Chapter Four: Behind Blue Eyes

EDIT: This chapter has been revised and finished to my liking. I suggest that all of you read through it again so that things will make sense. Besides… I am SO happy with it now! Read! READ!

To Tally: I can’t remember, but did you lend me editorial help for this? Thenk you, in case you did. If you didn’t, then pretend you didn’t read this. XD Don’t hate me for my brain deadness.

Disclaimer: I don’t own ZOIDS, Limp Bizkit’s “Behind Blue Eyes,” or Sigil.

-

No one knows what it’s like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

Three, maybe four, hours later, Raven was still sulking and complaining and griping about the same thing. He was wandering the palace (again), and made sure that any soldier he ran into would need dentures for the rest of his life. Shadow just followed along and remained silent; it was always best to let Raven grumble to himself without interrupting. Of course, it would get kind of monotonous since Raven kept fussing with the same subject for hours (Shadow was sometimes tempted to knock him out).

It looked like he wouldn’t let this one go for at least another day.

"Who does he think he is? WHO? I mean, he acts like he has the right, the RIGHT, to order me about like I was his lackey or minion or something like that. Ye gods, Shadow, I can’t believe he took that privilege away! Destroying ZOIDS is my life! It’s my life! Nobody tells me what to do with my life!"

Yes, Shadow was used to Raven’s little outbursts in life. The first stage would be a calm, quiet anger with a little bit of banging and plenty of steaming. The second was all talk of profanity suitable only for an R-rated feature or Reality TV. The third stage was unfortunate for any human who happened to be within a ten-foot radius of Raven. Then the fourth stage was reserved for pure redundant drivel and unnecessary hand gestures. Here Raven could get rather unreasonable and say things like, "listen, this is my life!"

Shadow was normally amused by these outbursts, but this time it couldn’t be considered funny. Raven had had his only freedom stripped away; the end consequence of this action was unknown. Raven may be acting normally (for him, anyway) now, but things might get ugly later on. Who knew what this dangerous, moody teenager would do after all of this had all sunk in?

Stage four was rapidly winding down. Pretty soon he’d be in stage five, a state of chronic depression, a particularly nasty demeanor ("Just go die, will ya?"), and brutally sarcastic remarks. Actually, if one thought about it enough, that was the way Raven was almost all of the time.

"No one should be allowed to order me around like that. No one! Just because he’s raised me since I was… I was… who-knows-how-old, it still doesn’t make me his son. I’m not anybody’s son. I’m my own, on my own."

Shadow just carefully waited a few feet away from Raven as he started to repeat his last paragraph using different words. Maybe Master didn’t know that he talked in circles.

Finally, it was over, and Raven remained very quiet and repressed in emotion. Fifth and final stage. The sudden quiet was very, very relaxing to Shadow.

During his routinely outburst, he and Shadow had roamed pretty far around the palace. Raven stopped walking all of a sudden.

"Where am I?" he said irritably. I wonder how long I stayed angry this time? I’ve gone pretty far.

Shadow refrained from answering and let Raven figure it out for himself. It didn’t take too long.

"Oh, how’d I wind up back here?" This time he was pretty annoyed, partially because he had not wanted to return to this place. "That’s all I need right now. A visit to the little Zoidian girl. Shadow, let’s turn around now."

In his fit of anger, Raven had almost wandered right into the dark hallway where Fiona was. He remembered his promise: he would not go back there again. Though it tugged slightly at the corner of his mind, he assured himself that he didn’t even care to find out how the girl was doing.

Adamantly he whirled around and walked away. Before Shadow could follow him, Raven stopped abruptly.

"I really, really hate myself. Really. I need some sleep…"

Then he continued walking.

-

And no one knows what it’s like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies

Van slipped in and out of consciousness for a week after he was found. Rosso and Viola had taken him to a safe place, an underground haven protected from the Deathsaurer’s terrible onslaught above. He slept much longer than he was awake, and it didn’t look like he knew what had happened. After a week, his wounds healed and closed up and his headaches ceased. Now the only thing left for Van to recover was his memory.

The Blade Liger was somehow saved. The blue ZOID had been taken to Dr. Di immediately after Van was safe. In his wisdom the old man had found a way to preserve the Liger and repair its core. At the moment it was getting a new paint job done. In fact, the large ZOID was better off than its pilot was.

Zeek was well on his way to full restoration, too. Dr. Di hadn’t bothered much with Zeek since he was doing a fantastic job at self-recovery. The Organoid lay dormant for days at a time, slowly building and conserving precious energy. Out of the three, he had taken the least amount of damage.

Now Van was beginning to wake up again. He sat up lazily and wondered where he was. He could sparsely remember a few moments from other times he had woken up. Either Irvine or Moonbay was always there, but not Fiona. He tried to think. Where is she? And where am I?

Out of the blue a conversation flitted into his thoughts. Irvine had paid him a visit while he was half-conscious. What had Irvine said this place was again?

"A fully functional, operative underground base shared by both the Republicans and the Empire. This is place is huge! We’ve got everybody here. Man, I can’t wait until you can walk so I can show you around," his friend had said.

Huh, why’d it take me so long to remember?

While he sat up, he gazed around the room. He barely recognized it, but it looked like some sort of hospital bedroom. This doesn’t even look like a military base. And why would I be in a base anyway? He looked at the door. Leaning on the handle was a pair of crutches.

Huh, I wonder…?

Van swung his legs over to the side of the bed and managed to stand up. The instant his feet touched the floor he regretted getting out of bed. His feet were bare, the floor was freezing, and to top it all off, it felt as if every ounce of energy had been used to stand. He almost collapsed back onto the bed.

Should I just lay here then?

Deep down Van wanted to explore. He still hadn’t gained back all of his memory yet, but he felt like he wouldn’t remember anything if he was confined in a bedroom. Struggling, he stood back up. The thought never occurred once to him if he was well enough to go out of this room.

After several painstaking steps, he reached the door. Then he grabbed the crutches. Balancing himself on one crutch, he freed a hand and fumbled with the doorknob. And finally, the metal door swung gently open, and Van was nearly blinded by the bright light outside.

-

But my dreams, they aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free

She was sobbing. Her pitiful cries echoed into the darkness of the night, awaking everybody in the vicinity. Everybody heard her, and everybody was at a loss at what to do. Should they help her? Each individual thought the same thing. And though they could barely see through the darkness, each individual stumbled through to see what troubled this pitiable creature. And everybody shrank away when they saw the extent of her injuries.

And he was "everybody."

He covered his ears. The weeping didn’t stop and nor was it slowed down. He could still hear the cries of sorrow that demanded the help of everybody and anybody. They somehow found their way into his room, his mind, and into his very core.

Suddenly the weeping became noticeably louder. Raven backed up, clenched his teeth, closed his eyes, and pressed harder on his ears. How could he stop that awful noise? It was dominating his very mind. He didn’t know what he would do if those hypnotic sobs finally took over.

The worst was still coming. Raven’s jaw dropped and his eyes opened when he heard her calling to him.

"You did this to me"! she cried ruefully. "You are the reason I’m suffering! If it weren’t for you I’d be smiling and laughing… Now you have to deal with what you’ve done! Help me, for the sake of Eve, help me!"

She did not once say his name, but she needn’t have to, because Raven just knew.

