Disclaimer : I do not own the Labyrinth...I just own Jareth :P
I turned off the movie after watching it for like the zillionth time. Tossing aside the remote, I stretched and allowed my mind to wander over thoughts of being the heroine in that movie. I, of course, would have done it much differently; for I am not foolish enough to pass up the Goblin King's advances. Nope nope nope...That Sarah girl needs her head checked out.
I stood up and walked back to my bedroom. It was late and very dark, but my keen eyes had no problem seeing where to go. I am of magical birth, immortal and almost as old as this world. I have many identities, many roles in this world. I was thought a goddess in ancient times, given the names Aphrodite and Venus. Another people called me the Protector of Light. There were many more. I was also a senshi, Sailor Sacred Heart. But this was not the time for tales of Sailor Moon and her friends. Nor was I going to list all my titles and toot my own horn, though sometimes it feels good to toot it...but not now.
I passed the computer, briefly stopping to glance over my list of email messages and to check if any of my favorite stories on the fanfiction lists had been updated. Nothing of interest. Slow night, I guessed. I did not feel like writing on any of my stories so I moved on past the computer to my dresser.
I looked in the darkened mirror and brushed my hair out of my face. My hair was long and platinum blonde. It hung all the way down my back in silken waves that were almost alive with beauty. My eyes were large and darkly lashed, they were an odd but pretty violet and slanted upward. My skin was very fair, milky pale really. My ears were slightly pointed, but hidden under the mass of hair so that right then I pretty much appeared human. I frowned as I noted that I was also very much on the short side, only just barely five feet tall with a slender build.
My small feet padded across the carpet to my closet to pull out a lavender silk nightie to change into for bed. After I changed, I crawled into bed and sighed. It was funny, being a magical being myself and yet not believing that there was such a place as the Labyrinth. That there wasn't such a man as Jareth, ruling over his goblin kingdom in tight tight pants and open silk shirts. I even wondered if saying those words would take me there.
I shook my head fiercely. I must be going crazy with such thoughts! I am not some mortal fan girl, drooling over some fantasy man! Ugh, I disgust myself.
I paused and a smile curled my lips. Still...
"I wish...No," I closed my eyes ruefully. I would not be this daft. Then I opened them again, it wouldn't hurt to just say it. "I wish I could travel to the Underground and meet dear old Jareth myself."
I laughed and snuggled into the covers, preparing to fall asleep with dreams of a certain Goblin King. I rolled over onto my side and suddenly my hand roved over some "hill" in the bedding next to me. It was soft and warm. It moved when I prodded it, too. My eyes opened slowly and were staring into a pare of mismatched ones. I screamed and launched myself backwards off the bed. I landed on the floor on my rump with a thud.
"What the hell are you doing in my bed?" I asked from the floor, having lost sight of him. I probably couldn't tell you what he looked like; I remember the eyes briefly before my flight from the bed and that was all. "And who the hell are you?"
"Don't you mean why are you in *MY* bed?" a lazy, velvet purr came back to me from the bed.
I glanced around and saw what he was talking about. I was in a room with stone walls and a very cold stone floor. (It also hurt slightly when I landed on those hard stones... owie to me) The bed was not my own, it was covered in black silk sheets and was much larger than mine.
"Okay, then the next question would be...where the hell am I?"
"In my bedroom," he said simply with a chuckle. I then saw him sit up and move across the bed to the edge I had spilled off. I got a good look at him this time and gasped.
"Oh great Gaia, it did work. If I was mortal I would faint right now."
"You wished to fall into my bed?" He was smirking so much now, his head was practically split from ear to ear. "And if I may ask now, who just happens to have fallen into my bed?"
"I did not wish to fall into your bed...just for the record I only wished to meet you if you had in fact been real. I didn't really think it would work." I shook my head slowly and felt like laughing my head off at the absurdity of it all. I forced myself calm and looked up at him. "I am Anyastazya. I am better known as Aphrodite, Venus, the Protector of Light, Sailor Sacred Heart, and many others that I shall not bore you with."
I noticed then what spilling off the bed had done to my nightie and hurriedly pulled it down to cover me modestly once more. I grabbed a large black silk pillow that had tumbled off with me and hugged it to my chest. He had started laughing, and I was not sure if it was from the identity of the woman who had dropped into his bed or because of my...err...display.
"So the goddess of love, herself, is now gracing my bed?" Jareth gracefully rose from the bed and stood looking down at me. He held out a hand and I studied it suspiciously. "Don't worry, I won't bite...unless you want me to." He purred.
