Title: Pirates of the Ring
Author: Ainu Laire
Rating: PG-13, T
Warnings: Mild cursing here and there, blood, action, death, etc, etc…
Summary: What happens when five characters from the Caribbean sail to Middle-earth, and help determine its future? POTC/LOTR crossover.

Edited 10/30/09: Another edit, though much more minor than the previous ones. I went through The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers and corrected a few dozen spelling and grammatical errors (split infinitives was rather common...) and reworded things here and there to make them sound better, but nothing was changed plot-wise. Word still protests greatly over my over-usage of the passive voice, but I'm afraid that many of those remain, though I did manage to correct a few. There's also an additional 5,000 more words; goodness knows how they all got in there. That does mean now that my average chapter length is about 4,600 words XD

This story was first published when the first Pirates of the Caribbean was released. I want to make it clear that this story only follows the first POTC movie, and Middle-earth does affect the personalities of the characters as time goes on (from what they were in the first movie).

Previous edits on 12/19/08, 12/9/08, 11/22/08, 11/17/08, 11/8/08, 11/1/08, 10/17/08, 8/3/07, and 7/4/05.

Some lines are “stolen” from Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings films, and Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the places or characters created by J.R.R. Tolkien, nor do I own any characters from The Pirates of the Caribbean. I do own the interactions between the characters of these two plots, and a couple of the events I own too. Do not use any of my lines, interactions, or ideas without my permission.

Chapter One: The Beginning

There was a knock on the door at the entrance to the great home of Bag End. Outside the round, green door stood a tall old man, leaning on an old, crooked brown staff. He knocked on the door with his staff again, growing impatient. Finally, a voice from inside shouted out at him.

“No, thank you! We don’t want any more visitors, well-wishers, or distant relations!”

The old man smiled. “And what about very old friends?”

The small door opened and out stepped an elderly man, half the size of an average man, adorned with extremely hairy feet and curly gray hair. He looked up at the tall old man with astonishment. “Gandalf?”

The tall old man looked down at him, a smile forming across his wrinkled face. “Bilbo Baggins.” They exchanged greetings with each other as Bilbo Baggins led Gandalf inside.

Gandalf is a wizard, and everyone knows what wizards are. Bilbo Baggins, however, is a hobbit. Hobbits are queer folk with a long history behind them. They are very small (about three through four feet tall), with curly hair and big hairy feet. They never wear shoes; that is unheard of in the Shire, where almost all hobbits in Middle-earth reside. Hobbits have quite a large appetite, an interest in the brewing of ales, and in the smoking of pipe-weed.

Now Bilbo's home, to put it simple, was a hole in the ground. Not your normal kind of hole, like a gopher or snake hole, but a lovely and well kept hole, just tall enough for Gandalf to not hit his head on the ceiling. Unfortunately, it is small enough that he had an accident with the chandelier and the misfortune of knocking his head on the doorway. Soon enough Gandalf made it into the kitchen and sat down on a small chair next to a miniature table.

Gandalf peered at Bilbo, humor written across his face, as the hobbit gulfed down a chunk of cheese. The wizard waited for him to finish it.

“Do you still mean to go through with your plan?”

“Yes, yes, it is all at hand. All the arrangements are made,” Bilbo told him as he poured each of them a cup of tea and sat down.

Gandalf sipped at his tea. “Frodo suspects something.”

Bilbo glanced at him. “So, you already have seen him? Where is he, anyways?”

"Out past Bywater, enjoying the wonderful day." He took a sip of his tea.

Bilbo smiled knowingly. “Ah, yes, the boy does enjoy the outdoors.”

Gandalf nodded, and waited. When Bilbo said nothing more, the wizard asked, “You will tell him you are leaving, won’t you?”

“Yes, yes-”

“He’s very fond of you.”

Bilbo sighed. “I know. He would probably come with me if I asked him,” he said with a small chuckle. “But I think Frodo’s heart is still in love with the Shire.” He paused, and then turned to his friend with a queer expression on his face. “I’m old, Gandalf…” He put his hand into his pocket and started fingering something. Gandalf eyed him suspiciously. “I know I don’t look it, but I am beginning to feel it in my heart… I feel, thin, sort of stretched like, butter scraped over too much bread. I need a holiday, a very long holiday… and I don’t expect I shall return. In fact I mean not to.”

O0O0O0O

Music, food, and drink! It is, of course, a party! Day had swiftly turned into night, and Bilbo was having a birthday party. In truth, both he and his nephew, Frodo, were having a party. Bilbo was turning eleventy-one, an odd age, while Frodo was turning thirty-three, a very important age. He was ‘coming of age’, the age when hobbits mature from their tweens (the tween years being all those irresponsible years between childhood and adulthood). The hobbits were all singing, dancing, laughing, eating, and drinking ale. But, amidst all the drunken males and giggling girls, some unexpected guests were soon to arrive.