Unexpectedly her cries stopped without warning. Raven froze and waited. He was waiting for her to speak again. Seconds passed and then minutes. Silence. He uncovered his ears and stood in the darkness, waiting. What had happened?

And then…

It came as a gargling, bubbling gagging sound that cut through the air like a blade. It sounded like someone was being choked or even… Was her tongue being pulled out? Raven had to stop himself from cowering in disgust. He covered his own mouth in alarm as the choking noise intensified, and it invaded his sanity.

An image—one that nearly made his stomach upset—crept into his mind’s eye. It was she… and she was spitting up blood. The red liquid trickled from the corners of her mouth down to her chin and neck. And the blood spattered

onto the floor, leaving splotches of dark color

before forming puddles that

flowed to the edge of his feet while the red beast roared in the distance.

Raven wasn’t sure but he thought he heard himself scream.

-

And no one knows what it’s like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you!

Fiona stretched herself out on her beautiful big bed. Inwardly, she smiled. Everything felt so… clean. She thanked the mute maid who came during the day. The woman had given her new clothes, clean sheets, and plenty of food. It also seemed that she had cleaned off all of her wounds. Fiona looked about her arms. The scars were barely visible now. In another few days, they’d be gone.

She’d never forget how she got them. Someone, someone cruel and insane, had taken a whip and beaten her silly with it. Someone had given her bruises and marks up and down her body.

But Fiona could not be sure who that ‘someone’ was, because she had been only half-aware at that time, and her senses had seemed to be disconnected from her body. She shrugged her shoulders, unsure. Yes, that had been a strange and disturbing time for her. Every time she had woken up the room seemed hazy and unclear and it always smelled of blood.

At least it’s over… she thought contentedly.

In truth, Fiona thought that she was no longer anywhere near Prozen or Raven. Since she started regaining consciousness, she did not know where she was. She had assumed, since she found herself in a strange but elegant room, that she was been saved at some time and the rescuers had left her in here. Naïve as she was she didn’t realize that she was still in Prozen’s palace.

Here’s what she figured. Whoever had saved her obviously had no time to come in and see her, so Fiona was left alone. The maid who came to feed her was mute and did not say whom it was that had rescued her and brought her here. She even had had a visitor at times, but he or she only came while she had slept (she knew someone was there because she could hear a person speaking while she dreamed). Another thing, whoever her rescuer was did not know who she was or she would’ve been returned to Irvine and Moonbay by now.

Lastly and most importantly, she concluded that the person who had whipped and thrashed her till she was a senseless and bloody pulp… was Raven. She had had horrific dreams of him coming into her prison with a whip or a club in hand. In these dreams he slapped her face and choked and kicked at her. He had also done much, much worse physical damage to her. He screamed, in a voice unnatural to him, for her to awake. He called her Elisi Lynnette, screamed it. Every time she awoke from these dreams she’d vaguely discover a new injury somewhere along her body.

And that would be all she discovered. Her senses were far too vague for her to take in her surroundings. She had no idea where she was. Pain seared through her so badly that it clouded her vision.

One nightmare still haunted her even now. In this dream, Raven had raced into her dungeon suddenly, each step sounding like thunder. This time he threw her against the wall and pinned her there, and Fiona could see the hate in his eyes. He was screaming at her. When she looked at his hand she saw that this time he carried a knife. And then he started stabbing her aimlessly… And it went no further than that. The dream had ended, and that was when Fiona finally found herself in this beautiful room. But she was convinced that Raven was the one who gave here these scars.

So… why would she think otherwise about her attacker?

It was very confusing, but that’s what she assumed. However, it wouldn’t be long at all until she learned just how wrong she was.

The only thing Fiona worried about was the Deathsaurer. The beast was still thundering across Zi without cease. She knew this because she could sense its presence no matter where it was. She also knew that it ultimately wanted to find her before it destroyed the planet. The giant ZOID did not rest. But she assumed this place had to be protected if it were still standing. In fact, she could feel the Deathsaurer moving away from here in its search for her…

Since she considered herself safe and sound, Fiona made no attempt to leave the room. She could walk and run just fine, but she did not go out to explore. Once she had tried to leave while the maid was in changing the sheets. The pretty young woman immediately stopped what she was doing to block her path all the while violently shaking her head "no." Fiona got the hint that she should stay inside until otherwise told. No matter. She was thankful. Besides, there was another doorway leading to a bathroom, meaning there was no real reason for her to leave.

She stretched herself out again and breathed in. She sighed in serenity. Her new clothes smelled so fresh and clean. Sure she looked like a maid in the clothes she was in, and blue was definitely not her color, but it was still nice to wear something different. Even better was the fact that the nice mute maid had sewn up her old clothes back together so that they looked good as new. The pink bundle lay folded at the end of her bed.

Utterly delighted with the freshness of her bedroom and her "improved" situation, Fiona rolled over and decided to get some sleep. It was very, very late at night anyway. She reached over with her arm and snapped off the bedside lamp.

And she dozed lightly and peacefully, just as she had the past few nights. She didn’t have time to dream though. The young blonde awoke at the sound of pounding footsteps coming from down the hall. She rubbed her eyes and sat up. Though it was pitch black and she couldn’t see, Fiona guessed in which direction the open door was and peered through the darkness.

The echoing footsteps reached her door. Fiona became alarmed and she felt her body stiffen up immediately. Did she sense… danger? What was going on? But the footsteps raced on by her doorway without stopping or slowing down. They echoed down the hallway farther and father away. And then they ceased to be.

Realizing she had been holding her breath, Fiona let it go and sighed in relaxation. Why should she be getting worked up about strange footsteps in the dark if she was safe? She sighed again and yawned, and then lay back down.

But a minute later she could hear those weighted, pounding footsteps again. Her eyes shot open again, and this time they were more accustomed to the dark. He or she was coming back once more. Each step resonated through the halls and into her bedroom. Fiona wondered again what was going on. This time she felt more curious than fearful.

So she turned on the bedside lamp. Big mistake.

The light poured from the lamp like a river. The quality of its glow never failed to amaze her. Within milliseconds the whole room was glowing. The golden rays spilled automatically out from her open doorway into the hall.

She heard the footsteps stop at once. That’s when she realized that whoever this person was, he or she was not too far away from her bedroom. She froze again. Her heart was pounding. Fiona was having second thoughts about turning on the lamp. She only hoped that this person was her maid friend and not a stranger.

Then the steps came like thunder down the hall, coming closer and closer every second. Fiona shot a pale hand to her mouth in fear. It looked like a nightmare coming true.

Raven. And she’d led him right to her.

He raced in, screaming all of his hate at her, a knife gripped tightly in his left hand.

And she screamed right back, but in fear.

"Shut up!" He cried disgustedly. "You, shut up! I hate you!" He dropped the knife and leaned in to pick her off the bed. "I hate you!" She struggled against him faintly, and he threw her to the floor with a vengeance. "I hate you!"

Fiona cried out in horror. The tears rushed forward, and she was bitterly afraid. She wished she could wake up and end the nightmare. She wished she could close her eyes and it would all go away. She wound up covering her ears because she couldn’t stand to hear those same three words over and over again.

"I…! I hate you, I hate you!"

Raven bent over and quickly scooped up his hand knife. Fiona cowered in fear.

"I hate you!" Gripping it tightly in his left hand, he held it threateningly over her head.