I jumped up and wagged my finger up at him, under his chin was the best I could reach and not look like I was stretching for his nose. I had to keep some dignity, right? "That was so corny I think I'll be crapping popcorn." I placed both my hands on my hips and raised my chin. "And I am not really a true goddess like those crazy Latins thought, I am merely a demi-goddess...my mother was a faerie."
He blinked at the first comment and then returned to his sinful smirk after the last one. "A faerie child goddess, eh?" He looked me up and down in a way that made me disgusted with myself when I actually blushed. "Can I see your wings, love?"
"I don't show my wings to just anyone," I about slapped myself when I realized that comment had sounded like me flirting back. As if!
"If you dislike me as much as you seem to, then why did you wish yourself down here?" His head tilted slightly as he studied me. "Not that I mind the lovely company."
"I didn't think it would actually work..." And if he only knew how much I *DID* like him awhile ago...before he smirked me to death.
"You...a faerie goddess...and you didn't believe in the magic of saying 'I wish'??" He started laughing then with me standing there scowling at him. "Come on, love, you have got to be kidding."
"Grr, you know what?! I don't have to take this from you!" I nearly stomped my foot immaturely, but I thankfully stopped myself in time. I lifted my chin and snapped my fingers, then the next thing I knew I was back in my own room. I darted under the blankets of my bed and curled up, shaking with a mixture of shock and anger. Oooo, that guy really fried my bacon...
In the morning I woke up and shuddered to myself when I remembered last night's little "trip." I got dressed in some low-riding fashion jeans and a red tube top, then pulled a black mesh long-sleeved shirt over that. I padded into my kitchen and pulled out a granola bar to munch on. I sat and thought to myself at the breakfast nook. I thought I may be the first demi-goddess in the world to need counseling, especially after last night. I may be the first faerie, too, but who knows about those nuts.
I finished and got up to head towards the fridge for some orange juice. I opened the door and screamed. There sitting in the center of my fridge was a large bottle of champagne and a vase of roses. I had NO idea why there was a vase of roses in my fridge...who puts roses in the fridge, and I like to drink as much as the next faerie...but the cheap stuff, not expensive champagne. I took them out and set them on the counter. I noticed a note and took it off the roses to read it.
~I hope you drop into my bed again tonight, or is it my turn to drop into yours?~
I screamed and if I had been mortal I think that would have been the part where I fainted next. I dropped the note and went running for my bedroom. I slipped my feet into some platform sandals before disappearing, when I reappeared I was in another room in another house.
Instead of the soft feminine look my room had, this one had rock and roll posters up on all the walls. The furniture was decidedly male in taste and decorated in black and deep reds, of course the same shade as blood. What else would you expect from the god of war? If you went into Ares's living room and library, both had weapons on display from various points of history. And, of course most of the books in the library take place during wars or are about wars.
I walked up behind a man sitting at a computer. He had on headphones and was head banging to the music blaring off of them. He had long black hair slicked back into a long ponytail that was tipped in red. He wore only black leather pants that hugged him pretty good. I lifted my eyes quickly. No roving eyes over Ares, not good to check out the psycho. And before you say anything, as you have guessed we are not all like we were written down in the myths, those were works of fiction written by some very talented people. Ares was NOT my brother.
I reached out and tapped his shoulder. He spun around before remembering he was hooked to the computer by the headphones. His head snapped back and he cursed in some ancient language that I, unfortunately, understood. Now you can notice the mustache and goatee ensemble he had in the front. Unlike the hair in back it was cut short and well groomed. He pulled off the headphones and tossed them aside. He stood and towered over me at his 6'5 height.
"Stazy...what's up?" he asked in his deep, rumbling voice. Some women found his voice very sexy...and his looks, but I knew him too well. Hehe
"I am having a bad day following a bad night," I held out my hand and the note from Jareth appeared in it.
Ares picked it up and read it. "Who's J? You slept with Jupiter??!"
"NO!" My eyes bugged. That guy was older than stone!
"I am straight as a bored, you twit!" I smacked him upside his dirty little head. "Before you think I slept with half of Olympus, the J stands for Jareth! Jareth!"
He rubbed the side of his head. "Oh...who's Jareth and why'd you sleep with him?"
"I did not sleep with him...I just fell into his bed..." I blushed and looked at my feet. "And he's the goblin king from the...err...Underground." I so did not want to have to say the next part. "You know...the David Bowie guy from the movie, the Labyrinth?"
