It's not fair. We agreed, it was unspoken, but we all went by it, and then Max ruined it with Liz, and then Michael ruined it with Maria, and now they both say it's okay and they're fixing it but they're not, it's obvious, they're always looking at them, following them, and I'm the only one still following the rules and what if I don't want to? I've done it for them, because we agreed it would be risky, and Max tells Liz and Liz tells Maria and then I can't tell even my own mother, and I can't even go on a date with Alex who is possibly the nicest person ever and the only person besides my parents and Max and Michael who cares for me. Not like my friends who would hate me if I got ugly or unpopular, or any of the boys I dated who only wanted to see how far they could go with me (never far and never past the third date), or Maria tolerating me because she fears me and Liz because of Max, probably, and I can't go on even one date with Alex, because I know I'll want more, and I've seen what happened to Max to Michael to Liz to Maria, and it's all a mess, and I don't want that, but I do, so much, and I want him, and he wants me, and I just want to hurt Max so much, because of this, even though it isn't his fault.

It isn't his fault, but it is. If he didn't feel like he had to save Liz then Maria wouldn't have known, and Alex wouldn't have suspected, and Valenti wouldn't have either, and I wouldn't have had to go into Alex's dream, and I wouldn't have had to have seen.

I saw.

He cares for me. He sees me. Like no one else did before.

I want a bit. just a tiny bit, one date, stargazing jut once more, seeing his dreams again. But I know I'll never be able to let go.