It hit her all of a sudden that she would die. With this realization burned into her head and no time to think, Fiona began crying and screaming and thrashing about on instinct. She started calling for help.

"Help me! For the sake of Eve, help me!" she screamed loudly, hoping someone would listen.

But when Raven heard those words of hers he kicked her so sharply in the side that she rolled into the wall. "Shut up" When she hit Fiona immediately stopped screaming and moaned in deep agony. The fear blazed like a beacon in her mind, and it mingled with this new and awful pain. What would Raven do to her next?

"Get out of my head" he shouted. His voice began to rise steadily in volume. "Get out, get out of my head! Leave me alone! Just leave me alone! I don’t even know what you want! What do you want? What do you want from me? Leave me alone! I was only doing my… my…" He gasped and cut himself off.

Fiona struggled to open her tearful eyes. She felt like she could barely breathe. Right now she felt more pain than those beatings had given her before. This was emotional and physical pain combined. It gave her mind horrendous torment to know that she was in the presence of a monstrous assassin.

How did he find me? She thought vaguely.

Suddenly she began coughing. It was like Raven had kicked her right in the lungs. She tried to stop the coughing lest it bother Raven into injuring her some more, but she couldn’t control it. Between each rattling hack she could hear that young maverick talking to himself.

"No… no… this is not happening…"

She finally managed to get her eyes opened. Still coughing, she gazed up towards the ceiling, and Raven was standing over her, watching. She looked right at him, right into his eyes. That’s when he snapped.

"No! NO! I hate you! Die! Just die!" He brought the knife up and began to swing it down.

Fiona shut her eyes and felt a gurgling scream emit from her throat. But after her scream faded away into nothing, the girl realized that it wasn’t over. She was still alive. Resonating in her ears was Raven’s heavy, nervous breathing. Then it slowed, and everything fell silent. Every once in a while she would cough, but the convulsing attack was long over. After another minute, Fiona decided she would dare to open her eyes.

Squinting from the bright light, she turned her head slightly and took a peek. She found the knife staring at her, its sliver blade glinting. Opening her eyes widely she saw that Raven had jammed it deep into the carpet, missing her neck by a mere few inches. Once that realization sunk in she sucked in a deep breath.

As for Raven: Fiona dared a look at him. What she saw was the young maverick kneeling above her. His left hand seemed to hover above the knife as if he was ready to grab it and pull it back out. She almost gasped at the thought. But he wasn’t looking at her; he was looking towards the open door. The look on his face was almost blank except for a few traces of surprise. Or was it… fear, maybe?

Out of curiosity, she tried to sit up and look at the door too. Fiona discovered that moving her upper body really hurt, especially in the place Raven had kicked her. Nevertheless, she sat up. And when she looked towards the door…

Fiona did a double take and nearly fell back down. The Emperor Prozen himself was standing in the doorway. And he was glaring with all the contempt in the world at them.

No, she thought in brutal comprehension, at Raven.

Minutes passed, but they seemed like hours. Finally, Prozen spoke.

"Up," he said sharply.

At that word Raven flinched and let his eyes fall to the floor. Then he stood, and Fiona looked at his face. It was grim.

Prozen motioned for the boy to move forward. Raven took a few hesitant steps forward. The older man snapped at him suddenly.

"Move it! Get out of this room, Raven!" Alarmed by the man’s tone, the young maverick quickened his pace and left the room. "Stay where you are" Prozen shouted after him. "Don’t try to run away!"

Then he looked over to Fiona, who just sat on the floor, dumfounded.

"And you, go to bed." The new emperor then slammed the door closed. Fiona thought she could hear him from the outside. "Zoid Lords, she looks like a maid. Raven, my office, now."

And then there was silence.

After several more minutes of stupefy, Fiona finally returned to the present. Knees shaking she stood up and staggered to the bed. She bent over to turn off the lamp when she remembered something.

The knife!

She turned around and nearly flung herself to the spot on the floor where the knife was. A thought began to repeat endlessly in her head.

He forgot the knife… He forgot the knife… He forgot the knife…!

The thought only stopped when she reached down with both hands and jerked the silvery blade from the carpet. She nearly fell back once it was out. Gasping like a fish out of water, she gazed at it. The dagger shined prettily except at towards the tip, where Fiona could make out some rust and dried blood.

"Ew" she cried and almost dropped the thing.

Thinking quickly, she tore off some fabric from her blue skirt. Next she used it to wrap the up the blade so that she wouldn’t cut herself. She wasn’t sure if it would work but it would have to do. Finally, she dropped it into the front pocket of her ‘apron’ to keep it safe.

And then she went to bed.

In the darkness, after several agonizing minutes, she wondered why she was so naïve.

-

No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

The instant he stepped out of the room he was swarmed by people. Nurses, doctors, soldiers, other patients, and refugees who were passing by spotted him and rushed around him. Collective cries of ‘Van, you’re okay?" "He’s alive," and "Are you sure you should be standing?" filled his ears. He felt almost suffocated by the immense number of unfamiliar faces.

"Who are you people?" he shouted above the din. No one replied or seemed to hear. And how do they know me? He thought, Is this some dream or nightmare or what?

Well, he tried to shout, but he was being crushed by the mob crowding around him and he still hadn’t recovered his full strength. People were asking him dozens of questions at once while jostling him and poking him. The doctors kept shouting, "Back off him! You’re scaring the lad!"

Van didn’t know what to think. Everything seemed in a confused frenzy. And then he started to feel dizzy. He slumped dangerously to the side, leaning precariously on one crutch. The other slipped from his grasp. Seeing that he was about to faint, the crowd panicked and pressed in closer. Van was beginning to feel short of breath. Someone would have to save him from this eager, bewildered throng.

"Get yer filthy hands offa him," shouted someone above the roar. "Leave him alone! Can’t you see that he’s going to fall if you don’t back off?"

Irvine? Is that you…? Van thought he recognized the voice. But he felt himself blacking out. There was no air… no air… no air!

And then he felt himself being pulled out from the crowd. He clumsily let the other crutch fall. Van immediately sensed the need to save himself from falling. His legs were of no use. He flailed and reached for something to grab onto, but it seemed as if all of his strength was sapped from his body.

But he didn’t fall. Whoever was pulling him had a solid grip and wouldn’t let him stumble. He felt that same someone grasping his shoulders firmly so that he could stand up straight.

"Get away from him already! Oh, and someone get me his crutches. Stupid peasants…" Irvine muttered. "Now get lost!"

Mumbling and complaining to themselves, the throng split up and the people sullenly went their separate ways. The last one to leave was a little boy. He quickly scooped up the crutches and handed them to Irvine, who gave him a glare that said, "I will set you ablaze right now if you don’t get out of my sight." Frightened by the stare, the boy scampered off.

With everything silent, the mercenary could focus his attention on his young friend.

"Hey, Van, you all right?" Irvine’s voice held true concern though he tried his best to cover it up. "I mean, those people coulda killed ya."

Van had taken the opportunity to regain his senses. "I’ll live" he said weakly. Then came the blow. "What… what happened to me? Oh, and how about Fiona? Oh! And Zeke! And Moonbay! Where are they?"

Irvine gave him back the crutches. He helped Van onto them, but then he saw that the kid couldn’t even stand properly by himself. With a sigh he just grabbed his shoulders to support him.

"Don’t you remember?"