At that, Ares threw back his head and laughed so hard tears came to his eyes. I wished I could smite him back to Ancient Greece sometimes. He calmed himself and looked at me. "How did you fall into his bed...WHY did you fall into his bed? And more importantly, he's really real?"
"Yeah...he's real, unfortunately." I sighed. "I didn't think he was, either. And being the idiot half-breed that I am, I made a wish to travel to the Underground and meet the great Jareth. I had just got done watching the movie and it was late...can you blame me?"
"Yes, I think we can."
"Oh shut up. I just came here to see if you could help, but obviously you can't."
"I'm sorry, Stazy. I'll try and help, truly. I just don't know this guy. I could loan you some of my weapons, though." He smiled like a young boy, and in many ways he still was one.
"That's okay. I'll try and see what happens, I'll tell you what I can find out about him later," I pointed past him to the computer he had been sitting at. "Maybe you can check on there about him, you can find anything on the net."
I was sitting in my bedroom at the computer later that day. I worked on some of my stories and checked my messages. Should I tell someone that I was being sexually harassed by the Goblin King, himself? I probably shouldn't, they would only laugh at me and think I was crazy. I mean, I couldn't even tell them I was a faerie goddess half-breed for crying out loud. Telling them I wished myself to the Underground and landed in Jareth's bed so that now I was being sent champagne and roses was DEFINITELY out of the question! Maybe I would write a story based on it later, they would only think it a story then and would enjoy it as a good laugh and think me inventive. (Isn't this one of those times like when they look at the camera in a good movie and give the audience a knowing look?? Hehe *knowing look*)
I turned off the computer and changed into my lavender silk nightie. I went and crawled into bed, hoping to not have haunting dreams of that man again. I started to drift off asleep, curled on my side. In my half-conscious state I rolled over, only to be face to face with mismatched eyes. I was jolted awake and screamed loudly.
Jareth held his ears. "Damn woman, you have a set of lungs."
I sat up with wide eyes. "GET OUT OFF MY BED!!! OOOUUUTTT!! If you don't I'll..." I stopped to think about that one.
"You'll what?" He laid there sexily and looked up at me with a smirk.
I remembered something I saw on the internet in one of my favorite stories. I decided to put my own twist on it. (Lotsa love to Emmy and her hilarious story!) I waved my hands at him and a wave of red magic flowed at him. First he was thrown from the bed and next there was a small explosion followed by a pink glittery cloud.
When everything settled Jareth stood there dressed like Ozzy Osbourne. I sat on the bed laughing my ass off at him. He stumbled over to the mirror, holding his arms up like Ozzy does. He looked at his reflection and his eyes got huge.
He started yelling with a thicker accent than before. "ANYA! ANYA! What the fuck have you fucking done to me?? What the fuck is all this fucking stuff? Why the fuck am I dressed like this? Who the fuck am I supposed to fucking be????"
I was rolling around on the bed laughing as hard as I had ever laughed in my life. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and my chest was hurting. I just kept pointing at him and laughing. I calmed down enough to snap my fingers to fill him with some knowledge of Black Sabbath, Ozzy, and the Osbournes because I was laughing too hard to speak.
"This is fucking war," he growled.
A couple days later, I was feeling better. Jareth had not shown up since I had turned him into Ozzy. Maybe he had finally gotten the message and forgot about me. Maybe I should remember that Ozzy trick in the future on other people, though if I used it on Ares he would *LIKE* being turned into the rocker. I'd probably turn him into Jareth...I giggled to myself as I stepped onto the diving board. I was in my backyard, having a leisurely swim in my pool.
I had turned on my stereo outside with the Labyrinth soundtrack. Right as I stood on the diving board Magic Dance came on and I started singing and dancing to it right there in my red bikini. "You remind me of the babe, what babe, babe with the power, what power, the power of voodoo, who do, you do, do what, remind me of the babe! I saw my baby, cryin hard as babe could cry, what could I do-"
"My baby's love had gone, and left my baby blue, nobody knew what kinda magic spell to use," came a deep male voice all of a sudden to the side.
I screamed and spun around. That action was not a good one to perform on a wet surface and the next thing I knew I was in the water. I struggled to the surface and then paddled over to the edge. Through water and limp platinum strands, I looked up at Jareth. My eyes narrowed in anger and I pulled myself up on the patio.
"You...you...you!" I growled in frustration.
"I see you are a fan of my singing," he smirked widely.
"That isn't you, its David Bowie!" I waved towards the still blaring stereo, where the song Magic Dance was still going.
"No. It's me."
"DAVID BOWIE!" I grabbed the CD and wave it at him. "SEE SEE!"
