Lifetime Goals

"I Think I've discovered what I want to do for a living," Pietro announced with a sense of pride that didn't diminish even when he noticed that no one was really paying attention to him.

"And what is that? A professional nut?" Lance asked, refusing to look up from his magazine.

"No! That!" he pointed to the television set where a commercial was now playing.

"What? Dye your hair?" Fred guessed.

"No—"

"Work at Taco Bell?" Lance interrupted.

"No, be—"

"Sell car insurance for an animated gecko?" came the next interruption, this time by Althea.

"No! Let me—"

"Work at Burger King?" This time Xi interrupted him.

"No! Not work at Burger King! Will you let me fin—"

"Burger King wouldn't hire him. He's not smart enough," Wanda said.

"Will you st—I am too!" Pietro snapped.

"So Xi was right?" Todd asked. "Way to go, Xi!"

"Xi is not right!" Pietro shouted. "Will you let me talk!"

"Fine, no need to get snippy," Fred grumbled.

"Yeah, you didn't have to yell," Xi agreed.

"You guys looked too late. That is what I want to do," the speed demon explained pointing to the TV show that had just returned to the screen.

"You want to be a cop?" Althea questioned upon seeing the show.

"Yeah. With the Reno Sheriff's Department."

"Would you mind if I asked why you want to work at the Reno Sheriff's Department?" Wanda asked.

"I want to work with her," he replied pointing to the blonde woman on screen.

"Deputy C. Johnson?" Xi read the name imprinted upon the bottom of the shot.

"Yeah. Isn't she hot?" he asked as the others burst into laughter. "What? What's so funny?"

"Do you guys want to tell him or should I?" Althea asked, barely able to stop laughing.

"Oh please let me, please!"

"All right, Lance, have at it."

"Pietro, you won't impress Deputy Johnson by joining the force. You just can't have her."

"Why can't I?"

"Because she's not real. The show isn't real."

"What do you mean?"

"This is a fake television comedy show parodying COPS," Lance explained as the others began laughing again.

"What? It's not real?"

"Isn't it obvious? Clemmie—Deputy Johnson—is an actress named Wendi McLendon-Covey."

"It's not real? None of it?"

"Nope. Even I know that," Fred replied.

"Didn't you ever wonder about the bizarre crimes?" Todd questioned. "Or Lieutenant Dangle's tiny little short shorts?"

"Not really. I mean, it's Reno," he pointed out, and the others found they had to agree with that tiny, odd statement. "So it's not real?"

"No. But if you want to play pretend I'm sure we could find you some khaki short-shorts for you to wear," Althea offered, causing them all to crack up yet again.

"I hate Reno 911," Pietro pouted. "I really hate it."

The End