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It hurts when you think everything you know is wrong.

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Chapter 7 Spazz and the True Nature of Things

"Cheer up, master. Killer Plants IV is on!"
Zim stumbled past his mindless companion and sank into the couch. Dib looked over at him. Zim's eyes seemed unusually... different.
Usually they were angry, or full of hatred, or happy about something that would quickly become destructive.
But they were never completely hopeless. Two giant swirling pools of hopelessness. Dib began to feel depressed just looking at Zim.
GIR had been bribed by another plush toy, and Dib could now talk, though the robot had refused to unbind him.
"Zim?" he croaked, his mouth still full of the disgusting taste of the used gym sock gag.
The alien looked over, blinking so depressedly that it actually made a noise. *blink*blink* If Dib had been in the right frame of mind, he might have found that fascinating.
"Did you," he coughed hoarsely, "give her the medicine?"
Zim slowly blinked again, this time dragging the sound out over the noisy TV show. "Oops..." he said slowly. He got up uncertainly, left the room for a few minutes, then came back.
GIR was oblivious. "RUN!" he screamed to the next unfortunate victim of a killer plant. "Run! Or sing! They don't like singing!" he wrapped up his advice for the movie character, then turned to Dib. "I like to sing," he said brightly.
*blink*
Dib thought that if he didn't leave soon, he would be forever stuck in this living room, watching tasteless B movies with a jumpy robot and listening to an alien blink.
"Cow cow cow, doom doom doom, I like tacos... TACO!"
*blink*
Dib twitched.
"Moose... moose? Where'd you go... MOOSE! Who burn-ed you?"
*blink*
"Eeeeee!" screamed the girl in the movie. A giant Venus Fly Trap snatched her up, and when it finished its meal, licked its lips.
*blink*
"COW! I FOUND you!"
"What was that scream?"
*blink*
"Oh my gosh... the killer plants! They got Amy!"
"Amy's doomed! Doom doom doom doom-"
*blink*
"Oh no! Now we're surrounded by killer plants!"
"RUN! Cow... where's my monkey show?"
*blink*
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Dib screamed. Zim looked over at him morosely.
*blink*
"Arrgh..." Dib hopped quietly, still tied to the chair, to the door. It took a minute, but he twisted the doorknob and got the door open.
"Put the satellite back," Zim ordered weakly from in the house.
Dib hopped out the door and it shut.
Something had happened, Dib knew. Something so horrifying to Zim that he wouldn't even stop him from escaping.
"What in the-"
Two lawn gnomes stalked over and nabbed him.

Down.
His entire Empire doomed by the mutterings of an insane, pitiful female.
Not one to be put off for long, Zim's mind searched for something it could grasp.
The possibilities...
First of all... the Tallest would be overthrown for cheating, then punished severely... the next-tallest Irkin would be found, and apparently it was to be this 'Mahogany' ...all the Asylum members that weren't careening through space would be very angry that Mahogany had tricked them; they weren't in fact rebels, but revolutionaries... the other Invaders... would they have noticed the glass tubes in their new partners' arms?
Dib...
Zim cursed aloud. He just remembered that he had let Dib go. That made him angry. Being angry was something he understood, and he clung to it.
"GIR! Turn off that stupid TV... we have things to do!"
The back of Zim's mind quickly asked how the TV was working, when he had distorted them all using his satellite dish, but he pushed the thought away.
"Shut up, brain!" he commanded. "We must think of something useful now!"
GIR jumped up excitedly and raced Zim to the kitchen. GIR won, but only because Zim 'let him.'
He sat down quickly, and pounded the table top. The surface raised up, and a screen flickered on.
"Almighty Tallest!" he screamed, banging the table for effect. "This is something MOST URGENT that I must speak to you about!"
Red rolled his eyes. "What is it?" he asked lazily.
"The-" Zim cut himself off. "Can I talk to Purple?"
Red blinked. "Sure." Behind him, Purple groaned.
"What?" he whined.