He sighed as if talking to a child. "David Bowie is my Aboveground name."
"You have got to be kidding me. You mean that was you the other day on Carson Daly?" I put my hands on my hips and raised my eyebrows at him.
"Yeah, but David Bowie's hair is different...and his eyes aren't mismatched, one is just injured," I lifted my chin.
"It's called faerie glamour, child. I would have thought YOU of all people would know what that was."
"Fine, FINE. Just ruin another one of my crushes. What, is Jackie Chan really Hoggle??"
"Who's Jackie Chan?"
"Never mind." I waved a hand in the air. "I see you got over your Goth rock phase." I laughed.
Jareth frowned at me. "Remember the part where I said this was war?"
"I am not sure, I was laughing way too hard. But maybe...vaguely..." I grinned impishly up at him.
"Well prepare for battle," he leaned in close. "I have not given up on my quest, but now it is no more Mr. Nice Guy."
"Lemme guess, now you're Miss Nice Transsexual?" At his glare I let out a small "Eep" and went running for the sliding glass door that led into my house. I wasn't sure if he was following or what not. I got inside and screamed at the top of my lungs, "AREEEEES!"
Ares appeared and looked at me a bit worried. "What? Is that goon trying to rape you?" His hair was loose around bare shoulders. He only had on a pair of ragged jeans. He had either been in a rush when he heard my call or he had been lounging lazily somewhere like a lizard. I pictured him as a lizard and nearly let a giggle escape. So not the time, Anya. He stepped forward and touched my right upper arm. "New tattoo, Stazy?" He got sidetracked for a moment.
I groaned in frustration. "Yeah." The one he was referring to was a heart with wings and a halo. On my other arm was a large symbol for Venus/Women with a heart shape instead of the traditional loop. I also had a small asterix-style star below the outer corner of my right eye. "But more importantly, that man is out there now!" I pointed.
Ares looked out towards my pool and shrugged. "Where?"
I turned slowly. "What the...where'd he go?"
"Stazy, I think you seriously need some rest. But, if it'll make you feel better I'll leave you with one of my swords. I know you don't wanna kill him, but hopefully it'll scare him off if he comes around again." He said this though he clearly didn't believe me about being stalked by a devilishly handsome goblin king.
"Thanks..." I sighed. The next thing I knew a large broadsword appeared in my hands and Ares disappeared in the same instant. The broadsword was longer than I was and way too heavy, a second after it appeared I fell to the ground pinned under the weight.
I heard a very male chuckling and I rolled my eyes upwards to see who it was, though I already knew from the sound of the voice. I groaned and started whimpering pitifully.
"What in the seven wonders did I ever do to deserve this??" I wailed.
"Do you want me to answer that truthfully?" Jareth knelt by my head. "Lets see...you wished yourself into my bed and then..."
"STOP STOP STOOOP!" I yelled and glared up at him. You know if I were superman with lasers for eyes he would so be dead by now. But Ares was right, I was not a killer. Damn him for being right. "I know what I did...but you weren't sposed to be real." I whined. I, even a demi-goddess, was not above whining when feeling this bad. "And I know I had a crush on you and was always watching the movie...and then I would read fanfiction, even writing my own about how cute you were...And don't get me started on David Bowie..."
His hand was suddenly over my mouth. "Please stop whining and rambling. As much as I like you, that pushes it a bit." He looked me over. "I am debating if I should take advantage of your predicament...but then that would make me really evil, wouldn't it. And you know I am not essentially as evil as some people would think me to be."
I shook my head vigorously. "No noooo, you're not evil at all."
"Well...maybe a little evil..." with that he leaned down and quickly kissed me. I squeaked in surprise, but then laid there wondering what to do. Yes, I know I am an idiot, please bare with me. Just as quickly he stopped and removed the huge sword. "How the hell did this come to be on top of you in the first place?" He looked at it with an eyebrow raised in question.
"Ares gave it to me to use on you..." I muttered as I sat up and started to back away from him. "Don't you have some goblins to go kick around?"
"No, they formed a union. I'm not allowed to do that anymore."
I just blinked at him with an odd expression on my face. Maybe his lips poisoned me...yeah, that had to be it. I tried another tactic. "So...how's Sarah doing these days?"
"There is no Sarah. She was a fictional character in a movie based on my kingdom."
"Well you're real and so is the Labyrinth...why can't Sarah be real."
