I do not think that I am the sort of person to enjoy vacations. In fact, I can name several other pursuits I would rather be dedicating time to. However, Mother insists, as we are a family again, that we must spend time together as appropriate.

With Father home, my criminal escapades have to be designed much more carefully, and I must say that I will relish the challenge. He thinks that I should let go, but I have a crime spree of epic proportions planned that I will not abandon now. The Fowls have been out of the spotlight for too long, if you catch this delicious irony.

The success of my plan rests on several important factors; the least of which that Butler agrees to help me. For some reason - perhaps the fact that he mysteriously grew old and as such has slowed down - he does not seem entirely so interested in my crimes these days, and Juliet of course is in America as the 'Jade Princess.' However, the Fowls and the Butlers have always worked most closely together, and I feel confident that I will persuade one or the other to help. After all, what is a Fowl without his Butler?

Returning to the vacation, Mother decided that it would be beneficial to the health of the family, especially my father, to spend a week in the south of France. My father has been released from the hospital after the extended tenure he spent there to recover from wounds inflicted on a delivery of bullion gold to a crime camp in Russia. Unfortunately, the negotiations went bad and my father was kept as a captive for several months.

He was recently released and therefore that triggered a new sort of desire in my mother; the need to spend 'family time' together, whilst meanwhile trying to dissuade me from my criminal enterprises.

Of course this is a fruitless venture. Through my technology, I have discovered the ultimate theft I wish to pull off. There is something called the Codex Crystal stored in the American museum called the Smithsonian. It has properties that most humans could only dream of, or at least according to the limited information I obtained from the Internet. I somewhat doubt the veracity of many of the Internet's claims, but all the sources - well, enlightened sources, that is - agree on one thing:

It is powerful.

With the Codex Crystal in my grasp, the Fowls could be great. No longer am I content with the Fowls merely being one of the top five richest families in Ireland; I want them to be the wealthiest, and also the most influential.

It will not be long now until this new crime spree begins.

Then I will be unstoppable.

Artemis Fowl was sitting in a beach in one of the glorious resorts of France, while he typed intently on his laptop. His mother, smeared with a positively insane amount of tanning lotion, was stretched out nearby, and his father was sipping from an iced pina colada martini.

No half-rate junky tourist beach for the Fowls. No sir. The beach that the three Fowls were currently inhabiting had sand so white it seemed to have been bleached, sparkling blue waters, and pristine scenery all around. Their fellow beach-goers were the sort who could buy a Mercedes with their pocket change and often crashed at the Prime Minister's house.

Artemis was sitting beneath a wide umbrella to protect his pale skin from the sun. Although his mother found it desirable to look as well-done as a roasted chicken, her son did not. Pushing his Christian Dior shades higher on his nose, Artemis stared around, as if expecting one of his Mercedes- buying fellows to suddenly rush up and confide all secrets of the Codex Crystal.

Angeline Fowl stirred. Seeing as she had been motionless on the beach for the past three hours, Artemis found this surprising. "Oh, Arty, you ought to go swimming," she cooed lazily. "The water's so nice. Most boys would like to go swimming, and you have been writing on that computer for most of the day."

Artemis pushed his Christian Dior shades low enough so that he could survey his mother over the tops of them. "Mother, I can assure you that if I wanted to swim, I would have done so several hours earlier."

"Come on, Arty!" Artemis Fowl Sr. enthused. "It's been so long since we went swimming together - you were probably just a little boy. Come on, what do you say?"

Artemis could not refuse a request such as that. With a sigh, he set the laptop in its black briefcase, took off the shades, and crossed the sparkling white sand as daintily as if the beach was made of pieces of glass. Artemis Fowl Sr. was not nearly as delicate; he charged across and splashed into the water.

Reaching the shoreline, Artemis cautiously dipped a toe in. The water was pleasantly cool, he noted, and it was indeed a stifling day. A heat haze shimmered on the horizon.

"Come in, Arty, it's wonderful!"

Artemis had no more excuses. He waded in.