by Shae

All disclaimers apply.

Author's Note: A lil' bit of a prequel set before my other fic, Equals. It's the typical Noin-when-Zechs-disappeared-after-the-series angle, but there's no angst. Just some comtemplation and a promise. I wrote this like eons ago, and I'm thinking of making a Zechs version, you know, what he was doing while he was on hiatus. Let me know if it's worth it, 'kay?

Enjoy!

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~*~"I never could explain why I love anybody, or anything." Walter Whitman~*~

It was raining, shimmering clear and beautiful in the misty afternoon. How anyone could think rain was depressing was beyond her. In some ways, it was the only comfort in a too-cold world.

The only problem was, for the life of her, she couldn't empty her mind to focus only on the gentle rainfall.

The young woman lowered her eyes from the window and stared at the metal pane, rapidly tapping her fingers against the frozen surface.

'Where is he?' she thought, pushing her chair away from the mysterious show outside to face the harsh reality of her office. Her computer screen glowed pale blue, illuminating her smoothly moulded, even features, which were at the moment pale and cold as if etched in marble. Her violet eyes returned the artificial light with a fierceness pertaining to the violence of her thoughts.

Why should she worry so? Wasn't she convinced that he was still alive, somewhere beyond that icy gray sky?

With a sigh, she pressed her hands to the edges of her desk and stood. Long fingers reached out and lightly touched the switch to the computer, leaving the room in semi-darkness penetrated only by the soft glow of the antique lamp in the corner of the room.

Again, a pained sigh escaped her lips. Her eyes roved the exceptionally large office, and a snort of derision threatened to escape her. As if she needed all of this space . . .

The mahagony desk was as polished and immaculate as the rest of the office, which was neatly carpeted, elegantly decorated, fitted with all the necessities and even a few small things revealing the personality of the owner. There was a framed photograph resting besides the vidphone, a lamp she'd taken from her own bedroom highlighting the official symbol of the Preventers, a painting of a moonlit glen on the far wall, etc.

This was her office in the Preventer Terra Headquarters, her home away from home, and she couldn't wait to get away from it.

And away from her thoughts of him, if that was possible. She would find some possible way to get rid of this horrid brooding mentality she had fallen into during his absence. It wasn't like her.

An unusual amount of venom was attached to the decision, and she was startled at herself. She didn't often think with such bitterness and impatience, but when she thought of him . . . well, it wasn't a very difficult thing.

"Zechs," Noin whispered to herself, her voice sounding small and cold to her own ears, "where in hell are you?"

This was it. The last straw. If she had to bear his insolence one more minute she might actually give up on him and just get on with her existance.

That's what common sense told her to do, day in, day out: Forget him, Lucrezia. You know his kind. Too damn focused on everything around him that he's got no time to examine what's whispering in either his ear or mind.

Really, though, common sense had no chance against the distinct memory of his eternally cold, infinitely beautiful glacier-blue eyes. Eyes which, even to this very moment, the thought of which gave her chills.

But not sadness. Oh, no, she felt not a shred of sadness. She knew he still breathed as well as she knew that her heart still held a place for him. Her instincts screamed that fact as truthfully and distinctly as if he had just walked into the room with a wry half-smile, saying without words, "You're not even surprised, are you, Noin?"

She wouldn't be, even when he did just waltz back into her life as if he had never left, as if she had no reason to resent his long trip away from her.

For all she knew, he could be in a coma, hanging onto life by a single thread. And if he was, she still wasn't concerned. He was going to wake up, as if from a long dream, and return to the battlefield. It was as much a part of him as space was a part of her.

He didn't know how to die. That was one thing she could always be sure about when it came to Zechs Merquise. Death would simply have to wait to claim him, because he wasn't finished yet. Not in the least.

The rain was getting heavier, and Lucrezia switched off the lamp, smothering the room in darkness broken only by a tint of gray light from desolate world outside.

She stood there for awhile, looking out the window, wondering where her comrade could be.

No one believed her, of course. Everyone assumed she was holding onto shadows of a former friend, who was months dead and memorialized in stone and wilting flowers.

There were only two other people in the world who didn't believe Zechs was truly gone forever: Sally Po, Lucrezia's partner in the Preventers, and Heero Yuy, former Gundam pilot.

Sally believed because she deeply trusted her partner's instincts and gut feelings. Heero believed because he knew Zechs as well as Noin did, and understood more than even she a warrior's need to keep fighting, no matter how close death came.

The rest of the world didn't particularly care. Zechs died a villian in many eyes, and had never been the conventional hero.

Hell, had any of them?

Lucrezia snorted without much amusement. Of course there was no such thing as a conventional hero or heroine. Such people managed to rid the world of evil by never killing on purpose, no matter how bad the enemy, always knew who the bad guys were, rescued all the innocent, and recieved the appropiate praise from all those who witnessed these heroic acts.

Yes. In this world, there was no such thing as that kind of hero.

Thank god for the heroes the world did have, however dysfunctional a crowd of people they happened to be. It seemed it was always the refuse and outcasts of society who turned into its greatest champions. Whether anyone liked it or not.

Even she fell into that category. More than a decade ago, she never imagined she'd be where she was now. Her family was dead and she had been utterly alone.

Noin shook her head. But no time for such memories. The scars were healed enough now that she didn't regard her life's path with bitterness or regret. After all, it had led her to Zechs, which had turned out to be both a blessing and a curse.

He was part of her heart, and even if he never admitted it, she was a part of his. That was only considering that, amazingly enough, they hadn't killed each other. His relationships with others went bad quickly enough.

Her friend had a dark soul, it was true. It almost bothered her, but not quite. Dark souls never became lighter, no, but they could always become softer. Like the feathers on the wings of a fallen angel.

You're becoming philosophical, Lucrezia, she chided herself gently, and smiled.

Her face was reflected in the glass, violet gaze intense and soft at the same time. It almost seemed to her that a pair of ice-blue eyes matched her expression with equal power, as if they knew. Understood.

"Come back to me." Words said so quietly that she scarcely heard herself.

He would. She knew he would.

"I'm waiting for you, Zechs," she whispered to the clear black Space above the Earth. "I won't wait forever, you know."

If he heard her, she supposed he would say: Don't wait for someone who isn't worth it, Noin.

And what would she say to that? "You're worth it?"

Was he?

Lucrezia smiled again. As far as she was concerned, he was.

~end~

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A.N.: I wanted this to be removed from the angsty, my-true-love-is-gone mentality everyone seems to apply to Lucrezia Noin during the year when Zechs is presumed dead. But she stated, quite frankly, at the end of the series that she knew he was alive. I felt that Noin's instincts aren't to be second-guessed. So I gave her a new outlook, and I hope that showed.

Critical feedback makes me a better writer. All comments are more than welcome. ^_^