"Cause she isn't!" He quickly composed himself. "The movie grossly got a number of things wrong. I do not steal babies either and turn them into goblins. I do not evilly trick the people who run my labyrinth. I don't have to, the labyrinth is its own big trap. I usually try and help them, keep them out of serious harm." He straightened and made a show of dusting himself off. "They made me out to be some horribly evil man who delights in that sort of stuff."
"If you are in fact David Bowie, too, then why didn't you object during the making of this movie?" I composed myself on the floor, weaving a bit of magic so that my hair was nice and dry, and I wasn't sitting in a puddle of pool water.
"I couldn't stop them...but at least I got in there to play myself," he smirked. "So young girls could be haunted by the right face." He held out a hand to me. "And you would know about that, right?"
I glowered at his hand, but accepted it. He helped me to my feet and once standing I moved away from him again. "You know, all that you just told me isn't gonna make me fall down at you feet or something."
"Good, it would be counterproductive after I just got done helping you to your feet." He chuckled and I just glared. "Maybe I just need some time to grow on you...I'll visit you again, sweet Anyastazya."
He bent, took my hand, and brushed a kiss over the knuckles. I grimaced and yanked back my hand. "I'll be waiting for you with a shotgun..."
He leaned in close, breath against my neck as he purred into my ear. "We both know you wouldn't shoot me, Anya."
"Yeah, but I can do this," I waved my hand and he was once again transformed.
Jareth this time had been turned into a woman. I chose just the right woman, too, Joanie Laurer formerly Chyna of the WWF. I fell over laughing again, heedless I was in a wet red bikini. But, this was too priceless.
"Chyna" growled at me. "You...you...why do you insist on being so difficult?"
"Cause that's part of my charm." I grinned and turned to leave the room. I didn't see him throw the crystal at my back, only felt the impact and quick rush of magic around me.
First I heard this faint music, and shook it off. It sounded familiar, though. The music got louder and louder, I couldn't deny I knew what song it was anymore. I cringed and turned to tell him where to shove the music but he was gone. I walked into the bedroom and saw my reflection in the mirror briefly before the room seemed to disappear.
I screamed and kept screaming as the environment around me changed. The face in the mirror had been Justin Timberlake of the hated N'stync. I kept on screaming as I seemed to be caught in one of their music videos. "THIS IS WAY WAY MORE HORRIBLE A PUNISHMENT!!!! AT LEAST I TURNED YOU INTO COOL, TALENTED PEOPLE!!!! I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T EVIL!!!!" I paused for breath. "AREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!!!!"
Both Ares and Jareth arrived at the same time. Jareth was in one of his usual outfits and had gotten somewhat back to normal, except for his long black hair and feminine lips. The guys looked at each other.
"Whoa, what happened to you?" Ares asked.
"SHE happened to me." Jareth pointed.
Ares looked at me and started laughing hysterically at the both of us. We both just glared at him. "Well, Stazy, I can't reverse his magic; only he can."
"And you're right, this is a bit evil," Jareth rubbed his chin and looked me up and down. "I got a better one." He whispered in Ares's ear, who gave the Goblin King a BIG grin and a thumbs up. I was so not liking this.
Another crystal hit me and the scenery changed. I felt myself changing and my body felt more normal, I thought he had changed me back until the music starting playing. I screamed. This was almost as bad!!
As the music started up I was forced to sing and dance with it. By the end of "Oops! I Did It Again" both men were rolling around on the floor laughing. Finally, the music stopped and we were back in my house.
"Tell you what, Anya," Jareth walked around behind me and purred in my ear again. "You change me back, I change you back and we call a truce."
"Sure, but that doesn't mean you get to jump in my bed." I turned and glared at him.
"Well, I have time to wear you down." After being pelted with yet another of those damnable crystals I ran towards the nearest mirror to see if I was myself again. I was and I breathed a sigh of relief.
I snapped my fingers and he was totally back to normal. He came over and looked down at me. "This shall not be my last visit, Anya." He disappeared.
I looked at Ares and glared murderously. "You let him do that to me?"
"Well wasn't it better than the first one?" He said defensively.
"Maybe," I grumbled and turned to head over to the glass doors, which had been left open in my flight to the house earlier. I heard Ares laughing loudly behind me and turned around. Had my bikini ridden up in back or something? "What, ya ugly hyena?"
"Oh...nothing," He made a motion like cupping my rear end and I frowned, then waved at him to leave.
When he did I ran in the bathroom and turned around. In the mirror you could see writing beneath my bikini bottom. I lowered it and there, tattooed on my ass was "Property of Jareth". I screamed louder than I had ever screamed before.