"No," said Van as-a-matter-of-factedly (which isn’t a real word). "Where am I? This doesn’t look like a base. Irvine, I thought you said that this was a base. Maybe I was dreaming? Huh. Huh? Well, maybe you should answer the questions one at-a-time later?"

"Oy vey, you’re hopeless," Irvine sighed again, something he didn’t do often. "Well, come along then. Let’s show you around the place."

"Okay," Van replied obliviously. And he seemed quite content that way.

-

But my dreams, they aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free

Raven knew he wasn’t walking as fast as Prozen wanted. He knew because he heard an exasperated sigh behind him. He knew because the emperor just grabbed his shoulder roughly and led him along. He knew because right now he couldn’t even keep up with Prozen’s fast pace and the older man kept saying, "Move it!"

It was very dark and he could barely see, but Raven knew where he was being led. They came upon a place in the palace where all the halls were dimly lit. A few soldiers lingered about. Surprise filled their faces when they saw Prozen dragging the Dark One by his shoulder. Raven wasn’t sure but he thought he heard someone whisper, "Tha’ kid’s in big trouble."

Stupid idiot. I’ll have to remember to hit him upside the head afterwards.

Prozen stopped when they reached a certain door. The older man took out a set of keys and fumbled through them until he found the one he wanted. Then he unlocked the door and nearly threw Raven into darkness.

When he flipped on the switch, a blinding bright light filled the room. Raven squinted a little until his eyes focused to the change in brightness. In the room there were two chairs and desk. One chair was small, rigid, wooden and plain. The other sat behind the desk and was much larger… and it looked more comfortable too.

"Sit," Prozen ordered curtly.

Raven immediately obeyed. He didn’t need to be told which one was his. He meekly sat down in the smaller chair.

"Wait there and don’t you dare make a move." Prozen left the room and slammed the door so loudly that Raven flinched again.

And so he sat in that small, uncomfortable chair. All throughout his body there was this numb, detached feeling. It felt almost like a bizarre dream where he was suspended in time. There was also a blurring sense of hot and cold all at once. His fingers were cold and Raven could feel goose bumps on his arms, but at the same time his cheeks and forehead were flaming.

All of a sudden he sighed. Had he been holding his breath? Raven wasn’t so sure. What he did know was that this was not like him. It just wasn’t like him to obey Prozen wordlessly. Usually he would say something sarcastic or put his own two-bits in, and a few times he didn’t follow orders at all and say, "Oh, I forgot," in such a way as to let Prozen know that he didn’t really forget.

Why then had he obeyed him so thoughtlessly? …Yeah, that was the word. Thoughtlessly. He hadn’t been thinking at all when Prozen led him to this room. It was as if his mind had abandoned his body completely the moment he saw Prozen in the doorway of Fiona’s bedroom. "Well, boy, it looks like you’re in big trouble, so I’ll just ditch you until it all blows over, okay?"

Chills were running up his spine and throughout his whole body, temporarily numbing his senses. Sweating, he was sweating. The hot and cold sensations seemed at war with one another. Raven closed his eyes. With his right hand he wiped off the beads of sweat on his forehead. His cheeks were damp. His stomach knotted and twisted uncomfortably in anticipation. Prozen just might have well punched him the gut.

He couldn’t think about anything. His mind was a hopeless mess; perhaps it really had abandoned his body.

Waiting for Prozen was unbearable. How long had it been since he left him here? Raven opened his eyes again after several minutes of painful silence. He instantly regretted it; the light of the room was too bright, too tormenting. Where was Prozen? The sensations in his body were too contrasting to bear. Everything was a tangle. The waiting was too hard. He was waiting and the sweating was too hard. The heat and the waiting, the cold and the waiting were too much, and the fear too.

The fear…? Was he afraid? His whole body shook.

Raven lurched forward and grabbed his aching stomach. It had started to hurt unbearably. He gave a small groan. Something was wrong, and he didn’t know what. Was he dying? If he was, then it might be nice if it were to happen before Prozen came back in the room.

Ah, tough decision. Die now, or wait for Prozen first? Did he want to die?

Raven’s right hand reached instinctively for his waist, groping for something. When it didn’t find what it was looking for, it started searching elsewhere, in back pockets and said pockets and knee pockets and in hiding places of the dark cloak. But it still didn’t find it.

The knife!

Raven panicked. His knife was missing! He tried to think back, think of where he had left it. Despite the fact that his mind wasn’t in the best condition, he finally remembered that he remembered to pull it out of the floor from that girl’s room. He almost doubled over in the pain from this comprehension. That knife had been his only way out.

Some new, unseen emotion attacked him, and his throat closed up while more pain swelled up in his chest. Not only did the fact that he had been stupid enough to forget his knife make him upset, but also the realization of actually wanting to kill him self sting! Raven decided that the emotion he was feeling was despair, because he had fallen far down, way too far for him to tolerate. I’d be better off dead right now.

Trying to distract himself, he looked up at a clock above the door. Quarter to three. How long had he been in there for? He felt like he had been waiting for an hour, and still Prozen had not returned. Maybe he forgot about me… He lifted his head and started to look around the room. His eyes floated around the room hazily, simply looking but not taking anything in. Until they landed on Prozen’s desk. More exactly, something that lay on the desk.

Among the scattered papers and folders and half-empty coffee mugs was a small knife. Raven reached out his arm and gingerly picked it up. He turned it round and round in his hand; he concluded that it had a simple use: Open up letters. Of course, it was quite ornate. The small knife resembled a miniature katana. But it still appeared quite sharp…

In the haunting quiet of this small room and long corridors came the distant sound of high-heeled boots. This startled Raven quite badly. It was Prozen. He was coming back for him. This thought burned in his mind, and his focus quickly turned back to the knife. Do I want to die…?

The footsteps were closer, definitely headed for this room. Panic and adrenaline combined into one. Raven’s breathing quickened while the war of hot and cold senses was waged once more. Damp and chilled from the perspiration- the sweat felt disgustingly hot as it slid off his face- and the young man found himself with a number of choices.

One: Take the punishment and pain.
Two: Kill the emperor with his own letter opener.
Three: Kill the emperor and then kill self.
Four: Kill myself and end everything.

Raven hesitantly rolled back his sleeve. He turned his left hand over, palm facing upwards. With the knife in his right hand he shakily held it an inch away from his wrist. His life seemed a sad one because he was constantly at war with himself. One part of his body was screaming, "Slash away! Slash away! End it…!" The other begged, "I don’t want to die… Please, I don’t have the courage to die yet…"

His lip quivered, so he bit it. Never before had it occurred to him that he was suicidal. And yet he almost sighed in relief when he realized that he hadn’t the courage to kill himself. Of course, he still didn’t put the knife down. One half of his body still cried out for him to end his life. The footsteps were almost there…

In one rash decision, Raven decided to appease both sides. He made a quick cut below his wrist.

When he did, he cried out both from pain and surprise. He hadn’t expected it to hurt so badly; in the past he had received many worse wounds that didn’t ache as this did. As he watched the blood flow quickly from the tear, his eyes watered up and went out of focus. Hot flashes and cold chills plagued his body.

The footsteps stopped just outside of the door. Raven came back to his senses and quickly rolled his sleeve back down to hide the injury. Simultaneously he wiped the blood off the knife on his pant sleeve. As the door opened he tossed the knife back onto the desk with as little movement as possible. Sitting up, the boy tried to look as if he had been waiting patiently the whole time without a care in the world. This was very difficult because a massive headache had joined all of the other sensations in crushing him into the ground.