O0O0O0O

Meanwhile, in another place, in another time…

Captain Jack Sparrow sailed the Caribbean waters upon the Dauntless with a few of his buccaneer crew, and the couple Will and Elizabeth Turner. Jack had ‘borrowed’ the Dauntless from Port Royal, and where the Black Pearl was he would not say. Just as he was sailing out of the bay, Will and Elizabeth came out from the cabins where they were planning their honeymoon (even though Jack thought they were doing much more than that). They were just about to get off the ship when they realized that it was out of the harbor with Jack at the wheel. The pirate, at once, declared that he was taking them on a surprise honeymoon trip. Elizabeth was not very happy with this prospect, but her curiosity was greater than her anger.

“Jack, we both know that you stole this ship, but where is the Black Pearl and the rest of your crew?” Elizabeth asked the sly captain for the tenth time.

He sighed. “Love, I borrowed this ship… just, without permission. And the Pearl is safe; there is nothing to fear. The rest o‘ me crew is in Tortuga, where I plan to meet ‘em.” He took out his compass, causally turning the wheel slightly to the left, then to the right. He looked out at the bright blue sky where the noon sun shone high.

Elizabeth sighed and looked out into the ocean, rolling her eyes. “This isn’t exactly the honeymoon that I wanted,” she said to Jack with a frown.

He looked at her, shocked. “What do you mean? There is nothing better than to be stuck on a boat in the middle of nowhere with moldy food and people vomiting all over the place.”

She frowned at him. “That was only once, and you gave me that, that... stuff! I don't even know what it was!”

He smiled. “You seemed to enjoy it, nonetheless.”

Things would have become ugly if Will hadn’t descended at that moment from the crow’s nest. He looked at both of them with a raised eyebrow and then turned to Jack. He put down the telescope that Jack had reluctantly lent him, a worried look upon his features.

“There is a storm coming and we are heading right into it. I suggest that we steer out of its course.”

Jack frowned and took the telescope. "Storm? In this weather? Nonsense." He left the wheel and went to the front of the boat with Elizabeth and Will on his heels. He peered through the eyepiece and made a strange face. "Wow. He's right for once." Will bristled at the comment, but before he could say anything, Jack continued. “Lad, I’ve been sailing these seas for o’er twenty years, and I’ve never seen anything like that. Get Gibbs and Anamaria!” When Will made no move, still rather annoyed at the earlier comment, the captain rolled his eyes and turned to Elizabeth. "Love, would you kindly fetch the rest o' the crew while I keep an eye on this storm?"

Elizabeth smiled. "I do that, and you turn this ship around."

"What?"

"You know I don't want to be here; I'll fetch them, and you bring us back to port. We're not far. Besides, the only way to avoid this storm is to turn around."

Jack contemplated it for a moment. "I'll do that, but I want your bracelet as well," he said, glancing at the trinket she wore on her wrist.

"Deal." She beamed at the two men and went below.

Gibbs came up first and looked at the oncoming storm, which was much closer now and clearly visible to the naked eye. He muttered to himself and then looked at Jack. “I told you it was bad luck having a woman aboard, and two is double the trouble!”

Anamaria just came up on deck to hear Gibb’s last comment. She snorted, waving her dark hair aside, and said, “No matter how many times you say that, it won‘t turn true, y’know.” She strode past him and took the telescope, and a frown immediately appeared on her face. “Captain, this ain’t no ordinary storm. ‘tis not covering the whole sky, only the spot we are approaching. Not to mention ‘tis going against the wind, if ye hadn’t noticed. We will be in it within minutes, maybe sooner.”

Jack took the telescope and looked in it again. His frown deepened. “And no rain… only lightning, with no thunder.” He put the telescope down, a gleam in his eye. "Looks exciting, but," he glanced at Elizabeth, "the lady of the ship wishes to return back home. The sea is too much for her."

"We had other plans," Will said pointedly, but did not elaborate further.

Gibbs snorted, not looking abashed by the looks from the Turners. "Oh, I can imagine. That said, that is no ordinary storm. I don't like it. Let's turn back, Jack, and take another route to Tortuga once these two landlubbers are gone." Jack did not nod, but rather turned and went straight for the wheel of the ship. The others stayed at the bow, looking at the storm with mixed expressions.

"Hey! Hey!"

The others turned in surprise and turned to Jack, who was staring at the wheel of the ship with an angry and incredulous expression. The others stood stunned, not believing the sight before their eyes.

A bright-eyed man, at least seven feet tall and clad in sapphires and blue silks, was steering the ship into the storm. He finally noted their presence, but did not seem concerned that they had noticed him. Rather he stared at them solemnly and under his gaze the others were unable to move. “Now it is time for the fate of Middle-earth to be decided,” he said. He than vanished into thin air, and suddenly the storm was upon them.