Summary: One-shot song fic. Our favorite students have a nervous breakdown during the most important exam they'll ever take.

Disclaimer: The song belongs to Muppet Treasure Island. It's called "Cabin Fever," though, obviously I parodied it. The characters belong to JKR.

NEWTS Fever

Harry sat at a table in the Great Hall, staring blankly ahead. His eyes had heavy black circles under them, and he rocked slightly back and forth as his quill moved aimlessly over the paper that was his NEWTS exam.

He had hardly slept a wink over the past couple of months, not unlike the others in the classroom. His eyes began to wander, and he was unable to get up enough energy to prevent them from doing so.

Across the room, Ron's head was laying on the table in such a fashion that Harry was positive that he was sleeping. Hermione, who was only the next table over, was staring aimlessly at him, not even bothering to hiss at him to get to work.

Neville Longbottom looked ready to have an anxiety attack at any second, not that it would be his first one that day, while Malfoy, who was at the table in front of Harry's had taken to pounding his head continuously on his table, sending a loud, dull 'thunk, thunk, thunk' throughout the classroom.

There weren't any professors in the classroom, which, had Harry been well in mind enough, might have puzzled him. He knew that a new anti-cheating spell had been invented, but it still seemed odd that no one was there to supervise, all the same.

Harry forced himself to look back down at his paper: "In a well detailed essay, compare the difference between cow's blood and bull's blood and the effect it has on the Bumpkin Potion."

Was he on the Potions section already? That was good news. At least he knew that that was last section of the NEWTS exam. Now, if only he knew the answer to the question. Or at least what the Bumpkin Potion did.

'Bumpkin.' Harry thought to himself.

He chuckled to himself under his breath. Looking around again, he saw that Ron, who had apparently awakened, was shaking with laughter as well. Harry wondered briefly if Ron was at the Bumpkin question too, but before he could go into further thought about it, he felt a funny tingling sensation run up his arm.

Instantly, he knew what it was. He had been warned many a time by previous Seventh Years. The tingling sensation had now moved throughout his entire body by this point.

Harry shot to his feet, his body shaking uncontrollably:

"I've got NEWTS fever!"

The entire Hall turned to him, but Ron got to his feet, too:

"I've got it, too!"

Harry jumped on his table and put his head in his hands:

"I've got NEWTS fever it's burning in my brain"

Ron swatted his papers off his table:

"I've got da NEWTS fever it's driving me insane"

Every last one of the remaining seventh years stood up in an instant:

"We got NEWTS fever, we're flipping our bandanas
Been studying so long we have simply gone bananas"

A wind blew through the room, and the students were all suddenly in tropical clothes:

"Ariba!"

The boys all jumped on their tables with maracas in their hands:

"Chica, chica boom
A chica, chica boom, boom chic"

The girls quickly followed their example, mimicking their moves:

"Chica, chica boom
A chica, chica boom, boom chic"

The Ravenclaws all jumped together in a big group:

"We got NEWTS fever we've lost what sense we had"

All the Hufflepuffs jumped on the Ravenclaws:

"We got NEWTS fever, we're all going mad"

The Gryffindors all grouped together on a couple of tables that were pushed together. Lightening, wind, and thunder echoed off the walls as their tables shook from side to side as if they were on a rickety boat:

"My sanity is hanging by a thread
Since we're getting nowhere I've gone out of my head"

A conga line, made up of Slytherins, made its way down the Hall, all the Slytherins shaking one arm:

"We were reading, reading in the library"

Goyle popped out of the line:

"And now we're not! Ha, ha heh!"

Dean, dressed in cowboy clothes was presiding over a rather large group of seventh years who were doe-si-doe-ing:

"Grab your quill by the tip
Dip it in the ink
Doe-si-doe pick an answer
Don't bother to think"

Seamus came out of no where and shoved Dean out of the way:

"Allemande left, allemande right
It's time to pass or sink
Toss it all to the side
Then go get a drink"

Parvati and Padma Patil sat on the edge of a table:

"We've got NEWTS fever"

Lavender nodded, sitting next to them:

"No if's, and's, or but's"

The Patil twins smiled:

"We're disoriented"

Lavender straightened her back:

"And demented"

All three of them chorused:

"And a little nuts"

The three submerged into 'sophisticated' giggles, but Justin Finch- Fletchley and Terry Boots danced into them, sending them to the ground as the boys sang:

"Ach du lieber Volswagen car"

Susan Bones and Hannah Abbot popped up from behind the two:

"(Yodel-lay-ee-hoo)"

Susan and Hannah disappeared behind the two and the boys sang again:

"Saur braten viener schnitzel
Und a vunder bar"

The two girls popped up again:

"(Yodel-lay-ee-hoo)"

Harry and Ron danced in front of them:

"We were learning, learning Lady Luck was on our side"

Blaise Zambini walked forward, arms crossed:

"But then she died"

Neville stood still, arms and legs shaking uncontrollably:

"I've got NEWTS fever
I think I've lost my grip"

Malfoy stood in a corner, scowling:

"I'd like to get my hands on
Whoever wrote this test!"

Pansy Parkinson came to a stop next to him:

"Si!"

Hermione was in the middle of the Hall, belly dancing in a complimenting outfit, that she most certainly would not have been wearing if she was in her right state of mind:

"I was hoping to learn more
And dreaming of a perfect score
Now I am crazy at the core"

The seventh years all waved their bodies from side to side:

"NEWTS fever has ravaged all aboard
This once proud school has become a huge old psycho ward"

Still waving back and forth:

"We were reading, learning, headed who knows where"

They stopped all movement, but continued singing:

"And now, though we're all here,
We're not all there"

Simultaneously, they all performed various feats of gymnastics (back flips, no handed cartwheels, ECT) before going off into a variety of dances and insane conversations.

Suddenly, the door opened to reveal McGonagall, Snape, and Dumbledore. The students all turned to them:

"NEWTS fever!"

Dumbledore casually hid his grin behind his hand while McGonagall and Snape groaned, "This is the tenth year in a row!"

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Come on, how many of you liked that? Yay! I thought so. I'm sure we can all relate sooner or later (Final Exams are a killer!)! Thanks for reading!