Prozen shut the door behind him as he entered. He still looked a bit miffed, but he was no where as near the fire-breathing monster he had been the last time Raven saw him. Seeing this lifted a small weight from his chest. He watched silently as the emperor walked to his desk, looked at a piece of paper, and sighed. He didn’t even notice that his letter opener was reddened and slightly out of place. Finally he turned his attention to the little maverick.

Raven was expecting some sort of harsh glare, but all he saw on Prozen’s face was shock. Gunther opened his mouth as if to speak before shutting it again. He stepped out from behind his desk towards him. Raven hazily wondered what was wrong. Why does he look at me like that? He shifted uncomfortably in his chair as the older man approached.

Prozen stared at him intently with a strange look of surprise on his face. Then he said, "Raven, you’re… why are you crying" His voice held a strange blend of surprise and curiosity.

Crying? His eyes widened at this.

Raven put a hand to his cheek. He gasped deeply when he found that his cheeks were damp, not from sweat, but from salty tears. His body was paralyzed, completely paralyzed from everything.

Crying? Denial, denial, denial. No, a strong, emotionless maverick such as he didn’t cry. He didn’t even know the meaning of tears. No, it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. Yet the tears continued to flow unchecked. He had been crying and didn’t even realize it! It was very strange indeed. Why, he didn’t even feel sad (as if he knew how), nor did he feel grief. The teardrops seemed out of place, pouring out when they shouldn’t be… and he hadn’t even realized it until it had been so bluntly pointed out. Then it’s not really crying… is it?

He didn't know.

Prozen must’ve noticed the puzzled look on Raven’s face because he came closer still and asked him, "Didn’t you know" The man even kneeled down, as if condescending to young child.

Wordlessly he shook his head. He was uneasy with how close Prozen was to him. The older man’s face was barely a foot away. Squirming suddenly, he looked to the floor so that he would avoid eye contact.

He flinched sharply when he felt Prozen put a cold hand on his forehead. More surprise and a strange dislike came to him so quickly that he gasped again. He sat rigid, not daring to look at Prozen, whom was staring at him intently with that piercing gaze. Breathing heavily, Raven hoped silently that the man would move away from him soon. There was no way for him to describe how nervous he felt at that moment.

Ease filled him when Prozen retreated. He sat still for awhile recovering, gulping and taking deep breaths. He lifted his head after a moment and cleared his throat. Raven watched silently as the emperor paced around the room. He seemed to have something on his mind.

Now what is he doing? There was no doubt that Raven was thoroughly disturbed with the older man’s behavior. It was so… unexpected, and he decided he didn’t like it one bit. To make things worse, well, this was the way he felt: worse. His stomach was now flipping around excitedly to the point of nausea. He groaned and started to rub his temple.

"Raven," said the older man at last, "you’re sick. Very sick. You’ve got a fever."

Normally he would’ve quipped, "Well, isn’t that obvious?" But right now he didn’t feel well enough to speak. Raven groaned again and slumped down in his chair.

Prozen walked over to him again. "Are you able to walk?"

Raven nodded lazily and stood up. Knees shaking, he took a few clumsy steps towards the door before tripping. It was a lucky thing he managed to catch himself.

He heard Prozen sigh. "You can’t even walk in a straight line. How strange. You showed absolutely no sign of illness this morning."

He paused for a minute as the boy leaned heavily against the wall. It was obvious he needed it for support, or otherwise he wouldn’t be able to stand. His breathing sounded fast and shallow. The little maverick had always been impervious to damage and illness. It was so unlike him to behave in such a frail manner, and without warning too. It suddenly occurred to the new ruler that the illness he had might be quite dangerous and destructive. It also might be contagious, and that was most worrisome to Prozen.

After Raven had caught his breath, he looked up to face his emperor. "Am I not to be punished, sir?" He tried to make his face appear as audacious and superior as always (he only said ‘sir’ to be smart), but the sickness made him look like the picture of anguish.

"Hmm," Prozen had been temporarily caught in his thoughts. He had completely forgotten about Raven’s crime and the anger that came with it the moment he saw the boy sitting in tears and sweat. "Ah, we’ll discuss that on the way to your room."

Raven gave him a quizzical look.

Prozen opened the door and stepped aside to let him out first. "You can’t even walk in a straight line, let alone walk to your room. It’s a long way."

Normally the blackbird would’ve argued bitterly before stomping off on his own. Nevertheless he slowly moved his shaky legs out the door. An overwhelming wave of fatigue kept him from complaining anyway.

-

No one knows what it’s like
To be mistreated
To be defeated
Behind blue eyes

Rumors…

This is so bizarre.

"Does anything hurt?"

"…Yes…"

"… What hurts?"

"… Everything…"

A sigh. "Be a little more specific, please."

"…Picky, picky, are we? Whatever. My head… legs… chest… feet… everything…" He suddenly tripped over his own feet. He would’ve fallen but Prozen caught him by the shoulder. Under normal circumstances, Raven would have flung away whoever it was who thought that he needed help. Under normal circumstances… Raven would have caught himself. He didn’t even seem to realize that he had tripped.

Prozen was absolutely bewildered. This child he was leading by the shoulder didn’t seem at all like the malevolent, lethal bitter young man most people respectfully called the "Dark One." Right now, though, Raven was obviously not himself. He hated being touched, he never showed any emotion save for anger, he even hated being in the presence of another person and he most certainly hated talking to people. He was known to act invincible and it seemed that this was true. Raven was not known to come down with colds or the sniffles or fevers of any sort, nor did he seem prone to exhaustion and fatigue. Nothing destroyed him; he was the one who destroyed. Destruction was often what he was commanded to do, and for Raven that was a prize in itself.

If I ordered him to… and perhaps offered a suitable reward, I bet he’d destroy Shadow without a thinking of the consequences it would have on his conscience… Seemingly arriving with his becoming of emperor, Prozen had become wise. He is like a machine: made accomplishing one task and one only, and it is perfect at performing this task. But any machine wears out sometime… no matter how perfect it was at first. Raven was wearing out.

He’s tough as nails; the kid never lets anything show. He must be really sick if he’s acting like this.

It was more than that. This boy… well, wasn’t a boy anymore. There was a slenderness about him, a tallness; he was growing up. Prozen almost sighed out loud when he realized that he had a rebellious young man to keep in check rather than an obedient adolescent. This meant that he would be even more difficult to control than before. Well, not in his present state. Right now the boy behaved as harmless as a lamb.

Like leading a lamb to its slaughtering. "Ah… Raven…?"

"…What?" He did his best to sound annoyed, as if nothing was worth his time, but he just sounded tired to Prozen.

"Why did you… ah, try to kill my Zoidian?"

They both stopped walking while they waited for Raven’s answer. The boy was for some reason unable to look Prozen in the eye. With every minute that passed, he seemed more and more unlike himself. However, Raven still clung desperately to a few shreds of pride.

"I don’t know," he scoffed. After a few seconds more of awkwardness, he decided to answer truthfully. "She was bothering me…"

"Bothering you?" Prozen raised an eyebrow.

"She got into my head, al’right?" Anger lined his pale voice. "I hate her. She got into my head… Always in my head… screaming, in the middle of the night… Wouldn’t let me sleep…" He trailed off. His knee gave away suddenly, and Prozen had to catch him before he fell over.

