HOLA! I started this out of random boredom when I couldn't get to sleep. So yeah. Um, if you have nothing nice to say, shout at me in a review and I will laugh at you later. Please understand this is sorta kinda little-bit based on the book, but I've stretched a few things. My main reason for this was the popular other version of the Fellowship's diaries are kinda twisted and gross. So this is MY version. I might do other members, but who really knows. Yay insomnia.

Rated: PG

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The SECRET!!!!! Diary of Legolas Greenleaf.

Entry 1

Received summons to some meeting in Rivendell. Note stressed that subject was of the utmost importance. Used that as leverage to get Father to allow me to go. I fear that if I spend much more time in Mirkwood subjects will have one cracked (but pretty!) Elven prince on their hands, and nobody wants that.

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Entry 2

Have left for Rivendell with some other important Elf people- few of whom I know the names of. Despite the fact that this journey was supposed to be secret, we (okay, I) was followed by a horde of Elven Fangirls, and even a few gross giant spider Fangirls. Very disturbing.

Nearly out of Mirkwood- we've stopped to make camp. The greedy eyes of the Fangirls and of the Giant Spider Fangirls are gleaming from the circle of darkness around us. Very creepy. Excuse me as I go hide in my bedroll.

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Entry 3

Was kidnapped by an unusually persistent Fangirl of the oversized arachnid division. Was shown off, bragged over, and generally abused for several hours before being rescued by those traveling with me. Have discovered that I have developed a rather strong arachnophobia due to the incident. I fear it may be permanent. Saw a small brown spider and screamed like a girl. Have sworn all with me to secrecy. Now you know why this diary is SECRET!!!!!

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Entry 4

This is several days after the- ahem- "incident." Have become very paranoid- am jumping at small noises and screaming at loud ones, expecting a 12-foot spider or a venomous Fangirl.

A little over ¼ of the way to Rivendell.

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Entry 5

Am much more relaxed now. Am able to keep from screaming at every loud noise and have limited my spider-sighting reactions down to a small squeak. Have been no fangirl sightings since Mirkwood, therefore I have a moderate sense of security.

Am being blackmailed by one of my company. I must comply with his yet-to-be-named demand or have all of the Elves, Men, and even Dwarves know of the "incident." Do not yet know who my blackmailer is.

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Entry 6

Received Blackmailer's demands. I must cut my hair up to my ears or he will tell all of my rather embarrassing... Well, you know. Deliberating which is worse: being ridiculed because of a haircut, or be ridiculed because of my phobia. Decisions, decisions.

Halfway to Rivendell.

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Entry 7

Discovered identity of my blackmailer. I reread the demand note, and he had signed his name at the bottom. Humph. The bad spelling should have given him away immediately. His name is Malanielath, and he prides himself on being prettier than me. He SO is not!! Plus, he has the brain of a dwarf. So THERE.

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Entry 8

Malanielath had an, erm, "unfortunate mishap" today. Somehow, his bedroll was filled with snakes! He screamed so loud and high I feared that my beautiful and delicate elven ears would bleed. A bird in the tree above us was stunned by the unearthly, horrid, and girly sound and the poor creature plummeted to its death.

Ha. I didn't kill any birds with MY scream. I didn't kill the spiders, either. Malanielath shot all the snakes with his bow, and now that the bedroll has been tainted with the snakes' blood he refuses to use it and sleeps on the bare ground instead. So much for 'preserving and valuing life.' And he calls himself an Elf.

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Entry 9

Have stopped receiving blackmail messages.

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Entry 10

Malanielath (and I honestly had absolutely nothing to do with this) fell from his horse, hit a rock, and is now missing a front tooth! Who's prettier now, huh?

He gives us Elves a bad name. What happened to all of HIS Elvish grace? He certainly has a lack of it. He blames that the snakes set him off. Yeah right.

We shall reach Rivendell tomorrow.

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