Help
Home Just In Communities Forums Beta Readers Search
B s . A A A   full 3/4 1/2   E E   Light Dark
Movies » Pirates of the Caribbean » Worst Case Scenarios
Evenstar Arwen
Author of 11 Stories
Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Reviews: 7 - Published: 08-15-03 - id:1478217
Worst Case Scenarios

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if things in Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl went a little differently than they had? Well, I do. Because I have no life like that. So sit back, relax, and enjoy my mindless ramblings.

Note: Please don't take these snippets and use them to base your own fics off of, these are my original ideas.

Curse of the Black [Piano] Keys
Jack, seeing the armed members of the royal navy marching down the street, panicked and slipped in through the first door he came upon.
It seemed a blacksmith's shop, and the smithy was asleep, slumped over in a chair with a bottle in hand. Hay was strewn across the floor, and a donkey, who was hooked up to a massive gear system, stood quietly. This was no ordinary smithy shop, as Jack observed. Instead of half-welded swords and tools laying about, there were metal strings, slabs of finely sanded wood, and strange little blocks of black and white.
Jack, after making sure the smithy was really asleep, picked up a hammer and laid his shackles across an anvil, and hammered away. Those efforts proved fruitless, and upon finding no hot irons, Jack mercilessly whipped the ass with his chain to get it going.
Finally, Jack broke free of his cuffs. But then he heard the door open.

Will walked in, latched the door behind him, and frowned. The donkey, distressed, was turning the gears, and Will rushed to it's side to calm it down. Removing his coat, he walked across the room, through the slight cloud of dust. He glanced at the snoring smithy, and smiled.
"Right where I left you." Will tossed his coat to the side, and then laid eyes upon the anvil, frowning. "Not where I left you." Next to the anvil was a beaten up tricorn hat, at which Will stared quizzically. As he was about to pick it up, the blade of a sword slapped his knuckles, and he pulled away, and his gaze snapped to look at the wielder of the sword: Jack.
As Jack advanced towards Will, the sword pointed at his throat, Will backed away at an equal pace, his hands out warily in front of him.
"You're the one they're hunting... the pirate." Will spat the word, as if it made a bad taste in his mouth. Jack glared.
"You seem somewhat familiar," Jack studied Will's face. "Have I threatened you before?"
"I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates." Will sneered.
"Ah." Jack nodded understandingly. "Well then it would be a shame to put a black mark on your record. So, if you'll excuse me..." Jack nodded a farewell, and turned to leave. Will lunged and grabbed a long, thick wooden dowel, brandishing it at Jack. Jack stopped in his tracks.
"Do you think this wise boy?" Jack was unfazed. "Crossing..." He peered with a quirked brow at Will's choice of weaponry. "Crossing *cough* blades with a pirate?" Will pointed the dowel at Jack's throat.
"You threatened Miss Swann." He growled. Jack slid the blade of his sword up and down the shaft of Will's wooden weaponry.
"Only a little." He smirked. There was a pause, and then suddenly the two were engaged in an intense sword-and-dowel fight. Will blocked every attack Jack made, and even threw in some fancy moves and wrist flicks of his own.
"You know what you're doing, I'll give you that." Jack lowered his sword, a seemed a little confused. "Excellent form. But how's your footwork?" Will gritted his teeth angrily. "If I step here..." Jack moved to the side, and Will threw all sorts of elaborate swings at him with the dowel. Jack, being the skilled pirate he was, blocked them all. "Now I step again." Jack leapt nimbly to the side, with Will swinging at him all the while. The end of the dowel splintered off, creating a deadly sharp spear- like tip.
"Ta-ta." Jack smiled, and hopped, skipped, and jumped towards the door. Will, in a moment of fleeting heroism, hurled the broken dowel like a javelin. But alas, his aim was poor, and it embedded itself into the door... next to Jack's head.
Jack, somewhat in shock, stared for a moment at the makeshift spear. Swallowing hard, he turned, and looked at Will.
"That was a WONDERFUL trick!" He swaggered towards the fuming Will. "Except once again," Jack walked his way onto a wheel barrow, and pointed a floppy finger at Will. "... you are between me and my way out." Will started to back away. "And now," Jack drew his sword. "You have no weapon." Jack was the one doing the sneering now. He then quirked a brow. "If could even 'ave called that a weapon."
Will grabbed a handful of piano hammers, and flourished them menacingly. Jack fled. Seeing the pirate coming towards it, the donkey became nervous, and started trotting in it's circle. Will made a mad dash after Jack, throwing the hammers at him. They became locked in another fight, and found themselves on the turning gear thing, from which hung unfinished piano sections.
"Who makes all these?" Jack asked, bewildered, ducking Will's flying fist.
"I do!" Will boasted angrily, throwing another missed punch. "And I practice with them " He narrowly missed an encounter with Jack's swift blade. " three hours a day!" Jack stopped for a moment, pondering that.
"You must be a fine musician then..." He chuckled. "But you need to find yourself a girl, mate!"
Will lunged at him. Jack, scampered out of Will's range and picked up a two-by-four. Will snatched up another piano hammer, and swung at Jack's head. Jack blocked it with the piece of wood.
"Or," Jack's eyes grew wide with excitement. "Perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day on these fine instruments is that you've already found one!" Jack sneered. Will frowned questioningly. "And are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet." Jack basked in his own cruel humor, and then came to a disturbing realization. "You're not a eunuch, are you?" He couldn't help but glance with a look of disgust down upon Will.
"I practice three hours a day," Will shouted angrily in Jack's grotesque face, "so that when I meet a pirate," He looked upon Jack condescendingly, and then much to the pirate's surprise, Will backed off and beamed proudly. "I can wow him with my wonderful compositions. Would you like to hear some?"

Review this Story
Share


Return to Top