"Raven?"

"Now what…?"

"Why did continue to visit Elisi Lynette if you despise like her?"

That question stopped them both. Raven felt as if the earth crumbled beneath his feet. So he knew about that. His answer to that one was the same as before.

"I don’t know." A pause. Then, "How did you know I went to see her?"

"What? Did you think I wouldn’t pay her visits as well? When I had the time I would sometimes go see how she was doing. Each time I went to see her, however…" Prozen drifted off and his eyes grew dark.

There are many sides to him now.

This reminded Raven of something. "I didn’t do it."

"What?"

"I didn’t beat her, or hurt her. That wasn’t me…"

Again there was that dark look. The older man cleared his throat. "No, I know that you weren’t the cause of her injuries. I know that’s not your doing. Though I do wish I could keep her out of harm."

Ugh, the talk was making him even sicker. How could he care about that little girl so much? Sick, nasty pervert. Disgusting… Raven felt like vomiting. It seemed to him that Prozen cared more about that silly Zoidian girl than his own wealth… Or the Deathsaurer, or other things he couldn’t think of right now. Overprotective… jus’ plain nasty.

"How do you know she won’t get hurt anymore?" He was mentally kicking himself at the moment. Why was he still talking? Why was he still with this man? Why wasn’t he asleep and in bed where he belonged?

No emotion was on the older man’s face (not that Raven could see anyway, with him being so sick and the surroundings being so dark). "I’ve seen to the matter" was all he said. He cleared his throat again, rather strangely this time. "You don’t need to worry about her anymore. Sigil is doing a fine job taking care of Elisi, thanks to you."

Wait, what did he just say?

(All delirium aside…) Now he was really paying attention. Zoid Lords, did this man know everything? Despite the darkness, even Prozen probably saw how white his face got. Raven opened his mouth to say a few things. Worried! Not at all! I just didn’t want to get in trouble. Though I don’t really care if I’m in trouble or not… How did you know about the maid? The words never came out though, and he was sure he looked like a gaping half-wit. Gunther has sure become perceptive… He wasn’t always like this, I think…

"Don’t be so surprised, Raven. Not much gets by me. Just do try to control yourself the next time you feel like killing her. Elise is… very, very valuable. Which reminds me… I forget, why did you pay her visits again? Did you even answer the question last time?"

The rumors.

“Hnn?”

Something suddenly occurred to Raven. The man was insinuating something; he just knew it. Still he was unable to speak, much less think.

"Never mind. Raven, I’ll be blunt." No sense beating around the bush, old man. "Have you been sleeping with her?"

Both knees gave way and he hit the floor. Well, he would have liked to hit the floor, but Prozen managed to catch him a third time.

“Is that a ‘yes’, or a ‘no’?”

“N-no!” Raven choked out, and then he started coughing, and then gasping. His lungs simply would not fill up with air. He just couldn’t seem to get enough breath…

“… … Really…?” Prozen’s voice sounded skeptical. “See, because I really don’t think you would have any other reason to spend so much time with her. Zoid Lords, if that’s not it, what have you been doing in her room all this time?” That same dark, dark look.

“… Beats people to death…”

Raven somehow found the strength to snap back.

“… It… It’s you, isn’t it?”

“Pardon?”

“I… I think… You’re the one. You-you’ve been beating her… It’s you…” And he began coughing again. The rumors the maids circulated, the rumors that he was insane, bipolar, two-faced. The man had said himself that each time he’s gone to see her… something was wrong. It made sense. “You… you…”

Oh, he felt so weak. There went his last bit of strength. Some sorts of gray shadows passed in front of him, clouding his vision, spinning. Once again, his feet betrayed him, and the sturdy ground beneath him gave way. He thought he could hear himself groan. Prozen was saying something, saying his name.

That stupid girl. It must be all her fault that everything’s so unnatural now. My world’s become unnatural. Al’right, she has her revenge. I killed her boyfriend and kidnapped her, so she destroys my entire world. I hope I scared her to death tonight. I wonder when I’ll get another chance to try to kill her. I’ve already tried twice now. Third time’s the charm, they say.

Ugh, what?

“Raven!” The man was shaking his shoulder.

“Nn?”

“Couldn’t you hear me?” Now he was shaking his head at him. “Is that what you were worried about? Worried that... I...? I never touched her, Raven. I haven’t even had as much time to see her as I would have liked. If had been able to see her, that poor wench, then... Then, maybe, what happened to her, wouldn’t have...”

Raven’s mind seemed to be the only thing that worked now. Everything felt numb and distant, as if he were a ghost far away from his body. His legs walked and felt nothing. His eyes blinked monotonously, not really seeing at all. His ears heard nothing (which he was glad of) save for a faint, sickly buzzing. Nothing seemed to register in his mind except for his thoughts.

Was he telling the truth? Was he lying? Then again, did he have a reason for lying? What was at stake? Raven’s trust, miniscule though it was. But, to lie to him? Maybe he was jumping to conclusions. Listening to all that...

Raven managed a glance at the new emperor. He looked so... strong, in a way. No, the man wasn’t lying. He had not harmed the girl in any way what so ever. Raven felt so foolish then, having believed the shiftiness of the maids’ rumors, and his embarrassment made his body feel even weaker. The thought that Prozen really had become doubly violent, two-faced, and brutish had been teasing at the back of his mind like a diseased fly. It was somewhat of a relief to know that the Emperor was still his moderately violent, one-faced self. So much of a relief in fact, that Raven almost passed out, supported by the only man he had known all his life.

Prozen was saying something, but whatever the words were they failed to reach his mind. All he heard was an unintelligible voice, the one that had said, “It’s something about your hair...” While he was relieved that Prozen had not become unpredictable, Raven felt some sort of despair, as well.

He knew Prozen better than he knew his own parents.

Suddenly his ears began to pick up something other than an internal buzzing and Prozen’s inane babbling. It was distant, scarcely able to be heard, and slightly metallic. What’s more, this sound followed them while keeping at a safe distance. Raven felt some sort of internal weight being lifted when he realized that it was Shadow. So it appeared that the ZOID knew about his situation after all. But it sounded as if Shadow did not want to be discovered. However, the Organoid was close enough to make sure that the Master was safe regardless of what he was hearing. That alone gave Raven some peace of mind.

Then he felt the Emperor stop. However, he almost did not. It was all he could do to keep himself upright, no longer caring that he need help to stand. Lifting his head he saw that they had finally come to his room.

The thought of his own bed, creaky and seedy as it was, was endlessly comforting.Even Raven knew a little bit of happiness.

Prozen opened the door for him and gently led him inside. At this point, Raven had recovered just enough to shake off Prozen’s grip and made his own way to bed. Given how the man had not left his side all night, he was left with the idea that he might even go so far as to tuck him into bed. He would have laughed at the idea were he not so tired. As he clambered drunkenly onto the mattress, he heard Prozen begin to speak again.

“This isn’t good. I swear, from the office to here, you’ve gotten much worse. Now that I think about it...” He fell silent for a moment, and then continued. “A doctor. I’ll see if I can spare a doctor. For you.”

The man left.

