Author: Crimson Coin Crimson_Coin@yahoo.com
Rating: PG13 for stuff and all teases around R, but not really only kinda.
Summery: Reflections of Desire
Disclaimer: All characters are property of McMahon, McMahon, McMahon and McMahon. I own none.
Jeff Hardy POV:
Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why must I fight for every little thing in my life? And now what have I got to show for it?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I broke up with Beth today. Why, you ask? Simple really. Because I'm sick of living a lie. I can't hurt ... ah, hell. I know I've hurt her. She's head over heels for me. I know that. And I love her too, I suppose. Just not like that or that far.
I don't feel any passion for her. Like there's still ... needs and she satisfies those but it's like there's something missing. Just one little thing. And I'm sad because I want that.
And I know what it is.
Maybe it's because she's forbidden fruit or maybe it's because my love for her extends far beyond friendship or maybe I'm just absolutely insane. I haven't dismissed that option yet. And I'm just stewing with this unending displeasure. That's how I know that I've been missing out. Because I can feel it when Lita's out at ringside with me. Because then I have her all to myself.
I don't care who's out there; my opponent, the fans, Matt. They can all kiss my ass. When I'm down and she's bangin the mat for me to get up. To motivate me. Yeah. That's all for me. Then she comes to me. Hugs me, checks on me. Even with the tag matches. My heart does back flips because she comes to me first. That's right, me.
You may not notice, but I do. How she's always at my side before Matt's. Always right there, her hands on my body, the soft rasp of her voice asking if I'm all right. Ordering me to look at her so she knows. And then her arms are around my neck, mine around her waist. God, I love the feel of her. Sometimes ... I can't help but wonder what she'd ...
No, that's wrong. She's not mine to think of that way. She's Matt's. He met her first. He got to know her first. He introduced me as 'My Baby Brother, Jackass.'
Thanks, man, thanks. She thought it was funny and her laughter was like music to me. I've spent every day since then trying to make her laugh. Though sometimes it works, sometimes she worries, sometimes she cries. But I love to make her smile. That gorgeous tweak of her lips. Those luscious lips that ...
No, Damn it. Stop thinking about her like that. She's not yours to think of that way. I can't be thinking about her in such a way that would make most men blush. I have no right. No right to think of her as more than a friend. But I can think about her and Matt. How Matt doesn't really see her. He doesn't appreciate the beauty in the palm of his hands. The most perfect of perfections and he doesn't even see it. Completely oblivious.
Not that he treats her bad. He doesn't cheat on her, he respects her ... but he has no clue how special his girl is. His girl. Not mine ... but his.
I don't care, All right. I'll admit it. I love her. She fills me and I know I have it bad because all I want to do is ... please her in everyway.
I look up from my side of the room. She's sitting on one of the steel chairs, alone. Now that I think about it, we're alone. And she looks so sad. Beautiful ... but sad. I wonder what could be upsetting her so. It hurts me to see her so sad. She shouldn't be sad. I have to resist the urge to run over there and fall to my knees at her feet, to pull her into my arms and comfort her. To hold her so she knows that no matter what's wrong, it'll be all right.
But I can't. Because I know that if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop. I want her.
Way to be, Jeff, you idiot. Falling in love with your Brother's girl.
I hate my life. It would be my luck that I'd be involved with a guy only to find out I'm in love with his brother. Absolutely wonderful. Not that there's anything wrong with Matt. He's a great guy just ... I don't think he appreciates me. I know he loves me. He's so good to me and he does love me. I know he does. I can see it. The way Matt will smile whenever he sees me. Whenever we're alone, the way he can't take his eyes off of me, the way he wants me and ... He's wonderful. But there's something different about Jeff.
It's in his eyes; they're just on fire. Like he's staring right through me. And he's been more intense lately, just something about him. I can't help but go to him first after the matches. I want to.
The way he wraps his arms around me. His heart heavily beating, his breathes panting in my ear. I just don't mind him all sweaty and tired and ...
I remember a long time back when he gave me this hug after he won the Intercontinental Championship. And for the briefest of moments, he buried his face in my neck and I felt his lips there. Only a moment, but I still felt it. And I swear I felt the slightest of kisses. Then he pulled back and smiled the warmest of smiles. God, I thought I was drowning. His eyes, those lips. I wanted to kiss him, he looked so proud.
