Little Lightning And The Psychologist

By Nintendo Maximus

Disclaimer: I'd have to be working at Disney in order to at least have ownership of all the characters who appear in this story. If I did work at Disney, the TV shows would not be cancelled after just two seasons, the TV show villains would be getting the same merchandising deal as the movie villains, and Crandall and Brenda would be dating in their teen years. But I don't own anything at Disney. I don't own Scooby-Doo or Ren & Stimpy, either. You'll see what I mean...

Author's Note: This fanfic is dumb. I wrote it because I wanted to post something while preparing Super Bowser and chapter three of King Koopa Katastrophe Spoof. (Are you making any guesses on which trio will be making the special guest appearance?) It's kind of the same set-up as Sometimes a Rope Is Just a Rope, but here the first-person POV is narrated by Little Lightning, from the semi-recent "101 Dalmatians II: Patch's London Adventure". I saw the flick on Toon Disney, and I found Lightning rather likable, so I was upset that he had to get arrested at the end. So I thought maybe he should go see a psychologist! I was originally going to give the part to Scott Leadready II (alias Spot Helperman), but I decided on Rafiki from "The Lion King", since I'll be getting the DVD soon. Besides, I needed some way to wrap up the story! But now...

"DR. RAFIKI - Monkey Psychologist"

Little Lightning the miniature collie looked at the big letters on the door as he stood at the back of the line of animals like him. A couple of weeks ago, he had been dragged off by the dogs on London's police force. And for what reason? Just because he was sick of being a sidekick and was thirsty for stardom? Was that any reason to get arrested? Sheesh. Even his former co-star, Thunderbolt the Wonder Dog, had farted in his general direction. It definitely sucked to be Little Lightning that day.

So in a way, Lightning could pretty much change his name to "Lucky Lightning" for what had just happened. He had been bailed out of the pound by two dogs who hadn't bothered telling him their names. He had told them of his plight, and after hearing his little speech, those two dogs had suggested that he visit a psychologist who could cure any animal in the Disney World no matter where they were from.

So Lightning went here. There was a whole lot of other Disney animals in front of him, ranging from Pretty Boy Helperman the Canary to Flaps the Elephant, all of whom had problems of their own. It was quite a long line. Lightning could almost feel like the entirety of the "DuckTales" movie passing by as he waited. Or at least the two-part episode, "The Golden Goose".

Finally, just when he was starting to fall asleep, Lightning heard the secretary calling his name. It was now his turn inside that office.

Lightning creaked open the door and tiptoed inside, looking at the desk on the other end of the office. A big swivel chair sat behind it.

The swivel chair turned around to reveal the colorful-faced mandrill whose name was on the door. Lightning grimaced. "Monkey Psychologist" was right.

"Ah..." Dr. Rafiki breathed. "Little Lightning. I have been expecting you."

"You-- you know my name?" Lightning questioned.

"Of course," Rafiki answered. "Rafiki knows everything."

Hmmph, Lightning thought to himself. This guy must be one of those mentor-type characters.

Rafiki pointed his staff at the couch on the right-hand side of the office. "Seet down," said he.

Knowing what he was being told to do, Lightning sat down on the couch.

Rafiki rolled his swivel chair over to the couch and pulled a notepad from out of nowhere. "Now tell me your problems," he said, replacing his staff with a pen.

"But uh, shouldn't you know them already?" Lightning asked. "I mean, you just said that you knew everything. Otherwise, how would you call me by my name before I even told it to you?"

Rafiki picked up his staff again and poked Lightning on the nose. "Loook, if I didn't ask you for your story, I wouldn't have dis job, now would I?" He replaced it again and put his pen to his notepad. "Now tell me about yourself."