Raven hadn’t heard him at all. He collapsed onto the bed, nearly asleep. How could he know what was happening to him? How could he know that at that moment Prozen was thinking of a handful of maids and a dozen soldiers that were out, a prominent general among them, and that most of the doctors were no longer available, too busy with other sick. How could he know that what he had was dangerous, that at that moment, the entire Empire was suffering from similar debilitating symptoms.

He didn’t know that he might be dying.

He gasped spontaneously for several minutes until he realized that he was smothering in his pillow. Somehow he managed to turn over, and then his breathing returned to normal. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see the ceiling. His eyesight was now so bad and hazy that he could barely see three feet in front of him. It was also as black as night in his room. How long he lay there like that, suffering silently in pain of all kinds, he did not know. He struggled not to think, think, not to think of that crazy man and that crazy girl…

Eventually his eyelids drooped and he dropped into an uncomfortable sleep.

As far as he was concerned, that dreamless sleep could have lasted an eternity.

However, he only nodded off for a few minutes. During those few minutes, the door creaked noisily open, and Shadow padded in. The creak barely disturbed Raven; he rolled over onto his side, away from the door, when he heard that sound. Shadow walked over to his bedside and gently nudged him. The Master’s current state no doubt had her worried. The Organoid also felt slightly guilty since she had failed to alert Raven to this fact beforehand.

She had sensed some sort of unhealthy heat signals coming from his body earlier that day. Though Master usually beat fevers before he noticed them, this virus was of a different kind. And Shadow had known. The Organoid nudged him again and he groaned slightly in response. She could feel the unnatural heat radiating from his skin, his pulse was high, and his core temperature was a hazardous 103.8 degrees. It threatened to hit 104, and if that happened even Raven would be in danger.

But he was already in danger. Shadow knew now.

Something would have to be done to bring down his temperature. Shadow growled while she slipped into the thought process of an Organoid. When she came to a decision, she walked over to the room’s one window. It was tiny, barely big enough for the Master to crawl through, if he had to (and he was quite thin, so this said much about the quality of his room), and it was horrendously filthy. Sunlight could barely get in, and the hinges were so rusted from disuse that it was impossible to open. Well, Shadow would make it possible.

With a snap of the tail, Shadow quickly changed that. Glass splattered onto the wooden floor and fell outside. Cold air rushed in and poured through the opening, blasting the room with its bitterness. The sound echoed through the dead night and startled Raven from his sleep.

"Ah…" He struggled to sit up and nearly fell off the edge of the bed. He toppled back onto the mattress because he was severely lacking in strength. He shivered violently in sudden awareness of Shadow’s presence and the broken window.

Poor Master. Shadow had never felt pity for the human kind, let alone Raven. But for some reason, the sight of a normally hard-hearted young maverick shivering vulnerably on his bed like a small child changed things around a bit. Emotions stirred in that metallic mind… He looked so uncomforted trembling like that, but Shadow knew that there was nothing that could be done about that. His temperature needed to go down before he could cover himself with a blanket.

Speaking of which…

Shadow walked up to the Master, gently took his cloak in her steel jaws, and flipped it off his body. The suddenness nearly knocked Raven off the bed, but it had to be done. After recovering from the shock of it, he slowly managed to sit up and face his Organoid.

"Sh, sh-shh…" His voice was feeble and restrained as he tried to get the word out. Shadow growled impatiently to shut him up. He should not be using what little energy he had left on words. However, he ignored her warning. "H, he, h-he… D-did you, you s, see…? Sh, Shad—" He started coughing violently and lay back down in bed, the virus defeating him. The Organoid watched silently as he fell asleep, overcome by illness and fatigue. He seemed to be doomed to have a fitful sleep. Then Shadow decided to lie down, too, and curled into a ball on the floor.

It was this virus that had Shadow worried. The Organoid had stumbled upon it while she was doing rounds at the local villages (a trivial pursuit when she was bored with nothing to do). Apparently, this virus was very new and had already created a few epidemics. As if the Deathsaurer wasn’t bad enough, half of the Guylos Empire was now disease-stricken.

Normally Shadow just watched villages with a vague interest before moving on, but this time she had stayed longer to observe the villagers. She had been curious to see how they had been faring with a Deathsaurer lurking about. Most of them were in the midst of an evacuation, and stress levels were high (and, of course, their dear new emperor wasn’t any help). At first, not a single person even stopped to think about their health under such strain. Then, rather suddenly, symptoms of illness appeared. Patient people would lose their temper and organized folk became progressively disoriented. They got headaches often and rambled, almost as if their minds were slowly leaving their bodies. Then an unexpected high fever would strike. Lack of strength and internal bleeding followed; they would become delirious. The little villages this happened in went into an uproar as epidemics broke out. The healthier, less-stressed ones were barely affected, whereas the infected children and elderly would be the first to go. Panic broke out, the evacuations had come to a halt, and Shadow had become more curious about these humans as they struggled to continue living…

A week had been long enough. As soon as people started dying, Shadow became aware that the Deathsaurer had changed direction. Apparently the ancient ZOID had little interest in destroying humanity; it was simply not the purpose it had been built for. The great mechanical beast was wandering the countryside, lacking purpose and direction. It did, however, destroy things that did not get out of the way. That had been the fate of some villages on the outskirts of the country. Shadow had to wonder why, then if it was not to destroy the Emperor’s opposition, what it was for. It seemed merely to be a sort of vague political power for Prozen, the sort that stirred enough fear into people so that they would pay their taxes. Still, what was the point if no one even piloted it?

For a time, the great black Organoid satiated her curiosity by following it around. The Deathsaurer was a monster, yes, but without a proper pilot it was a very useless monster, destroying canyons and forests in which people did not live in and did not care for. Obviously, Prozen would have to know this. He must be in need of a pilot.

When Shadow began to think that perhaps her Master might be a good pilot candidate, she left her trivial pursuit and hurried to her roost.

She had returned four days ago, first encountering Raven and Sigel in the hall. At that time she had not noticed a single sign of the virus. How Raven had gotten himself infected so quickly without his Organoid realizing it was a mystery. (Though Shadow was sure that it was because some of the symptoms were a part of Raven’s personality anyway; he was always irritable and never organized to the point where the Organoid was annoyed.)

Shadow remembered the villages she had observed. The virus had been pretty destructive in what it did to its victims. High fevers, internal bleeding, delusions, possible brain damage, numbness, loss of limbs, and eventual death… all of these could happen to Raven if she didn’t monitor his condition carefully from now on. So Shadow had reason to worry. And yet… Master was tough. Despite how many deaths this epidemic had caused, Raven would weather it through. He always did…

She remembered following in the darkness as the Emperor had led her Master to his quarters. The older man had been so worried, quite uncharacteristic of him. She had realized with twisted humor that the only reason the man might be concerned for Raven’s well being was because he still needed him. Oh, if only Raven could have been aware of Prozen’s anxiety for him! The boy might have murdered him.

Shadow picked up her metallic body from the floor. Clanking and creaking, the Organoid went over to Raven’s bed. Gently she laid her snout on the pillow beside his head. He didn’t even seem to notice. There was a bit of blood that had started to trickle from his nose. Had the bleeding already begun inside his fragile body?

Or maybe Prozen, somewhere in the deepest recesses of his mind, really did care for Raven. Of course, Prozen would never admit something like that, least of all to himself. That was about as likely as him wanting to kidnap the Zoidian girl because he wanted...

Though the Organoid was likewise in danger of admitting such a thing, she had grown fond of the boy, too. What would existence be like if he were to die?