And then he thanked me, for always being there. He said I was his reason for continuing and it finally paid off. He hugged me again and this time I know I felt his kiss. My hair shrouding his face, he kissed my neck again. I know it. The wet warm slick of his tongue, God how I felt it. How achingly I just wanted to pull his mouth to mine. To feel that velvet tongue on my lips, in my mouth. To feel those pouting lips moving against mine or on ... other parts of my body. For him to feel my lips and tongue on every part of his.
No, I couldn't. Cuz I'm with Matt. I met Matt first, we had one night together and things ran away. Just escalated down hill. And now it's so complicated. I ... I love Matt. I do ... But I love Jeff too, maybe more.
Sighing, I look up catching Jeff watching me. He's been doing that a lot lately and he'll always look away when I catch him. But this time, he doesn't.
He's staring at me, those loving hazel eyes locked onto me. I've never seen it before, but he seems so intense, this small flicker of something dancing well within, just exploding. I wonder if that's what they'd look like in the throws of passion. If they would stop me breathless like that. If the green of his core intensifies and darkens as his desire mounts. I wonder what he'd look like in pure pleasure, how controlled can he be, how he would feel pressed against me.
He licks his lips and I can't help but lick mine. They look so soft. So very soft. I wonder if he's as attentive a lover as he is a friend. He always listens and is so patient and concerned. Would he put my pleasure first? Would he be gentle or would he be on fire? I can't help but picture him. Picture what he looks like with nothing on. What he'd feel like lying with me, our slicked bodies moving together.
I close my eyes. No, stop it. I shouldn't be thinking this. This isn't right. I'm with Matt. Expelling a breath, I clear my head then open my eyes.
But as soon as I see him, those thoughts invade again. The look in his eyes. It's a look that no other man has ever given me. Some combination of need, lust, desire and love with this energy uniquely Jeff. It makes me feel so ... beautiful, like a goddess. I can see what he wants in his eyes. How he wants to lay me down and ... how he wants to just have his way with me. To love me ... to be with me. I can see him picturing it. His eyes locked on me, he's imagining himself with me. He wants me.
God, I'm losing my mind. He's driving me insane, I just want to run over there and ravage him. To just force him down and please him until he can't take it. And despite the blatant lust that he eyes me with, there's this other burning that I see as well. That he doesn't just want a good fuck. No, there's so much more. That he wants more. More, he wants to adore me. He wants to pleasure me.
I can see his chest rising and falling with his breaths. It's been quickening. He's excited. The blood racing through his veins, never stopping, never resting. It's the same in me.
And there ... there is the look. The look that had me fall head over heels in love with my boyfriend's baby brother.
Jeff stood, crossing the room, some look in her eye just calling him and he had to obey. Lita stood as well, quickly rushing to him, meeting him half-way and falling into him. Their arms wrapped around the other ever so tightly, their heads buried in the other's neck.
He nuzzled her throat a moment then lifted his head slightly, pressing their cheeks together. "I can't fight this anymore. It's too hard." His voice so deep and hushed.
"I'm sick of fighting too." She whispered just as soft. "I'm not strong enough, Jeff."
He could feel the moisture on his cheek, but he wasn't sure if it was her tears or his. He caressed her back with a gentle stroke of the hand. "I want you."
"I want you too."
He closed his eyes, fighting every urge within him to just grab this woman and kiss her until ... No. No he couldn't. "We can't."
She paused a good long moment, not bothering to fight the tears. "I know." She buried her face in the strings of his hair, inhaling the scent of him. Enjoying the feel of him, his hard body, soft hair, just everything.
Reluctantly, he pushed her back, gripping her shoulders. It was hard, his body shaking with the fight to keep her away from him, before he did something. "Matt. I can't."
"I know." She breathed. Her eyes so sad, she reached up with a shaky hand and cupped his cheek, the pad of her thumb brushing back and forth. "Why did I meet the wrong Hardy brother first?"
He smiled sadly, in turn brushing his fingers over her cheek. "God, I wish it was me."
Lita wiped the tear peaking out the corner of his eye. "If Matt were an ass or abusive or ... but he's not. He's not. He's a great guy and ... I do care about him."
