Disclaimer: Tortall belongs to Tamora Pierce. OFUM belongs to Camilla Sandman, however much I may be jealous. HFA belongs to Meir Brin. I own nothing except my pencil, notebook, and this story.

On a world in which the inhabitants have no lives whatsoever, a girl named Caitie sat writing. Or rather, trying to write. The computer was on and ready, her fingers were poised above the keyboard, but to no avail. Caitie Glass had writers block.

Suddenly, her fingers flew of their own accord over the keyboard. She looked up to see what she had written, and saw the following:

Ms. Caitie Glass,

You have been accepted into the Fanfiction Academy of Tortall. This is a wonderful place, full of ass-kicking and evil little creatures that will bite your hand off. The reason you have been so privileged is this: You have been writing badfic. Luckily for you, you have not been able to write much badfic, or post any, owing to your disease. Please fill out the form below and leave your computer on during the night. We look forward to torturing- er, seeing you tomorrow.

Salsa

Commander of FAT

Written below that was a form, the likes of which Caitie had never seen before. Well, actually, that's a lie. She was a devout fan of Camilla Sandman's Official Fanfiction University of Middle-Earth, and she knew that she had just been admitted to the closest thing possible to hell.

Salsa paced the empty halls of FAT. She was the commander of the school, and heads of fanfiction schools are known to be tough. It's a distinguishing feature. If anyone who knew their fanfiction saw a tough looking person stalking around, in a fanfiction school in a canon universe, being menacing, they would automatically know to stay out of the way.

Salsa was working on being tough, but she had a deep, dark secret. She was wide-eyes, heavy-breathing, soil-my-trousers scared. She had read the OFUM stories (original and sequel), and she had even worked at the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy, but she was still worried. She tended to be a little softhearted. What would happen if she felt sorry for the authors, instead of kicking their asses as was proper?

A door opened in the corridor, and a tall, muscular girl stepped into the hallway.

"Stop it," the girl ordered. "You'll do fine. It'll come naturally. If you feel you're going soft, just think of what Miss Cam would do if she caught you shirking your duties. And Meir Brin."

Salsa immediately dropped to her knees and prayed. "J.R.R. Tolkien, Tamora Pierce, J.K. Rowling, Terry Pratchett, Monty Python, please let me do well so I don't get yelled at or worse by Miss Cam, and so I do not embarrass Meir Brin who I consider to be like a mentor. She may not know this but I consider her so because she took me in when I wanted a job and because she is awesome and I bounce ideas off her with reviews. And also if I make a fool of myself she may never let me escape back to the HFA, which is almost like a home to me, when I shuttle off the students for a brea or something. Thank you." That was all said very fast.

Salsa rose from the floor and stood next to the other girl. They could have passed as sisters, with the same tan skin and hazel eyes. However, the other girl was taller, more muscular, and had shorter hair.

"Thanks for reminding me of that, Kel."

Keladry of Mindelan nodded. "And get some sleep- you've got bags under your eyes."

The shorter female drew herself up and lifted her chin. "I'm the commander of this school! You have no right to be mothering me!"

Kel grinned. "Sounding great. You'll be growling in no time."

Salsa gave a tight smile and took a deep breath. "Thank you Kel. I'll go see if the dungeons are ready for the students." She turned on her heel and strode away.

With a sinking heart Caitie filled out the form, even the questions like, "Have you ever created a Mary-Sue?" "Who is your lust object?" and "How many Tortall books are there? Name them in progressive order." The questions that were stumping Tamora Pierce fanfiction writers all over the world. They had been writing like this for eons and nothing like this had ever come.

The reason for that was: the Fanfiction Academy of Tortall had just opened, and as everyone knows, the opening year is the hardest-for the students that is. And Beginners Luck was staying far, far away...

Hello all, Salsa here. If you didn't like my story, flame me, I beg of you. I love flames. If Camilla Sandman is reading this, hello, and I hope you like it. Meir Brin, same goes for you. And everyone is welcome to critique my story. Please review. Reviews are good.