Zim bit his lips, concentrating on what he was about to say. "The Invader you sent me is insane!" he screamed. "She was sent by Irkin rebels, no, revolutionaries, stationed on Girk! Their organization, G.L.F., is lead by a leader of the Asylum called Mahogany!"
Purple stared at him. He squinted slowly, then stared some more.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Both Purple and Red burst out laughing.
"Tallest!" cried Zim, trying to convey the urgency of his point. "Mahogany is going to accuse Red of being shorter than you, Purple!"
Red fell over onto the floor laughing, where Purple already was, banging his fists.
"Stop!" said Purple, "you're killing us!"
"All the Invaders you sent out were from the Asylum! They don't have enough medication-"
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Behind Zim, GIR joined into the laughter.
"They quickly go from normal to Stage Two within days!" screamed Zim.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"You've got to believe me! The fate of the entire Empire-"
The assistant Irkins working in the background collapsed in laughter. Zim stared at the screen and sputtered, becoming increasingly more angry.
"You MUST LISTEN!" he screamed.
"They're doomed!" sang GIR.
Zim steamed, glaring at the Tallest for a while. They tried numerous times to get up, but when they saw Zim's angry face, they collapsed back onto the floor.
"Rev- revolutionaries on Girk!" chortled Red between laughs.
"The Asylum!" cracked up Purple.
"Mahogany!" cackled someone behind them.
"Well, they sure find that funny."
Zim whirled around. Spazz stood behind him, arms folded across her chest.
"How did you dis-"
"-able the force field?" finished Spazz. She held up a sparking wire. "As a fully trained Irkin Invader, I know more than ONE thing about force fields..."
Zim gaped at her.
"Fully trained...?"
She nodded. "I would have used a photon-emerced DNA blocker, personally, but you seem to have no problem with shotty work. Oh well." Spazz glanced over his shoulder. "Oh look! It's Tallest Red. Did you tell him what you found out?"
Zim shut his mouth so he could open it again in speech.
"Yes..."
Spazz watched the screen. "Well... I guess they just don't take you very seriously. That's too bad. It's going to be even more difficult to work for them, considering what they did." She turned and walked out of the room. GIR followed, and Zim heard the TV click back on.
He gaped at the screen, then the door Spazz had just exited.
Flicking the screen off in anger, he ran after her.
"Wait!" he screamed.
She looked over at him, one eyebrow raised.
"Yes?"
Zim faltered. He didn't know quite what to say.
"What was that?"
"That?" she paused. "Looks like they finally figured out how to kill the killer plants." GIR applauded.
"No no... the Tallest..." Zim's shoulders hunched the slightest bit. "They were... laughing at me..."
Spazz shrugged. "They've done worse. Sit down and enjoy the movie."
Zim sat down. He sat down extra hard, just to show her that he wasn't really obeying her order, but was sitting down of his own accord. Unfortunately, she hadn't noticed.
"Okay, WHAT was all that?" screamed Zim.
"Please, master," said GIR, putting a finger to his mouth, "you're too loud."
Zim clicked the TV off.
"HEY!" screamed GIR.
"Oh, go into the kitchen and eat something," said Zim crossly. The little robot obeyed happily and scampered away.
"Well?"
Zim looked up. "Huh?"
"Why did you turn off the TV? You know, GIR was watching that."
Zim groaned. "He can watch it anytime," he said quickly. "Explain yourself, NOW."
Spazz cooly looked over at him. Slowly, she uncrossed her arms, crossed her legs, thought better of it, and laid comfortably across the whole couch.
"Ah," she said. "What?"
The look Zim gave her would have sent a humpbacked whale screaming. Thus, it had no effect on Spazz.
She stuck her tongue out at him.
"What ARE you?" screamed Zim.
"Medicated," she replied, shrugging her shoulders, "thanks, by the way."
"Medicated," repeated Zim.
"Yes," she said, as if he were being stupid. "YOU did that. What, you need a reminder?"
He scowled.