"I'm his baby brother. I love him. We're family ... I ..." he sighed, ducking his head.
She cupped his face then, looking straight into his eyes. Her lower lip quivering, the turbulent roll of emotions ever so evident in her features. "Jeff, hold me ... please."
He pulled her right against him, his arms wrapping right around her, his embrace loving and protective. "You know, my brother's in love with you." She nodded and he sighed, snuggling into her, rubbing his cheek against the side of her head then down, brushing his lips over her neck. Slowly, he traced his mouth up, placing a soft kiss on her ear, one that made her shiver. "I'm in love with you."
Lita viciously shook her head. "Why did you have to tell me that? Why ..."
"Because I do. I love you and I can't fight this anymore. I can't. I want to be with you. I want to love you, I want you ... I want to feel you, I want to hold you. I can't stop this. I can't stop the way I feel and ..." he sighed. "I'm not so sure I want to."
Her head was spinning. The thought of being with Jeff, of him wanting her the same way she wanted him ... it exhilarated her. But ... she did love Matt. She couldn't hurt him. She couldn't cheat on him ... leave him for his brother. Lita pushed away from Jeff, keeping her head down and she turned her back, taking a few steps away from him. "No, Jeff. We can't do anything."
Jeff tilted his head back, expelling a shaky breath. "I understand. You love Matt."
"I love you too."
Closing his eyes, his mind made up. He couldn't hurt her, couldn't hurt his brother. She looked in so much pain, and it was because of him. He was in her life, he was causing her this doubt, this insecurity. And he couldn't do it anymore. "Then promise me, you won't leave Matt."
"Promise me that no matter what ... I will not be a factor in the relationship you have with my brother. Promise me you'll stay with Matt."
Pressing her teeth together a moment, she thought of Matt ... then of Jeff. Ducking her head, she spoke softly. "I promise that if I ever end this with Matt ... it will not be because of you."
He stepped closer to her, standing right behind her. He could feel the heat emanating off her body, hear her rapid heart beat as he neared. "Lita." He breathed, noting how she shivered at his voice, trembled at the proximity in which he stood. "Kiss me. Let me feel your lips ... just once. Let me feel your lips, your tongue ... your mouth. Let me taste you. Kiss me, please, just kiss me."
Squeezing her eyes shut, he was so tempting, so perfect. She loved him so much. She loved Matt so much. The feel of him behind her, begging for her kiss, for her touch, to feel just once. She yearned to feel him, to taste him. Were his lips as soft as they looked? How she wanted to just throw herself into his arms, ravage his mouth, his body. Stake a claim to this man who won her heart. Not won ... stole. Standing straight, her manner blocked, she spoke with a trembling voice. "If I kiss you ... I won't be able to keep my promise." It was the most difficult thing she ever had to say.
Rejected, defeated, sad, Jeff stepped back. He had no right to feel rejected or angry. But he did. And he didn't care. "Fine. I ... I understand."
The utter destruction in his voice broke her heart, but she couldn't bring herself to turn and look at him. She knew if she did ... she wouldn't be able to resist, to fight. She kept her back to him.
"I ... I ..." he stuttered, unable to keep the tears out of his voice. "I love you in a way that I shouldn't ..." he cracked, stepping further back. His voice ripping through the woman before him, piercing, impaling her with the pain so obvious in his tone. "So I won't."
Lita just stood there, his words sinking in. And she was overwhelmed. How utterly shattered he really sound ripping away at her very being. How guilty she felt for causing that pain to course through his body. How she loved him more now than ever. Loved him so much that ... she had to hold him, to feel him, to be with him. She had to have him. She loved him in a way so different from Matt. In a way far beyond what she held for Matt.
Jeff was what she wanted, what she needed. His selflessness, his purity, his morals, his truth. She didn't want Matt anymore, didn't love him the way she thought she did. No, she loved Jeff. It was Jeff she was meant to be with. Jeff. And only Jeff. She turned.
But she was alone ... and too late. Maybe ... it wasn't meant to be.
*** Sorry about the lack of posts. I've been fighting for an internet connection and now that I finally have one ... I can post. This is one of many more stories to follow. Read and Review. I KNOW YOU WANT TO ***