had started," Susan finished, scowling.

Quoth shuffled on her knee. "Now, Miss Susan, meet Number one, your heart's desire!" Susan had an incredible urge to beat the raven over the head, but her hands were still bound.

Silence.

"Oh, what now?" Susan asked, frowning. "I know it's you, Lobsang. Now untie me!"

Albert came forward and freed her. There was a grin on his craggy features.

BINKY WILL TAKE YOU HOME, said Death.

Susan blinked. "Right. Bloody stupid," she grumbled, brushing past Death.

Albert came to Death's side. "D'you think this was right, master?"

After a long pause, Albert turned up to his master. "You knew she'd pick 'im, didn't you?"

I CANNOT PREDICT THE FUTURE.

Albert nodded, but thought that the glow in Death's eye sockets was somehow brighter.

Binky stopped in his patch of grass, nuzzling Susan as she got off. Susan sighed and made her way back into the timeless classroom, taking her place in the closet. She'd almost gotten excited, what with the prospect of seeing the only friend with any bit of mortality she'd made that wasn't dead, or reincarnated. There was still some of the orange crème on her tongue.

Savoring the taste, she snapped her fingers and time sprinted forward again.

A hand caught her arm as she reached for the door.

"You know, it was very rude to guess my name before I came around the corner," said Lobsang.