Little Lightning sighed as he began his monologue. "Well, it all began a long time ago, when I was just one of twenty-four puppies. My family and I liked to gather around the TV to watch the adventures of this dog and his four human friends traveling about, solving mysteries involving things like strange happenings in haunted mansions. But then there came the season where the dog's nephew joined the cast. My parents and siblings... they like, really hated the new character. I was pretty much the only character who was standing up for this poor guy. But nooooo! My parents kept telling me, 'Don't stand up for that annoying little bugger! He's always going 'Da-da-da-da-da-daaaa! Puppy power!' or doing something like that. Forget about him!' I was really upset that everybody in the family hated this pup but me. I felt that I could identify with him. I almost felt like my folks hated me as much as they hated him, so I... I just... ran away."

Rafiki scribbled the Welsh dog's storytelling on his notepad. "Go on, go on..."

"I vowed to become the best cartoon sidekick the world had ever seen!" Lightning continued. "I went all over the country, trying to find some place that would hire me as the sidekick for the main character, but everywhere I went, I was turned down. Nobody believed there could be a new talking dog to replace the ones already on TV. But finally, I found a place. I was offered the part of the sidekick of Thunderbolt the Wonder Dog! It felt good for me to be receiving a part on 'The Thunderbolt Adventure Hour', even though there were a bit of hardships during the whole thing. For one thing, we were often rescuing a cute little boy they called 'Wholesome Tommy'. If y'ask me, it's obvious they only chose a cute boy to play the character to hide the fact that he was screamin' 'Help, Thunderbolt! Save me!' at least 40 times in every episode where he was kidnapped by someone like Dirty Dawson or Bone Daddy. And sometimes, I got annoyed when I was left out of certain episodes. That's probably how I got where I am today."

"Hmm, yes yes," acknowledged Rafiki. "Continue."

"Well, it's quite a long story. One day," Lightning confessed, "I guess I just upset about the fact that Thunderbolt always seemed to be getting the credit even if I were the one who saved Tommy. Well sure, he took care of the bad guys, but I'm the one who'd untie the screaming brat. Anyway...

~

...That day, the show was holding auditions for dogs to try out for a special guest part in an episode of the show. A trio of female canines came by, and I thought they were addressing me. I walked up to 'em and said hello, but they told me to get out of the way, because they wanted the big guy. I hung my head lowly. It was at that point I realized that if I was ever going to be respected like Thunder, I was gonna have to replace him. But first, I needed to get him to leave the studio. And I had just the idea!

So later that day, I rushed into my client's trailer. He was playing around with his little merchandising toys as I panted to him that the writers had something awful planned for the next episode. Thunderbolt didn't take it very seriously when I told him that he was going to be killed off in the next episode and replaced by a younger dog. It took him quite a while before it entered into him that, as I said, he wouldn't even come back for a cameo in the remake. I suggested that if he went out in the real world and did something really heroic, the producer would be begging to keep him on the show. So, after changing into a disguise of his, he left the trailer. Now I had gotten him out of the way. I just had to wait till the producer noticed to put the next part of my little plan into action.

Sure enough, as the sun was setting, the producer was told that his canine star was missing. He was banging his head on the trailer door, screaming "How can you shoot a show without a star?!" like a broken record. That's when I came in. I slipped an autographed photo of myself out the doggie door, and, through the open window, tapped the producer on the head. He looked down at the photo I slipped to him, and then I heard him telling the whole crew to rewrite the episode so that I, the sidekick, had the starring part! No longer would I dwell in Thunderbolt's ugly shadow, for now it looked like the show would now be "The Little Lightning Adventure Hour". So for a while, it looked like things were going my way. Or so I thought.

Night came, and I was lounging about in relaxation when I heard some gossiping outside. I looked out the window, and wouldn't you know it, two of those three ladies whom were ditching me for Thunderbolt earlier were outside talking. Talking about something they heard on the Twilight Bark. What they heard was that Thunderbolt was going to rescue a bunch of Dalmatian puppies that had been kidnapped! "What if 'Blunderbolt' gets lucky and succeeds?" I said to myself. "If the press got wind of that, I-I'd never be rid of him." So now I had to botch up his rescue attempt. I feel pretty guilty about it now, considering that many viewers know me as a good guy, and here I was, betraying my TV confidant. I wonder if the third of those three pooches had taken a liking to me. If I had known if she had, I probably never would have done what I did next.