-

And no one knows how to say
That they’re "sorry"
And "Don’t worry,
I’m not telling lies."

The whole day had been a literal blur to Van. After an hour or so his legs were too weak to support him anymore, so Irvine had had a wheelchair brought to him and the tour continued from there. He saw Rosso and Viola only once. He had glanced at them talking hurriedly to other members of their old gang as Irvine wheeled him past. He thought he had recognized O’Connel as he was walking by with other members of the Republican Army. Hermann had seen him and was about to talk to him when he had been called away to something else. To Van’s surprise he also saw a great number of Imperial soldiers.

"Irvine," he had asked, "what’s the Empire doing here?"

Irvine just shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "We’re working together now. We’ve joined forces to fight the—"

"…The Deathsaurer," Van finished.

"Hey, how did you…?"

"Fiona and I saw it," he had said. "She had gotten a bad feeling, so we went to check it out. That... that thing woke up when we got close to it, and Fiona started remembering things, and…" Van leaned over and gripped his stomach suddenly. He gritted his teeth in pain. Irvine, worried, quickly lay a hand on his shoulder. Van struggled to finish. "… And, and it attacked us. We were lucky to get away…

"Fiona, where is she…?"

Exhausted, he had leaned back in the wheel chair and sighed deeply. His eyes were closed. Irvine stopped the wheelchair and put a hand on his head. Gently stroking his head, he had said:

"Hang on, little soldier."

He had thought of taking Van back to his room, but decided to take him to see Moonbay and Dr. Di first. Just as well, too, because Van had woken up again and was eager to see them. Irvine continued his tour, pointing things out to Van as they had passed.

And his eager mind soaked up every detail about this underground base, hidden from the outside world. It turned out that the military base had been abandoned in the last war, and was now being used again for the purpose of preparing an assault on the Deathsaurer. When the pair had finally come across Moonbay and Dr. Di (she was arguing with the old man about repairs on a military Gustave), the Transporter eagerly left her post and ran over to Van, squeezing him almost to unconsciousness by her bear hug. Dr. Di had also ignored his job to see him. Quick words of relief and greetings were exchanged. Then, noticing that he was hungry, Van began to ask for some food. Moonbay excitedly went off to fetch him some lunch while Dr. Di excused himself and went back to work.

Later the three of them went to a quiet corner for a late lunch. Moonbay had generously brought Van freshly sliced papayas and fried chicken legs with a cold bottle of coffee-flavored milk. As he had eaten, Van realized that she had gone to great lengths to bring him these, as food and water were limited. Herman finally managed to get away from work and had stopped to say how glad he was that Van was all right. A man named Schubaltz also came and commended him on his bravery. As the hour passed with its comings and goings, thankfulness lifted his lowly spirits. For some reason he had felt blessed to be so loved.

But he still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was very wrong.

As he sipped the milk, the sound of whirring gears caught his attention.

"Look, Van," said Moonbay, "It’s your Liger."

Stunned, he turned around to the direction of the noise. A few feet behind from where they were sitting, a huge sheet of pexi-glass divided the wide spacious room into two. On the other side, ZOIDS of all types were lined up for repairs surrounded by people and machinery. Parts were carried to and fro on cranes and pulleys. At the end of the room, farthest from Van, he could see a familiar machine being moved into place. He was so astonished he could hardly breathe. The words came out in a jumble.

"There. Irvine. Take me… there." His eyes were wide.

Irvine had smiled, stood up, and wheeled him across the vast space. After what seemed like an hour to Van, the wheelchair stopped in front of his ZOID. Dr. Di was already standing in front of the window. When he heard Van’s approach he turned toward him and smiled.

"Well?" he had said, "What do you think?"

"Oh…" was all he could say as he looked up at it.

The Blade Liger was in near excellent condition, save for one slightly damaged leg stilling in the process of repairs. The blue paint had been reapplied and buffed until the metal glittered in the bright lights. Dr. Di had then began to talk about how close it had been to death and how they were doubling the shield’s strength and of all the new equipment being added to it, but the boy didn’t hear a word of it. To Van, who hadn’t seen it in over a month, the ZOID was not only beautiful but also a little slice of heaven. The metallic creature looked as if it would let out a triumphant roar at any moment. He smiled calmly to himself as he gazed at it, just as one does when he meets an old friend. Seeing this, Moonbay and Irvine had exchanged glances and gave each other their own sad smiles and the doctor rambled on.

As beautiful as his Blade Liger was, as happy as he felt right then, Van still felt a horribly vacant space in the pit of his stomach.

Another noise, more familiar than his ZOID, came from behind. All three heads turned, and Irvine had swiveled the chair around so Van could see. There, stretching his tired metallic body on the floor, was Zeke. He gasped, leaned forward and almost stumbled out of his chair. Zeke, acting as if nothing had happened at all in the past month, plodded clumsily over to Van and gently plopped his metallic head in the boy’s lap.

Van had leaned over and embraced his Organoid without a word. What could he have said anyway? Besides, his throat had closed up and the tears spilled freely from his eyes. The day had already been too emotional for him with its many greetings and discoveries, and now he was exhausted. He was thankful, so thankful, about everything. He felt as if he didn’t deserve any of this, it was so good. His ZOIDS were alive and well, his friends were here to support him, he was recovering, he and Fiona had escaped the Deathsaurer, and they had survived a horrible accident…

An accident… That’s what had happened to them, wasn’t it? No… Wait, it was, wasn’t it? An accident. Why hadn’t he seen Fiona in the whole day? Maybe she was still in the hospital or…? He had survived this horrible accident and she hadn’t…? The thought paralyzed him, and he couldn’t breathe. Moonbay and Irvine had since gotten distracted and failed to notice the pained, scared expression on his face. They were talking to Colonel Krueger, who was trying to explain some sort of epidemic that was going on above ground…

Slowly, painfully, Van sat up. He could scarcely breathe. Blinking rapidly he tried to remember what the accident was about. It was after he and Fiona had escaped the Deathsaurer… No, maybe the Deathsaurer had gotten them after all, and that had been the accident. No, weren’t they on their way back to help Irvine and Moonbay and Rudolph? Coming to think of it, he hadn’t seen Rudolph all day either, but that thought was quickly pushed aside.

Yes, they were on their way back, he remembered that now, but what had happened? An explosion. Was it a bomb? Was Fiona dead?

No, an attack. Fiona was alive. Who? They had been attacked. Who attacked them?

Who?

Beads of sweat began to collect on his forehead just as he frantically tried to collect his scattered memory. His head began to throb as a migraine racked his mind.

Fiona wasn’t in the ZOID, was she? Did she get out? He remembered fighting, fighting, fighting, and she wasn’t there. She wasn’t in the ZOID with him. Did she escape? No, she fell out. And a black bird snatched her away…

A black bird.

And then he remembered everything.

But my dreams, they aren’t as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That’s never free

-

Finished! I made it less immature for my own liking... Gee, Prozen certainly does seem the father figure now, doesn’t he? I will finish this, even if kills me. I’ll finish it even if it means finishing it college! (I would hope not. I am so not looking forward to that. I doubt any of you would even bother. In fact, a ZOIDS section might not even exist by then.)

After all, if I can’t finish this simple story, how can I ever expect myself to write novels?

Keep me posted. I love you guys! Persistent little readers, aren’t you?