Despair

Sha'uri was – is – the light of my life, my warmth, my sun, my everything. When the Goa'uld took her from me and made her into Amaunet, my world was plunged into darkness. Ever since, I have lived in one long, cold, lonely night.

I wake up in the morning calling her name, expecting her to be there. But then I remember...

I cannot think of anything but her, but the very thought of her is a knife to my heart. Each day she is not with me, a little part of me dies.

I'm starting to think I'll never find her. I don't want to tell anyone; I'm irrationally afraid that... well, I don't know what, exactly. That I'll jinx my chances or something, I guess. I don't know. It doesn't make sense even to me.

Nevertheless, I keep looking. I will not give up hope.

I am not alone in my search, and for that I am grateful. It is only with the support of Sam, Jack, and Teal'C that I can find the strength to fight down the despair and go on. It is a dim light to go by, but a light nonetheless.

My home is with Sha'uri. Until I find her, I will wander endlessly through an eternal night.

No! Not eternal. I will find her. I must. I can't stand the thought of her enslaved. My love for her drives me onward. The spirit is willing... but will the flesh be too weak? I won't let it. I must go on.

I will find you, Sha'uri. No matter what it takes, I will find you and free you.

Or die trying.