Soon, I found Thunderbolt, hanging out in front of a warehouse with a Dalmatian puppy friend of his. That pup must've been a sibling of the unfortunate kidnappees. I followed Thunder and the pup, whose name was Patch, up the ladder to the roof of the warehouse. We looked in one of the ceiling windows and we saw two rather ugly guys. One of them was fat, and the other, obviously his brother, was skinny. The fat dope was painting a picture that apparently didn't seem to satisfy his sibling. Patch told me that he figured Thunderbolt could sneak past them. I looked over at the cage the two men were supposedly guarding. There sure were a lot of puppies in those cages. How could one pair of parents raise THAT many SOBs? Patch seemed to know more about Thunderbolt's show than the big guy himself did. Although he had a suggestion that would save his siblings, I told him and Thunder to just go with a frontal assault.

I watched from up above as Thunderbolt's attempt to save the puppies got him knocked out from behind by a grotesque lady with black and white hair and a fur coat. Judging from how she was dressed, I'd say this lady was interested in making a fur coat out of those puppies. Dalmatian fur coats? Who'd want to wear THAT?! Didn't this woman know how uncomfortable Dalmatian fur is? Or did she just like to make dog-skin coats for the fun of it? I may never know. After the lady and her two goons left the room, I came down and taunted Thunder and Patch, telling Patch that his hero was just a fraud, and also admitting to Thunder that there was no plan to recast him; I just wanted to get him out of my way. I laughed deviously as I made my exit. A thunder storm was staring as I was leaving the place, so I had to get back to the studio quickly. I may have made Patch feel bad about his hero, but secretly, I was wondering if those pups would be able to save themselves from being skinned.

I guess I got my answer the next morning as we were shooting for the new episode of the show. Man, I wonder how Thunderbolt stands being hugged by that "wholesome" Tommy who's always screaming for his help in every episode. But it didn't matter that much, because before that little whiner could put his arms around me, a double-decker bus came roaring onto the set, and the next thing I knew, I was plastered onto the front window like a Garfield doll with suction cups on its feet.

What was happening during my involvement on that ride was rather blurry, considering my position. But finally the bus came to a stop, and I narrowly avoided becoming a stain on a brick wall. I crawled under the bus and saw the nutty multi-hair colored lady and her two goons approaching Patch the puppy. Just when it appeared they had him, Thunderbolt arrived on the scene! The tall, thin thug pulled out a crowbar, and then Thunderbolt went into this big death act, like as if the episode I made up earlier was actually happening. I couldn't even help but cry over my old friend's apparent death. Even after all I did to him, he still called me his friend. Why did I have to knock him out of the picture?

My tears were suddenly halted when Thunder sprang back to life and vanished from the alley. And no wonder! The double-decker bus was now moving backwards, and I was in its path! I ran as quickly as my four legs could carry me, running ahead of the weirdette and her goons. I, along with those three nogoodniks, was able to elude that backwards-rolling bus by plunging into a nearby river as Thunderbolt and his little pal Patch appeared to show off Thunder's trademark victory bark. I'll bet Ms. Crazy Lady's fur coat really smelled bad now.

But after all that sympathy I showed over Thunderbolt's death-acting, did they forgive me for trying to bump him out of the spotlight? Noooo! They just blamed the whole thing on me and had me brought to the pound. I begged for the coppers to believe me when I told 'em that I wasn't in cahoots with the fur-crazy woman, apparently named Cruella DeVil, but now even my old friend Thunderbolt was turning his back on me! Even Cruella's two lackeys got off better than me! I just couldn't believe it!

~

...I just couldn't believe it!" Little Lightning was still sitting on Rafiki's psychiatry couch as he finished his flashback. "The Reynolds News labeled me as 'the unkindest cut of all'! I was the world's nicest collie, and they ruined my life for no reason! I've been in hot water ever since I laid eyes on a miniature look-alike of my family's favorite TV dog."