"The entire time you have been here," he said slowly, "you have not said anything more intelligent than GIR. EXCEPT just a minute ago. You distinctly said 'photon-emerced DNA blocker.'"
"So? What do you mean 'more intelligent than GIR'?"
Zim ignored her question. "In order to even KNOW what a photon-emerced DNA blocker is, you would have had to attend special training-"
"So? I did."
Zim blinked, but not audibly. "WHY ARE YOU MEDICATED IF YOU ARE AN INVADER? On that note... Why ARE you an Invader?"
Spazz smiled, and flicked her head back. "Simply because... I am brilliant."
"Brilliant."
"Yes!"
Zim looked as if he did not quite believe her.
She sighed. "Would you like some proof?" she shouted, jumping up unexpectedly. "Look at this! I found this!"
She held up a small chip. Zim took it.
"A mis-informer," he said, flashing light off its patterened surface. "Where did you get this from?"
"I didn't GET it," said Spazz angrilly. "They put it IN me. I was working on a classified project with some of the slobs in the Asylum. It concentrated on an interesting race of beings from Shfxyul II."
He nodded. He had heard of that planet.
"Since it's classified, I naturally can't tell you a thing about it," said Spazz, sticking her tongue out at him again.
Zim frowned. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"Well... everything."
"Like what, exactly?" asked Zim sarcastically.
"You know how Irkin experiments always end... either really really wrong, really really right, or to make a fool of somebody."
Zim nodded.
"They botched it. Screwed it up. Someone made a VERY big mistake. The experiment went really really wrong on ME. I now have a nice catologue of every wretched creature in the Asylum. So, of course, I get to take part in their treatment." She paused, touching the glass tube with extreme distaste. "Luckily, when controlled, I am SO BRILLIANT!"
Zim squinted. "Where does this chip come in?"
"I found it under the glass tube. I can't believe you missed it so many times!"
Zim quickly waved the matter away. "Irkin mistakes, while very few and far between-"
"Yeah, yeah."
"So, none of that was true?"
"Nope."
"And I just called the Tallest and told them-" Zim's eyes widened. "I JUST MADE A COMPLETE FOOL OUT OF MYSELF!"
"Yup. I wouldn't dwell on it."
"AUGH!"
Spazz hummed quietly, waiting for Zim to calm down.
"Why did they send you here?" he finally asked, a mean glimmer in his eyes.
Spazz paused and thought for a moment. "They just don't like you," she said carefully.
Zim stuttered.
"I mean... it was kind of a cruel trick," said Spazz quickly, "I wasn't exactly AROUND to make an argument, if you get it," she said, indicating the glass tube, "they sent me to you, without enough stuff to last, simply because..."
"Because?"
"...they could." Her eyes narrowed. She looked around the room. She clenched her fists. "When I get my hands on their little squeedillyspooches..."
GIR bounced into the room. Literally. He had wrapped himself in hundreds of rubber bands. He hit the walls and smashed anything in his way.
"GIR! Do not destroy the house! Put your disguise on and play outside!" screamed Zim.
GIR bounched off the ceiling and nearly missed decapitating his master. "I can't controllllll it!" he squeaked.
Eventually he bounced out the door again.
"I think it could be fun here," said Spazz suddenly, watching GIR leave. "Eventually, the invasion will reach this little mud ball, and by then, we'll have it ready. The Tallest can't say we didn't do our job," she finished, winking one eye.
Zim stopped in his pacing to sort it all out.
"So none of that conspiracy stuff was true?"
"Nope."
"And you're really insane?"
"Yup."
Not good, thought Zim. I don't need another GIR on my hands.
"But also intelligent?" he asked, watching her carefully.
"Yup."
"But not without medication?"
"Yup."
"Ugh..." Zim rubbed his hands over his face. "We'll just have to see how this all works out..."
"Yay!" screamed Spazz. She jumped around the room, knocked Zim down, and turned on the TV.

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Okay! That's all for now. Hoped you liked Spazz. She's pretty darn special. Reviews always appreciated. Thanks for reading!