"So how did you escape?" said Rafiki, who had been writing that whole thing in shorthand story on his notepad. As he was taking notes, a man handed him a banana.

Lightning sighed. "I didn't. I was bailed out earlier today by two dogs who didn't give me their names. They just told me to go see you. I'm glad they bailed me out before I could get the big sleep. Doc, is there something wrong with me?"

Rafiki replaced the pen with his staff again. "Oh, dere is definitely someting wrong with you."

"There is?" Little Lightning sat up in the couch. "Tell me, doc, what's wrong with me?"

"You really want to know what's wrong with you?" Rafiki questioned.

Lightning nodded. "Yes! What's wrong with me?"

"All right... I'll tell you what's wrong with you." Rafiki put his mouth to Lightning's right ear and whispered. "What's wrong with you is..."

Then without warning, Rafiki smashed his staff on Little Lightning's head. Little stars ran circles around the dog's head for a second before he came to and heard what the shaman said next.

"YOU'RE $%*#@!!-ING CRAZY!!!!" Rafiki screamed. "DAT IS WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!"

Lightning jumped back. "Crazy?!!"

"Yes!!" Rafiki yelled. "You told a lie to your only friend just so you could steal his spot in everyone's attention, and den you tricked him and his biggest fan into being captured by de bad guys! You need to be locked up, away from decent normal people! What kind of a lunatic are you?! You just walk up to strangers on the street and tell 'em 'Hey mister, wanna hear how I got arrested?'"

"I don't understand!" Lightning stammered. "I came to you for help! I bared my soul to you! I told you my darkest secrets! And now you tell me I'm crazy?!! What kind of a psychologist ARE you?!"

"You calling me a psychologist!? Are you nuts?!" yelled Rafiki. "I'M A MANDRILL WHO PRESENTS FUTURE RULERS OF PRIDE ROCK TO CROWDS OF GROVELING ANIMALS!! You crazy son of a bitch!! I'm gonna beat de heck out of you!" And he continued smacking Lightning with his staff

Then Little Lightning got mad. He began foaming at the mouth, and his eyes went red as blood. He leapt at the mandrill and began to brutally attack him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Rafiki screeched as Lightning began to violently attack him. Rafiki reached for the telephone and quickly dialed a number as Lightning gnawed at his other arm. "Hello? Asylum For Good Dogs Gone Bad? I have a mad dog for you..."

Soon, as Rafiki was trying to recover from having his arms chewed off, two men from the Asylum For Good Dogs Gone Bad kicked open the door and ran about trying to capture the now-ferocious Little Lightning. They were able to capture him, but not before one of them lost his hand as well. Fortunately, they then placed the snarling, rabid Lightning in their van safely.

In an alley, two dogs watched as the van roared past. They could hear Little Lightning's growling and yelling from inside.

"Hey Napoleon," said one of the dogs to his partner, "it looks like Li'l Lightnin' didn't handle well with Dr. Rafiki. I think it means we have to go rescue 'im again."

"Waaaait a minute, Lafayette" said Napoleon to Lafayette. "I'm the leader, I'll say if we have to go rescue him."

A third dog, with yellow-tan fur and a red collar, who happened to be working with them, barked to Napoleon before speaking in English like them. "Yes, but remember what Frenchie told us - no dog belongs in the pound."

"Hmmm, I suppose you're right, Action," Napoleon said to Captain Crandall's dog. "As members of the Pound Underground, we have to help other dogs in need. C'mon, let's get digging!"

And with that, Napoleon, Lafayette, and Action dove back into the hole behind them and began digging their way towards the Asylum For Good Dogs Gone Bad.

Well, now that this silly little yarn is finished, I oughta be heading back to my more serious fanfics. But don't forget...

"There you are, my good man. No need to thank me; the look on your face is thanks enough. Now, pile on your camera!" ~Thunderbolt
"Cut! What's wrong, Thunderbolt?" ~Producer
"Am I flipping my lid? How am I supposed to win an award if I'm FLIPPING MY LID?!!" ~Thunderbolt